DIIIISCOOOOOORD!
The booming voice of Princess Twilight Sparkle traveled the checkered hills and valleys of Ponyville, startling herds of long-legged, hooved rabbits. It bounced around the many upside-down brown pines, shaking them of their feathered cream-filled choco-eggs. Ponies cowered in fear in their flat houses, watching their windows clatter dangerously against the massive volume.
The sound reached Discord as naught but a soft whisper, the lord of chaos being several miles away to admire the handywork. He felt quite proud this time - the landscape went from boring to absolutely astonishing in just a few short minutes. He could only gasp at the imaginative shapes the lampposts assumed, bending and changing ever so often to keep things mixed up. Above it all hung a rainbow unlike any other, flickering like some cheap neon sign, surrounded by herds of pink cotton clouds. The best part of it? None of it was his doing to begin with!
“I must admit, I am very pleased,” sagely nodded Discord, pulling out a pair of thin-rimmed glasses from behind himself. “The sky could use a bit more work though, and while I do adore the chocolate milk clouds, it has already been done before. You have to respect copyrights!”
The lord of chaos scrutinized the glasses in his paws. “Pah! What was I thinking,” he muttered, squashing the object with an audible squeak and rubbing his hands together for several moments. “This will definitely be more fitting,” he muttered, releasing the now pink and flashy glasses. “Here you go!”
The tiny figure sitting behind Discord reached out its hooves towards the object, its eyes as wide as plates and sparkling with glee. “Thanks, papa!” it squeaked, immediately sinking its tiny fangs into the glasses and suckling. The shades deflated instantly, shrinking and scrunching up.
Discord chuckled, patting his son on the head. Ever since he heard about the little tyke he could not help but wonder where the creature came from. The ways of chaos were bizarre, to say the least, but even the master of the matter would never suspect that an heir to his domain would pop up so suddenly and without any prompt.
Disorder was a young colt that resembled his father in many ways, despite his body being almost exclusively pony. He had Discord’s crooked horns and mismatched wings along with a scaly tail tipped with puffy fur, but other than that he had regular boring hooves and pony frame. His yellow eyes with red, pupiless irises always darted about, seeking anything and everything that could be made prettier or better. The little one’s multi-colored fur was short and much to Discord’s amusement, the colt shed a ton wherever he went.
“Oh, goodie! Somepony’s coming to visit!” cheered Discord, pointing towards a comet-like purple smudge rapidly heading their way. “Now remember, Disorder - be nice to Auntie Twily, okay? It is very important we make a good first impression!”
“Yes papa!” chirped Disorder, spitting away the drained glasses and putting on his best, if not overly large, grin. “I’ll make you proud, papa!”
* * *
With earth-shattering force, the Regal Princess of Friendship touched down in front of Discord, her face twisted into a hideous mask with flared nostrils and blood-shot eyes.
“Why, hello there, Twilight! Fancy meeting you here!” greeted Discord. His voice was literally oozing innocence, the stuff sticking to Twilight’s mane and face in pinkish strands. “It is quite a beautiful morning, if I do say so myself.”
“DISCORD,” huffed Twilight through gritted teeth. “FIX. PONYVILLE.”
The draconequus giggled, gently floating into the air. “Oh, I am so sorry, dear Twilight. Even if I knew what you meant,” he chirped, letting a stampede of pony-sized ladybugs pass beneath him, “I cannot do anything! My paws are tied, so to speak.”
Twilight stomped a hoof, the soapy road beneath splashing in all directions. “You chose a very poor time, Discord. I’m warning you. Don’t try my patience. Not today.”
“Oh, Twilight, friend, buddy,” said Discord, pulling Twilight into a sidelong hug, “why the long face? Don’t you know that it is a time of celebration and joy?”
“After all the destruction Tirek caused?!” hollered Twilight, trying her best to ignore the party hat that appeared on her head. “Do you have any idea how much work it will take to fix Sweet Apple Acres and level out the landscape?!”
“Pah, Tirek. He’s old news, long gone and safely tucked away in Tartarus, right?” purred Discord, offering Twilight a purple party horn. “We have more important and amazing things to celebrate, you and I! In fact, all of Ponyville should celebrate!”
“Discord,” grunted the Princess, spitting away the toy and wrestling herself away from the draconequus. “Last warning. Return Ponyville to normal or so help me Celestia, you’ll be looking for your body parts across the world.”
