//------------------------------// // Chapter 3: Don't Hug Me You're Naked // Story: The Dimensional Traveler's Guide To Rainbows, And Other Troubles // by benxlabs //------------------------------// Chapter 3: Don't Hug Me You're Naked I felt like I was on fire. And not in the good way. Here I was, an adolescent male, being hugged by a beautiful, naked girl. This is bad. This is really bad. This is really, really bad. It was time for evasive manuevers. Steeling myself for what was to come, I jabbed my fingers into her sides, effectively causing her to break down in giggles. She released me from her hug as she tried to defend herself. My plan had been a gamble, but it had paid off. Gasping for breath and scrambling backwards, I hastily made a makeshift blindfold by turning my hoodie around, covering my face with the hood. I was glad it covered my face, for it obscured my crimson features. "P-put on some clothes already, geez!" I stammered as I engaged my defenses. "Clothes? CLOTHES? Why would anyone want to wear clothes? They're hot and itchy and stupid and annoying and-" "Whatever, just, please, put this on, please!" Squeezing my eyes shut, I slid off my hoodie and handed it to her. I heard the rustle of clothes. Then it hit me. "Uh, wait, do you even know how to put that on?" I mentally slapped myself for my negligence. I had dug myself into a hole with no escape. "Huh? Of course I do! You just- you just- like this-" Her exasperated grunts as she struggled with the hoodie told me the truth. Why must you do this to me, Rainbow Dash? "Just let me do it!" I let out an exasperated sigh as I took step after unsteady step towards where I perceived the bed to be. I had been in the room countless times, so even with my eyes closed I was able to manage it relatively easily. I extended my hands outwards after telling her to give the hoodie to me. She gave an annoyed growl, but I felt it touch one of my hands and I hastily grabbed it, pulling it away. Holding it up, I told her to put an arm in each side. When I was confident that the task was completed, I let go and opened my eyes to admire my handiwork. She had put it on backwards. Whatever, good enough. The hoodie was long enough to cover all the, erm, important parts, so I was completely fine with it being backwards. I saw her trying to get off the bed, so I hastily hooked my arms under hers. As I suspected, as soon as her legs left the bed, they collapsed under her weight. I grunted, now carrying her full weight, which luckily, was not as bad as it could have been. "Easy now, we humans walk on two legs." I held her up as she experimented with moving her legs independently of her arms. When my arms began trembling with the unexpected exertion, I slowly lowered her down. To my surprise, she was able to stand straight. Holding her arms out to the sides, she wobbled lightly as she lifted one foot and took a step. As her foot touched the ground her wobbling intensified, and I grabbed her shoulders before she could fall. After taking a few deep breaths, She extended the other foot, shifting her wait entirely to her right side. I held out my arms, but she didn't need them. She took another step, and then another. I felt the corners of my mouth turning upwards as I watched her. She really had a knack for this kind of thing. When she reached the door, she put her hand on the doorknob, but did no more than that. I walked over, and as I approached, she grinned at me sheepishly. "I definitely know how these work, but just for reference, could you show me once? Just to like confirm it! I already know how!" She held up her hands, wiggling her fingers. How do I explain the concept of hands? "Well, I guess it's easiest to imagine you're a dragon or something?" I remembered that Spike, although he did not have as many fingers, still had hands at least. I thought it was a pretty good explanation, but Rainbow Dash only looked at me with dead-fish eyes: completely empty of emotion or feeling. "Gee, thanks. That's sooo helpful." She sarcastically praised my efforts. I crossed my arms, annoyed at her blatant rejection of my carefully crafted explanation. I suppose it was only one sentence. Maybe it would be better if I showed instead of told? I held out my fist. "Okay, put your right hand on top of mine." I decided that it was best for her to try it for herself. She placed her hand on top of mine. "Now squeeze." I was going to have to teach her the fundamentals first, so she could at least open doors when needed. "Put your fingers around my fist, and then press down with all your fingers." Her fingers wavered uncertainly, flicking around my hand. Eventually, she got the hang of it and collapsed her fingers in unsion. As her confidence grew, so did her grip. "Ow ow ow ow ow! Okay, okay, you can let go now!" I hastily withdrew my hand from her grasp, massaging my crushed fingers. Rainbow Dash headed over to the door once again, placing her hand on the doorknob. She looked at me questioningly when the door didn't open. Sighing, I placed my hand over hers. After I made sure she was paying attention, I slowly twisted my hand to the left. Her eyes widened as I pulled backwards, opening the door. When I finished my demonstration, she immediately pushed the door shut, so that she could try it herself. After opening and closing the door