//------------------------------// // Chapter 6: Tears of the Sun // Story: In the Sun's Shadow // by Polaris501 //------------------------------// Castle Aurora, Guest Room Midnight Celestia Why do the shadows of lie and deceit eclipse the glory of the sun? Why does she continue to weave her web of deception over her pride and joy? Because I am a coward. Celestia lay prone on her borrowed bed, not possessing the will to move any further. Her beautiful mane lay lifeless across her head, her tail similarly limp. Her large white wings were ruffled in a large disorganized mess caused by her anxiety, but she didn’t have the sanctity of mind to preen her wings. Her eyes were shut closed and her face scrunched up as if in pain. Celestia breathed heavily and failed to control the sobs that racked her frame. Large tears welled up in her eyes before rebelliously streaking down her face. And her heart ached as if it had shriveled up inside her because of fear and old pain. None of that really mattered, Celestia knew she deserved this pain for what she had done. A small, fragile voice cut through her misery, suddenly sharpening her senses into high alert. “…sister?” Luna? I can’t let her see me like this! Before turning towards the door through which her sister probably stood, Celestia quickly erased any trace of tears on her and quickly smoothed out her feathers with her magic. She summoned a serene mask cultivated over a thousand years and lifted her head to face Luna. Her sister seemed both determined and cautious, her face flashing through different emotions that Celestia couldn’t identify fast enough. Luna stepped fully into the room and seemed to gather her wits once more, ruffling her wings as if in preparation to give a lecture. But even so, her teal eyes betrayed the hesitancy with which she approached Celestia. “Luna!” Even after years of hiding her true feelings, Celestia couldn’t stop a slight tremor from entering her voice. She didn’t know if Luna had caught her crying or not, and the thought terrified her. “Y-You surprised me! Is everything alright? I thought you would have stayed up longer and enjoyed more of the ball.” To try and strengthen her mask, Celestia formed a small smile on her face. But Luna was not so easily deceived. “Sister, you told me the night I returned that there would be no lies between us.” Celestia felt her face falter and her heart miss a beat. There was only one thing Luna could be referring to. There was only one thing she had kept secret from her sister. Luna paused and seemed to chew on something, her jaw working up and down as she sorted her thoughts. Finally, she locked eyes on Celestia and spoke with the conviction only a little-sister could have. “Twilight is your daughter, isn’t she?” Six simple words, but they were enough to bring Celestia’s fragile mask crashing down. Feeling her lips tremble against her will and her eyes blur with tears again, Celestia wilted as the secret she had held close to her heart for more than twenty years was finally uncovered. A desperate fear gripped her, prompting her plea. “Does…Does she know?” Luna shook her head. “No, not yet.” … “How did you…find out?” “I realized that it was you who had enchanted the mirror, and there was only one reason you could have done that.” Luna replied. “But you’re stalling. Tell me Celestia, tell me why Twilight doesn’t know the truth. Tell me why you continue to deceive her. Tell me why you lied to me.” Celestia sighed heavily, the familiar lump of guilt rising inside her. “I never lied. Nopony ever asked, and I never volunteered to tell anypony.” Luna snorted angrily. “And that’s an excuse.” Celestia blinked back tears. “I know.” Luna pointed a wing at her accusingly, her teal eyes narrowed and angry. “I’ve been back for four years, and not once did you even hint that Twilight was in fact your daughter. Not once!” Luna yelled furiously. “What is your game Celestia? Are you ashamed of Twilight?” “No.” Celestia said firmly. “Never.” “Then is she just some tool for you to use?” The blue alicorn was becoming increasingly agitated. Luna’s accusation sent a fresh lance of guilt right through her heart, and Celestia tried feebly to defend herself from Luna’s attacks. “Twilight means more to me than the sun itself.” Celestia sobbed. “I would never use her.” “I find that hard to believe.” Luna stated bluntly, scowling at Celestia. “It seems like every time something happens, you send her straight into the fire.” “Don’t!” Celestia said angrily, her own temper rising. “Don’t you dare