“Oh, Twilight, you didn’t listen to a word I said!” pouted Discord, floating down and looking sideways. “I didn’t do anything. I am reformed, remember?” he snapped his claws and puffed a pink, fluffy collar into existence around his neck, the leash wrapped around Twilight’s horn. “You should politely ask the pony responsible for this work of art. I say, your manners have been lacking as of late, Princess.”
Twilight Sparkle had half a mind to stone Discord right then and there. All it would take was to call the girls and rainbow the living crap out of the unruly draconequus. Dealing with his antics on top of Ponyville relief efforts, calming the populace and filling out massive amounts of paperwork shortened her fuse by a good few feet.
The mare sighed deeply, putting a hoof to her chest and counting to three. She exhaled slowly, extending her leg away, mustering the reserves of her patience to ask the question: “Then who did it?”
“My son of course!” cheered Discord, clapping his hands together. He quickly zipped to Twilight’s face and spread his palms apart, a small figure materializing between them. Perched on top of his lion paw there was a tiny colt with large eyes and a giant grin that took up most of his face.
“I did a chaos!” chirped the young Discord-like pony, jumping up and down excitedly.
“Manners, my boy,” reprimanded Discord, waving a talon in front of the bouncing colt and tsking.
“Oh, right!” cheered Disorder, stopping mid-jump. “My name is Disorder! Nice to meet you Miss Auntie Princess Twilight Sparkle!”
Discord couldn’t help but match his son’s grin as rogue strands of hair popped out of Twilight’s mane and tail.
* * *
The new castle Twilight lived in had one main advantage over her former tree-house - it seemed to be resilient to Discord’s antics, or chaos in general. It was the only normal place in Ponyville for the time being and a perfect spot to talk in private. Or rather, yell at the top of your lungs without being heard through the thick doors and crystaline windows.
“WHY DIDN’T YOU SAY SOMETHING?” shouted Twilight, making full use of her training in using the Royal Canterlot Voice. “WHO DID YOU DO THIS TO? WHERE’S THE MARE? I SWEAR-”
“Twilight, please, calm down,” tried Discord, floating near the ceiling. “There was no mare involved, I assure you. I would have known if there was.” A wicked grin crept onto his features. “Or maybe? I don’t know, maybe I should stop accepting drinks from strange mares. Or maybe you think Fluttershy-”
“ENOUGH!” Twilight sat down helplessly on her throne. With a weary eye she observed the smaller version of Discord trot around, laughing at something with joyous abandon. “So, he’s not your… doing?”
“No, not at all,” sighed the draconequus, hovering down to stand next to Twilight. The fact he had to flap his wings for once was both irritating and refreshing. “I would have never come up with such a mischievous little bundle of joy,” he admitted, an involuntary grin brightening his face.
“Have you tried asking him about it?” inquired Twilight, watching Disorder make a sudden turn and charge straight for his father. “How do you even know he’s your son?”
“Oh, I guess that biologically he isn’t,” mused Discord, intercepting the speeding colt. The impact sent him tumbling backwards a short distance, softly stopping against a wall with the child in his embrace. “I adopted him. It just felt right.” Shrugged the draconequus, trying to maintain a hold on the squirming figure.
Disorder was hell-bent on getting to his dad’s muzzle using a combination of hooves and wings to wiggle out of the talons and paws that tried to contain him. Not being able to snap his tail and use chaos was a bummer, but even without his power he was having a blast.
“I tried asking him about-pfee!” started Discord, unable to stop the small colt from taking rogue laps at his muzzle. “I tried-pff to ask him about his-hey! mother. Hold on a sec,” he grumbled, still grinning at the squirming little figure evading his grasp.
Discord tumbled forward, chuckling in tandem with his son until the two landed next to Twilight. Disorder ended up perched between his father’s horns, swishing his tail from side to side with a wide grin.
“As I was saying,” said Discord, ignoring the tugging and licking on his long and bushy eyebrows, “He doesn’t know where he came from or how. And I find it quite charming that when asked about his mother… Disorder? Would you mind telling your dear Aunty who your mommy is?” snickered the draconequus, prodding his little passenger.
Disorder, who was currently busy with thoroughly chewing and slobbering Discord’s left brow, nodded and gave Twilight a wide, hairy smile.
