Realization had struck me like a ton of rubble coming down around me on all sides. I hadn't thought about it since I had gotten there, and was quite frankly shocked that I hadn't had to think about it all the way up until that very moment. My escort hadn't mentioned anything about the matter and neither did anypony in the lobby awaiting a royal audience. I saw no signs, not that I would have been able to read them anyway, and I was blissfully ignorant of a very important matter that I knew I should have asked about before it became as pressing as it had just become. Eyes wide, wings at attention, and fur all over standing on end, I swallowed hard and looked straight at the princess, all pretenses and manners forgotten in the heat of the moment.
In the most serious voice I could muster, with utmost urgency, I demanded, "Where's the bathroom?" I had hoped above all things that they at least had indoor plumbing. Many scents filled my new, more sensitive nostrils, but horse body odor was not among them. I internally sighed in relief, but was still skeptical on the outside.
Princess Luna had sensed my urgency, thank Celestia she did, and made a move towards the door. "Umbra, could you please show this newcomer to the restroom?" She asked with a hint of a grin appearing on the corner of her muzzle.
I stood back upright and attempted to return my wings to my sides with a bit of success, then bowed, "Excuse me please," I requested before darting past Luna and out of the room toward who I assumed was Umbra.
I was greeted in the hallway by a grey stallion wearing armor of several shades of purple and blue and a crested helmet. His ears were pointed at the top with scruffy tufts of fur sticking out at the top, and his wings were leathery and lacked feathers. At first I thought his crest was just what batponies had in place of a mane, but upon closer inspection I could see that the fin-like crest was indeed attached to the helmet itself. His tail was cropped and frayed at the end, and matched the armor having two dark shades of purple. His irises were a beautiful shade of yellowish-orange, a color I had never seen before, and his pupils were long vertical slits. The size of his eyes was relatively the same as all of the other ponies I had met, which allowed more light to reflect their intimidating glow. I would have pissed myself if I hadn't been so mesmerized by the sheer beauty I could see before me. It was almost as if these ponies were all works of art. I giggled to myself internally at the thought, but managed to keep my composure while the stallion gave me a questioning look.
"Umbra?"
"Follow me," his stern gaze never faltered as he turned and gave a quiet sigh before starting down the hallway.
"What's wrong?" I asked as I caught up.
"Hm? Oh, it's nothing. I'm just a little tired, that's all. It's been a long night, as I'm sure you can see."
"Sorry I have to keep you up. I would offer to come back later, but I don't really know where to go. I don't have a place to stay."
"So I gather. I heard of your arrival, and I must say that I'm a bit disappointed. I expected a human."
"Oh, that. Who told you that a human came through the portal?"
"Her Majesty, Princess Luna told me of your arrival. However she seemed more excited about meeting another species than I. I just wanted to know what a human looked like."
"Actually, I'm curious too."
"Not this again," he grumbled in an almost inaudible tone before perking up, "so you noticed?"
"You have some of the coolest features I've ever seen. Where I come from, ponies don't even have wings, horns, or such vivid colors as they do here. It's stunning to see a pony like you. Were you born like that?"
"No, I was once a unicorn. I lost my ability to perform magic when I was transformed," he reluctantly stated.
"What happened?"
"Becoming a batpony is not like vampirism, as some seem to think. It's mainly an aesthetic choice. Though I was unaware how much I would miss my magic once it was gone."
"Are you saying the entire lunar guard are batponies by choice? Don't get me wrong, it's a great look, but giving up magic seems a bit extreme if you ask me."
"You know, one would think that royalty would demand more bathrooms in a castle to make these trips just a bit more convenient. It's hard to believe we're only halfway there."
I agreed with him about the bathroom part. I like having the comfort of knowing that nobody else would occupy the room when I got to it, but I knew that's not what he meant. I felt guilty, so I attempted to recover, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to pry. I guess you did gain something though, right?"
He smiled for the first time I saw him, and he seemed to look past me while he formed his response. "There was a time when I would have done anything to fly. I wanted to stand on clouds, and feel the wind in my mane. I had friends who were pegasi and the extra limbs just seemed to draw me in. Of course, I avoided staring, but I always wanted wings of my own. Having magical wings and standing on clouds just wasn't the same as actually experiencing flight," he mused, looking somewhere far past the confines of that world before returning to meet my eyes. "There are other advantages too. In exchange for giving up my previous abilities, I have gained a longer lifespan, and I grew stronger and more dexterous. My eyesight became much sharper, and I can also see in the dark. And as I mentioned before, there's the aesthetic part as well."
"So wait, you get all those benefits just from being a different race? That sounds unfair."
