"THOSE FENNELING SASSAFRAS CARDAMOMS--!"
Bonbon sighed. "Lyra, calm down."
"Calm down?! Calm down?!?!" The unicorn pointed at the front door. "OUT THERE! There are ponies that have accused you of, well, being evil! They're going to try to lock you up, take you away from me, and you're just going to accept that?!"
"I've done nothing wrong," Bonbon replied calmly. "Or at least, nothing illegal. This will blow over easily."
"But but--it's wrong! Why aren't you upset about this?!"
Bonbon took a breath. "I am. I'm very upset. I'm also aware that any attempt to retaliate will just be seen as a monstrous changeling attack. Which, you know, would make the whole situation worse."
"How can you be so calm?! This is bad, this is so bad! You've got to be a lot--stop it!" Lyra stomped her hoof, tears in her eyes. "Stop being so calm and cold and distant!"
"Cold and... what?"
"Just, all this past week, you're like-- you've been different! It's because I've gotten fat, isn't it?!" She started tearing up. "That's why you've been so reluctant to bedroom conga!"
"...wait, is this about the sex? Cause Mister Cake said--"
"Oh, mister Cake said? Oh when did he say this, are you seeing him?!"
"I, what? No! It was months ago, back when we first found out you were pregnant!" Bonbon rubbed the back of her head. "See, he said that you, uh, could be irrational and that I should have less sex during the fourth month--"
"Oh, so when she gets fat she's not worth it, is that what he said?!"
"No! That's not--I have no idea what--Have you taken your medicine?"
Lyra snarled. "How... you... I.... THAT DOESN'T HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH ANYTHING!"
Bonbon groaned. "Lyra, you know that you need the pills to keep you, uh, stable."
"Are you saying that my feelings right now aren't important?!"
"No, I'm saying that you're feelings are very overpowering right now."
Lyra snorted. "YOU.... ARERARARAGHLAHRLAKEJLGJKLHDLSKA!" She snapped around, marching away with her tail swishing angrily. "I am going to go upstairs, cry over your callousness until I need to throw up, then I'm going to throw up, and then I'm going to take my pills, and then we're going to go to the courthouse, and then I don't know but I expect you to stop being so cold after that!"
Bonbon sighed. "Oh, Lyra...."
***
"All rise, the honorable Judge Gavel presiding!"
The green mare nodded to the grey pegasus as she walked up to the podium. "Thank you, Bailiff. Now then, you may all be seated."
"What was even the point of that?" Lyra muttered. "A cardio routine?"
Bonbon rolled her eyes, but deigned not to reply.
"Will the representative for the prosecution please state the charges?"
A blue-coated unicorn rose, adjusting his tie for a moment. "Your honor, at the behest of a humble petition of concerned citizens, I am obligated to accuse the individual known as Bonbon for illegal and unlicensed use of mental magic to engage in the psychological and physical coercion of one Lyra Heartstrings into repeated and unwanted intimate encounters."
There was a brief moment of silence.
"...Excuse me, kind sir." Bonbon placed her forehooves on the desk in front of her, slowly pushing herself up. "I'm not entirely sure I understand. If I am hearing your statement correctly... you are accusing me... of raping my wife."
The lawyer nodded briefly. "I am representing those who believe that to be the case, yes."
Lyra jumped onto the desk "THAT IS COMPLETE AND UTTER HORSE APPLES YOU CELESTIA MOUNTING SON OF A--!!"
"Lyra, please calm yourself." Bonbon smiled.
"Bonbon, didn't you just hear what--"
"We are going to sit down, calmly. We are going to listen to what the nice gentlecolt has to say. And then...."
Green fire burst from the black carapace, enveloping the calmly smiling changeling whose pink eyes were fixed on the nervous blue unicorn.
"We will explain, with great detail, exactly why he is wrong."
Lyra blinked.
Her eyes drifted to the green fire stopping a good distance from her hoof.
Very slowly, she sat down. "For the record, this counts as ordinary 'my spouse is seriously pissed and I want to stay on their good side' behavior here. No coercion, physical or mental." She waved at the judge. "Just putting that on the record."
"Lyra?"
"Yeah Bonbon?"
"Can I ask you not to speak unless spoken to?"
"...yeah okay, sure."
"Thank you dear."
"Welcome."
Judge Gavel coughed gently. "Miss Bonbon, I feel I must ask you to stop being on fire."
Bonbon flicked an ear, still smiling. "I'm trying to turn it off. Believe me. I am trying. It doesn't seem to be doing anything." The fire continued cackling around her carapace. "For the record, this is mostly just illusion magic and not actually harmful."