suggest I brought Twilight into this world just so she could fight my fights for me!” “Then what kind of mother sends her own child to face Tirek! To face Sombra, Discord, and ME!” Luna shouted, tears of her own threatening to break her composure. Celestia knew Luna still felt guilty for becoming Nightmare Moon. “Do you have some perverse delight in sending Twilight into death traps?!” It was too much. Celestia crumbled underneath Luna’s words and sank down onto the bed. “I was desperate.” “More excuses.” “I know.” Celestia cried violently, trying to escape Luna’s piercing glare. “There…there is no justification for what I have done to Twilight.” She pleaded like a mare trying to escape the death penalty. “Please…please listen to what I have to say. I know I can’t justify my actions, but I can at least tell you why I did it.” Luna sat down heavily and continued to stare at Celestia with contempt. “Tell me everything. Start at the beginning. And then I will decide whether or not to tell Twilight.” Celestia gasped, leaning back up to stare slack-jawed at her sister. “You—You wouldn’t!” “I will.” “You can’t! I won’t let you!” Luna’s eyes shimmered dangerously as she leaned in closer to her sister. “Try me.” Celestia sucked in a ragged breath and looked away. She ground her teeth as she desperately sought a way to escape the noose Luna had tied around her. Time was her enemy and secrets her closest ally. “Fine.” Celestia grinded out. “But promise me you will let me tell her in my own time.” “I make no promises. Twilight has lingered in the darkness long enough. It is time for the truth, you owe her that. If you will not have decency to tell your own daughter who her mother is then I will do it for you and damn the consequences.” Luna leaned back to give Celestia some space. “Now, let’s start at the beginning. Who is Twilight’s father?” … “Celestia?” “Do you…Do you remember the incident with Starswirl’s mirror that occurred a few months before the Plunder Plants kidnapped us?” Celestia watched Luna scrunch up her face in concentration as she searched for the memory, and then her jaw dropped in sudden realization of the identity of Twilight’s father. Her eyes widened to the size of dinner plates. “No.” Celestia dropped her head in shame. “Sombra!?” Luna gasped. “The…The Sombra from the mirror world is Twilight’s father!?” “Yes.” Celestia admitted, avoiding Luna’s shocked expression. “I mean…but how!?” Luna paused, and she seemed to come to a sudden realization. “So that’s what Discord meant.” Celestia snapped her head up in surprise at the mention of their ancient foe. “Discord? What does Discord have to do with…” A dreadful thought popped into her head. “Luna…you didn’t tell him of all ponies that I’m Twilight’s mother did you?” “What!?” Luna snapped her attention back to the here and now. “Of course I didn’t! He already knew!” Celestia gaped at her, and her eyes narrowed as she searched her sister. “What do you mean he already knew?” Luna wasn’t even fazed by Celestia’s scrutiny. She waved a hoof in dismissal of Celestia’s concern. “Discord said he recognized that your magic and Twilight’s were very similar. He also mentioned talking to himself from another time, which I know realize was his counterpart in the mirror world.” “He’s not going to—“ “No, he’s not going to tell Twilight. Discord explicitly said it is your responsibility.” Luna said. Celestia snorted in disbelief. “I bet he doesn’t even know what responsibility means.” Celestia then paused as the severity of the situation came back to her. “But…I suppose that’s fine as long as he doesn’t say anything.” Luna nodded and her face turned stern again. “I don’t understand the mirror world. You and Starswirl knew far more about it than I ever did.” She cocked an eyebrow as she appraised Celestia. “You did tell the mirror Sombra that he was Twilight’s father didn’t you?” Celestia sighed heavily and curled up in the blankets. Old memories swam in front of her, reminding her of her guilt and shame. “No, of course I didn’t.” Luna’s voice cut through sharp and clear. “Why not.” “At first, I didn’t tell him because he would have insisted that he meet Twilight, and that we raise her together.” Celestia mumbled into her pillows. “But you saw the mirror world, it was a wasteland, and I didn’t think Twilight would have been safe with an evil Celestia hovering constantly over Sombra. Twilight would have been in great danger if the evil me of that world had ever discovered that Twilight was the mirror Sombra’s daughter.” Then Celestia recalled