//------------------------------// // To Market, to Market // Story: My Little Heartbreak: Creativi-Tea // by Jet_Black1980 //------------------------------// Chapter Four To Market, to Market Spike took Twilight to the kitchen and closed the door leaving me alone with my thoughts. “Well that just went peachy H.B.” I think to myself. A dozen different thoughts about how I could have handled that race through my head. A dozen more push their way through those thoughts and a dozen more lay on the peripheral of my thoughts.”I...I have so much to hate here. I hate that I am being forced into this situation. I hate that...I have to change to fit everyone else here.” I look at the soggy quill that is in my mouth. “I hate the fact that I can’t use these things without slobbering all over the place.” The slobbery ink doesn’t help in what I am attempting to do. Drawing a straight line is something that most artists have difficulty doing anyway. I succeed a few times, but the fact that the quill tastes funny is causing me not to swallow. I’m sure Twilight wouldn’t give me a poisoned quill, but there’s no telling what could have been on this thing. The watered down ink bleeds around the paper, and I sigh. I move a bit of parchment over from the side and place the spent quill there. No sense in leaving more ink stains on the table than I need to, right? Besides, these are Twilight’s quills, ink and parchment. None of it is mine. Then again, I don’t have Anything that’s mine. No clothes, no pens, no quills, no paper, this body isn’t even mine. “Keep it together Heartbreak. Come on. Let’s go one day without sobbing, alright?” I cringe at the thought of that name. There’s another thing that isn’t mine. I pause and look into the distance for a moment trying not to chew on the quill in my mouth. “I can’t just curse them out, none of this is their fault or their doing. “ I roll my eyes and my teeth involuntarily chew on the feather quill. It crunches slightly. “Not that I even could curse at them.” I sigh. “Celestia going and changing your language. Why the fuck would she do that? She was only going to wipe my mind. If the mane six and Luna hadn’t interfered...” I look at the swirling mess of ink. Compared to anything that I once could draw it is...crap. I spit the wrecked quill out again. “Sure, I’m not Pablo Picasso, but I have the basics down already! I know form, and shape, and perspective! Well mostly. Proportion is always tricky... “ I take another quill in my mouth. Twilight had given me six of these things and already I was through half of them. Sure she runs through quills and ink like they are water, but in my mind that’s no excuse. Twilight is using her resources, time, energy...sanity...and money on me. I sigh. That reminds me of almost everyone else in my life. Though there is someone in my life that currently stands out the most. “Her.” I think to myself. I am only going to denote her as Her and not by her name. Her name is precious to me, a glittering gemstone in my memory banks. In a world where anything and everything can be taken merely by force of will by some...ass...with a horn, I dare not think Her name. Lest they take that from me as well. I grimace as I describe these ponies around me as asses. “Look at you H.B. What would She think if she saw you acting like this? When you were with her you didn’t act like this. She was the uncertain one with many doubts and moods that changed on a dime. You were the strong one that always greeted her with a smile when she asked, ‘do you think I’m dying?!’ “ Sadness overwhelms me once more. She doesn’t even remember me. For some reason it isn’t as harsh as the time I realized that my mother doesn’t even remember me...Perhaps it is like going through an already trampled garden. All the pretty things have been torn down already, and what is left are thorns and sharp memories. My ear swivels to my left and I hear the door to the kitchen crack open. I can hear Spike whispering something and Twilight reply. “Ignore it. The conversation might be about you, but it isn’t important and thinking about it will only upset you further.” I sniff hard and raise my hoof to wipe my nose. I am greeted with the searing ‘constant reminder’. I have become numb to nearly all the other emotions brought up by seeing a hoof attached to my ankle. The only feeling now is that of disappointment. I drop my hoof and sniff harder. “Adapt, Grow, and Survive. Isn’t that what Hugh would say?” I steel myself up. Funny how a Live Action Role Playing character from six years ago had more wisdom than I do right now. The kitchen door opens all the way, Spike and Twilight come walking through. I look back at the rather blackened paper. It looks like an exercise in futility. I move the quill in my mouth and pretend to look thoughtful. Twilight looks at me and gently levitates something on to the table. I blink and set the quill down gingerly with its sisters. Looking over, I am totally baffled by what I am looking at. I poke at it curiously with my hoof as a cat would paw at a pool of water. “Um... What is this?” I ask, a little baffled by what it is and why it is being given to me. Asking the question, I almost automatically recognize what it is. Though I could be wrong about the off light tannish folded up looking cloth object. “You know almost everything about ponies and you don’t know what a saddlebag is?” Twilight asks me. “I know what a saddlebag is, but I’ve just haven’t seen one before,” I explain. It doesn’t show any signs of wear or tear and looks rather well made. A little too well made...Where normally something that represents the pony in question, is a white flap.. it seems a little out of place...It almost looks like a flat cylinder with that embroidered circle at the top. ”I was asking because, and please don’t take this the wrong way...I am just confused to why you are giving it to me.” “Well, for one thing,” Twilight begins, Spike