//------------------------------// // Part 15 Pinkamena Vs. Dan*: Chapter 136 Pinkie Vs. Patience // Story: The Wheel and the Butterfly A Dan X Pinkie Pie Saga // by Justice3442 //------------------------------// The Wheel and the Butterfly A Dan X Pinkie Pie saga Part 15 Pinkamena Vs. Dan* Chapter 136 Pinkie Vs. Patience -ooooooo- With three of the four occupants having changed into suits and wearing sunglasses, the blue sedan continued its journey through L.A. Elise and Jean still sat in the back, carrying on an animated conversation regarding animals and how to best alter their fundamental structures into something bizarre and terrifying. The mood in the back of the car contrasted sharply with that of the front where Chris and Pinkie sat. Though the front of the car was quiet, neither felt anything close to peace. Chris’s eyes constantly darted from the road, to the irate woman sitting next to him, then to his wife in the backseat who seemed to be having quite an enjoyable time chatting up Jean. Pinkie’s silence was occasionally interrupted by the sound of her teeth grinding. She also constantly wrung her hands together as she scowled out into the road. Desperate to get his mind off thoughts of his wife enjoying the company of another man more than him, Chris decided to attempt conversation with Pinkie. “So… Why did we need to stop at Great Will?” “Because there are still wanted posters of Dan and I up at all the local Salvation Armed Forces Stores,” Pinkie answered without bothering to look at Chris. “No… I meant… Why did we need to make another stop at all? Almost everyone is already dressed up in suits.” Pinkie suddenly turned and shot Chris an irritated glance, an expression he was no stranger to, but it was odd seeing it from the usually bubbly Pinkie Pie. “I needed more supplies for our revengening! How was that not obvious?!” Chris lifted an eyebrow slightly. “Well it just seemed so random…” Chris opened one of his hands that was on the wheel and began to list off items on his fingers. “An old boombox, a folding chair, a straight razor, an old gas-can, some rope… A baseball bat…” “I’m trying to do this right, okay?!” Pinkie cried. “I mean… I could have had us go to the hardware store for some rubber tubing, a hacksaw, and a spool of razor wire… But then we’d have to get a German Shepard as well!” Chris merely replied with a dumb sounding “Uh…” as he attempted to sort out Pinkie’s response. Though he had plenty of experience untangling meaning from Pinkie’s bizarre, sometimes seemingly random sentences, today had sent her in a much darker direction than usual. “Besides,” Pinkie continued, “that would be the wrong director!” Chris frowned. “Alright, it’s just that this might take a while and I’m a little concerned that we keep spending time on stuff that doesn’t really help us find Dan…” Pinkie turned and shot Chris and angry look. Jean spoke up from the back seat, “I’m telling you, my genetically enhanced bloodhounds would find Dan in a jiffy!” Pinkie turned towards the backseat and gave Jean an irate glare. “THERE ARE NO GENETICALLY ENHANCED BLOODHOUNDS IN ANY OF THE MOVIES WE’RE BASING OUR REVENGENING ON!” Pinkie cried. “Pinkie,” Elise said. “MS. RED, or RED!” Pinkie snapped. Elise sighed. “Red… Maybe we should try the dogs, it’s probably better than driving around from warehouse to warehouse hoping we find Dan.” “Wait,” Chris said, “do these bloodhounds actually drink blood?” “Good question!” Jean said. Chris smiled. “Dan and I watch a lot of B-movies…” “Yes!” Jean answered. Chris frowned. “So… If they found Dan, would they drink his blood?” “Another great question! Also yes.” “Isn’t that… uh… counteractive to getting Dan back alive?” “Right… right… Sorry, I keep forgetting that part.” Jean said. “Alive and unirradiated…” “Wait…” Chris said glancing into the backseat at Elise. “Do you still have a tracking device on Dan?” “What?!” Pinkie growled out as she turned in her seat and shot Elise a look that was chock full of venom. Elise held her hands in front of her defensively. “I took it off before you even got here! I swear! I mean… if it was still on him, I would have figured out your…” Elise glanced over at Jean. “… uh… magic… horse… secret… thing… way sooner.” Jean scrunched his eyebrows slightly. “Magic horse thing?” Pinkie closed her eyes hard enough that wrinkles formed on her forehead as she gave out a heavy, throaty exhale almost as if she was letting out a long, irritated snore.   