at least ten times, she was finally content with her mastery of this new skill. Once she mastered gripping, it was an easy task to educate her about the other ways of manipulating objects using hands. Satisfied that she was at least somewhat adapted to her new environment, I left her to her own devices as I ran back to my own room. Looking through my old clothes, I grabbed a dust covered t-shirt and a pair of jeans. After a moment's hesitation, I grabbed a pair of boxers too. Clothes in hand, I headed back towards the guest room. But as I opened the door, I saw that my hoodie had been thrown on the ground and that she was sitting on the ground, once again naked. My heart skipped a beat, but my frustration quickly overpowered any other thoughts in my mind. "Rainbow Dash! What are you doing?!" I picked the abandoned hoodie off the ground and draped it over her shoulders. There was no way I could let anyone else see her like this, or she would get sent to a mental hospital. Or worse. "Hey! Stop that!" She brushed the hoodie off with more than a little annoyance. "What's up with you? Clothes are so annoying!" Exasperated, I threw my hands up in the air. It was going to take too much effort to explain the intricacies of clothes wearing to her, so I decided to stick with the basics. "Listen up, RD. You can't just walk around naked in this world! This isn't Equestria! Here, if you just take off all your clothes in front of someone, it means you want to do them, okay? I know that that's not what you mean, and that you just don't like wearing clothes because it's not a habit in Equestria, but you have to wear them, or bad things are going to happen when people misunderstand!" Taking a deep breath after my long-winded speech, I was happy to see that her eyes were wide and her mouth was slightly open. "Being naked in front of someone...means you want to do them?" She looked flabbergasted. I sighed. "I know, I know. Not wearing clothes is all fine and dandy in Equestria, but it's a whole different story here. Whatever, now that you know, put these on. I got some clothes for you. They might not fit, but we can go and buy some better ones later." Honestly, I was just relieved that she finally seemed to grasp the idea that being naked was bad. I turned around after she pulled on the clothes that I had given her. Of course, explaining the point of wearing boxers was another arduous task, but she seemed to understand after she put on the jeans without them. She had her arms crossed and was glaring at me. I am sorry for your loss Rainbow Dash, but this is the only way. It's best for all of us if you learn the harsh realities of this world early on. But to my surprise, she didn't complain about what I thought she was going to complain about. "You know I wasn't trying to say that I wanted to do you right?" She turned her face away, giving me an occasional glance. "Wha- of course!" The question had caught me off guard, and I wasn't exactly sure how to respond. I guess she was feeling a bit self-conscious now, after realizing what her earlier behavior may have implied if she was a normal girl. "Hmph. Fine." She let out a breath of relief. I felt a bit wounded. She was that glad? Ha. Whatever, it's not like I cared anyways. I sat down on the edge of the bed, pondering. What else is there...what else does she need to know... I stood up with a start. "Oh right, I almost forgot, remember this, RD. Whatever you do, don't talk to strangers!" She gave me an irritated snort. "And why is that?" I made my best serious face. "Because there are bad people in this world who like to steal young and pretty girls for their own devious purposes." Rainbow Dash was unfazed. "Let them try. I'll trash them." I put my hands on my hips. "That's what they all say, until they wake up in the trunk of a car!" She glared at me again. "Trunk? Car? Is that some kind of tree?" I had forgotten how primitive the technology in Equestria was. "Okay, just think of it this way. Bad people are like dragons. They want to collect gems, right? So think of yourself as a gem. Dragons want you. It's all fine and dandy to say that you'll mess up any dragon that tries to steal you, but can you really?" Rainbow Dash was silent for a long time after that. Finally, she shrugged her shoulders in resignation. "I mean, of course I could probably beat up anypony if I tried, but since you're so concerned, I'll just avoid talking to any strangers. Happy?" There was still suspiscion left in my mind, but I let her have her way. After basic etiquette training, I took her on a tour around the house. Whenever there was something that she didn't understand, one word explained it. Magic. I couldn't be bothered to explain all the scientific concepts behind toilets and cars to her, so I just told her that it was all powered by some kind of ancient and powerful magic that only existed in this world. I don't think she really cared either way, she was just amazed that water came out of seemingly nowhere. After I took her outside to take a tour of the premises, I let her try and open the door to get back inside. "Just remember what I told you earlier." I gave her some words of encouragement. "Like a dragon, huh?" She smiled sadly. She looked backwards, feeling her shoulderblades. "I wish I was a real dragon...then I'd have my wings back..."