//------------------------------// // Chapter 13 (Part One): Secretly a (s)P(y)ie // Story: A Troll Through the Park // by Spanner //------------------------------// Chapter 13: Secretly a  (s)P(y)ie (Twilight... In which Pinkie Pie gets carried away with screen time) *** Canterlot Castle. For thousands of years it has stood as a symbol of pride and power for Equestria. Its many towers, parapets, and gardens stand separated from the city by a moat and, in some places the sheer drop of the cliffs of Canterlot Mountain. Many ponies still wonder how portions of the castle seem to defy physics by hanging over the valley below. In truth, most of the castle was built on a flattened ledge excavated into the mountain's face; the towers and walls on this ledge acting as a counterweight to the impressive outcroppings of reflection pools and vertical fortifications. Most just chalk it up to “magic.” Though all ponies are technically allowed an audience with the diarchs inside, one must first submit their reason for entry, pass through the main gate, and get screened by highly trained soldiers of Her Majesty's Royal guard. Celestia’s student and a select few were the only ponies who passed in and out of the fortress without so much as a nod from the guards. One pony searched Pinkie Pie, while two others barred her from passing through the castle gate. The mare stopped bouncing for the third time. Her inspector only needed to glare for a moment to calm her down. I can't wait to see Twilight with wings. I’ll need a lot of flour. I can’t wait to meet the party planers! “Ooh, this is so exciting!” “Uh, Ms Pie. What’s so exciting about a security patdown?” Searchlight asked, while removing a large kitchen knife from Pinkie’s mane. There was an odd blue trail that followed the knife’s tip and it made metallic ‘shing’ sounds as it floated through the air. After tossing the blade into a pile of confiscated items, Searchlight started another detection spell and waved his horn over Pinkie's body for what seemed like the dozenth time. Pinkie let out a small giggle. “Not that silly. I’m thinking about how many cupcakes I get to make and meeting Twilight Princess!” Searchlight was about to ask what she meant by that until his horn started beeping over Pinkie's tail. He floundered around the curly abyss until he pulled out yet another object of intrigue. The thing was comprised of a leather band attached to two brass eye rings. He nodded to the two gate guards. “Alright, I think that’s finally it. Stud Muffin, Vigilance, I think she’s good for entry.” The guard on the right stopped his statue impression to look at Pinkie. “Sorry madam, we’ll need to hold onto your cutlery, sledgehammer, whatever this thing is, and your... cart of explosives, before we let you in.” Stud Muffin almost lost his stoic expression while continuing to list the rest of the contraband. “But I need all that stuff for the party! And that thing is my night vision goggles. Their name is Garry, and the’re night-vision-y and stuff. How am I supposed to cook and cut pastries, or see things from within the shadows, or make explosions that don’t make you less cool if you look at them? I just learned how to make fireworks last week! I’m sure they won’t hurt anypony. I was invited to throw a party and I need to do this right,” Pinkie Pie pounded one hoof into the other while leaning forward into the guard’s face. Across from his partner, Vigilance wondered how Pinkie wasn’t falling on her face. His fellow guard certainly didn’t seem to notice while he spoke with the anxious mare. “You are on the list Ms Pie, but we can’t let you endanger the princesses or the castle occupants,” Stud Muffin said with finality. Pinkie quivered her bottom lip and made her pupils as big as possible. Which for Pinkie Pie, is pretty disturbingly large. She looked up at the well-built stallion, “But, but, but I need splodey things.” Vigilance started lowering his spear, but his partner shot out a hoof to block him. “You may retrieve what you need once inside the castle.” His features showed no sympathy. Pinkie stopped pouting. “Oh, you're gooood. Not many ponies can take, ‘The Pinkie Pout.’ Too bad Rarity isn’t here to whine at you like she did to those diamond dogs.” Oh well, I’m sure they will have ways to make homemade explosives somewhere in the castle. Wait! I guess it would be castle-made, not homemade. Unless I lived in a castle. Oooh, that would be so cool! I could throw a giant castle party! Oh yeah, I am throwing a giant castle party! “I've seen it all. Pouting, weeping, complaining, whining, bribing, begging, yelling and screaming.” The armored stallion paused to strike a valiant pose. Stud Muffin planted the butt of his spear in the dirt. “No one gets past This Stud!” He kept his nose high until he felt a nudge in his side. “Uh, sir? She just walked past us.” Vigilance pointed out. “Oh. I meant to do that.” “Really? Because