The Nano-percent: A Conversion Bureau that Never Was
Chapter 1: Honored One
How could this happen? It wasn’t by any remote means possible. I walked down the hallway in silent reflection. It used to be a stairway to heaven. Now it was the dock of shame from Total Drama Island. But there was no campfire, no marshmallow, and no coming back next season.
My name is Erica “Yukkiko” Denise. It means “honored snow on the mountain of Zeus”. Yet contrary to its meaning, I’d somehow ended up in the unkempt valley of depression. Having the name Acacia Trista, or “the thorn of sorrow”, would have matched my life’s situation better. What deities would trounce my pursuit of happiness?
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Breakfast that day consisted of tofu and bell-pepper omelets. They weren’t bad. Plus, it assured me that protein was not scarce in the diet that I anticipated obtaining in the near future.
That led me to wonder what I would be. Flying kind of scared me and channeling and the thought of having a completely new power with nothing but my mind disturbed me. I bet I was one of the few people that hoped they would become an earth pony. Though, that phrase is kind of an oxymoron, “earth pony”. These Equestrians didn’t originate from Earth, yet they had a sub-species called “earth pony”. I found that very strange.
It was then that I realized some guy had been talking to me for the past 12 minutes and I hadn’t given a response to his last question. Being the intellectual type has its downfalls. Conversation is awkward, large gatherings freak me out, and I get way too obsessed when I read a good book or watch a great movie.
“Sorry, what did you say?” I asked with a sheepish smile.
“Stay with me, Yukkiko. I asked what you think of that hot chick pony that delivered the lecture yesterday. You think I have a shot with her?”
Turning to fully him I raised my eyebrow saying, “Y…you’re crushing on Rarity? Isn’t she already taken?”
“Hey, I’m just searching for options here,” he said defensively, “Besides, her body was practically begging to be looked at.”
At this I had to face palm. “Barry, there’s more to an individual than their physical appearances. You have to get to know them personally before you decide you’re ready to spend the rest of your life with her.”
“Yukkiko,” he sighed, “you’re so old-fashioned. Getting the action is the most important aspect. Most relationships don’t last five years.”
“That’s because the ones involved didn’t wait for after marriage to fully commit,” I pointed out.
He paused a second before sighing again, “You’re right, Yukki-chan. What would I do without your words of wisdom?”
“You’d collect a mess of STD’s before being forced by a doctor to quit sleeping around,” I said with a flat tone. At this we both laughed.
“I love your humor,” Barry beamed, “It can’t be replicated because each line is so unique and perfectly timed.”
“I know,” I smiled before I resumed eating.
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I was back in my temporary bedroom, once again reading the Left Behind series by Tim Lahaye and Jerry B. Jenkins. It was amazing what the book of Revelation, a couple authors, and imagination could create. It truly was an art of the apocalypse.
“Um, Erica…Denise? Is that how you say it?” a fairly thick, southern accent sounded over the intercom, “It’s your turn or something. Consarn it, Pinkie Pie’s better at this than…*click*.”
Immediately putting a bookmark on the page I was on before closing my book, I rose off the bed. I couldn’t believe it was that time already. The wait was over.
“Go get ‘em, Yukkiko,” encouraged my roommate Hawk. I nodded once in reply. Without another word, I was practically skipping down the hall to the “authorized personnel only” door.
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Everything had gone smoothly. I had changed out of my clothes into the sort of bag-like gown that would allow room for a changing newfoal. Rarity had given me a look of comfort and encouragement.
“Bottoms up, darling.”
I had swallowed the artificial grape taste in one gulp. I was out like a light.
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No dream.
That was where this snowball of disaster had started. All of the previous converts had at least mentioned some dream about being in fields, soaring through skies, and meeting the princesses of Equestria. But I didn’t experience anything.
It was literally the deepest sleep I had ever been in.
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Why? I thought, Why me?
The purple-maned, white unicorn had been courteous enough to levitate my clothes back to me. I slowly put them all back on before leaving the room. I walked down the hall slowly with my eyes cast down on the tile floor. Some people and ponies were peeking out the doorways, but I hardly noticed them.
I couldn’t even take pleasure in the fact that I had avoided becoming a unicorn or Pegasus. I was still the bipedal Homo Sapien that I was born as. I reflected the words that the assistant doctor had told me after I had woken up.
“I had heard scattered reports where one in a million people have the gene that allows them to become an alicorn. The odds were so infinitesimally small that most of the bureaus dismissed the possibility. But never have I heard of a gene that resisted the conversion altogether. I guess you’re living proof that such a gene exists.”
I walked into the bedroom, kicked off my shoes, and fell onto my bed face-first into the pillow. I released tears and sobs. I didn’t want to be “special”. I just wanted to live in peace like everyone else.
“Hey, what happened?” said a voice I assumed was Hawk’s. My only response was more muffled wails.
“Did they not let you take the stuff?”
I just wanted him to shut up. Some unknown force must have hated me today because I heard Hawk get off his bed and I felt him tap my back.
“Come on, Yukkiko. What’s wrong?” Hawk asked. I muttered an unintelligible phrase into my pillow.
“Say that again? Maybe without the pillow this time.”
At this point I was too frustrated to care if he heard or not so lifting my head out of the pillow I nearly shouted, “It didn’t work!”
“Woah! What?” he stood there flabbergasted.
“I’m immune! Some stupid DNA sequence that somehow makes it impossible for the serum to change me. Are you happy now?” I’m pretty sure my anger could be heard by everyone in the hall.
“Wow…gosh. I… I’m sorry, Yukkiko,” he was struggling with whether to say anymore. I could tell.
I don’t think I left the room again until dinner that evening. Why did hunger make food taste better? I was bitter. I should have eaten something bitter to match my mood. Confound this cinnamon apple cobbler for dessert. I was in no mood to enjoy something so delicious.
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A/N: There may be a few shout-outs in this story but I'll never remember them all. I gain no profit from this.