//------------------------------// // Bridlemaids // Story: Fluttershocked // by Gregory the Mighty //------------------------------// Shining Armor weighed his options. He had just been given a very odd request. He peered at the shy pegasus across from him in his private rail car. She was quiet and had a habit of hiding behind her long hair. Despite all of this, she had just made a very bold and impressive request. She wanted him to orchestrate having all of her friends to have sex during their weeklong stay at the castle for preparations for his wedding. If he didn’t have so much on his mind, and if it wasn’t his sister’s friends, he would jump on such a challenge immediately. Still, this presented a mystery worth investigating. “When you say all your friends, does that include my sister?” “Um...” she said shyly. Perhaps her plan wasn’t that thought out. “It’s just that they’ve all been so high strung. Especially Rainbow Dash. And Rarity even has a heart condition now.” “Let me guess. You’re getting it regularly, and none of your friends are?” Her blushing told the whole story. “Well, I’m sure you have nothing to worry about. You have the royal Bachelorette party to look forward to. They are known for their free-spirited antics. I’m sure you’re friends will get plenty of release.” said Shining Armor. “But can you be sure they will?” Shining Armor folded his hooves. “I’ll do my best to massage the situation to a mutually beneficial configuration.” “Um, ok.” she said, turning to leave and pondered those words. A moment later, she poked her head back into the car. “You said ‘yes’ right?” “Yes.” * * * Shining Armor stepped off the train car. He parted ways with the bridal party and proceeded to the castle with his bodyguard. Deep within the bowels of the castle laid the catacombs. This was Princess Luna’s domain. It gave her plenty of time and space to work on her night magic. She rarely stepped out in the day time. Especially in recent weeks, she had been nonexistent among the castle population. Shining Armor opened the catacomb door without hesitation. His bodyguard stayed behind. “Luna? Where are you?” The princess emerged from the shadows, covered in a dark cloak. “Did you manage to find replacements?” “Yes, but it’s hardly an ideal situation. I need that spell completed as soon as possible.” Luna removed her cloak. “I thought you might say that. I’ve brought in some assistance.” She took him down the hall to a round room. The ceiling was missing, letting moonlight fill the space. In the center was a cauldron with a Zebra standing beside it. “This is Zecora, from the Everfree Forest. She is a master at incantation and potion making. She has a plan to fix our little problem.” The Zebra stopped stirring the pot and looked up. “Under the moon, this must stew. It normally takes a year or two. With the Princess holding the satellite in place, I can get it done a in a matter of days.” Shining Armor scratched his chin. “A sound plan. But will the lack of tides go unnoticed by the masses?” “There is a royal wedding next week. We couldn’t ask for a better distraction.” Luna surmised. “I’ll buy that. I must return to my own Princess. Keep me posted on your progress.” Shining Armor walked back toward the door. He passed by an alcove containing four pony sized objects under gray tarps. “Soon.” As he left the alcove, he saw a wooden crate filled with stones. It seemed to be less full than when he last saw it. As he reached the door, Luna stopped him. “Shining?” “Yes?” “Watch your back.” Cinnamon Viper stepped in. “That’s my job.” “Then good luck.” * * * Spike stepped off the train car. He was up for helping with the wedding, but he didn’t want to get into anything too froo-frooey. After walking with the mare’s for a bit, he realized Shining Armor had ditched the group to do other things. Spike ditched the group to do other things as well. He thought that if he could find the groomsstallions and hang out. It would be great to do some guy stuff to offset the girly wedding stuff. Spike unfortunately got lost soon after. An hour or two of wandering the empty ballrooms and halls, Spike came across a young colt. “Hey, little guy. Do you know where the ushers are staying? I’m in the wedding party.” The white colt seemed amazed. “Wow. I’ve never met a real dragon before. Dragons are so cool. My name is Leon. I’m the ring bearer.” The colt fluffed his tiny wings in excitement. “Well, yeah. I am pretty cool. But you don’t happen to really know where everyone is? I’m kinda lost.” The colt giggled. “Of course I know! Follow me!” With the speed of a pegasus, he darted through the halls, winding and turning through the corridors. Spike could barely keep up. Just when he finally lost the colt, Spike turned a corner and found Shining Armor talking with some Wonder Bolts. “Ah! Armor! There you are.” Shining Armor finished his business with the Wonder Bolt and turned his attention to Spike. “Spike! There you are? Are you lost? I’ll take you back to your friends.” Spike was grateful and began following. “While I have you here, can I ask you for some advice with dating?” “Oh, you think because I roped a princess for my girlfriend I