the discovery she had made after the mirror was destroyed. “And I’m glad I didn’t, because none of them were real. Not even the mirror Sombra. That world never truly existed.” “That’s not possible Celestia. I was there, same as you. I saw the two worlds merging before the Elements separated them. And the pain I felt from getting hit by your evil doppelganger was real enough, I assure you. And if the mirror Sombra were not real, than Twilight shouldn’t be either.” “That’s not how the mirror worked Luna, and I would know, I helped Starswirl explore its mysteries after he built it.” Celestia said reluctantly. “Enlighten me then.” Luna hissed. “When Starswirl finished constructing and enchanting the mirror he said, ‘Every bit of magical knowledge in Equestria wrapped up in a reflective package.’ He meant that literally. What the mirror did was take those that entered it to an Equestria that could have been. The worlds we traveled to with the mirror were Equestrias that could have happened, but didn’t. The mirror was Starswirl’s way of exploring the different magical and technological advances that did not happen in the real Equestria’s time. From this, different technology like the train were made available to us.” Luna looked confused. “This isn’t making any sense to me. If those worlds were not real, but only a reflection of what Equestria could have been, then how does Twilight exist if the mirror Sombra wasn’t real?” Celestia calmed herself and looked straight into her sister’s eyes. “Luna, after I…I banished you. The mirror was my way of dealing with my guilt. Using it, I could see you again…or at least a version of you that I could talk to.” Luna frowned firmly, her wings ruffling in obvious agitation. “Glad to know that I was so easily replaced.” Celestia shook her head. “No Luna. None of those mirror Lunas were you. Each one was fundamentally different from you in some way and no amount of pretending could ever change that.” A fear tears ran down her face as she looked pleadingly at Luna. “I…I missed you so much Lulu. No duplicate could ever replace you or the fill the hole that was my heart. Please, you have to believe me. The mirror…the mirror is my shame, and it is my fault that the mirror world almost merged with the real Equestria. I’m so sorry Luna.” Luna reached out with her wings and hugged Celestia tightly. “I forgive you. I understand that you must have been desperate.” Celestia held Luna tightly, basking in her forgiveness. “Thank you.” Luna let go and leaned back again. “Alright, let’s get back on track. You were explaining how the mirror Sombra was not real, but that Twilight still exists.” “Right. The worlds the mirror conjured were unstable by their very nature, so the enchantments had to focus on something stable and real. That something was Starswirl and I when we visited them. By visiting those worlds, they formed around us and our interactions with it. By visiting these alternate timelines, we made it real, and so anything we did there became real. We couldn’t interact with these timelines unless they reacted to us.” Celestia blushed deeply and she averted Luna’s gaze again. “This…uh…includes Twilight’s conception.” Luna blushed herself and looked away sheepishly. “Yes…ah…moving on. I don’t need details.” Celestia let out a breath in relief, all too eager to quickly change the subject. “You remember when the two worlds began merging, and events that happened in the mirror world affected us here?” “Yes?” Celestia bowed her head guiltily again. “That was entirely my fault. Several years into the project, just before your banishment, Starswirl and I began to notice different anomalies with the mirror. It seemed that the more we visited a world, the more tangible it became. This was especially true for the world with Twilight’s father, since it was the one we visited the most. For example, if we borrowed a book there, its counterpart here disappeared. It was small things at first, but Starswirl picked up on them quickly and immediately decided it was too dangerous to continue the experiments with the mirror.” “What did he do?” “He didn’t want to destroy the mirror, as it was his prototype for the mirror we placed in the Crystal Empire. Instead he burned all the spells necessary for traveling to the worlds. But unbeknownst to him at the time…I kept one, my favorite world. By then, you were gone and I was in a very deep depression. That particular world was my way of dealing with the pain and loneliness. The mirror Sombra was kind and rather dashing, the