Desperate to correct her mistake, Elise attempted to perform some damage control. “Uh… Pinkie has a… thing… for magic… horses…” “Oh… I see…” Jean said in a slightly confused tone. “I… guess… I guess I see why that’s the sort of thing you wouldn’t want getting out?” Pinkie opened her eyes slightly into a scowl aimed directly at Elise. “Alright… first of all… code names. Second of all, if we’re just blabbing secrets maybe I should say some of yours!” “Uh… Pin—Er… Ms. Red?” Chris said tentatively. “Let’s just concentrate on finding Dan… It’s not such a big—” “Pin—Red!” Elise cried. “You wouldn’t dare! You know there’s specifics about my job you just can’t say out loud!” Pinkie gave Elise a devious grin. “Oh, I wasn’t talking about those secrets. I was thinking more along the lines of a certain secret room…” Elise’s eyes shot open wide. “You wouldn’t dare!” Chris frowned heavily. “Elise, are you hiding some sort of dangerous item from me?!” “Huh? Not any more dangerous than usual… Erm… I mean no…” “OH MY GOSH!” Pinkie exclaimed. “CODE NAMES! HOW IS THIS HARD?!” Chris sighed. “Mrs. Black, you know how I feel about you keeping secrets!” “But I’m not!” Elise said. “I mean… Okay, I kind of am… But it’s harmless! Really!” “Well if it’s harmless, why not just tell me what it is?” “Uh… Everyone?” Jean said tentatively. Elise frowned. “It’s physically harmless…” “Oh, so it what… induces mental trauma?” Chris replied. Pinkie’s face suddenly turned a couple shades paler. “Well… It can…” “Pinkie!” Elise snapped as she turned and glared. “CODE NAMES!” Pinkie cried. “Fine! Ms. Red, then. Stop making Chris—” Pinkie erupted into a frustrated growl as she glared daggers at Elise. “GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!” “… Mr. Yellow think I have some sort of dangerous… brain disrupter… You know… Aside from my brain disrupter that I do actually have.” Elise turned towards Chris. “My brain disrupter that’s totally not a danger to us or the house!” Chris shook his head. “I guess I don’t get why you can tell me about that but not some secret room…” “It’s private, alright!” Elise cried. “I mean… How would you feel if I just told everyone you’ve written enough ‘Space Monkeys from Planet Space’ fan-fiction to rival the entirety of War and Peace?!” Everyone in the car went silent as Elise and Chris’s eyes opened wide. “…” In a somewhat interesting-sounding tone, Jean spoke up, “…Has Mr. Yellow written enough ‘Space Monkeys from Planet Space’ fan-fiction to rival the entirety of War and Peace?” “… Na… Noooooooo?” Elise said with a nervous grin. “Uh… You hesitated and made a weird inflection on the word ‘no’, Mrs. Black,” Pinkie said. “Or did I?” Elise said, her face seemingly stuck in a perpetual state of nervous smiling. Chris sighed heavily and brought a hand up to his face. “Oh, Eli… Mrs. Black.” “Sorry!” Elise said. “You and Ms. Red got me all flustered and it just sort of came out.” Chris frowned heavily. “Well, fine if you’re going to just humiliate me in front of Pinkie and Jean—” “I don’t know what War and Peace is,” Pinkie said. Jean smiled. “I love ‘Space Monkeys from Planet Space’! It’s so nice to know you’re so dedic—” “—The least you can do is let me know about this secret room of yours!” “I just… Look, can we not talk about this now?!” Elise cried. “Dan is… uh …” She paused and stared at Pinkie. Pinkie shook her head. “Dan doesn’t have a code name… He’s kidnapped.” Elise nodded. “Well we should just concentrate on saving him.” “Oh, I see,” Chris said. “So now that you need a convenient topic change you suddenly care that Dan is kidnapped.” “What?” Pinkie cried angrily through clenched teeth. “Whoa!” Elise said once again putting her hands in front of her. “I never said I didn’t care about rescuing