it looks like you were striking poses again?” Vigilance sighed in disappointment. “Vigilance, we already confiscated everything dangerous. What possible harm could she do?” “I suppose you're right, but are you really letting her take what she wants from the castle kitchens, especially after finding all those throwing stars and rainbow smoke bombs in her mane?” Stud Muffin was scribbling out a message on a scroll. “Buck no!” He finished the scroll by stamping it with the guard’s seal. “Take this message to the kitchens pronto!” “Uh, you know Pronto doesn’t start working till Saturday?” Vigilance asked. Pinkie Pie looked back across the drawbridge at the three guards, before disappearing into the castle. “What weirdos.” This place has worse security than Ponyville General Hospital. At least I still have you, party cannon. *** Shining Armor dragged a hoof down his face as he released a long sigh. The pain in the bridge of his nose from the bare hoof never really registered. Right now he had much bigger things to worry about. To name a few, his sister was running the country, the Major General and Commander Swift Claw were up to some devious plan, and he still had his normal guard duties. Shining Armor had little time to spare, even before his little sister had become a princess. The fact that ponies were constantly asking when or if Shine Bright was coming back, including that one stallion with the box of chocolates, didn’t make things any easier. If my life were a box of chocolates I’d just grow outrageously fat consuming all my problems. Anyway... While he and Twilight were on the run from Cadence, she suspected Double Edge wanted a large number of guards outside the capital. Shining Armor was getting a sneaking suspicion as to why, but he sure hoped he was wrong. Even though Twilight had cast down the treaty for the griffin alliance, there was still some significance in what it would have meant for the scheming duo. Shining reviewed what little he could infer from what he knew. In the griffin’s proposal of alliance, Swift Claw had a asked for a large contingent of guards to bolster the border of Diamond Dog lands. Double Edge had mentioned a plan B, which involved staging some attack on the towns of Ponyville and Griffindor. This he remembered from the secret meeting in the library's west wing. If Ponyville were attacked, Equestrian guards would be dispatched in full force. Under the new alliance law, Equestrian guards would have been dispatched to protect the griffin town mentioned at the secret meeting. He let out a long groan. What the hay am I supposed to do? Captain Armor looked down at a list of ponies spilling over the end of his hardwood desk. The list lay over a pile of maps and notes he had gathered in hopes of forming some sort of plan. So far he had only come to two conclusions, neither of which were very helpful. Canterlot is in trouble, and I can’t trust any of my guards. Even if he used a truth detection spell, he couldn’t just ask, “are you a traitor?”. No, that would alert the the General and any others involved. Even if he were able to screen the guards without alerting the others, the traitors could be protected by powerful magic, which could put him in an even worse position. Sometimes he hated magic just as much as he loved it for being a boon for his protection spells. His desk shook with the force of his pounding hoof. How could they betray me? I need to stop whatever’s going on, but at the same time, my guards could stab me in the flank. His attention shifted over to a very short scroll of twenty-three names scribbled in his horn-writing. “Is this really it? Out of the three hundred guards of the Solar Regiment, I get—” Knock, Knock, Knock. Shining returned to his notes, ignoring the knocking on his office door. Whatever they wanted couldn’t be as important as this. Knock, Knock, Knock. This time the beating on his door seemed more urgent. “Like I told everypony else, Shine Bright isn’t coming back! Now unless you want to be demoted, leave my office door alone!” All day it had been the same two questions: What are you doing in your office and when is Shine Bright coming back? One would think ponies would respect the privacy of a superior. It almost seemed easier to control the guards as a mare. “Sir?” The muffled voice from the other side of the door sounded deeply concerned. He could tell it was a mare, but it wasn’t from his Cadence. “May I enter, sir?” Whoever it was jiggled the door handle, but the solid iron latch kept the door shut. Shining Armor considered just pretending to be absent. If they were upset it would only add to the stack of problems at hoof. The only problem was that infuriating tapping noise the lock made whenever that mare from Tartarus refused to leave him in peace. “Might as well get this over with,” he said, unlocking the door. When the door opened, Shining looked past the mare at his door and noticed