have some sort of special talent for dating?” “Yeah, well, sorta.” “Can’t argue with your logic. Fire away, Spike.” “Shining, do you think I could have a chance with Rarity?” Shining Armor thought good and hard on this. “It depends Spike. What are you looking to get out of your relationship with her?” “I dunno. I’d like to be her special somepony. Take her on nice dates. Treat her like a princess. I just want to make her happy.” “Alright, name three of her faults.” “What? Name things that are wrong with Rarity?” Spike was shocked. “Yes.” “Um. She’s way too girly most of the time. She likes to make these little outfits for me... ick. And she has some trouble getting along with her sister. That can get pretty messy. And on top of that she worries herself sick all the time.” “Congratulations, Spike you passed the test.” “I did?” “If you were just infatuated, you wouldn’t see any of her faults. I think you have a chance. You will, however, need to take charge and give her what she needs, machismo.” “Isn’t that a mexican food?” “Close but no gemstone, Spike. Just follow these tips and I think you’ll be in the clear...” After dispensing the rest of his advice Shining Armor and Spike had found their way to Cadence’s chambers, where they walked in on a very interesting conversation. * * * Twilight Sparkle stepped off the train car. She had been sleeping when the train pulled into the castle’s special station. Between Pinkie Pie’s attempts to make out, Rarity’s new panic attacks, and the uncomfortable silences between Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy, she was exhausted. She wanted nothing more than to go straight to her suite and sleep. There would be no time for that however, they needed to meet the princess. After parting ways with her brother, they went to the west chapel. The decorations were almost complete. Princess Celestia was in the middle of it all, orchestrating the whole event. “Twilight Sparkle! My favorite student. I have good news. I’m going to be marrying your brother!” The purple unicorn’s brain started to melt. “What? How?! No! He was supposed to be marrying the other princess! Celestia, you can’t be getting married!” Princess Celestia chuckled awkwardly. “I mean that I’ll be performing the marriage ceremony.” Twilight caught her breath. “Oh. Yes. Of course.” “You must all be tired from your travels. I’ll take you to the lucky bride, then you can get settled in your suites.” Celestia gave command over to a flamboyant purple sea serpent, then walked down the south hall with the group in tow. It was at this point they realized Spike had gone missing. He would turn up sooner or later. “This is awful nice of you to put us up for a week!” Rarity thanked. “No problem at all, Rarity. I was the one who introduced the two, so I feel personally responsible to make sure their wedding is a flawless event. My niece is very demanding. Anything less than a perfect wedding would just break her heart.” said Princess Celestia. Twilight started to get nervous. “I guess she’s been waiting for this day for quite a while.” “Centuries, in fact.” said Celestia with a grin. After entering the castle proper, they were in a dark hallway. “All the windows must be on the suite’s side of the castle.” Twilight thought to herself. Celestia led them to the first door on the left, where she stayed while the rest piled into the room. A pink alicorn sitting on a silk cushion before her vanity mirror. Her mane had elegant stripes of mauve and light pink, and part of her hair was tied back. It looked like she was about to give herself gold streaks. “Oh! Twilight!” With her wings unfurled, the alicorn jumped onto Twilight and gave her a huge hug. “Gak!” said Twilight, completely taken off guard. “Oh, Twi! It’s good to see you again! And you brought your friends! I’m so happy!” This was a side of Cadence yet unseen. At Hearth’s Warming Eve dinner, she was so quiet and demure. Does getting married really do this to a mare? “Good to see you too.” Twilight managed to escape her vice grip and introduced all of her friends. “Oh my gosh! Do you like tiaras! I love tiaras! I have a whole collection.” Rarity turned to Rainbow Dash. “I love her!” she whispered. “Shoot me.” replied Rainbow Dash. Princess Cadence took the group on a tour of her chamber. It had a large window out to the garden. It was the first room in the hallway, and the others would be staying in the next three suites down the hall. The pink princess continued. “I've been staying here for the past month preparing for the wedding! It’s been so great here with Auntie Celestia. After the reception, my hubby and I will be taking the airship directly to my villa in Trottingham for our super-romantic honeymoon! Oh! Let me show you my dress!” The dress was something to behold. The trim and ruffles fell off the dress form elegantly. The color complimented her striped hair perfectly. Twilight couldn’t help but be amazed. She imagined herself in that dress. Twilight Sparkle shook her head. “Focus!” she told herself. “I think it’s tres magnifique!” chuckled Rarity. “Seriously can someone shoot me? Are there any guns in here?” huffed Rainbow Dash. Princess Cadence