Chapter 39: Solitary Shell
A few minutes later, after Bryce felt well enough to go on, he and Ditzy continued on the way to the later's home. To try and avoid the crowd that had formed at the front of the bakery, they had been allowed to exit through the back door. This was really for the best since Bryce's display left nopony who could keep a straight face upon seeing him.
Bryce had volunteered to carry Dinky's birthday cake for Ditzy so she could walk normally. He also held onto the paper bag with the remaining unopened bars of chocolate.
As they cleared the sounds of the crowd behind them they heard a new group of voices a short distance ahead. Within the group they could see a dull brown colt with three other colts. These four colts were encircling a fifth. It was one Bryce remembered.
"So, what'd he look like?"
Scootaloo took a bite of her chocolate bar before saying a single word. "He was... tall, and he didn't have any fur."
"Yeah, we know that. What else?"
"He wearing an official Wonderbolts hoodie."
Rocksalt interrupted whatever his friends were going to say. "This is getting us nowhere. Now, at any point did it look like he tried to take control of your mind?"
"What...? N- No!"
Rocksalt took notice of Scootaloo's delay. "Why'd it take yuh so long ta answer?"
"I- it was just a weird question."
Rockstar narrowed his eyes. "Or he's already took control of your mind."
"Rock, how many more times are you gonna-"
"Shut it! You better give me some answers, runt, before I have ta get'em my own way."
One of his friends tried to get the earth pony's attention. "Rock..."
"What's it gonna be?"
"I'm not under his control." Scootaloo took another bite of her chocolate.
Rocksalt's jaw dropped when he figured something out. Reaching forward he knocked what remained of the bar onto the ground and began to viciously stomp it into the dirt.
"Hey, what'd you do that for?"
"Because, he probably put something in it to warp your mind enough ta make yuh a zombie."
"Rock..."
"No he didn't, I saw him open it himself."
"Then... it was probably all a trick to... make yuh think... I don't know."
"ROCK!"
"What!?"
Rocksalt looked to where his friend indicated to see Bryce standing about a foot away from them.
"Rock, I think we should-"
Rocksalt wasn't prepared to listen. "Hey, big guy. What gives with you takin control of all them ponies? Well I can tell you one thing, you ain't gonna take-"
Again Rocksalt's friends held him back. "Please forgive him, sir, I mean, Master. He gets these crazy ideas and he almost makes himself believe them."
Bryce only stared down at them all.
"If you let us go we'll try and make sure he won't bother you again."
Bryce said his first words to them. "Leave... Take him with you."
The colts did as Bryce said, the whole time Rocksalt yelling out how Bryce had them all under his control.
When they were gone Bryce looked down to the orange pegasus. "Looks like you lost your chocolate."
Scootaloo sadly nodded.
Bryce thought the situation over before deciding what to do. Reaching into the paper bag he presented Scootaloo with an unopened bar of chocolate. "Here, I promise I didn't put anything in it to zombify you."
Scootaloo was slow to react, more surprised to see him willing to give her a second chocolate bar after what had happened to the first.
"Well, don't leave me hanging."
Scootaloo took the candy from Bryce and began to rip the wrapper off.
"Enjoy it, kid." As he walked off he left Scootaloo with a few parting words, "That one boy, he just ain't proper."
When the pair were alone again they both walked along in silence.
Since they were both alone, Bryce decided it was a good time to ask what had been gnawing at him. "Ditzy, can we talk about what happened now?"
"About what? There's nothing to talk about." Ditzy dismally said.
"I want you to look me in the eyes... I mean, I want you to, uh-"
"Bryce, would you stop trying to avoid saying anything involving eyes around me!? I'm okay with it!" Ditzy scolded him.
Bryce could only meekly respond, "I was only trying to not be rude."
Ditzy sighed. "I know, but you don't have to do that. It doesnt- It doesn't bother me."
Bryce rushed forward and stopped in front of the gray mare. "Fine, if it doesn't bother you then I want you to look me in the eyess and tell me what's bothering you."
Ditzy stopped before she could collide with his large legs. "Bryce, please, we need to get back."
"I know, but you don't need to go to your family like this. I can tell something's got you upset. And if I can see it they'll be able to see it as well."
The gray mare took a few steps back. "Bryce, it's none of your concern. Somepony like you would never understand."
"Fine. Let me tell you what's got you like this then," Bryce said in a more calm tone. "You're not upset about what he said about you. Are you?" That single statement was enough to make Ditzy flinch. "I doubt this is the first time someone like him has said things like that about you. From what I've seen you can easily tolerate anything someone says about you. You're upset about what he said about Dinky."