complete opposite of his true self. Ironically, I met the mirror Sombra a few years before we defeated the real one in the Crystal Empire.” Luna shook her head in despair. “How could you fall in love with a reflection of that monster Celestia? He wasn’t real, none of them were real. Why did you treat them as real though?” Celestia peered across the room at a plain mirror hanging on the wall. “It wasn’t until after the mirror was destroyed several months ago that I realized that the world wasn’t actually real. I went through Starswirl’s old notes to see what he had discovered and not told me. All this time, this whole past millennium, I believed that the mirror Sombra was real.” Celestia shook her head in internal rebuke. “I should have known better.” Luna looked lost. “Wait a moment. If Starswirl knew the mirror’s worlds were not a true reality, then why didn’t he tell you?” “That too, is my fault.” Celestia admitted wearily. “A year after your banishment, Starswirl and I had a falling out.” Luna’s jaw dropped in shock. “What!? Starswirl was the closest thing to a father we had! What did you do to make him that angry?” Old guilt from centuries past rose up again inside Celestia as she recalled the painful memory. “I betrayed his trust. He caught me visiting the mirror world with the spell I had managed to salvage from his burnings. After that, he placed a binding spell on the mirror so that I couldn’t use it again. Starswirl was beyond disappointed, and our relationship was never the same after that.” Celestia’s shame threatened to bring more tears. “Even after his rebukes of my foolishness, I still went around his back to go visit the mirror. Eventually, I found a way to get past his wards and renew my visits with the mirror Sombra. I…I could never bring myself to tell him, even after he tried to make amends before he died.” “I’m so sorry Tia.” Luna said quietly. Celestia shook her head. “It’s not your fault. All of that was my doing and mine alone.” “So the issue Starswirl was concerned about was the merging of the worlds that almost took place half a year ago?” Luna implored. “Yes.” Celestia confirmed. “Hindsight is such a wonderful and terrible thing. I should have heeded Starswirl’s warnings long ago and not continued my visits. But with him gone, and you banished, I sought comfort by visiting the mirror Sombra and Luna. I thought I would have nothing to worry about if I only visited the one world, and only rarely, but my visits only worsened the situation.” Luna nodded and a thoughtful frown fell across her face. “I see.” “As you know this climaxed several months ago when I sent Twilight and her friends into the mirror world. I foolishly thought that the Elements could stabilize the mirror and prevent any further complications. And…And I may have wanted Twilight to meet her father, at least only once.” Celestia tried to banish the old feelings of shame at her deception over her daughter. “Oh Tia…” Luna soothed gently, looking at her sister with pity. “I wish you had told me this long ago, I would have helped you.” Celestia turned away from Luna slowly in shame. A stray tear rolled down her cheek. “I know, but it was my burden to bear.” “Some burdens must be shared, so they do not crush us.” Luna said sagely. Celestia grunted reluctant agreement. “Then you know what happened with my pitiful attempt to fix the problem I caused. The mirror was destroyed, and the Elements erased the mirror world completely from existence. It was the only way to restore the balance of reality. Because I visited that world so often, it slowly anchored itself to me and the real Equestria. The Elements destroyed that corrupted world the mirror formed so that Equestria wouldn’t destroy itself in the time paradox I had caused.” Celestia smiled sadly, fond memories of a certain purple filly dancing through her mind’s eye. “I know I should feel guilty, and I do. But if I could go back in time and stop myself, I would not undo a single thing.” Luna was perplexed. “Why not?” “Because I have Twilight, and I love her so very much. When I gave birth to her, I saw how beautiful she was, and I couldn’t help but give her my heart.” Celestia flicked her magenta eyes to look earnestly at Luna. “I wish you could have been here Luna when I foaled her, she was so beautiful.” “I can imagine.” Luna smirked. “She does take after her mother after all.” Celestia chuckled weakly, though her guilt still threatened to smother her. Luna smile vanished slowly and then the discussion quickly became sober. “I know you love