by Palaikai
***
“Twilight,” Princess Celestia said with a calm that was verging on the infuriating, “what can I do for you this evening?”
Evening had come and gone. There was no way to slice it: it was night. And Celestia wasn't used to having irritable alicorn princesses – or anypony else, for that matter – barging in on her when she was trying to get some well-deserved shut-eye.
“Explain to me again what happened when I ascended?”
“We've gone over that,” replied Celestia patiently. “In some detail, as I recall.”
“Right. You combine the traits of all three pony races into one. A unicorn's magic, an earth pony's strength, and a pegasus' flight,” said Twilight.
“Yes,” agreed Celestia, struggling to comprehend what point – if any – her former student was driving at.
“I never asked at the time, and maybe I should have, but … what are the side-effects?” demanded Twilight, rounding on Celestia.
“There aren't any.”
“You're lying!” Twilight stated angrily before her expression softened upon realising that Celestia genuinely appeared to have no clue. “Or you're forgetting.”
“Forgetting what?” Celestia narrowed her eyes. After several thousand years of existence, it was true that some memories were foggier than others, but she felt she would've remembered if there were any downsides to being ascended.
Twilight sucked on her lip, feeling faintly embarrassed, but knowing she had to get an answer. If there was one pony in all of Equestria she felt she could divulge anything to, it was Celestia. They were like family. “I, uh,” her cheeks burned. “I don't get turned-on any more.”
“By who?”
“I mean, in general.”
“Oh,” said Celestia.
“More like, lack of.”
Celestia almost snorted in laughter, but realised it would be in bad taste. She tried to keep her voice perfectly neutral. “It's just one of the many changes you have to get used to with your new body, like controlling your stronger magic and learning to fly. Alicorns work differently, especially when it comes to sexuality.”
“So. Um, how long until …?”
“Hm.” Celestia appeared deep in thought. “I think, for me, it was about fifty years before I felt any, ah, urges again.”
“Fifty years?” exploded Twilight. “For at least the next five decades, I won't have any kind of sexual activity?”
“On the bright side,” Celestia said with a grin, “when it comes back, it comes back with a vengeance.”
“Dear Sister, I always knew you were the incarnation of pure evil,” Luna said, appearing from behind a curtain after Twilight had left. Despite her words, she was having a hard time containing a giggle.
“It's not often I get to play a practical joke on somepony, especially one as tightly wound as Twilight Sparkle. Look at it this way, at least when she starts feeling herself again in the next few days, she'll be all the happier for it.”