Ditzy's jaw almost dropped. Bryce had been able to hit the nail square on the head. "H- How did you know?"
He bluntly stated, "You're not the only one who can see the things others overlook."
Ditzy turned her head to look down at her hooves. An abundance of emotions began to well up inside of her. To say anything Bryce had said was wrong would have been a lie. He was right about everything. Ditzy had been teased about her eyes and her clumsiness since flight school. He had also been correct in saying she could tolerate it now; it still hurt at her skin nonetheless. But it had been what Thunderlane had said about Dinky which had pierced her thick skin to her very core. Tears began to stream down her face and land on the ground. "Bryce, is it all my fault?"
"What?"
"Is it because of me Dinky is going to turn out to become stupid and- and clumsy?"
"Ditzy, you're not-"
"ANSWER ME!"
For a minute the only sound between them was the sound of Ditzy's heavy breathing.
Bryce took a knee to get down to her level. "Ditzy... Dinky does take after you."
Ditzy tried to look away, but Bryce held onto her so she couldn't "Let me finish. Dinky does take after you, but it's all the good parts. Your daughter has been one of the nicest ponies I've seen since I've been here, and I haven't seen that many of you little horse things. From the day you brought her to act as a playmate to Sprout she's always tried to be as kind to everyone as she can. I mean, she even tried to cheer me up that evening after I... After I froze up."
A small smile began to form at the corners of Ditzy's mouth.
"I know she may have been angry at me for taking away her birthday, but she was only acting her age. And I still love her no matter what. If you're afraid of her turning out like someone then you should be happy it's you." Bryce released his hold on the gray mare.
"But... But I don't want her to be like me... Not completely like me. I want her to be able to go through school not knowing what it's like to be outside the group. I want her to have friends, to be invited to parties, and- and be asked out by the cute colt from school... If she's like me..." Ditzy's mood again dampened.
There was another bout of silence between them. "Ditzy, I know how you feel about that. I was the same way in school. I never really had any friends in school. I never had anyone from school over to my house, or been to theirs. I mean, my first year in college my roommate moved out for no reason and I was left with a room for two people all to myself. And all the walls were painted this dull white color that made it look like it went on and on forever. My whole time I was there I just wanted at least one picture. Anything I could hang on those walls to close it in; to give some endpoint.Sometimes I would go out, outside of my classes, to try and meet people. I would invite people to come, but they rejected me. Hell, the girls I asked thought I was trying to make a joke. Each night I would always end up going back to that same, white, depthless room occupied only by myself. That room was my life."
When Bryce had finished Ditzy could see how he understood her ordeal, but one thing remained to be seen. "Okay, you can understand what being alone is like, but what makes you think you know anything about having a child that could go through that?"
Bryce bit down on his lip. "When it comes to that... I have the same fear." Bryce swallowed before he continued. "In my world there is a... Well, there's no definite classification for it, but the big part about it is that it's genetic. The odds are low, but they're high enough it can happen to almost anyone, and I have the misfortune of being a recepient." With each word Bryce was finding it harder to press on.
"Bryce, you don't have to tell me if you don't want to."
"I- I do. It's just... I've never told anyone about it." Bryce began to curl and uncurl his toes. "I don't know if there's an equivalent in this world, but I'm on the part of the autism spectrum called... As... Asperger's Syndrome."
"Ass... burgers?"
"No, Asperger's. There's a 'p', not a 'b'."
"I can't say I've ever heard of anything like that."
Bryce shook his head. "That's no surprise. Many in my world haven't, and those who do know assume only the most basic quirks."
"What do you mean by 'basic'?"
"Well, the biggest thing they say is how I don't like being touched. While that may be true, deep down you'll find everyone is like that. When your on a train would you want to be gut to gut with the person next to you? Another is that it's only affects a person mentally, but I sometimes get either constipated or gassy from something I ate the night before. What it was I can't ever tell."
Bryce took a sitting position and held out his leg to allow Ditzy to see the bottoms of his shoes. "Can you see how the soles of my shoes are more worn down at the top? Well that's because I walk on my toes sometimes... Well, a lot."
Ditzy had sat back, patiently listening to what Bryce had to say. "What about whenever you get angry? Sometimes it's like you it comes out of nowhere."
"Well, that is a part of it. People with autism can express emotion; they tend to act out how they feel instead of saying it. Sometimes they find it difficult to hold it all in and it comes out in abnormal ways. One second they seem happy and carefree, the next they've taken the Rubik's cube they've been working on and break the damned thing on the floor!"