"Believe me, it's not. Think of it this way, if a unicorn like me were to transform, he or she would gain flight, improved vision, and a longer life, while simultaneously giving up a more tangible form of magic. If a pegasus were to turn, they would gain night vision, though some pegasi I know already have that ability, longer life, and increased intellect, while giving up the warmth that feathers previously brought. Not much changes for a pegasus in that case. Earth ponies seem to gain the most, but in reality, the tradeoff is about equal. They gain increased intellect, sharper senses, and flight, and keep their initial long life while giving up their strength. Never underestimate an Earth pony's kick."
"So each race really does have a special ability that makes them more or less equal to the others?"
"Yes, but that type of conversation is usually frowned upon. Personally, I believe that way, but others have their own beliefs which I choose to politely ignore."
Umbra seemed like a gentleman. I could hear that his accent was slightly different from what I had been hearing since I came through the portal. Crystal ponies and Canterlot ponies seemed to prefer using a tone of sophistication, and Princess Luna had demonstrated her unusual accent while maintaining a casual tone and using modern language effortlessly. For a being older than one thousand years, I expected her to be able to keep up with language trends fairly easily, along with my assumption that Celestia hadn't changed the rules much. Luna had a very pleasant voice, soft enough to be welcoming, but assertive enough to fit her royal position. Umbra, on the other hand seemed to have no distinction to his voice, and spoke very much the same way I did. It almost caught me off guard to hear him speak, but it was also welcoming to hear a familiar voice.
"How did you become a batpony?"
"Unfortunately, that will have to be a discussion for another day. Again, things of the sort are not the kind of conversations ponies have in public," he gracefully dismissed as we arrived at a room without a door. I looked around for another like it, hoping not to accidentally stumble into the mare's room, but to no avail. There weren't any signs nearby indicating that this was a restroom. I was confused at first, but slowly entered to find out why there weren't any signs. The entrance was a small corridor like most public restrooms, but on the inside were seven large stalls lining the far corner. On the nearby wall hung a long mirror just above chest height for the average pony and several faucets with much larger basins than those found on earth, and they rested on the floor. They looked like the long basins you can find in some restrooms, and just like those, every faucet had lever-shaped knobs rather than the Earth-standard round. The room was empty, save for myself (probably because the sun had literally just risen and there were likely no visitors because everypony would be waking up at that time) and so when I stepped further into the room, the clip-clopping of my hooves on the marble floor echoed and rang loudly in my ears, breaking the silence. I could hear a muffled snicker from outside, and instead of going off, I simply smiled knowingly at how funny I was probably acting. I knew that if the situation were reversed, I would probably react the same way he was.
Inside the stalls, which were large enough to accommodate a whole pony comfortably, which is more than one can say about Earth's public restrooms, the toilets were the familiar oval shape, but once again, embedded in the floor. There was no bath tissue, a matter which I dismissed a bit too quickly for my subconscious mind to be comfortable with. I turned around and noticed that the door and walls were all resting on the floor rather than being elevated, and the latch to hold the door shut was much larger and curved in on two sides to allow a hoof to push it back and forth. I tested the latch by doing just that a few times before realizing that I probably looked incredibly silly, and finally just did my business. I washed my hooves using one of the floor sinks, and noticed that I could have easily washed all four simultaneously, so I proceeded to step into the basin completely and plod around with my hooves before dispensing soap into the water (I used only one hoof on account of not wanting to sit down in the warm puddle of water that had filled the sink) and continued swishing my hooves around, careful to keep my balance, before letting the water drain, rinsing, and finally exiting the sink and looking around for a towel dispenser.
"Shit!"
"Are you okay in there?" Umbra poked his head in to check on me, seeing that I had soaked the floor with all of my splashing and almost slipping upon exit.
"No, where are the towels? I'm a mess!"
"Uhm...," he gave me the same questioning look before, without raising his eyebrow, which I realized was not actually animated, but instead painted on his helmet, and tilted his head toward the sink. I looked back to where I had just exited and noticed the space between the basins were a different texture than the marble floor I had just soaked.
"Oh," I deadpanned as I stepped onto the mat, pressing my hooves down one at a time and lifting them to dab them dry. When I realized I wasn't getting very far, I instinctually lowered my front and dragged my fetlocks against the padding, effectively drying myself off. "Thanks," I said as I grinned sheepishly and attempted to flutter over, trying out my wings. I didn't even leave the ground, but the breeze seemed to dry the water I had let out moments ago. I shrugged off my display of idiocy and exited the restroom, hoping that my next time wouldn't be so ridiculous. We took an alternate route back to Luna's quarters, still continuing our casual chat.
"How did you know about the portal?"
"I saw it in a movie once."
"What kind of a movie was that?"
"The best kind, I'll have to show you sometime if we see each other again," I snickered, grinning devilishly.
We continued to walk in silence for a moment before Umbra's unsatisfied curiosity resurfaced.
"So how did you find it?"