Princess Luna conversing with guards in the practice fields. Having finished whatever conversation she was having, she took off towards the castle. In a few steps, Morning Star trotted up to his desk and stood rigid at attention. Her hoof met her forehead in a smart salute just as the office door closed. “At ease. What brings you here Lieutenant Star?” Shining caught himself before asking if she wanted to go shopping with him and the girls again. Morning Star rubbed one foreleg over the other, eyeing the wood slats that lined the floor. “Permission to speak freely, sir?” Captain Armor remained silent for a few moments, before acknowledging his guard. The only sound was the pair’s breathing. “Permission granted,” Shining said, looking back down at his papers in the vain hope that some answers had magically appeared. Morning Star continued to fidget. “Well, um, some of us noticed you haven't been out much lately. Is something wrong?” “No, nothing’s wrong. I've just been very busy,” Shining said coldly. After a few moments of silence, Shining found a hoof in the middle of his papers. The pegasus kept it there until Shining looked up into her green eyes. “There isn’t anything wrong? You’ve missed two drills and haven’t spoken to any of us outside of the few times we’ve seen you.” She wasn’t asking this time. The two ponies’ noses inched closer and closer as Morning Star leaned forward. Shining countered her by pushing off of his desk with his front hooves. Soon they were close enough to make Cadence jealous. Shining Armor finally spoke. “I guess if I’m not getting any work done with you here, I may as well tell you.” He sat back down on his office chair. *** The time on his watch band read 10:48am. The stallion reached out with his mind, seeking out that of another. His horn dimly pulsed with crimson magic. Once the telepathic link was established, his mind was assaulted by the thoughts of another. ‘Agent Orange, the target has entered the castle. Are you in position?’  The unspoken words echoed within the unicorn’s mind. He didn't even flinch, considering this had been routine for nearly three hours. A few moments of mental silence passed before the voice spoke up again. ‘Is she coming or not?’ His partner was obviously getting antsy, but she had never been a patient pegasus. The unicorn concentrated his thoughts. You didn’t say over. Belladonna, you know how much mental feedback can hurt if we communicate at the same time. And just call me Shaodow Wisp. We don’t need code names in these psychic links, over. ‘Yeah, yeah, is she almost to you or not? ...Over,’ Belladonna asked. All was quiet in the northern corridor until the click clack of hooves echoed from around the corner of the adjacent hall. High above the marble floor a rust orange unicorn peeked over the edge of one of the mammoth sized rafters. His black dyed mane and tail went along with the black tactical harness secured around his chest and barrel. I can hear her coming now. Just a little closer and I’ll have her, over. Shadow Wisp continued to wait patiently for his approaching target. A few beads of sweat on his brow were the only signs of nervousness from the stallion. Not a moment later, a pink mare mare was passing below his position. Shadow leaned forward and charged his horn with a stun spell fit for an elephant. The red bolt shot straight towards the unsuspecting mare. “Ooh!” She yelped in surprise. Her exclamation was so short it barely echoed within the hall. The spell whized over his target’s head as she knelt down to pick something off of the floor. “A bit! It must be my lucky day!” Pinkie Pie smiled as she stuck the bit into her saddlebags and continued to hop over the smoking divot in front of her. “Somepony should really fix this hole in the floor. Somepony could trip.” Pinkie pointed a hoof back at the offending spot before she hopped along her way. When Pinkie Pie was out of sight, a black rope descended from above and Shadow Wisp quietly repelled down the wall to the floor. “How could I miss?! I never miss,” he said while grinding his teeth. He cast “move silently” spell on his hooves and started after the elusive pink mare, pausing as the voice in his head started again. ‘Shadow Wisp? Did you secure the target, over?’ No, she... got away. I’m in pursuit, over. Shadow Wisp’s ears flicked in annoyance. ‘I thought you said you never miss, over?’ I didn’t miss Belladonna. She just... moved out of the way, over. He took a calming breath. “I have all the time I need. Yes, soon she’ll be all mine,” Shadow said, rubbing his hooves together. “Who will be all yours?” Shadow nearly jumped out of his coat. He turned around to see none other than, his target, Pinkie Pie. “How did you get behind me?” Pinkie Pie simply turned her head and smiled. “Uh duh, I walked. Although I guess I hopped a little too, and swam...” “I... what the hay are you saying?” The stallion’s face contorted as Pinkie continued to list seemingly random modes of locomotion. “...and then I loop de looped around and wham! Wait, that was Rainbow Dash.” Pinkie’s attention snapped back to Shadow Wisp. “Hey! You still didn't tell me who will be all yours. Is she somepony you want as your special somepony, but then you got rejected?” Pinkie suddenly inhaled  a mass of air. “Or maybe you're some spy assassin pony hunter? That might scare off the mares you know, unless they like the whole dark and brooding thing? But don’t feel bad, there's plenty more fish in the sea. Not that you would want to date a fish.” Shadow Wisp’s sweat dropped. My cover may be blown, but I can still salvage this. “What makes you think I could be—” He was about to charge his horn again, but Pinkie clapped a hoof over his mouth and forced him behind a nearby window curtain. ‘Salvage what? What’s happening? Shadow... Shadow... SHADOW... ...over?!’ By Celestia’s royal flank, just be quiet for a second! He continued to struggle against Pinkie’s surprising strength. Pinkie Pie continued to hold her hoof over the unicorn’s mouth as she forced him to stay in the window alcove. “Shhh, The guard around the corner will hear you. You must have been sent here from the future to stop another time assassin from assassinating somepony in this time and unraveling the space time continuum.” Pinkie Pie leaned into his ear to whisper, “Your secret is safe with me,” before she winked inches from his muzzle. With that, Pinkie Pie backed out of the curtain and bounded away down the hall once more. Shadow Wisp stood stock still behind the crimson window curtain. He slowly slid down the wall onto his haunches. What the buck just happened? Not  a moment later, he felt a soft pressure in his horn and a familiar voice rung out in his head again. ‘Has your cover been blown, over?’  I’m not sure... I mean no, over. Shadow thought back. ‘How can you not be sure? Never mind, we may want to abort the mission. I think Pinkie Pie might be a special agent, over.’ Shadow poked his head out of the curtain to check for any more interruptions. When the coast seemed clear he ducked back under and stuck his tactical gear in a saddle bag. He pulled out some cuff links that matched the castle serving staff. Straightening the collar he continued his chat. She’s special all right, but what makes you think she’s a spy, over? ‘I was just going through the stuff the guards confiscated from Pinkie Pie, and I’ve found a sledgehammer, a pink suitcase filled with kitchen knives, and a cart of explosives. That isn’t even the weirdest stuff. I also found some rainbow smoke bombs, pink throwing stars, and what appears to be a pair of night vision goggles. The strangest part is the report here says most of this stuff was hidden in her mane and tail of all places.’ Shadow Wips was practically shaking with agitation. And you couldn’t have told me this before I faced her a few moments ago, over? ‘Hey, I just started going through this stuff, Belladonna noted defensively.  There was a brief pause. Judging by the markings on these goggles I’d say she’s working for Luna, over. “Darnit! It all makes sense now” Shadow Wisp cursed under his breath. General Double said that Luna doesn’t plan on negotiating the terms of their alliance until Tuesday night, over. ‘So what you're saying is Luna hasn’t called off her assets yet, over?’  His accomplice chimed in. Shadow scratched his chin, overlooking the city below the palace. That or Luna never intended to join him. This only makes the success of this mission more important. If we can capture Pinkie, then we can find out where Luna’s true allegiance— “Why is there a smoldering hole in this hall?” Shadow Wisp spun around and almost poked his horn into the helm of a royal guard. “Can’t you see that I’m in the middle of a telepathic call right now? I’m conducting important business for Equestria here.” He dismissed the royal guard with a hoof before he returned to the voice in his head. We’ve come so far already, I’m continuing the mission, over. “Does it look like it’s my job to clean up the castle?” Shadow waved his hoof dismissively. The guard looked up and down at the unicorn’s attire. “Yes, actually it does.” The guard put a hoof to Shadow’s chest and gave him a nudge. “Now I can tell you must be new around here so I’ll give you a chance to fix this before I report you.” Too bad blasting this guy would just draw even more attention, Shadow Wisp thought. ‘Wait, who are you not blasting?’ The disembodied voice asked in a panic. I have to go... clean up a mess. Agent Orange out. What did you do this time? Did you just kill somepony?! This is like Neighva Scotia all over again. *** Pinkie Pie could smell the kitchens from far across the castle. With a little wandering, she found herself in front of the swinging double doors. The challenge was not getting there, so much as getting past the two cooks standing in her way. She confronted the cooks who spoke with Prench accents. “But how can he cook if he’s just a head? I mean, he can use his mouth I guess, but how can he get around the kitchen?” Pinkie rolled her eyes with annoyance. She pointed out that the document signed by the gate guard never said she couldn’t cook in the kitchens if she didn’t take utensils from it, but apparently that didn't matter. The Head Chef Arugula Snips didn’t want some simple town pony messing around in 'his kitchen.' “He’s not just a head. Chef Arugula decides who is allowed into his kitchen and who is not,” one of ponies said. He obviously misunderstood that Pinkie was picturing a pony head rolling around the kitchen floor using a spatula to propel itself around. It all seemed very unsanitary to her. Once she was done thinking about how fast showers would be while only being a head, she looked at the other pony cook twirling a hoof around his moustache. “Look, all I wanted was to make some yummy treats for the other party planners and the Princess. That way I could prevent total disaster from befalling the kingdom.” “No, you look— wait, what was that last part?” The accent completely dropped like a bad souffle. “You need to cook something for the Princess?” “Yeppers!” Pinkie nodded rapidly. He promptly stepped aside. “Well, why didn’t you say something before? What could possibly be worse than keeping the princess waiting?” *** Streaks of gooey red liquid rolled over Pinkie Pie’s panting pink chest. She hunkered down behind one of the aluminum serving carts, hoping that soon, the madness would end. The metal food preparation tables had all been turned on their sides to form trenches and fortifications across the kitchens. Within the massive kitchen, the floor between her and the enemy's trenches had become a tiled wasteland of the culinary arts. The remains of the dearly departed prench cuisine and home made pastries lay scattered throughout the castle kitchens, never to be enjoyed by pony kind. Maid ponies dragged the casualties out of the kitchen as others moaned in horror. The maids were trying desperately to avoid the hail of fire from Pinkie’s cannon and her squad of chefs while they dragged ponies to safety and carried the remains of the war across the kitchen tiles in waste bags. Her corner of the kitchen had been covered in batter and chunks of dessert even before the food fight had began. Pinkie remembered getting an eye twitch, ear flop, nose itches in her Pinkie sense. Then her pastries would just explode for no good reason! If only Chef Arugula Snips hadn’t walked in and been such a snooty pants. Why would anypony be upset about being absolutely covered in raspberry filling! Why was he called a ‘head chef?!’ He obviously has a body! Pinkie mentally fumed. He refused to try any of her cupcakes and called her baked goods uncouth, unrefined, and that of an amateur. I don’t know what uncouth means, but “un” anything can’t be good. And of course my baked goods are unrefined! Processed sugars and artificial ingredients taste terrible. Pinkie motioned her hoof towards the cooking staff that joined her against the tyranny of Arugula’s Culinary reign. They were the few, and the proud that gave her cooking a chance. They had tasted the glory of a purely simple yet complex confection. She and four others rose from cover with their best war faces, rainbow frosting war paint across their cheeks. They released whipped cream pies and assorted fruits and vegetables from their hooves and spoon catapults in the name of creative cooking and all natural recipes! Pinkie pulled the string to her cannon, releasing a shower of kumkwat cupcakes while screaming, “And my cooking is totally better than that of an armchair! Even if they are chairs that have arms!” The volley of just desserts raced across the room. “What does that— arghh!” The head chef’s hat was knocked across the room by one of the pastry projectiles and part of another had lodged itself in his mouth. Heavy casualties were sustained from both sides in the exchange of food flinging. There was an immediate cease fire as everypony watched Arugula swallow the morsel. He grabbed a nearby cloth and wiped his mouth despite his coat being matted with the spoils of war. “Ziz... Zis is the most delectable pastry I have had in years.” He let out a soft grunt. “I will allow you to use my kitchen—” A victory cheer signaled the end of the war along with many poofy chef hats being flung high. “—Eghm, but there is one condition!” Many ponies sighed and others reloaded their food flingers. “Ms Pie must teach me zis recipe.” Arugula declared. Pinkie scratched her chin. “I don’t know, this recipe is pretty superrific, and you were being kind of a meanie. However, we’re kinda running low on ammunition over here.” Pinkie hopped across the noponies’ land and up to Arugula Snips. “I’ll accept your terms of surrender as long as you try to be more