War Games Ponies Play

by Minds Eye


This is only a drill, right?

Scootaloo picked up the five cards in front of her. She fanned them out in her hooves to study them. The Jack of spades, the Jack of hearts, the six of diamonds, the Jack of clubs, and the two of spades waited for her. She pushed three jelly beans to the middle of the table.

“Raise.” Scootaloo put down her cards and picked up the five next to her, fanning them out in her hooves again. This time, the cards faced away from her. She held them at an angle to make sure no pony but Princess Luna could see them.

Luna let out a hum through her gag, and her eyes burned a hole through the cards. She shook her head.

Scootaloo tossed the cards back to Apple Bloom.

Sweetie Belle levitated another five cards in front of Princess Cadance. She waited patiently while Cadance hemmed and hawed and finally nodded. Sweetie Belle pulled three jelly beans from Cadance’s pile into the pot, looked at her own cards, and folded.

Apple Bloom sighed as she folded too. “Y’all know this would be easier if they weren’t tied, right?”

Scootaloo discarded her six and two, and Apple Bloom dealt her two more cards. “You know what Twilight said. Only the guards can untie them. That’s how we know they win.”

“Yeah, you really think I  can match Twilight’s magic?” Sweetie Belle picked up Cadance’s cards again. “She cast a spell to make sure they can’t free themselves. What are we supposed to do?”

Cadance nodded her head and tapped the tip of her horn to three cards.

Sweetie Belle tossed those three cards aside, and replaced them with new ones from the deck.

Princess Cadance gave a sharp gasp and started writhing in her ropes, shaking her head wildly.

Scootaloo scratched the back of her neck. “I think she wanted to keep those, Sweetie Belle.”

“What? Why didn’t she just say... Oh. Right.”

Princess Luna chuckled—a sound that grew to muffled hysterics at the silent glare Cadance shot her.

        “I... guess you fold?”  Sweetie shrank as Cadance’s glare turned to her, and she discarded the set.

        Apple Bloom gathered all the cards and straightened them out.  “That was Cadance’s deal, right?”

        Sweetie nodded.  “Yeah, my turn.”  She took the cards and started to shuffle them.  “So what exactly are we going to do?  Twilight said this would be quick, but it’s been half an hour already.  What are we supposed to do with them?”

        The question hung in the air.  Scootaloo looked at her cards—a pair of tens—and bet.  Once again, she showed Luna hers.

        Luna hesitated.

        “We could open a kissing booth.”  The crusaders laughed, and Luna’s eyes burned again.  This time, they were directed right at her.  Scootaloo waited for the nod and pulled Luna’s beans into the pot.  “Think about it!  How big would the line be for these two?  How many bits could we charge everypony?”

        A guttural sound escaped from Princess Luna.

        Cadance’s eyes relished in Luna’s discomfort.  She folded without a thought.

        Scootaloo continued, “Which one do you think would be more popular?”

        Apple Bloom hummed and tapped her hoof.  “Pipsqueak would go right for Luna.  After that... I dunno.”

        “Then it’s probably Princess Luna,” Sweetie said.  She glanced at Cadance after she folded.  “No offense.  It’s just that colts are sheep.”

        Cadance shrugged and nodded.

        Scootaloo didn’t improve off the draw, but she still had one more card to play.  “Who said we’re sticking to the colts?”

        Even bound and gagged, Luna’s fury cut Scootaloo to the core.  Not a sound was heard as Luna pointed her horn at four cards.  Scootaloo tossed the last one away and replaced it, showing Luna her final card.  The other three held their breath as the last bets were made.

        Scootaloo showed her pair.

        A look of triumph crossed Luna’s face.

        Scootaloo flipped over her cards.  “You got nothing.”

        Luna glared at her.

She tapped Luna’s cards.  “Four spades and this.  It’s black, but it’s a club.”  She fought to hold back her laughter.  “Gotcha.”

        A series of low hums escaped Luna’s gag.  Her eyes narrowed with each sound, and her cheeks slowly lifted into a grin of her own.

        Scootaloo bared her teeth.