"I had to study a little, but basically Twilight's arrival in our world stirred up a bit of drama. It took a little bit of work to find, but the portal also seems to give off a magical aura that affects people who live near it."
"How did you know what would be on the other side?"
"I didn't. There were a lot of hints as to what I would find, but truthfully, I was still in the dark until the very moment I arrived."
"So you just went through it anyway?"
I thought for a moment about what exactly was running through my mind as I was sprinting towards the statue back on Earth. It never occurred to me that I would end up somewhere other than Equestria. The Celestia statue should have been a dead giveaway, but what if the portal had been sealed like in the story? And what if I had been sent somewhere else instead? My train of thought continued as I wondered how I actually passed through the portal. I didn't even remember my experience on Earth as well as I would have my other memories. They seemed to be fading, to be replaced by my new life. I couldn't tell if it was because I didn't want to think about them or if it was a result of the portals magic, but I also couldn't help but notice that my senses were so much sharper that my memories played back like grainy videocassettes. I may as well have been someone else experiencing a human life vicariously through old home videos. I thought of my friends, and thankfully those memories were clear. My memories of feelings were dubious enough to not be expressible through my other senses, so they were spot on.
"Yes, I suppose I probably should have at least made sure the portal wasn't closed first. I could have poked my head through first, though I doubt that's how it would have worked. Wormholes have a tendency to deconstruct matter before sending it, and reconstructing it only in whole pieces. Don't ask why I think that, it just seems natural."
"Okay, I'll just pretend I didn't hear that bit."
"You know, I was unconscious when I got here. Maybe the mirror wasn't a wormhole at all. Maybe it was actually a quantum mirror. Like, imagine a mirror reflecting an image, only in this case, it reflected whole objects, or alternatively just transferred them. So a simple touch would have sent me through," I thought out loud, "I guess I know what knocked me out then."
More awkward silence followed.
"Sorry," I said, hoping to get my new friend to speak to me again.
"It's okay, I just don't really know much about that kind of magic," he started. "So, why did you want to come here in the first place?"
"I had a lot of reasons, but I don't really have to hold on to them anymore. I mean, you can send me back if you want, but I wouldn't give these up for anything," I flapped my wings to demonstrate my point.
"So you couldn't fly before?"
"Hell no, my species couldn't to crap. We didn't wield magic, or have super strength or wings. We couldn't turn invisible or walk through walls, but then again that kind of thing is normal for us. We wouldn't expect that kind of behavior from any Earthly creature, except birds of course. They can fly."
"I see. But really, why did you want to come here so much? Is it really so bad where you were?"
"Not exactly. It was bad for me, and many others, but it wasn't all bad. There were a lot of good things in my world, but they just weren't good enough to keep me hanging around. I'm normally only mildly adventurous, but passing up an opportunity to meet my heroes from another universe would be downright insanity."
"Heroes?"
"The mares from ponyville taught me how nice the world here is. Since I've arrived, I've been treated like a king would be treated in my own home. Even you, who I'm assuming should be strict and uptight, are talking to me like I'm just one of you. You're making me feel more welcome by the second. I bet I could hug you without warning and you wouldn't react anywhere close to how a human would."
"What?" he blushed. I glomped.
"Stop! What are you doing?" He asked politely rather than demanding, but still brought up a foreleg to my own and just rested it there for a moment. I let off and began walking again.
"You won't understand, but the fact that you didn't hit me or push me off means a great deal to me. Sorry for my sudden display of affection. I haven't had a lot of it recently," I mumbled out while waiting for him to catch up. He was still blushing, but quickly shook it off.
"So I take it that you don't normally show affection where you're from?"
"Not in public. It's only okay if you're romantically connected with the person, and I can't say that I've had a lot of romance in my life."
"Really?"
"The way I show affection is slightly different from others. So are my romantic interests."
"Do you mean that you're into..." he didn't seem to want to continue.
"No, I was actually attracted to human girls, but only physically. Most personalities were just better friends than they would be as a significant other. I also liked being single myself. I actually have a perfect example if you know a certain mare."
"Who?"
"Have you heard of Pinkie Pie?"
"Is she the baker from Sugarcube Corner? She's pink, and she has three balloons as a cutiemark."
"Exactly."
"I don't think I know her well enough to understand, but go on."
"Well, you kind of just proved it. You don't seem to be from Ponyville, and yet you already know everypony's best friend. She knows everypony too, and I'm willing to bet that she remembers you perfectly. She was friendly, wasn't she?"
"I guess so, but -"
"You don't know her well enough, but that's the point. Most people from Earth only need to know someone for a few minutes to determine whether or not they want to be romantically involved with them. The thought puts me down, but I've been guilty of it before. The point is that you would really only think of her as a friend. You probably don't have any dirty thoughts about her at least, and even if you did, I could probably also bet that you wouldn't dream of acting on them, right?"