Ditzy was thrown back by the anger in Bryce's last statement. "Why are people with... As...perger's like that?"
"It's just one of those things with no clear answer. They don't mean to be that way, but they just are."
"I don't understand."
"Well, why do you breathe?"
"So I can get air in my lungs and continue to live."
"Well, do you have to tell yourself to breathe, or to blink?"
"Well... No..."
Bryce nodded. "See, it's one of those things. I'm fully and wholly there to see it, but I don't have full control of it. It just... is what it is."
"So, when you said it's genetic, does that mean...?"
Bryce nodded. "I want to have kids of my own one day, but at the same time I'm- I'm afraid of any one of them going through what I did. Every child I have will have a chance of being on the autism spectrum, and a boy would be four times as likely."
"Is there any way in your world to cure it?"
Bryce shook his head. "The only real cure is to treat it before any of the symptoms can become habits. There can still be the physical symptoms, maybe a few of the mental ones, but if you treat it enough someone can get themselves off the autism spectrum entirely... If they have someone who cares enough to help. But even if there was a cure I..." There was a pause before Bryce said, "I wouldn't know how to function without it. It would be like you trying to go on if your wings were replaced by a horn, or if they were taken away from you overnight."
"I could probably learn to live with it.."
"Well a physical change one can adapt to, but if it were something mental you wouldn't be able to say that." Ditzy wasn't able to deny that claim. Bryce sighed. "Look, I know this may all be strange, but I- I don't want to have any special treatment because of it. I try to be a good person at heart, I do. I only have a more difficult time seeing the difference between what's right and what's wrong."
Before he continued, Bryce once again did his system of curling and uncurling his toes once again. "Am I still the same Bryce Smales to you?"
"Of course you are, why wouldn't you be?"
Bryce shook his head. "I don't know. I mean, I've played this same scenerio in my head I don't know how many times, and in each one the person either tells me I'm making it up, or making an excuse, or to just get over it. I unsure how to react to this."
Ditzy lay a hoof on his shoulder. "Bryce, you shouldn't worry how others see you to tell you who you are. If I did that my whole life I wouldn't be called a mother. And while I was a tad upset about you stopping us in the middle of the road it did turn out to be the right thing for you to do. And if you thought this was right then I'm not going to ask you to explain yourself."
"But do you still worry about her?"
"... I'm unsure."
"I bet... I bet I can tell you something to change your mind. It's short so I can tell you along the way."
"Well, if it's short."
The pair were soon back on track towards the mare's home. Along the way Bryce told his tale. "In my world there aren't any pegasi, or unicorns, except in myths and legends. However, in the beliefs of a certain people there was a winged horse known as Pegasus. Pegasus had been the steed of two great heroes and a carrier for the gods, but an important characteristic were his hooves, for wherever they touched the earth a spring would come forth."
"It was one such spring, of Pegasus' creation, that was held above the others. It was from this spring, known as Hippocrene, which the goddesses who inspired man in literature, science, and the arts considered sacred. It was said that men who drank of its water would be blessed with the gift to create beauteous works of art and literature."
"That was a nice story, Bryce, but what does it have to do with me?"
"You may not be the steed of heroes but you are a carrier of sorts. And when you came down from Cloudsdale you did create something great, Ditzy. If it had not been for you there would be no Dinky, and I can promise you right here that Dinky is going to be important to everyone one day, and that she will not be alone. On that day she will share the glory with all of her friends, and her true love."
"How can you be so sure?"
Bryce looked down at her with a smirk. "I can see things that others can't."
When Ditzy looked up into his light gray eyes it took away any doubts she still had. Ditzy flew up and wrapped her hooves around Bryce's thick neck. With tears in her eyes, Ditzy said, "Thank you, Bryce. Thank you so, so much." Ditzy leaned in and whispered in his ear, "Please keep being yourself, Bryce Smales. It's the only person you will ever know how to be. I can tell you now that there is somepony who cares enough to help you out of that solitary shell you think you're stuck in."
"Wait, Ditzy, I said I don't want any-"
"Shh... Bryce, this isn't me giving you special treatment. This is a friend helping out a friend. You've already done so much for us, not just for me, but for my family. And I bet they'll both try to be just as helpful. You'll see. If anything "
Deep down the message was clear to Bryce. While an Aspie like him may never be able to understand the world, neither this one nor the one he had came from, he could take solace in knowing he as wasn't as alone as he had thought and life no longer felt so endless.