proceeded to her walk-in closet. It was filled with tiaras. “This is my summer collection. I keep my favorites on shelves four to six!” “Ooooh! Shiny!” chimed Pinkie Pie. Once they were far back enough into the closet--too far for Princess Celestia to hear--Cadence turned to the mares to say something. “I have been meaning to ask you all, if I’m being too forward just say, but what’s it like? Y’know your first time?” Twilight blinked out of shock. “You mean you’re a virgin?” Centuries of waiting? No wonder she was anxious. Cadence blushed. The group looked at eachother, then looked at Fluttershy. The yellow pegasus panicked. “What are you all looking at me for?” Twilight cocked an eyebrow. “You are the only one with a live-in boyfriend. You get it more than the rest of us combined.” Fluttershy turned bright red and started to sink into the floor. “But I just couldn’t go into details! Private details! Those details are just … too private!” Twilight was close to exploding. They had been through all this before, and she still can’t even talk about it? She wasn’t going to pry, no one wanted Fluttershy to go into shyshock again. Rainbow Dash stepped up. “Let me give you the lowdown. It’s all about attitude.” Cadence looked puzzled. “Attitude?” “Yeah, it’s the attitude that drives the stallions wild more than anything else. You need to be all lady-like when you’re out in public, but when you’re in bed, you need to be hungry; leering; you need to an insatiable monster who wants it bad. And your stallion needs to be the one to give it to you.” said Rainbow Dash. “Oh joy! This is splendid!” cheered Princess Cadence. “Twilight! We’re going to be sisters! Do you have any advice.” Twilight blushed. “Yeah, I’m not really experienced. I don’t think I should be giving advice.” “We made out once!” Pinkie Pie chimed in. “Pinkie! We agreed never to speak of that!” scolded Twilight. Pinkie waved her hoof dismissively. “Na-uh. We made out well after we signed that contract in blood, so it doesn’t count.” Cadence squeed. “Ou! Are you into mares?” “No, Cadence. It was just a demonstration. For a friend in need.” Twilight shot Fluttershy a look. Cadence sighed. “Yes, but the wedding night. That’s what I’m really worried about. And we’ll be in the royal airship. What if one of us gets airsick?” Twilight was at a loss. For all her reading, she didn’t have any useful input for her. Applejack put a reassuring hoof on Twilight’s shoulder. “Don’t worry Twi. I got this covered. This ain’t my first rodeo.” Applejack sat the pink princess down on her bed. “Don’t feel like you need to be amazing on your first time. You’re gonna be plum tuckered out after all the royal shenanigans. You’ll probably be too tired on the actual wedding night, but you have a whole two weeks on the honeymoon to get acclimated to each other’s bodies. You don’t have to rush it, just take your time. There will be times when you’re rarin’ to go every other day, and he’ll be too tired. Then there will be the times he wants it constantly, but you’re just not into it. The important thing is that you’re always there for each other. Because for the times when you’re both thirstin’ for it, it’s total magic.” Cadence smiled. She was becoming relieved, and even a little confident. Who would think an apple farmer would know so much about popping cherries? “Also, cup the balls. That usually helps.” Applejack continued. “Be careful. They are more delicate than they look.” “Applejack, your gift basket will be twice the size of the others.” declared Shining Armor. The group turned to the open door and shrieked. “Brother! How much did you hear?!” “Just the balls thing. But I can guess the rest.” The white unicorn stepped into the room. Spike followed him. Cadence leapt from the bed and glomped onto Shining Armor. “Hunnykins!” She kissed him all over and even started to rub her horn against his. It was enough to make even Shining Armor blush. “Now honey, we need to show your new bridlemaids to their suites. They need to get unpacked so they can start preparing.” Cadence liked the sound of that. “Oh, right. Let’s get them settled.” By this time, the luggage had arrived. Rarity would be staying in the suite immediately to the right of Cadence. She would be staying alone. It would be good for her heart condition and it gave her enough room for all her luggage. Next was Twilight Sparkle, Rainbow Dash and Applejack. Spike was in there too, of course. He could sleep in a basket. Applejack didn’t mind sharing a king sized bed with Dash. Finally was Fluttershy and Pinkie Pie, where they’d each be getting their own king size. “There is one more surprise I wanted you to see.” declared Princess Celestia. “I want this occasion to be the unveiling of the Elements of Harmony to the public. I want each of you to be wearing the elements during the ceremony. Walk with me.” The group began the long walk toward the Arcade of Light. It was a long procession of stained glass windows on the north side of the castle, leading to the sacred chamber where the Elements of Harmony are kept. During the long walk, Twilight Sparkle took the opportunity to ask Princess Celestia some questions, quietly. “Princess, can