//------------------------------// // Dare to be Stupid // Story: The Moment No Pony was Waiting For (A Death Battle Parody) // by TundraStanza //------------------------------// For optimal colored text reading, please set "Formatting" to "Dark", not "Light". Thank you. A/N: Medically speaking, stupidity isn't a virus. However, studies have shown that it can spread like one. Properties in this chapter belong to Hasbro, ScrewAttack, Mirage Studios, and 4Kids Entertainment. --- The Moment No Pony was Waiting For Season 3 E 3 Come on. Say it. No. Just say it. There is no way that is happening. You put up with me every day of your life. How is this any different? Because unlike you, my cybernetic arm can't malfunction enough to punch them. Fine, you pansy. I'll say it. *ahem* It's time to get retarded in here. The brawn sometimes trumps the brain. Let's dare to be stupid with these contestants in the arena today. There! Now can you read a line? *sigh* Michelangelo of the Ninja Turtles... ... and Snips and Snails, the ones that give boy pony toys a bad name. I'm W and he's B and it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle. ---Death Battle--- Snips & Snails -Unicorns -Trixie's biggest fans -Ex-minions to Sunset Shimmer -An illumination spell that sounds like an old car engine; no other known spells -Ability to mimic the actions of scissors and snails -Mentally challenged "Gangway! Coming through!" Ugh... What's wrong with you? You've been acting like a goth b**** all day, only not as hot. All right, here's my confession: I have athazagoraphobia. Azagor-humina what now? I'm afraid that I'm going to lose intelligence simply by talking about idiots. Well, if you want me to use my personal charm to make the information sound smarter-er, I'll gladly do so. Go ahead, B. I won't stop you. *Ahem* Snips and Snails are not just ingredients for making little boys, they literally are little pony boys. They attend elementary school in the constantly danger-prone city of Ponyville. When they aren't running from Ursa Minors, they're busy trying to pry their *ss*s free from the deadly bubblegum. They also fanboy over Trixie and/or Rainbow Dash depending on when the plot demands it. W sharply inhales before breathing out. They... aren't exactly the brightest duo. While both of them are magical unicorn horses, the only one that has shown any sign of spells is Snails with his busted battery flashlight that sounds like your great grandfather's car engine. They have... minimal stealth skills. Snips can imitate a pair of opening and closing scissors while Snails can crawl along the ground... like a worm. O...kay. Once, they even thought that they stood a chance of carrying the flag for Ponyville in the Equestrian Games. "Hey! It could happen." Only on the Hub. W performs a facepalm and groans. ---Death Battle--- Michelangelo -Mutated turtle -Orange ninja mask -Laziest student under Master Splinter -Weapons: Nunchaku -Was last to graduate to chunin level in "Fast Forward" arc -Occasionally takes on the title of "Turtle Titan" which has nothing to do with "Teen Titans" or "Attack on Titan" "Ho ho! Somebody's cranky!" Well, how am I supposed to react when I'm surrounded by idiots? You could try spouting a lot of technobabble gibberish that nobody understands. That usually makes you feel better. No amount of logic and reasoning can make up for this mess on the end of Leonardo's ninjaken. Okay, guess I'm doing most of the talking here too. Mikey has the poorest stats of all the Ninja Turtles. He's slower, weaker, and lacks the ability to pay attention. I'm pretty sure he's on drugs due to his strange eating habits. He's not high. He's stupid. There is a difference. Well, whatever. He carries around two nunchaku, grain threshers that were redesigned for momentum-based attacks against the oppressive samurai lords. Despite his lack of interest, he somehow paid enough attention to Splinter's ninja training to learn internal breathing and basic attack dodging. On his own, Mikey's learned how to annoy, taunt, and pester his opponents into frustration and lack of patience. It's surprisingly effective as it lets him get in the final strike after his enemies waste all of their energy just trying to get him to shut up. Why am I suddenly craving turtle soup? But in spite of all signs pointing to it, he's not a complete dumb**s. ... Okay, he is, but he has smart epiphanies every once in a while. He can think outside of the normal peripherals of a situation and use his snarky remarks to make situations more favorable. In one iteration, he even overcame the seven-year bad luck curse of breaking a mirror just to pass his chunin exam. I'm still not cheering for him to win this battle. "Taking away your opponent's sight equals invisibility." ---Death Battle--- All right, the combatants are set. Let's settle this debate once and for all. It's time for a Death Battle! ---Death Battle--- A hazy overcast evening decorates the sky of a random street in the artificial city arena. Even though the night life should be starting soon, there isn't a single car in sight. Instead, there are eight stubby legs padding the ground as they carry the blue and yellow bodies attached to them. The small, blue creature speaks up. "Are you sure you're reading that map right?" "Uh... yeah... er..." The yellow one scrunches his face in various expressions while shuffling a piece of paper around in his front hooves. "It'd be a lot easier if they didn't draw everything on it upside-down." Right now, a nearby manhole cover pops up and lands like a spinning coin along the street. A greenish blur rushes out, startling the two ponies so much that their map gets thrown offscreen. Whatever it is performs the stretches that only a biped can. It takes a few seconds before realizing that two abnormal visitors are watching. "Uh-oh," he mutters before slowly reaching for a couple of things under his shell. "FIGHT!" Michelangelo's nunchaku are immediately whirring around above his head. He makes a running start at the witnesses. Snips and Snails yelp at his approach. The slow-motion cameraman goes to work early. The screen splits to show Snails crouching under one swing, Snips leaping to the side of another swing, and both of them getting whacked away by a third. The colts huddle behind a crate. "Snails, do something!" exclaims Snips frantically. "Isn't cowering in fear doing something?" Snails asks shakily. "I meant something else," insists Snips. Suddenly Snails slides out to the left while facing the turtle. In lieu of an eyebrow, part of the orange mask raises against Mikey's face. The little pony clenches his teeth while something briefly lights up against his horn. It goes on and off while the sound effects guy has fun with the "car ignition" file. Confused, the ninja turtle leans in to take a closer look at the struggling light in the dark street. The sound effects finally give way to a successfully starting engine as the small light suddenly shines much brighter. Michelangelo quickly lifts up an arm to protect his eyes, though not without yelling about being blind. Snips comes out from behind the crate to cheer on his pal. Frantically, Mikey swings out a few kicks in the general direction of the light. The last of which somehow boots Snails in the head. An engine pops in the sound booth as the illumination spell is stopped short. Snails shakes his head from the dizziness. Meanwhile, Mikey finally rubs his eyes enough to see again. The ponies and turtle give each other curious looks. Snips and Snails break the stare first by screaming again. Their manes fly wild as they gallop away with zipline effects. "Got away safely!" Michelangelo gives his nunchakus a couple good spins before putting them away. He does a few backflips before dropping back into the sewer. "Guys, you're never going to believe this!" his voice exclaims. "I just fought two little unicorns!" There's an awkward silence. "Michelangelo," says Splinter, "no more anchovies before bed." ---Death Battle--- Did we really just do that? I mean, did we really just do that? Heh heh, yep! W sighs. I'm really not sure what to say. In spite of Michelangelo's lack of paying attention to his lessons, his sheer potential as a quick ninja was that much better than the two whom haven't even begun to learn their basic traits and abilities. I mean really, that light spell was practically all they had going for them. While Mikey would be dumb enough to look right at the darn thing, his wild flailing tends to do a lot more harm to his enemies than it does to himself. I guess the punchline of this fight is a bit more orange. The winner is Mikey! ... Hey, wait a minute. ---Death Battle---