her Tia. I can’t imagine then why you didn’t keep her. Was it you that put her in this ‘Tenderheart Orphanage’ in Canterlot? The orphanage Twilight’s Adoption Certificate mentioned.” Celestia felt weak and her heart constricted as she remembered the horrible night she left Twilight to cry on the doorstep. “Yes…that was me.” She said weakly. “It was one of the hardest decisions I have ever made. The only other one that can compare was deciding to use the Elements on you.” “Oh.” Luna mumbled. Her ears flickered in obvious discomfort. “Why made you decide to give your own daughter away Celestia?” Please don’t ask me that. Celestia could feel a cold sweat break down her back and her heart started to beat faster. There was a very specific reason why she had decided to leave Twilight at the orphanage. A reason she was desperate to not tell her sister. Though she despised herself for trying deceive her sister again, Celestia didn’t want to make Luna feel guilty for her decision. Celestia tried to calm herself, and sat up a little straighter as she turned to fully face Luna. “I was so happy when Twilight was born, but I was so scared. I wasn’t afraid for me, or for my reputation. I knew some of the more radical of the unicorn nobles would have been outraged if I had revealed Twilight as my daughter, but I didn’t care about them or their bloated opinions. I wasn’t going to play politics with my own foal. I was a little concerned when I thought about how to explain who Twilight’s father was, as many ponies would have been afraid of her if they thought she would turn evil like the actual Sombra.” Luna interrupted her with a raised hoof. “On that note, does this mean the real Sombra, not the mirror one, is Twilight’s actual father since the mirror one turned out not to be real?” Celestia frowned firmly and her tail flicked in agitation. “Absolutely not. Despite their distinct physical resemblance, Twilight’s father and the real Sombra were complete opposites. Even then, I don’t think they would even be biologically related, though that is now impossible to prove since both the mirror is destroyed and the real Sombra is dead.” Celestia’s brow furrowed in thought. “There were two large differences between the mirror world and the real Equestria I could never decipher. One was that there was no Crystal Empire in the mirror world and the other was that the Tree of Harmony didn’t exist either.” Luna also looked thoughtful, but she motioned for Celestia to continue with her original explanation before Luna interrupted her. Celestia took a deep breath, steeling herself to say what needed to be said. “What I really wanted, was for Twilight to be happy.” Luna frowned a little in disappointment. “Were you afraid that Twilight would have turned out like Blueblood or the other unicorn nobles if you had raised her yourself?” Celestia felt slightly affronted. “I hope I would have been a better parent than that. I was determined for Twilight to be happy, and ultimately, I decided she would be happier if she was not with me.” Luna looked aghast. “But why!? You love her Celestia! Why did you think Twilight would be happier if you weren’t her mother?” It was getting harder to breath as Celestia felt her chest constrict with old pain from remembering her separation from Twilight. She struggled to not break down and weep as old wounds were freshly torn open. “I…I was so afraid that she would be miserable growing up as my d-daughter. I was afraid she would be burdened with the knowledge of who she really is, and that it would stifle her, smother her. I couldn’t give her a normal childhood and I couldn’t give her a normal family with a mother and a father. And then, I was afraid she would feel overshadowed by being my daughter. I didn’t want ponies to say, ‘There goes Celestia’s daughter.’ I wanted ponies to say, ‘There goes Twilight Sparkle.’ I wanted them to see her as something special and beautiful because of who she is, not just because I am her mother. And to achieve that, I was willing to sacrifice my own happiness.” Celestia paused and waited for Luna’s verdict, hoping beyond hope that she was be satisfied with the answer. Celestia hadn’t lied, she had indeed worried a lot over those things and had earnestly believed Twilight would be happier without her, but that hadn’t been the biggest reason. And she didn’t want to tell Luna. Celestia wasn’t ready to tell her, and she doubted she ever would be. But fate was against her that night, as Luna narrowed her eyes and frowned firmly. “There’s something you’re not telling me.” Luna said quietly, her eyes boring into Celestia. “I understand your fears, but I know you love her too much to have given her up for those reasons alone. There’s something you’re trying to hide from me, for even after a thousand years you are still a terrible liar. At least to me.” Celestia had to stop Luna from digging any deeper, before she was forced to reveal her final secret. “I didn’t lie. I—“ “Omitting even part of the truth still makes the whole statement a lie.” Luna reproached. Her teal eyes lit up with a righteous anger as her lips curled back in a slight snarl. “I have so far tolerated your evasions, but try one more time to conceal the truth from me and I will have Twilight wring the truth from you tonight.” A cold naked fear swept through Celestia at the thought of Twilight finding out about her true parentage. Celestia had no doubt Luna would carry out her threat too, as she was stubborn like that. Celestia tried one last time to halt her sister’s prying. “Please Luna.” She begged. “I…I had my reasons, you must b--believe me. Please don’t make me tell you.” Luna scowled and swiftly returned to her hooves and turned around before walking intently towards the door with the mission of revealing everything to Twilight. Celestia panicked. “I did it because of you!!” Luna stopped in shock, her whole body going rigid. Celestia couldn’t see her face as Luna didn’t turn around to face her. Luna’s starry mane and tail lost their energetic movements and fell limply, devoid of life. Luna’s voice, scared and hurt, cut like a knife through the silence between them. “Were…Were you afraid of what Nightmare Moon would do to her when I returned?” Luna whispered. “…yes.” The sounds of Luna sobbing, amidst the bells of falling tears crushed Celestia’s heart. But now that her last secret was out, Celestia needed to push on. “Twilight was born seventeen years before the one thousandth year, and I was getting desperate. On his deathbed, Starswirl gave me his last prophecy. He said, ‘On the longest day of the thousandth year, the Stars will aid in her escape, and She will bring about nighttime eternal.’ But he spoke of other things as well. He told me that one day my greatest student would succeed where I had failed, and use the Elements of Harmony to free you, and that this same student would ascend to become the Princess of Magic. But he warned me that all was not set in stone, as proven by our experiments with the mirror, and that all could still be lost.” “When Twilight was born, I still had no idea who this student was that Starswirl prophesied of, and I feared what would happen to Twilight if I failed to find this ‘student.’ Fear of failure, and of Nightmare Moon’s retribution, was the straw that broke the camel’s back. I…I realized nopony could know I was Twilight’s mother if she was to be truly safe, not even her.” Luna still hadn’t turned around. “Sunset Shimmer?” The unspoken question. “Sunset Shimmer was my foolish attempt to force the prophecy. In my arrogance, I dangled ascendance to princesshood in front of her to motivate her, not knowing if it was her destiny or not. And because of that, my attempt to control the prophecy blew up in my face.” Celestia couldn’t stand it any longer. She leapt off the bed and picked Luna up in her limbs before hugging her little-sister like a large teddy-bear. Luna didn’t protest, but neither did she attempt to reciprocate Celestia’s affection. She shook her head and more star-like tears fell to the floor. “I…I’m so sorry T—Tia. This is—“ “No.” Celestia hissed, pulling Luna closer to her. “It’s not your fault. If I had been more attentive to you, then the nightmare would never have taken you.” Luna remained content to dangle in Celestia’s hooves. She sobbed harder, refusing to meet Celestia’s magenta eyes. “I—I’m so sor—“ Celestia squeezed tighter. “Not your fault.” There had been a time where Celestia might have tried to blame Luna, but she knew that would have been folly. And to blame Luna for something beyond her control would have forever destroyed their relationship. There was no room for a grudge between them, not after all that had happened. Luna managed to turn around while Celestia hugged her and buried her muzzle in Celestia’s coat and finally hugged her big-sister in return. Celestia held her until, Luna ceased crying. Luna looked up to her. Her voice quiet and small as if they were in a library. “If…If you were afraid of what Nightmare Moon would do when I returned, then why did you take Twilight as your