accepting of other ponies’ cooking ideas.” Chef Arugula accepted Pinkie’s olive branch of peace. He set it aside and they shook hooves with each other. Everypony sighed in relief, except one mare in the corner who looked nearly done building a mini ballista to fire baguettes. “I suppose zis whole mess could have been avoided if I had not been so quick to judge.” He released her hoof and a smile formed under his large moustache, which apparently was required for all the stallions in the kitchen. His smile faltered. “Alright, I want to see zis kitchen back in order by the time I get back from a shower and a late lunch you snivelling half wits!” Pinkie looked at the chef expectantly. He threw his hooves in the air. “What can I say? I agreed to accept other’s cooking. Nopony said I had to stop belittling them.” With that he was out the door. The maids and cooks groaned with disappointment, but got to cleaning regardless. One maid pony seemed to be having a hard time sweeping away a large mass of grounded foodstuffs. No matter how hard she pushed with her broom, the mass wouldn't budge. Tightening her magical grip, she hefted the broom upward before swinging it into the pile. The effect was an unworldly groan that echoed throughout the kitchen. Everypony turned to see the blobby mess rise from the floor. It staggered from side to side as it made its way towards Pinkie Pie. Pinkie Pointed a hoof to the exit. “Everypony run! The food has been disgraced by the floor and has come to life to destroy its creators!” All the ponies scampered out, some tripping over tables and slipping on food scraps before making it through the swinging doors. One of the mares that had stood by Pinkie’s side looked back through the doorway. “I will not abandon you, glorious leader!” “Just go! Save yourself! I'm used to fighting things like this in Twilight's underground lab! Mostly on Tuesdays.” Pinkie yelled as she prepared to battle the culinary monster before her. The mare at the door saluted and left. Not a moment later, the doors swung open again. “What is going on in...” Bright Herald and Porcelain Pot, took one look at the food monster and the pink mare attached to its back screaming, “I will consume you completely!” through clenched teeth. It came out more like “I vill cunsume vu cumpeetly!” but that didn’t stop the Court Announcer and maid from slowly backing out the door grumbling "huminah" repeatedly. Unbeknownst to the two ponies who left, Pinkie finally learned that the monster she was trying to eat was in fact Shadow Wisp covered from head to hoof in food scraps. While devouring food off the monster’s back, Pinkie had discovered patches of an orange coat beneath. Even after she found out the food monster was merely a pony, it was many minutes before she jumped of Shadow’s back. “Finally! It took you long enough to notice.” “Oh, I noticed like five minutes ago. The girly screaming and running in a circle made it pretty obvious.” Pinkie stood up and waved her arms about. “I mean, monsters usually go ‘grrr or roar’ and stuff. I’m just speaking from experience here” "If you knew, then why didn't you let go of my mane earlier!" He yelled. Pinkie followed the stallion into a large supply closet, where Shadow retrieved a towel and started wiping himself off. "Well..." Pinkie looked off to the side at the pantry they had moved to. "I was getting back for you scaring everypony, I was having too much fun, and just because food is caked onto a pony does not mean it needs to go to waste! So, what made you decide to cover yourself in food and lie down in the middle of a food fight?" Shadow wisp grasped a couple sacks of flour off a shelf from above. He tried his best to ignore Pinkie as she started licking the food off herself like a cat. "I didn’t cover myself. I was trying to—" Pinkie didn’t seem to be listening. "I mean if you were trying to impress that mare you were talking about then covering yourself in food probably isn't the way to go." Pinkie’s tail twitched and she rolled over to clean her other side. White powder exploded everywhere when the flour bags missed her head by inches and mashed into the stone floor. She paid it no mind, opting to keep licking some cream cheese from her belly. Shadow Wisp growled in defeat. "Aww, don't be angry about being shy. I guess it sort of worked on getting my attention, but unless I was..." Pinkie looked up at the dirty unicorn with a toothy grin. “I'm the mare you've been after all this time." Ahhhgg!" He couldn’t take it anymore and pounced onto the pink mare. In a puff of white smoke he had her pinned to the floor. Pinkie looked up at her captor and smiled deviously.  "Little rough don't you think?" “Ms Pie do you need any... help.” The wrestling pair looked up at Porcelain Pot’s blue grey face poking through the pantry door. “Naw, it’s all good in here. It turns out the food monster was actually this stallion and he’s finally gotten over his shyness to profess his secret love to me.” “Oh, okay then.” The serving mare left, the door quietly clicking closed behind her. “What?! I’m not professing my love!” Shadow distanced himself from Pinkie’s face, but kept her pinned down with his hooves. “I've been trying to catch you all day long, but all my spells keep missing and hitting pastries or ricocheting into me! I was stuck lying on the floor half numb from a stun spell for forty-five minutes! And I had the most annoying itch on my flank. But now, I have you right where I want you.” Pinkie Pie rolled her eyes. “You could have just asked me on a date like a normal stallion. Though normal is just another word for boooring! If you wanted to catch me so bad, I am due for my weekly sugar induced coma any minute.” Pinkie fluttered her eyelashes. “I’ve always wanted to date a cute psychotic unicorn.” Shaodow could swear he chipped a molar clenching his jaw for the thousandth time that day. “I’m not interested in you. I only want to kidnap you and get paid!” His shout was met with silence. He looked down to see Pinkie Pie unconscious, her chest rising and falling slowly. He almost thought she looked sort of cute, with her pink fur fluffy and free, her little pudge from consuming so many sweets. That is, until a pool of drool and mashed food started forming around her muzzle. Shadow Wisp shivered in disgust as he heaved the food and saliva covered mare onto his back. He draped a rune covered blanket over Pinkie and stepped out of the large pantry. Laden with his invisible target, Shadow left the kitchens to find a more private venue. Shadow wisp opened up the mental link to his partner once more. Belladonna, I have laughter in a bottle. I’ll meet you at The Room. *** Morning Star, backed away from Shining’s face as soon as he finished talking. “A coup!” she exclaimed, reeling around and making her way to the door. “We have to tell the Princesses right now!” She raised a hoof to the handle only to find a wall of magic blocking the door. “You can't tell them,” Shining Armor said with finality. The bolt slid home behind the veil of magic. Before Shining could explain, Morning Star was already making her own conclusions. Her eyes darted around the exit for a weakness. “What do you mean I can’t tell them?” Her voice was oddly quiet. “It’s complicated, but I can—” She was still facing the door. “We have to tell them.” Star released something from under her wing. Her head turned slightly to the side to grasp the object, careful not to fully reveal it. Shining tried to speak as calmly as possible. “Now, I know this looks bad—” “Wait a minute!” Her speech was muffled by something in her mouth. Star swiveled around and narrowed her eyes at her Captain. Shining was not surprised to see her brandishing her morning star, but he was put off by the blue glow of the weapon, complete with a white fog wafting of its surface. “I get it. You're in on it. You’ve been planning the whole thing! You only let me in here so you could take me out before I ruined your plans!” “No, you have it all wrong. You’re one of my best soldiers. I know your friends, I know your favorite color is purple!” Shining shook his head and held up his hooves. “That sounded creepy, what I meant was—” “YOU WERE SPYING ON ME!” Before Shining could finish, the pegasus leapt into the air, brandishing her spiked club. A pink shield sprang up as her weapon came down. The morning star struck his magic barrier and skidded downward into his wooden desk. With an explosion of wood and splinters, the desk lay in many more than two pieces. In a few moments, the dust in the small office settled to reveal Shining Armor standing behind a pink bubble of magic. The area at his hooves had been spared of the mess in the rest of his office due to his shield, but to his astonishment, some shallow scratches had been carved into it by the single strike. He quickly mended the damage with a portion of his magical reserves. “Lieutenant! Let me explain,” he said firmly. What the hay! Why can’t I grab her weapon with my magic? Every time he reached for the hilt his magic slipped away like a greased pig. “Explain what, TRAITOR! I bet you got rid of Shine Bright too!” she yelled, striking the shield again. She continued her assault, striking over and over. Shining cringed with each impact, slowly moving to the back of his office. he looked back at the small square window near the back of his office and considered if he could fit. Damn, I could have fit through when I was a mare. Darn you toned flanks! Shining Armor grunted from another blow to his waning defense. At least I can see I’ve trained them to be loyal... to the Princesses. At this point, striking back would have just made him look more guilty. Shining hoped that if he just held the defensive she would tire out eventually. That hope was fading as deep cracks started to form in his barrier. *** To Be Continued.