Dan, alright? Believe it or not I really would like to have him back given the present circumstances!” “You expect me to believe that after you made me waste time at the stupid loser hospital which is for losers?!” “You had a big piece of plastic sticking out of your forehead!” Elise cried. “I thought you might have a brain injury! Your revengening wasn’t going to be very successful if you passed out or died in the middle of it!” Pinkie blew a dismissive gust of air, lifting a few errant strands of straight pink hair that was in front of her face. “Pffft… Like I’d let something stupid like dying happen to me! I’ve got a boyfriend to save!” “FINE!” Elise cried. “Well let’s just work on saving him and we can worry about totally-not-dangerous-at-all things later!” “FINE!” Pinkie shrieked. “FINE!” Elise yelled back. The two women folded their arms across their chests and turned away from each other, staring out their own windows. “… Are we there yet?” Pinkie huffed out. Chris sighed. “Actually, we’ve been here and parked for a little while now… Everyone was just so busy arguing that no one noticed I stopped the car.” “I noticed…” Jean said. “But uh… Everyone seemed rather occupied, so…” “Oh…” Pinkie says. “I guess that explains why we’re not moving and there are warehouses outside…” Chris glanced up at his rearview mirror and took note of the many large buildings behind the car. “You know we could easily spend all night just checking this one place… There’s got to be a better way to go about this than running around all over town checking every warehouse!” Pinkie narrowed her eyes slightly. “Well so far no one has suggested anything that doesn’t involve maiming or killing Dan!” “Sorry,” Jean said sheepishly. “For some reason the animals tend to get a bit… rambunctious after they’ve had their DNA scrambled.” “Look!” Pinkie cried. “Can we at least hold up on the whining until we’ve started looking for Dan?” “I wasn’t whining!” Chris said. “I’m just trying to be helpful and…” Chris trailed off as he stared up at the car’s rearview mirror again. He suddenly turned and squinted, staring out the back window. “Is that who I think it is?” The other occupants in the car also turned and looked out the window. “No way…” Elise uttered. “It can’t be that easy…” Pinkie’s eyes shot open wide and a massive mad grin opened on her face before an eye twitched and she grit her teeth. “Is that… Dan?” Jean asked. Elise shook her head. “Not the one you’re thinking of.” The group unbuckled their seatbelts and exited the car. They stepped out onto the concrete parking lot as the setting sun behind them casted their shadows far away from the car, the shadows terminating just a few feet in front of a smiling man in a blue shirt. “YOU!” Pinkie cried as she leveled an index finger at Dan*. “Yes me!” Dan* replied with a grin. “Glad you all made it! I was beginning to worry Pinkie didn’t have enough clues from the video to piece together some method of searching for Dan.” “Oh dear…” Chris said. “Oh dear is right!” Elise cried. Pinkie began storming up to Dan* with an angry, mad look in her eyes as she clenched her jaws together hard. Elise called out to Dan’s look-alike. “You should probably tell us which warehouse Dan is in before she gets up to you! She’s not in a good mood!” Dan* smirked. “Sorry, but your Dan is in another warehouse. But if you—” Pinkie walked right up to Dan* and snatched his shirt, lifting him up slightly. Dan* continued to smile as he held up his hands. “Whoa! Easy there firecracker, you just need to—” Without warning Pinkie threw her head back and quickly brought it forward, bringing the top of her forehead down on Dan*’s nose before letting go of him. ‘CRACK!’ “GAH!” Dan* cried before hitting the ground with a ‘Thud’. He pushed himself off the ground, raising to his knees. “Heh… Watch out for you! Kitty really does have cl—” Dan* was cut off as Pinkie kicked him in the face with a ‘Thwak!’, his head jerked to the side on impact. He turned and looked at her in surprise. “Hey wait! At least let me get—” ‘Thwak!’ “ACK!” Pinkie followed up with another kick that brought him back to the ground. She followed this up with another kick, and then another. ‘Thwak!’ “OUCH!” ‘Thwak!’ “OW!” “Pin—Ms. RED!” Elise called out. “WHAT?!” Pinkie cried as she continued her flurry of kicks. “If you’d just—” ‘Thwak!’ “OOF!” “That’s not helping!” Elise cried. “Don’t worry!” Pinkie said. “I’m just getting warmed up! I’ll grab my knife soon!” “Wait… Knif—?” ‘Thwak!’ “KkkCHHHH!” “RED!” Elise called out. “At least let us ask about Dan before you start pummeling him.” Pinkie paused mid-kick and stared down at Dan*, shooting him a look of absolute contempt through her sunglasses. Though slightly bruised, Dan* grinned up at her. “There… Was that so—” Pinkie bright her foot down on his face. ‘THWAK!’ “AH!” Pinkie suddenly turned and stormed back up to the group, bee-lining for Chris. “CAR KEYS!” she cried holding out her hand. “Uh… Okay…” Chris said as he reached into his pocket, pulled out his keys, and handed them to Pinkie. Pinkie took them in her hand and stormed off for the car. Elise called out after her. “DON’T COME BACK WITH YOUR KNIFE TO STAB HIM!” “FIIIIINE!” Pinkie cried back in an angry irritated tone. Dan* picked himself up and dusted himself off. Despite the flurry of blows he had just received, he looked only slightly affected with his clothes and hair now having a somewhat disheveled look. The other three began walking up to him. Dan* chuckled to himself. “Well she’s certainly upset.” Elise narrowed her eyes. “You kidnapped her boyfriend and tried to blow her up with a bomb! You’re lucky we want Dan back alive or I’d thrash you myself.” Dan* held up his hands in front of him. “Now Elise, there’s no need to get violent...yet. And might I say you and Chris look fantastic in those suits.” Chris merely folded his arms across his chest. “Oh spare us your superficial charm,” Elise said. Chris nodded. “You’ve gone way too far for that to work this time.” “Superficial?” Dan* said as he put on a hurt expression. “Elise, Chris, you wound me!” “Not yet,” Elise said, “but we can certainly arrange for that to happen.” Dan* chuckled. “Walked right into that one…” He looked at Jean. “Ah! You must be Dan and Pinkie’s neighbor! I must admit, I didn’t expect you to get tangled up in this!” Dan* smirked. “Not that it really matters or anything.” Jean just shook his head. “Look, I’m not sure if this is some evil-twin thing or what’s going on exactly, but Dan and Pinkie are my neighbors and friends. You really should consider giving Dan back before I have glowing rats chew your face off.” Dan* sighed. “I just can’t make friends today.” Elise cocked an eyebrow. “Pinkie already told us this is some sort of elaborate trap to lure us all. We know you’re not here to make friends. Furthermore, I can tell this is just you stalling for something…” “You can?” Chris said. Elise turned to Chris and nodded. “I would have noticed if there was anyone here but him. He’s up to something, but he’s not ambushing us… Not here at least.” She turned back to Dan*. “And it’s not like he’s a threat to all four of us.” Dan* tilted his head downward, narrowed his eyes slightly, and smiled wickedly. “You seem so sure of yourself… Maybe I should show you how dangerous I can be.” Elise rolled her eyes. “Look, I’ve killed people for far less than what I’ve put up with from you, especially considering today. Why don’t you just make this easier on everyone and hand over Dan?” Dan* folded his arms over his chest and gave Elise a smug smile. “And if I say no?” Elise took off her sunglasses and gave Dan* a serious look. “I’ll let Pinkie do whatever she wants with you, and believe me… neither the word ‘quick’ nor the word ‘painless’ will be involved in any way, shape, or form.” Dan* merely chuckled. “Well that’s not really conducive to negotiations for her boyfriend’s safe return.” “Not sure if you’ve noticed,” Chris said, “but Pinkie’s not really in a negotiating mood.” Jean nodded in agreement. “In fact, she’s done almost nothing but plan what she intended to do to you if she found you… I’m actually surprised she stopped kicking you so readily.” “No kidding,” Elise said. Dan* smirked. “I suppose Dan was right when he said she’d want to slice me open.” Chris nodded. “That’s about the size of it.” “Well that’s fine,” Dan* said. Dan*’s audience gave him a collection of perplexed glances. Dan* chuckled darkly. “I’m afraid you’re all about to be rather occupied. I mean… You didn’t think I was crazy enough to attempt this little scheme alone, did you?”   