        Apple Bloom cleared her throat.  “Maybe we could play—”

        “Deal!”

        “I-I’m out.”  Sweetie Belle back away from the table.  “I think I’ll... do something.  Go to the house.  Y-Yeah.”

        “Have fun,” Scootaloo said, never looking away from Luna.


        The thing Sweetie Belle loved most about the clubhouse was the location.  While it was on a secluded part of the Apples’ farm, it was still on the Apples’ farm.  A quick snack was never far away.

        Neither was the comfort food of pies or turnovers or even a mug of cider from the family’s personal stash.  Just what the doctor ordered to calm everypony down from the card game.

        All she had to do was get past the ring of Royal Guard ponies surrounding the house.

        Why was there a ring of Royal Guard ponies surrounding the house?!

        “Hey!”  Sweetie sprinted for the nearest guard, a crystal pony.  “What’s happening?  Is everyone alright?”

        “Stop there,” he said.  “No one is allowed in!”

        An orange pegasus inside the ring turned around.  “Hey, let her through.  You know the rules.”

        Sweetie stopped in her tracks.  “Rules?  What’s going on?”

        The pegasus waved her forward.  “It’s just an exercise, and you’re not part of it.  What do you need, little one?”

        The guards stared at her impassively, but the pegasus smiled and waved again.  She stepped through the ring.  “My friends and I were getting a little hungry, and I was hoping I... could go inside?”

        “Hm.”  He shook his head.  “Sorry, little one, but—”

        “Sweetie Belle.”

        He smiled.  “Sweetie Belle.  I’m Flash Sentry.  And I’m sorry, but there are more guards in the house.  We’ve been ordered not to let anyone in until they’re done searching.”

        “Searching for what?  My friend lives here!  You can’t just—”

A loud thud echoed out of the house, followed by the high-pitched screams of an old mare.

        Flash Sentry rubbed his head.  “Here she comes.”

        “—this tomfoolery!  I’ll have yer head, young’un!  Takin’ an old lady out of her home like this!”

        Two guards walked out of the house.  Each one had a foreleg wrapped around one of Granny Smith’s.

        “This here family knows Princess Twilight, you scoundrels!  She ain’t gonna let you get away with this!”

        Another pegasus pony followed her out.  He wiped a hoof along his purple breastplate.  “Princess Twilight is currently indisposed.  Provided your saliva stays in your mouth, you will have ample opportunity to address any concerns at a later time.”

        Sweetie tapped Flash’s hoof.  “What did he say about Twilight?  Where is she?”

        Flash scrunched one side of his face in thought for a moment.  “Alright, I guess it won’t hurt to tell you.  She kidnapped Princesses Luna and Cadance and hid them somewhere in Ponyville for us to find.  It’s only a drill, but she told us she did this outright, so we arrested her and shipped her back to Canterlot.”

        “You WHAT?!”  Sweetie Belle shrank after her scream drew the attention of everypony there.

        “There!”  Granny Smith pointed at her.  “There’s yer culprits!  Whatever’s gone wrong, they’re the ones you want!”

        The impressive pegasus sighed and walked over.  “Sentry, who is this?”

        “Sweetie Belle, meet Captain Silver Wind.  Captain, Sweetie Belle.”

        “Is she a pony of interest?”

        A unicorn sent a stack of documents floating through the air to Flash Sentry.  He took them and laid them on the ground.  “Sweetie Belle... Sweetie Belle... here she is!  She’s Rarity’s sister, sir.  Known associates: a pegasus named Scootaloo, and an earth pony named... Apple Bloom!  We were looking for her!”

        Sweetie nodded.  “Yes, she’s my friend.  She’s at our clubhouse right now if—wait, you have a file on me?”

        Silver Wind blinked.  “Madame Mayor was kind enough to give us a list of ‘troublemakers,’ as she put it.”  He turned to Flash.  “We really have a file on this filly?”

        Flash didn’t answer.

        “Sentry!”