I ask you a personal question?” Twilight walked close and whispered. The Princess whispered back. “It only seems fair. We’ll be family next week.” “Cadence told me she was the V word. Is that normal for your kind? Is she ready for this step in her life?” The Princess of Equestria thought about her answer carefully. “Alicorns marry ponies, Twilight. We have to watch our husbands pass away. It’s not something you are always up for. Princess Cadence is at a time in her life when she needs this. Luna and I? Not so much.” “Is my brother up to this?” Celestia winked. “Oh, I’m sure he has all the skills needed for this position.” Behind them, Rarity was walking next to Applejack. “Good work back there with the sage advice Applejack.” Rarity smirked. “Yeah, I’ve been a bridlemaid at so many Apple family marriages, I’ve lost count. And some of them don’t even involve shotguns.” The two mares exchanged playful laughter. They passed through the Arcade of Light, Rainbow Dash peeked out a partially open window. “Hey, I don’t see the statue of Discord in your garden!” Princess Celestia gave a triumphant chuckle. “Oh, we keep that in a much more secure location now! Also, we smashed it to tiny pieces.” They all reached the sacred door. Princess Celestia inserted her glowing horn into the center of the door. The door broke up and receded, leaving a dark void inside. The group stepped in to find a pedestal with a chest in it. Opening the chest revealed the Elements of Harmony. “Oh my gosh! You have a tiara? You said they were necklaces!” Cadence blurted out. “Yes, pardon me. I failed to mention that the Element of Magic was a tiara instead. It must have slipped my mind.” said Princess Celestia. Cadence stared at Twilight’s tiara and came as close to drooling as a demure princess could. After the presentation, the group left the sanctuary. Twilight Sparkle put her Element of Magic away in the chest last. All the others had left the room and Shining Armor stood by the door. “Brother, can I ask you a question?” “Should I give her a pat down?” Cinnamon Viper poked her head into the sacred chamber. “No, we’ll be fine.” Shining looked past the mare in black to make sure Celestia was out of earshot, then shut the door. “You said earlier that you needed to get the ‘new bridlemaids’ settled. Where are there ‘old bridlemaids’ ?” Shining shifted his stance. “Yes. Cadence’s friends were going to do it, but they joined the Peace Corps, and are all busy overseas right now.” “They joined the Peace Corps?” “Yes.” “All of them?” “Enough of them. They wrote a very endearing letter. I’ll be reading it just after your Maid of Honor speech. “ “Hmmm. Shining, are you sure Cadence is right for you? She’s even more bubbly than I remember her.” “Haha. Opposites attract, dear sister. Marrying your doppelganger is something only the impossibly self-absorbed do.” “I know, that’s why I’m concerned.” Twilight smirked at her brother. “Hardy Har. Trust me. Cadence and I were made for each other. You have no idea what two ponies are like when they are alone.” Twilight was satisfied for now. It was time to ask for a personal favor. “Hmmm... one more thing. I hear you’re pretty good with getting dates.” “I do alright for myself.” “Well, I have this friend who has it in her head that we should... er... do things. I don’t want that kind of attention from her. We’re just friends.” “It’s the pink one, isn’t it?” Twilight sighed. “It started weeks ago when my pegasus friend fell into shyshock.” “Shyshock? There hasn’t been a documented case of that in two hundred years. How did you cure it?” “By embarrassing myself horribly in front of her! That’s why Pinkie and I were kissing. But now that she’s had a taste, she wants more!” “Sounds like it’s your fault for having lips so sweet.” “Ha. Ha. This is serious. This is causing a breach in our friendship.” “Well, I hate to say it, but that sounds like sexual tension to me. The only real answer is to give her what she wants. After she gets her fill, the tension will be broken and all will return to normal.” “WHAT?! That’s not what I want to hear. This isn’t one of your mare-on-mare magazines.” “It’s what you need to hear. Sorry, I call them like I see them.” The argument would have gone on longer, but it was interrupted by a loud crash just outside the door. They stormed out to find Cinnamon Viper jumping around the hallway. “Sir! It was that pegasus colt! He was listening outside your door! “Oh, not this again.” “He’s real sir! You have to believe me!” Shining Armor laughed it off as a delusion, and they all went to the dining hall for dinner. * * * Applejack stepped off the train car. It was then she realized that Twilight Sparkle was missing. “Twi must have fell asleep reading again.” She stepped back into the train and into Twilight’s compartment. There she lay on her back, asleep, book in hoof. AJ noticed her soft lips. They were all alone on that train. The purple unicorn was a very sound sleeper. If Applejack were to steal a kiss, she would never know. She thought back to the things Pinkie Pie said about how sweet Twilight Sparkle’s lips were. Should she do it? Should she steal a kiss? “Hmmm... Nah.”