//------------------------------// // 3 - In which Twilight Starts her Investigation, and Ditzy Finds the Source of the Voice in her Head // Story: The Derp Note // by Frogmyre //------------------------------// Ditzy retracted her extended hoof, and stuffed the Derp Note back into her mailbag. "Sorry, I gotta go, see you later," she said, as she flew out of Sugar Cube Corner, leaving a very confused Twilight behind her. She was headed for her house, to confront this mysterious voice. She had no idea as to what it could be, since she hadn't read very far into the rules of the Derp Note. While Ditzy was flying home, Twilight was trying to process what had just happened. "I- she- what?! Gah! I... just don't know! She was just about to hand it over, but then she changed her mind. Why would she do that?!" Twilight thought to herself, as she paced frantically around Sugar Cube Corner. "And another thing, who does she think she is, using that notebook on other ponies? She wasn't even doing it in the name of science, like I would have," she said out loud, as she started to get worked up. "Why, that's it," she shouted, "I shall get the note back from her, and study it, for science." Twilight left Sugar Cube Corner, with one goal in mind: the retrieval of the Derp Note. By now, Ditzy had landed near her house. She walked to the front door, and tentatively opened it, not sure what to expect. She peeked inside, but, to her slight disappointment, didn't see anypony. Or anything for that matter. She did, however, hear a rattling sound coming from the kitchen. She entered the house, and headed to the kitchen. A few seconds later, there was a loud thunk. Ditzy had fainted from shock. What she had seen was a Derpigami. A quick note is needed here as to what a Derpigami is. Now, when the Derp Note fell into the Equestrian universe, the universe felt a sudden need for a shinigami, as all Death Notes require one. However, since this universe could barely handle a Death Note, it couldn't handle a shinigami either. It wouldn't dare try and open a portal, who knows what could have fallen through. So, it decided to create one of its own. To match the nature of the Derp Note, it created a Derpigami. That is to say, a god of Derp. It was a tall bipedal creature. The universe really didn't like to have to create things out of thin air, so it hadn't been very generous when it came to the looks department. Its head was egg shaped, with no nose, crossed eyes to indicate its status as a Derpigami, and a misshapen mouth. It had a long skinny body which was covered with spikes, evenly distributed around its body. Seeing something like this rifling around her cupboards was more than enough reason for Ditzy to faint. As Ditzy regained consciousnesses, she slowly opened her eyes, hoping what she had seen was some sort of illusion, created by her mind to cope with the stress. As it was still there by the time she had fully opened her eyes, she realized that, sadly, that wasn't the case. She got up, cautiously walked over to it, and asked, "What... are you?" "I am a Derpigami. A god of Derp. Whatever that is. That's all I know," it said, apologetically. "Hold on... a god of what, exactly?" Ditzy asked, not sure if she had heard it properly. She hoped she hadn't. "A god of Derp, like I said," it replied, wondering if it hadn't spoken loud enough. "That's what I thought," Ditzy said. She realized that this was not one of her best days. "Now, why are you here?" she asked the Derpigami, "and do you have a name?" "Allow me to answer your second question first. My name is...," it thought for a few minutes, "Xanderppe. Now, to answer your first question, do you remember that voice you heard a little while ago?" "Yes, I do... Hey, hold on a minute. YOU are that voice I heard?" Ditzy asked, realizing that would make sense, and explain a few things. Like what a Derpigami was doing in her kitchen rifling through her cupboards. "Yes, that was me. My main task would appear to be, to get you to use the notebook." Xanderppe said, then quickly added, "You wouldn't happen to have a muffin on you?" "A... muffin?" Ditzy said, confused, "Sure, I have muffins." She pointed to the cupboard with the muffin picture above it, "They're in there." "Thanks," Xanderppe said, rushing over towards the cabinet, and taking a muffin from it. He vigorously ate it, relishing every bite, "You have no idea how much I love these things." "You're... welcome?" Ditzy said, still just as confused. She hadn't been expecting anything like this to