        “Oh!  Sorry, Captain.  I was... reading.”  He lifted one of the papers.  “Cutie Mark Crusaders: twelve counts of vandalism, both felony and misdemeanor.  Multiple fines for operating pyrotechnics without a permit.  Two counts of illegal intoxication of others.  One charge of chicanerous application of poison joke.  Numerous counts of invasion of privacy.  Suspicion of referring to Ponyville’s duly elected official as ‘smelly.’  And... what in the wide world of Equestria is a noodle incident?”

        Granny Smith shrieked in terror.  “Noodles!  Noodles everywhere!”

        Flash and Silver Wind looked down on her in shock.

        “It... it would have worked if Snips and Snails didn’t...”

        Silver Winds shook his head.  “Regardless—”

        “Oh sir, there’s more.  A citation for improper disposal of an industrial strength hair dryer.  Banned from the local bowling alley.  Bribery of a member of the royal family to impersonate and forge the signature of Princess Celestia in order to illegally obtain a library book.”

        “Excuse me, Sentry?”

        Flash nodded.  “By order of the Lunar Throne, this charge was allowed to stand on the condition that Princess Twilight Sparkle change her name to Twinkle Sporkle.  It was approved.”  He flipped the paper, showing the bright green APPROVED stamped over the form.

        “What’d I tell you whippersnappers?  They’re the ones you’re after!”

        Sweetie poked at the ground.  “She’s right.  And Twilight did pay us a visit this morning.  Our clubhouse is close by if you need to search it...”

        Silver Wind shook his head.  “That won’t be necessary.”

        “Okay.  It’s right this—what?”

        “There’s no reason for us to search your clubhouse.”  He ruffled her mane.  “You and your little friends don’t have to worry about us, Sweetums.”

        “Sweetie!”  She slapped his hoof away.  “And what are you talking about?  You arrested Twilight.  I just told you we saw her this morning, and you know our reputation.  You’re tearing apart my friend’s house, but you aren’t even going to check us out?”

        “There’s no reason to.  We know who we’re looking for, and we know they won’t be at your clubhouse.”

        “No you don’t!  Twilight wanted to get us back for stealing—er, borrowing that book, and she roped us into this scheme of hers!”

        Flash laughed.  “Not a bad theory, but you’re missing something.  Sentence three in paragraph nine of rule seventeen-B in the Royal Guard handbook states that all war game participants must be the legal age of consent.  You expect us to believe that Princess Twilight Sparkle doesn’t know the rules to the game she’s playing?”

        “Yes!  She, Luna, and Cadance cooked this plan up overnight!”  Sweetie held her head.  “Look, just come to clubhouse.  Please.  Everything—”

        “We already have a plan,” Silver Wind said.  “We’re checking the residence of all Princess Twilight’s friends and potential co-conspirators.  If Princesses Luna and Cadance aren’t here, we’ll be moving to the Carousel Boutique to check there.”

        Sweetie gasped.  “That’s my sister’s house!  You can’t!”  She looked up to Flash Sentry.  “Please!  You.  You come by yourself.  I promise you’ll find them if you just come with me!”

        Flash looked back and forth between her and his captain.  “Should I humor her, sir?”

        “You can play tea party with the locals on your own time, soldier.  And you, Cutie—”

        “Sweetie!”

        “Sweetie.  We’re a little old for you.  Go find some colts your own age to play around with, instead.”

        Her blood ran cold.  “What did you say?”

        “I said go find some colts your own age to play with.  You reek of desperation.  I would think your sister taught you better than that.”

        “E-Excuse—” she heard something snap, and her face burned.  “Excuse me?!”

        Silver Wind didn’t back down from her shout.  He took a step forward, towering over her.  “I’ve seen your type before.  Leave my stallions alone.  You and your friends will just need to find some some colts to play in your little clubhouse.  A filly like you shouldn’t have trouble bringing some in.”

        “You... I... won’t have trouble.”  Her lip quivered.  She felt a sting in her eyes, but she blinked it back.  A whimper tried to cross her lips, and she shut her mouth.  She wouldn’t give him the satisfaction.  There was only one thing she wanted him to hear.

        Sweetie Belle hopped up.  “BUCK YOU!”  She spun and bolted away from the guards, finally letting her tears fall.