"Well, the same can't be said for everypony, but you're right about me. I didn't really think much of her."
"That's what it's like for me with all girls. Most of them are just my friends, and even if I think about them otherwise from time to time, I just don't want it. I could easily imagine having feelings for some other mares, and even some fictional characters, though with the fact that the mirror actually brought me here, my perspective has changed drastically on that matter, but I still haven't met anyone in real life recently that I could have feelings for."
"So you avoid romance in your life knowing that you couldn't get physical comfort any other way?"
"No, I avoided the world altogether. I'm here now, and the first chance I get, I'm going to hug Pinkie Pie."
"I guess I can see where you're coming from, but it still sounds really strange to me."
Our conversation was cut short as we passed a courtyard full of beautiful flowers and the sweetest scent wafted through the hall. I drifted off course into the small garden and inhaled sharply toward the ground. I was instantly intoxicated and my breath was shaky as I let out the air. My breathing had become very audible as I walked further toward a patch of blue flowers. My eyes and mouth watered as I approached, and I let my tongue fall out of my mouth.
"Are you hungry?"
"Oh goddess, yes. I haven't eaten since noon yesterday!"
"You're welcome to try some of these if you like. This isn't exactly the cafeteria, but the Princesses don't seem to mind if we graze a bit here while we take our breaks."
"You're break room is a buffet?" I looked back at Umbra, eyes still moist from the beauty that was before me. So many vivid colors and scents filled my mind that I felt short of breath.
"More like a salad bar, but I never thought of it like that. I suppose we really are spoiled by working here."
I didn't wait for another word as I galloped to some red flowers and bit in immediately. It probably would have been a good idea to think about what I was eating before I put it in my mouth, but I didn't care. I felt something stabbing my tongue, but ignored it for the flavor the rose brought. It still tasted like it would have if I were human (it's better not to ask how I knew), but instead of the taste being unappealing, it was ambrosia. I didn't know why my tongue felt that way, but I hoped more things would be that way. I started to taste iron and stopped. I let what was left of the stem fall out of my mouth as I tried to lick the blood off of my scratched tongue. Umbra saw me and lost any cool he had before and burst into a fit of laughter. I can tell you, I've probably looked better.
I tried to shrug off the blood, which was equally appealing as it was before, and returned to the blue flowers, which didn't have thorns. I feasted for a few minutes before feeling guilty about keeping my new friend and the Princess waiting. "We should probably head back, before I get distracted again," I said, embarrassed.
The rest of the walk back was uneventful until we got to Princess Luna's chamber. The door was shut and when Umbra knocked on the door, Princess Luna simply opened the door an yawned, eyes darker than when we left, and only just sitting up from her bed. "I'm sorry I kept you waiting, Princess, but I got distracted in the courtyard," I apologized as I bowed out of respect, remembering that I had neglected to do so when I first met Luna. "I would also like to apologize for my manners before, I'm not used to greeting royalty," I winced, hoping she was as nice and forgiving as others made her out to be.
"While personally, I do not care for such actions, it is commonplace to bow to royalty. You will do well to correct this when meeting my sister, but do not trouble yourself with such manners here. You may treat me as an equal if it would make you more comfortable," she spoke quietly as if the noise would wake another sleeping pony in the room, though I didn't see one. "Have you enough knowledge of Equestria to know where you would wish to stay? I have no reference as to what you are good at, and as you have probably noticed, it doesn't seem to have made itself clear to you either."
I decided to forego attempting to 'treat her as an equal' by trying to hug her (I knew my limits, after all) but then I realized that I really didn't know what my special talent would be. I turned my head to observe my deep red backside only to see a blank flank and an unkempt tail. Well crap, I guess I'm not so normal after all, I thought.
"Huh," was all that left my mouth.
"Have you decided?"
"On what? ... oh right! Uhm.. Ponyville. Can I stay in Ponyville?"
"Very well, I'm sure you will fit in just fine there. You will have to find a job upon arriving, but I'm sure there's someplace open. We can fill out the paperwork later, your new princess is tired."
"Yes, your Majesty. Thank you, very much. You don't know what this means to me," I gushed as I considered nuzzling her in thanks. Once again, I decided to not test my limits.
"For now, you will find guest quarters in the castle. If you wish to begin filing the paperwork, you may speak with Princess Celestia right now, or wait until sundown, and you will have the first appointment scheduled with myself. Understood?" She asked, her voice very clear after having been more awake and alert.
"Yes, your Majesty. Thank you, Princess Luna."
Umbra greeted me in the hallway again, and asked me whether I was ready to meet with Princess Celestia or if I would rather sleep. I was in no condition to make a hasty decision, but I decided sleep was probably the best option, even if I did just reverse my internal clock.
"Sleep, please," I responded, to which Umbra promptly escorted me to guest quarters. I plopped on the bed and instantly drifted off to sleep.