Elise and Chris looked at each other and shrugged. “You are pretty crazy,” Chris said. Elise nodded. “I get being mad at Dan and all… But you’ve put an absurd amount of effort for him outsmarting you once and Pinkie throwing you through a win—” “I smoke two joints in the morning. I smoke two joints…” The group paused and looked at Chris as a peculiar song began playing from one of his pockets. Chris shrugged. “Crun…er… Mr. Green’s ringtone,” he informed as he reached into his pocket. Elise sighed. “And that would be what he was stalling for…” Chris pressed the screen of his smartphone and placed it up to his ear. “Uh… Hey, Mr. Green…” He greeted. “Look… we may have hit a breakthrough with finding Dan… So you and Mrs. Gray can probably stop searching your warehouses.” “Oh! That’s awesome… huff… puff…  brah!” Crunchy said, his speech interrupted him occasionally gasping for air. “Well… huff… puff…  When you’re finished rescuing Dan… huff… puff… do you think you could rescue… huff… puff… Mrs. Gray and I?” “Rescue you two?” Chris asked. “Why do you two need rescuing?” “Well uh… huff… puff…  Have you ever seen… huff… puff…  Bill & Ted’s Bogus Journey?” “…Uh… Sure?” Chris replied. “But what does that—” “Well… huff… puff… We met up with what we thought… huff… puff… what we thought was you and Mrs. Black, but… huff… puff…  they turned out to be evil robot versions of you two…” “Evil robots?!” Chris exclaimed. Elise frowned and looked at Chris in concern.   “Yeah… huff… puff…” Crunchy answered. “They sort of captured us.” Chris mirrored Elise’s expression and continued speaking on the phone. “These robots wouldn’t happen to look uh… Well-built, would they?” “Well… huff… puff…”  It was hard to tell them apart from… huff… puff” from you two, so…” “No, I mean… Do they look well-toned?” “Uh… huff… puff… Don’t you mean sound well-toned, brah?” Chris gave a heavy sigh. “Do they look like they lift?” “Huh…? Huff… puff…Oh yeah!” Crunchy replied. “They’re hecka ripped.” Chris nodded. “Alright… We’ll be… Wait… If they captured you, how come you’re calling?” “They… huff… puff… wanted me to call you… huff… puff… brah!” Chris looked up at Dan*, who grinned.   “I see…” Chris said. “We’ll hang in there… Will try to be there as soon as we can.” “Right… huff… puff… later, brah!” -ooo- A smartphone that was being held up to his Chris’s face was pulled away. Someone or something that looked a bit like Chris raised the phone in front of him, the biggest difference being whoever or whatever this was appeared to have much more muscle mass than Chris and wore a grey tank-top and black shorts. “That’ll do, meat battery,” the Chris lookalike said as he pushed the screen of the phone. From atop an exercise bike, Crunchy watched as the muscled version of Chris walked out of the room, following a line of thick power cables that led from Crunchy’s bike and several other exercise machines and into a darkened room. Crunchy simply continued to pedal as sweat began to soak the white shirt and black tie he was wearing. Even the area under his arms had turned a darker shade of black as sweat began to soak his suit. He turned to D.H., who was similarly dressed and working a rowing machine, her clothing also becoming increasingly soaked with sweat. “Well, I guess we just wait for them… huff… puff… ” Crunchy said. “I hope they … huff… puff… get here soon… I already went through… huff… puff… through this once…” Crunchy bemoaned as he stared at the exercise bike he was peddling. “And I was totally… huff… puff… dressed more appropriately then…” “It’s… huff… okay… puff…” D.H. replied. “I managed to text my husband that I was going to be late because I was being kidnapped by robots…” “Really? You only had… huff… puff…  you phone for like… huff… puff… a few