protégé? Wouldn’t she have still been in danger?” “Circumstances changed.” Celestia replied, closing her eyes bitterly. “How?” Luna squeaked. “First, I want you to understand something. Although I had decided to remove myself from Twilight’s life, I wasn’t content to trust her to fate. In my free time, when nopony at the castle knew better, I would disguise myself to go watch over her. I was always making sure she was safe from harm, and when the Armor family wished to adopt her, I checked to make sure they were a good family. I never intervened directly, or let myself be known to Twilight, though it was very hard not to. I was only ever watching her if things went wrong.” “Mother hawk.” Luna teased weakly. It seemed some of her humor had returned. Celestia laughed a little. “I suppose, I wasn’t going to let just anypony take care of her. Eventually, before Twilight earned her cutie-mark, Cadance ascended. She was too old for me to hide like I had Twilight, and she needed help controlling her new alicorn powers. So I took her to Canterlot Castle and proclaimed her as my adopted neice. Although Cadance was fun, I never desired to raise her like I had with Twilight. Then, Cadance met Shining Armor at Canterlot Academy by sheer coincidence, and I may have suggested she foalsit Twilight to get on his good-side.” Celestia said slyly. Luna giggled. Celestia nuzzled her. “It was helpful and encouraging when Cadance would come home and tell stories about Twilight.” … “You mentioned that the circumstances changed?” Luna prodded. “Yes.” Happy, wonderful memories danced in Celestia’s mind as she remembered when Twilight returned to her, in a fashion. “It was when she earned her cutie-mark. You know, most parents can only dream to be there when their child earns their cutie-mark. I was fortunate enough to point it out to her.” “Lucky.” “Very much so.” Celestia confirmed. “I’m sure you’ve realized this, but the star in the middle of her cutie-mark matches the one on the Tree of Harmony alongside ours. She was at an entrance exam for my school, and I realized that all along, Twilight was the student Starswirl had prophesied of. Though I doubt the old wizard had known that Twilight would also be my daughter.” “Once I saw her cutie-mark, I knew Twilight was doomed to face Nightmare Moon. I had to do everything I could to prepare her, and so I named her my protégé. I knew that with or without my help, Twilight would one day stand in front of Nightmare Moon regardless of my wishes, and I was determined that she would be ready when the time came.” Still in Celestia’s embrace, Luna looked up earnestly at her. “Why didn’t you tell her then you were her mother?” Celestia shook her head in despair. “You don’t know how desperately I wanted to, but at the same time I thought it may have been still too dangerous for her to know. And…And I was reluctant to shatter her innocence. I didn’t want her to bear the pressure of being my daughter would have entailed, and…and I didn’t want her to have to choose between me and her adopted family which she had grown to love. “I think there’s more to it than what you’re telling me.” Luna spoke softly. The old fear resurfaced. “I--I was scared she would c--choose them over m--me.” “Oh Tia…Twilight loves you. You must see that.” “I know.” She released Luna and turned away softly. “Sun and moon above I know. And that’s why I’m scared of telling her. She doesn’t love me as a mother, at least not in the way I’ve always wanted. To Twilight I am not ‘Mother’ or ‘Mom’ or even ‘Celestia!’ Her name for me is ‘Princess!’” Celestia spat bitterly. “When I took her as my student, I convinced the Armors to let her stay in the castle with me. For a brief moment, I thought I was going to have back everything I had given up. How foolish I was. Even though I helped raise her, it was not me she went to for comfort. It was not me she wanted to spend family times with. I was her hero, her mentor, her teacher, somepony to hold on a pedestal and look up to. I wasn’t somepony she could relate to. I was the picture perfect princess she grew up learning about in her books, not the mother I wanted her to see me as.” Finished, Celestia realized she was breathing heavily, and she hadn’t noticed she had started to cry again. She wiped her tears away bitterly as she mourned for all that could have been, but was not. Luna walked up to her and draped a blue wing over her in comfort. “How long has it been since you thought about all this. This couldn’t have been easy for you.” Celestia laughed