happen. All she had wanted to do was possibly get revenge on a few coworkers who had taunted her one too many times. But now, with all these things going on, it was starting to be a bit too much for her to handle. "Now, remember, I'm here to persuade you to use the notebook. Would you mind telling me why you stopped using it after just one time?" he asked, sounding concerned. "Don't you know? I mean, you knew that Lyra had imitated me, after I wrote her name into the notebook," she asked, puzzled. That same voice that she had heard earlier entered her head again, "You see, it seems that I have the ability to speak directly into your head, and look through your memories. I just figured it would be nicer to ask you." Ditzy realized that this voice was Xanderppe's. "Well, it seems like you know my reasons. So, why should I use the Derp Note?" "It's simple, really. You still want to use the note, and the only reason you won't, is because you're afraid the effects would be traced back to you. Let me assure you now, they won't be. I, of all things, should know." Ditzy just blinked as she realized that he was correct. Xanderppe grinned, as he realized the thought process Ditzy was going through. She walked over to the muffin cupboard, pulled one out, and started eating it. After she had finished, she spoke out, "You were correct, it seems. I'll take your word for it now. So, are we a team?" she asked the Derpigami, wondering what his reply would be. "I am not allowed to help or hinder you, in this case. However, we shall be partners," Xanderppe said, then adding, "A handshake for a glorious new partnership?" and offered his hand. "Handshake? Let us go with a hoofshake, But yes, for a glorious new partnership," she said, taking the proffered hand with her front left hoof, and shook it firmly. As they were talking, the sun started setting. As they finished, Ditzy walked outside, and started into the sunset. "A glorious sunset to commemorate a glorious partnership!" she exclaimed. She then walked back inside, and went to bed. She had had a stressful day, after all. Xanderppe floated over to where she was sleeping, and smiled, "Oh how fun these ponies are! I shall enjoy this to the fullest." Whilst this was going on, Twilight was carrying out an investigation of her own. Her first stop was in Canterlot, to interview the first victim. She figured she might get some useful information from Lyra which would help her in finding Ditzy Doo. She was prepared to ask as many questions as necessary in order to figure out what the effects were. What she wasn't prepared for, however, was Bonbon. "What do you mean, you can't let me see her?" Twilight asked Bonbon, who was blocking the door to the apartment. "I mean what I said, and I say what I mean. You can't see her," said Bonbon, still obstinately blocking the door. "But why? That's what I want to know," said Twilight, trying to maneuver around Bonbon. "Because, right now, she's sick, and she doesn't need the likes of you poking around here," Bonbon said, skillfully blocking all of Twilight's attempts. "I think you're misunderstanding the reason as to why I'm here," Twilight said, "I'm here to figure out what happened to Lyra." "Oh really?" asked Bonbon, not convinced that Twilight was telling the truth, "Then would you mind explaining how you knew that something had happened to her? All I said was that she was sick." "I... heard about it. Yeah, that's it, I heard about somepony crashing about her house, and I wanted to investigate," lied Twilight, badly. "Is that so?" Bonbon asked. She realized that Twilight wasn't going to be leaving any time soon, and figured that she couldn't do any real harm. "In that case, come right in, Miss...?" "Sparkle. Twilight Sparkle." She was glad she had been allowed access to Lyra, and was ready to begin her investigation. "Really? You're that Twilight? I... thought you were taller," said Bonbon, suddenly realizing who, exactly, she was talking to. She was slightly in awe, but still not willing to be much nicer. "Yes, I am that Twilight. And it's surprising how many ponies think I am taller than I actually am. Now, you were showing me where Lyra is, right?" "Oh yes, right this way," Bonbon said, leading the way into the apartment, "She's right over there," she said, pointing to a bed with a vaguely pony shaped lump under the covers. Twilight followed Bonbon, and walked over to the bed. She slowly pulled back the covers, wondering what she would see. "Oh my, you're in much worse shape than I had imagined."