I never asked for this. No, I never asked for anything that has happened to me. I didn't ask for the mental and physical trauma that I've received. Nor, did I ask for the monster that I developed inside. The monster that is only fueled by anger. So much anger. A monster that I'm afraid that I can't control.
I didn't ask to leave my family, and abandon my normal life back home! I didn't ask for any of this! NONE of it! One moment, I was taking an evening stroll, the next, my life goes to hell?!
Who would ask for that?!
The shocking thing is that it happened over two years ago, and it still hasn't let up! It's like a fricking storm that never ends! A nightmare that I can't wake up from! You know, I wonder if I'll ever be able to live my old life again. A life where I won't have to sleep with a gun clutched in my hands, or where death won't cross my mind once. Can I just walk outside without feeling like I was gonna get torn apart by some demented beast?
That is something I need badly. That is something that is essential for my very own sanity.
I'm sorry. Forgive me for my rambling. I tend to do that from time to time.
I'm writing this in hoping that this would help explain somethings that have happened in the past. To shed some light on what has happened back home...and what has happened here.
But I guess in order to do so, I should introduce who I am first, should I?
My name, is Trevor. Trevor White. I grew up in a small mountain town up in Colorado. I had a nice, quiet, and peaceful life back home. Sure, there wasn't that much excitement, considering the fact that it has a small population of 8,000 and all. I don't really know if that was considered to be small to be honest. I just considered it to be small.
Anyway, I was pretty good around people. With my family specifically. Socially, eh...not really.
I never really got around in school. Like, at all. It's not that I was the weird kid that everybody picked on, or where everybody kept a two meter distance from. Like I said, never really got around that much. I didn't do any after school activities, or anything of that nature. I only spoke when spoken to, and nothing more. I just kept my head down, and I made my way to the next class without a trace left behind.
Don't get me wrong, I had friends. Well...if you mean friends, by sitting with the same people at lunch who barely talk to one another, then yes. I am quite popular. Hell, you can call me Mr. Social for all I care.
Ok fine, so I didn't have that many friends, and honestly it's kinda my fault. You see, I've always been kind of shy. I would always think that if I go around talking to people, I would only get rejection as a result. Shit, even if I become friends with somebody, it won't change the fact that they'll probably backstab me for their own personal gain. Great...now I can add paranoia to my list of flaws. See, these are the kind of thoughts pushed me into a tight, dark corner known as isolation.
Moving on.
Now, when it came to my family, that was a whole different ballgame. I felt more comfortable around them, than anybody else. I can talk a storm around the people I'm more comfortable with. Sadly, it's only my family. A family made up of my mom, my dad, my younger sister, my older brother, and my dog. Now, let's move on to the dog of my family.
I would say my dog is my best friend. His name is Joel. Joel, being named after my Father’s childhood dog. He's a German Shepard, and loyal one too. He's been my friend since the 6th grade! Since he was a pup. Yeah, he was always at my legs when I sleep, and he is always there to make me feel better. You can say that we are inseparable. Two peas in a frickin pod. He is always with me, and I am always with him. Through thick and thin. Including all of the harsh things we went through together. Except school of course, considering that pets aren’t allowed on the school property.
Anyway, yeah, he was with me when my life changed. When our lives changed. I know it sounds corny, but that is the most accurate way I can put it.
On that note, I guess I should tell you what exactly I'm talking about. First, I should begin on the night it first happened. It all began not on the day when I was swept away from home. No, it didn't start the day before, or the week before, or the month before.
It started THREE months before. THREE! Three months of hearing a voice in my head, and I never gave a lick of thought about it? Jesus, what was I thinking? Yes, you read that correctly. I latterly have a voice inside my head.
Anyway, It was in late March when it all began. The first time heard her voice. That beautiful voice. The voice that I didn't think much of at the time, because I was half asleep. Oh, and I didn't care at the time..
I was in the middle of a dream. Can't remember what exactly I was dreaming about. It could've been a dream about going to prom with Kate Upton. I don't know. But I did remember the dream fading into blackness, up until I was in a black abyss. It was like drifting through the deepest pit of the ocean. You know, where all of those gnarly fish swim about looking like they were created in some scientist’s lab? Nothing happened for a few seconds. The odd thing was that I felt lucid the entire time. I was aware that I was in a dream the entire time. I knew this, when an overwhelming feeling of pines and needles overcame my body. A feeling that felt like millions of ants were crawling underneath my skin. Makes me cringe just thinking about it.
Anyway, I tried to move anything, but I couldn't. It was as if I was held in place by some powerful force. I was getting nervous. I wanted to cry out for help. But I couldn't. I floated in the darkness, for a good minuet, until I saw a faded image of my bedroom coming into view. Then I heard her voice.
"Follow the light of the night...Follow the light of the night...Come to my throne, and I'll provide you with answers. My children call to you. They have summoned you to become their leader. They summoned you as....Der Jaeger."
And then I woke up.
I instantly shot up in my bed, as if I have been shot out of a cannon! Sweat was pouring down my face! I looked around, with my chest drenched in cold sweat. It was late at night. The only light I could see, was the soothing glow of the moonlight shining through my window. The needle sensation was gone. It was like nothing ever happened. It was quiet. It was all just a dream. I heaved a sigh, and looked at my phone, only to see that it was 2:20 in the morning. In disbelief, I wiped my forehead to rid of the beads of sweat sliding down my skin. I groaned in annoyance. Tired, but still spooked, I fell face first into my pillow; and drifted off to sleep.
That was the first brush I've experienced with those words. I never knew what they meant. At least back then. I didn't know that those are the words that spoke of my fate that had yet to come. Who were these "Children?" What is a "Der Jaeger?" Who was she in the first place?
I thought that was gonna be a one time thing. Until it happened the next night. And the next night, and the night after that. It didn't stop. Though I was greatly concerned with my sanity level, I came to the conclusion that it wasn't doing anyone any harm.
Anyway, I've continued to live with hearing that same voice, the same words, and I've grown used to feeling that same sensation every time I was asleep. I would've gone to a doctor, but I wasn't looking to be diagnosed with a crazy mental illness, and be shipped off to the looney bin. So in the end, I've kept it hidden in the depths of my mind, hoping that it would eventually go away, but I was so wrong. Horribly wrong.
For three months, it has continued to make its presence known in my head every night while I dreamt. I memorized it, word by word. By the eighth week, I learned to ignore it. It thankfully went away one day. Specifically, the order of the words. That sentence. Sadly for me, it was the day where I was literally dragged away from everything I loved. Thisis where my introduction ends...
....and where my story begins.