sorely. “I’ve tried not thinking about it, but I can’t help but be proud of what all she’s done. I can’t tear her out of my heart, even when the pain becomes too great. I can’t help but love my wonderful Twilight.” … “There’s one thing that still bothers me.” Luna said reluctantly as Celestia winced. “If you were so afraid of Twilight getting hurt by Nightmare Moon, then why did you proceed to send for her when the other dark forces came?” Celestia gave a long suffering sigh. “With Nightmare Moon I had no choice. Twilight would have faced you regardless of my meddling. With Discord I was never afraid of Twilight getting hurt. Even at his worst, Discord never maimed or killed, he was really just a powerful and out of control prankster. Besides that, I couldn’t stop him, and Twilight and her friends were the only ones who could. The changelings caught me by surprise, and I ended up on the floor of my own throne room underestimating Chrysalis and limiting my power when confronting her. I had to point Twilight in the right direction and retrieve the Elements so she could protect herself.” Celestia eyed Luna sternly a little. “When I received word that the Crystal Empire had returned, you and I both know that we still thought Sombra’s prison in the Arctic North still held firm. I originally sent Twilight because I thought…well if anypony could undo Sombra’s Dark Magic safely and save the Crystal Heart, it would have been—“ “The future Princess of Magic herself.” Luna finished for her. “Exactly.” Celestia affirmed. “If I had known Sombra had escaped, I would have never sent her to the Crystal Empire. I would have gone myself to confront him, and I’m sure you would have come too.” “Yes, and I would have gladly smashed the shadow spawn right back into the ice.” Luna growled, but her face turned thoughtful. “And what about Tirek? I know we both didn’t expect Discord’s Plunder Plants to spring up.” Celestia huffed, slightly annoyed at Luna’s continued pestering. “Twilight asked to go find Tirek initially remember? But I sent Discord instead. And when that failed, you don’t call giving Twilight the magic of four alicorns protecting her? I gave Twilight every chance for success against that wretched centaur.” “Oh…well when you put it that way…” Luna trudged off into silence, all of her questions answered. She retracted her wing and moved in front of Celestia, looking her full in the face with eyes filled with nothing but love and concern. “You have to tell her.” Like an ice bucket getting dumped on her, the fear of Twilight finding snapped Celestia back to her senses. “No.” “Tia…” Luna warned. “I’m not ready to tell her.” Celestia protested. “You’ll never be ready.” Luna chastised. “That’s why you must do it now!” “But if I do, she’ll hate me.” Celestia whimpered. “My only child will hate me Luna. I couldn’t bear that. I would sooner go back to Tartarus.” “You don’t know that.” Luna tried to soothe. Celestia nodded feverishly. “She will. I just know it. And then I’ll lose what love I have left of my daughter.” Luna prodded Celestia’s chest firmly with her hoof. “Do not think so little of Twilight’s heart, sister. She loves you. Deeply and profoundly. Has it not occurred to you that she might be happy with you as her mother?” “That is a far off dream and a long forgotten hope, buried beneath a thousand fears.” “Horseapples!” Luna shouted. “Even so, you have to tell her. Now that she knows she’s adopted, she is not going to stop until she uncovers you! Better to tell her now than to let her discover your lies for herself.” “I can’t lose her!” Celestia screamed. She fell into a heap onto the floor, her strength leaving her. “I…I can’t lose her. Not again. I’ve come so far…but now I’ll lose everything I have left.” “Or gain everything.” Luna added softly. … … “Give me…Give me tonight. Please?” Celestia pleaded. “Let me t—t--tell her tomorrow morning.” Luna was silent for a moment, her expression neutral. But then she nodded her head. “Alright. The sooner the better. I’m only trying to help you sister.” Celestia said nothing, the urge to sleep was quickly overcoming her after all she went through tonight. She felt Luna’s magic encase her and levitate her onto the bed, before tucking her in. “Sleep well Tia, your fears will not come haunt you tonight.” Luna whispered. Celestia blearily watched as Luna turned around and left, closing the door to the chamber softly behind her. As her mind verged on entrance to the realm of dreams, Celestia, mother of Twilight, had but only one thought. I am a coward.