“Mff mffmy-pfu! My mommy is Chaos!” proudly claimed the colt, struggling to stand on top of his father’s head.
Twilight would have been more shocked if the answer actually made sense. So far, everything about the draconequus and (apparently) his step-son didn’t hold. Something seemed fishy. Why was it so that right after Tirek tempts Discord to the dark side he conveniently finds a creature that is as chaotic as himself and not bound by an oath to not cause Chaos? And why is it so pony-like?
Could he have gone so far as to foalnapping an innocent and converting them somehow? rang in Twilight’s thoughts. She mulled her idea over for a few seconds before finally deciding on her next question: “So, you’re just okay with that? Somepony shows up and you just take him as your son in stride?”
Discord watched Disorder lean forward and boop his long muzzle, snuggling up to it as he descended down. Soon his view was blocked out by colt flank, his eyes shut tight against the whipping dragon tail.
“I was mildly surprised, yes, I admit,” chuckled the draconequus, tilting his head down and shaking off the giggling colt. “Still, I wouldn’t be a good lord of chaos if I didn’t embrace the unexpected and took for granted the impossible, now wouldn’t I?”
“Well… I guess if you put it that way...” Twilight observed the colt tumble to the floor, still laughing and flailing his hooves around. “I wouldn’t imagine you as a father, though. You’re just, uh… too much of a free spirit I guess?”
“Oh, yes, I am! But what has that got to do with anything?”
“Umm… Having a child is a big responsibility. It’s not something you just pick up and do whenever you please. It’s a full time job!” huffed Twilight, jumping off her throne and facing the spirit of mischief.
“Hmmm… Is it?” grinned Discord, lazily swishing his tail in Disorder’s direction while the colt tried to tackle it. “He is quite a hoof full, true, but as you have already seen, he is capable of doing Chaos on his own. What else would he need besides that?”
Twilight sighed and sat on her haunches. “Well, for starters, you need to feed him, bathe him, teach him about society, math, literature-”
“Oh, hogwash, Twilight Sparkle,” interrupted Discord, waving away her words as if they were flies, which they would be should he have his powers in the dreaded castle. “Disorder is the spawn of Chaos, just like me. He knows all there is to know and can take care of himself pretty well!” He smiled at the scowling mare, flicking a claw up her snout. “You jelly, Twilight? I get to be a father without any of the burdens of parenthood! It’s almost like it’s my birthday or something!”
“W-Well… Well,” tried Twilight, racking her brain for a counterpoint. “How can you tell? I mean, he can talk, yes, but he acts nothing like you. If anything...” Twilight trailed off, watching the colt lose interest in Discord’s tail and look her directly in the eyes. “He’s just too innocent to be a copy of you.”
“Innocent? Last time I checked outside, it was a delightful case of Chaos,” reminded Discord. He raised his eyebrow at the colt who was now gingerly tiptoing towards Twilight, stopping right at her hooves with his head tilted up.
“Why am I a pony, Auntie?” asked Disorder, glancing back at his dad briefly.
“U-Uh… I don’t know?” tried Twilight with a smile. “W-Why don’t you ask Discord?”
“I already did,” replied the colt, pressing his muzzle between Twilight’s forehooves. “He didn’t know either. He said that I was more equus than draconi.”
Discord offered only a shrug and smile to the confused mare. Twilight observed with some trepidation as the small chaos spawn muscled his way between her hooves and curled into a ball between her legs.
“Your fur is so soft, Aunty,” mumbled Disorder, letting slip a squeaky yawn.
Twilight had to widen her stance a bit to accommodate the sleepy colt, looking between him and Discord who wore a rather content expression. What? she mouthed.
“I guess he likes you, Twilight,” whispered Discord with a lopsided smile. “If it wouldn’t be much trouble, would you let him nap there for a while? As far as I can tell he didn’t sleep since he popped into existence, and Chaos does tend to drain a pony out.”
“W-What? I’m supposed to just sit here?!” hissed Twilight, trying her best not to fidget. “And what about outside? I can stay here, but you need to fix Ponyville!”
“I wish I could,‘ chuckled Discord, striding past Twilight. “But alas, I cannot undo Disorder’s Chaos. Only the one who did it can reverse it.”
“What? How-why? How does that make sense?!”
“It doesn’t,” winked Discord, already by the giant crystal door. “Ta-ta, I’ll pick him up at eight!”
And the sun barely started it’s way down the sky...