seems to be watching her closely for some reason. “You don’t have anything. Nor do you really have anywhere to put anything that is really something of your own. And personally, I don’t want you just leaving things of yours lying around in the library.” She picks up the saddlebag. “This is something that Rarity made for you as a...peace offering of sorts.” She explains. “And the other thing is that we are going to be going out and getting you the supplies you need to do what you do best.” I blink.Suddenly, I realize what that decal really is. I stifle a snort while rolling my eyes. Twilight’s expression drops a bit. “You’re not going to argue with me about wearing this are you?” “Um...No...” I say in a meek thoughtful manner. “Is there something wrong?” She asks her voice altering slightly. An alarm goes off in my brain. She’s becoming annoyed. Explain yourself quickly, damn it! “No, there is nothing wrong with it. In fact, I like it. It’s a good idea, practical and functional, I was about to comment on it being well made. However..” I tap at the white flap. “I think Rarity is getting a laugh at my expense.” Twilight looks confused. “Huh? Why do you think that?” “I finally recognized what the little flap is sposta be. It’s a marshmallow.” I reply. Twilight looks at it, chuckles and makes a face. “Does that mean that you want me to take it back?” “No. I’m going to wear it,” I reply sternly. “Rarity made it as a gift, and as such I intend on using it.” I get up from my seat and walk over to Twilight. The both of them are looking a bit relieved at my acceptance of this gift. My first possession in a week. There is a small fluttery feeling that passes through me. I feel the need to stamp it out before it can get anywhere. This is of course easily done with the realization that I can’t put it on without any outside help. “Um... A little assistance Twilight?” I ask kinda looking away.. “You want to go out now?” She asks me. I blink in confusion. “Yeah, you said that we are going out. I kinda thought you meant now.” “Well, This might be one of those small things, but you haven’t been out of the Library for the entire week. And while you have taken a shower when I have prodded you, your mane and tail are just a mess.” Twilight replies. “Huh?” I look over at my reflection in a mirror. “Oh. Yeah. Um...is it wrong if I say ‘So’?” The two of them look at each other a little questioningly. “Me personally H.B., I’m ok with you just going out like you are,” Spike replies. “However, I would rather that we gave you a quick brushing,” Twilight responds. “In other words, you’re worried about being seen with a messy pony,” I say half hearted. “Or how other ponies will see me.” “Well, yes, after all, first impressions are lasting things. If other ponies see you looking like you crawled out of bed...” Twilight explains hovering a simple brush next to me. “Right.” I sigh while moving away from said brush and rubbing my hoof against my face. “Because meeting other p-p-pon-pfffft! others expectations is what I should base my life around. I would expect that from Rarity, but not really from you Twilight.” “I’m not expecting you to wear a fancy gown Heartbreak-” She begins. “Good,” I interject darkly. Twilight opens her eyes and gives me a strange look. “I am just saying a quick brush wouldn’t do you any harm.” I look back in the mirror again. She is right, a quick brush wouldn’t do any harm. And it’s been awhile since I have had this much...hair on my head to brush it without feeling insecure about leaving hairs in the brush. I take a deep breath. “Alright, but nothing fancy.” I reply. “That would be something that Rarity would do H.B., not me.” Twilight responds. “Humph.” Spike says as Twilight starts to brush my mane. “Rarity could make your mane and tail not only look fantastic, but make a dress so fantastic that you wouldn’t even be worthy to wear it.” I gruff and whinge as Twilight pulls out knots and tangles. “Then it is a good thing that I wouldn’t wear it in the first place, Spike,” I say flatly. Wait, crap, I already can see that I am kinda getting under the dragons scales. “Which is to mean that I wouldn’t wear a dress in the first place. Rarity makes great dresses,” I quickly correct myself. “It’s just that I don’t wear dresses. Ever.” Twilight brushes on my tail, this causes me to squeal and fidget. “Ouch! That hurts, Twilight!” “Well...good.” He gives me a weird look. “I guess...Um why wouldn’t you wear a dress?” he asks. “Shit. Need to come up with a good excuse.” I cover my unease at the question with more funny looks as Twilight tugs on my tail. “I-I’m just .. um.. Embracing my new pony nature?” Spike looks at me, his eyes half closed. Fuck, he isn’t buying it. “Can we just say that I don’t want to and leave it at that Spike?” “Uh-hu...” He replies. He isn’t satisfied with my answer. I know it. Spike is never satisfied with an answer if he thinks that somebody is hiding something. “I’m just not comfortable with it. On my world I didn’t wear dresses, Alright?” Make it sound believable. I really don’t want to get into any of this. Like ever. “There! All done!” Twilight interrupts. Thank the gods. “Oh wait.” She pulled a clean wash rag from a hamper and wiped off my face. I hadn’t even thought about the ink that was all over my mouth and muzzle. “So to the Market?” I ask Twilight. “Aren’t you going to look in the mirror and see if I did it to your liking?” She asks me. I look in the mirror. It does look a bit better. “It looks...good.” I reply. “Just good?” Twilight asks me. “Um Twilight. I’m not used to having my h-um mane or tail brushed. Particularly my tail.” I reply grinding my hoof into the ground. I’m really trying hard to not be cynical here. Really, really hard. “No more questions please?” The two look at each other, shrug and nod. “Alright, H.B.” Twilight replies looking at the clock. “Anyhow, we should get going if we want to beat the lunch rush.”