seconds before they caught us.” “Yeah… huff… I got tired of having to type… puff…type that one every time this happened… huff… puff… so I preloaded the message.” “This… … huff… puff…happens a lot?” D.H. shrugged and stopped rowing. “Eh… Like every few months or so… Anyway, he’ll probably come to rescue us… I mean… it’s macaroni and cheese night and our daughter gets fussy if I’m too busy being kidnapped to make it for everyone.” Suddenly the Chris-bot rushed back into the room holding an item that looked little more than a metal rod on a handle that had a cord attached to the end. “Power levels have dropped meat battery, why have you ceased rowing?” “I’m rowing! I’m rowing! Geesh…” D.H. answered as she continued rowing. She began to mutter under her breath, “… Just wait until I’m free and overload your galvanic cells through severe overcharge … You won't know what went wrong...” The Chris-bot narrowed its eyes slightly. “Did you say something, meat bag?” “Sorry!” D.H. replied sweetly. “Just… talking to myself Mr. Robot… Hehehe… Beep boop-boop, beep beep…” Chris-bot gave D.H. a suspicious look and walked back out of the room. D.H.’s eyelids drifted downward over her crooked eyes. “… Some electrolysis… some hydrogen build up… a little spark… then blamo! I’ll explode you from the inside out…” -ooo- Chris pulled his smartphone away from his ear and terminated the call. Dan* grinned knowingly. “Some of your friends run into a little trouble?” “So… What?” Elise asked. “You expect us to just rush off and leave you here?” Dan* shook his head. “Of course not!” He looked at Jean. “Though it’ll be a bit more crowded than I expected, I’ll happily travel with you until this whole mess is resolved…” “Ah,” Elise said, “you mean until we walk into your trap.” Dan* chuckled and shook his head. “Oh Mrs. Black… Of course!” Dan* glanced up at the sky as the daylight continued to slowly fade into a hazy purple.  “Now then… We really should be going its going get late and…”  Dan* trailed off and his eyes widened as he stared at something past Chris, Elise, and Jean. The sound of shoes rapidly coming into contact with concrete was heard as the other three turned.  With a mixture of surprised and worried expressions, they all quickly took a few steps to clear a path between Dan* and the pink haired woman with a baseball bat that was approaching. Dan* put his hands out in front of him. “Now wait just a—” Pinkie swung the bat as she reached her target, the wooden cudgel hitting the side of Dan*’s head with a resounding ‘CRACK!’ Dan* hit the ground like a dropped sack of potatoes. “PINKIE!” Chris and Elise exclaimed. “WHAT?!” Pinkie snapped back. Elise raised her thumb and forefinger to the bridge of her nose. Chris sighed and shook his head. “He was going to come with us while we rescue Cru— Mr. Green and Mrs. Gray!” Jean walked up to Dan* and placed a couple fingers against his neck. “Well… He probably can still do that when he regains consciousness… If he regains consciousness…” “What the hay happened to them?!” Pinkie exclaimed. “We’re already trying to rescue Dan!” “They got kidnapped by android versions of Mrs. Black and I,” Chris said. “They’re probably being forced to exercise on devices to power the robots as we speak! We have to go save them!” Pinkie looked down at Dan* who laid motionless at her feet, then back up at the three people staring at her. “Yeah… No, we’re not doing that.” “What?!” Chris exclaimed. “But what about Mr. Green and Mrs. Gray?!” “I’m sure they’ll be fine,” Pinkie said. “Mrs. Gray will probably just klutz her way out of the situation and save them both.” Chris paused and thought about this. “Huh… You know she just might…” “Well, what do we do with him then?” Elise asked as she motioned towards Dan*. Pinkie looked down at Dan* and regarded him with a dark expression. “Mrs. Black is going to get us into one of these warehouses and I’ll need the chair, rope, boom-box, gas can, and straight razor.” Jean raised an eyebrow. “Oh, so you’re going to interrogate him?” Pinkie looked up at Jean and stared blankly at him for a beat. “… Sure, let’s go with that…”