"Understood. Ahem. Representative for the defense, would you like to make a statement?"
Arsenic gave Bonbon a look before standing. "I believe the essence of our statement has already been made, your honor. These accusations have no grounding in reality, and will be disproved with just swiftness."
"...I see." Gavel nodded once. "Very well then. Would the prosecution please explain the evidence for the accusation?"
"Certainly." The blue unicorn sorted through his papers. "Ah. Hmm. Item one: Lyra Heartstrings is on record as being psychologically unstable, directly as a result of Bonbon's manipulations--"
"HEY! I was crazy before I met her, get your damn facts straight!" Lyra pounded her hoof on the desk. "It's a genetic condition aggravated by an unhealthy childhood!"
The unicorn peered down his muzzle at her. "Are you saying there was no change in your mental state after encountering Bonbon?"
"Ye--N--There was a positive change in my mental state unrelated to any magic mind stuff!" Lyra crossed her forelegs. "I fell in love!"
Gavel rolled her eyes. "Will the prosecution please avoid questioning ponies that are not on the witness stand?"
"I apologize for my breach of etiquette, your honor. It will not happen again."
"Miss Lyra, could you please avoid those outbursts in the future?"
"What--?! But he was lying about my--"
"Lyra," Arsenic said firmly, "I was about to object to the evidence. That is my job here."
"....fine." She slouched in her chair sullenly. "Sorry."
Bonbon managed to stop the flame on her face long enough to give Lyra a gentle nuzzle. "It was a sweet gesture."
"Thanks."
Arsenic turned to the judge. "As it would be clear, I feel I must object to this evidence. Lyra's mental condition predated her meeting with Bonbon, and furthermore there was no significant medical change at any point during their relationship."
"...I feel that the objection regarding the evidence preexisting Lyra and Bonbon's relationship is sustainable. However, given the nature of the charges, I must alllow any post-meeting evidence to be admitted for perusal." Gavel nodded to the blue unicorn. "Please."
He approached the stand, giving her a file with a small nod. She took a moment to open it, her eyes roving over the text within. Then she set it down. "...you may continue."
"Thank you. May I call on Doctor Interest to be a witness?"
Judge Gavel raised an eyebrow. "I assume he has more medical records?"
"Yes."
"I must object," Arsenic interjected smoothly. "Consulting doctors is a violation of doctor/patient confidentiality."
Lyra blinked. "Wait, but he just gave the judge a file on--"
"Those were pharmaceutical records. Your pills. That's technically legal."
"...What?"
"Objection sustained." Judge Gavel gave the prosecuting lawyer a look. "You are already skirting the edges of courtroom legality as it is, please don't bring illegal evidence up again."
"...With all due respect, your honor, we are looking for evidence of an exploitative relationship. Unless the accused is willing to come up to the stand and testify, I can see no other way for--"
"I am fully willing to come up to the stand and testify."
Silence filled the room as everypony stared at the still flaming, still smiling changeling.
She quirked a dark eyecrest
"...Your testimony would be suspect," the blue unicorn pointed out. "As the accused, you would have a perfect reason to falsify--"
"Then I'll testify!" Lyra stood up. "I mean, I'm supposedly the victim here, right? So logically I'd want to tell everypony how mean Bonnie's been to me, oh, spoilers, it's like only five percent meanness and that's mostly when I steal candy or laze around the house or stuff like that!"
"Unfortunately, as somepony suspected of being affected by mental magic, your testimony is also not entirely trustworthy."
Judge Gavel shook her head. "This is why I dislike mental magic trials, the basic problem of identifying who is and isn't hypnotized is incredibly difficult."
"Indeed. That is why I wished to call one of the victim's doctors to the stand." The blue unicorn nodded. "Physical evidence of abuse would be so much more reliable."
Arsenic held up a hoof. "If I may, your honor?"
"What is it?"
"I took the liberty of contacting a licensed mental magician before the trial, and she is waiting outside." The guard bowed his head. "She could seek evidence of tampering--"
"I object, your honor. The defense hiring somepony capable of the same acts as the accused--"
"The accusation of these acts have yet to be confirmed," Gavel sternly countered. "Your point, however, is conceded. How can we ensure the magician is not corrupt in some manner?"
"She is employed by the Crown," Arsenic replied simply, "and took this case pro bono. She will also have a record of her license and history."
The judge considered the guard's words carefully.
"...very well. I can see no reason to bar this magician from the proceedings."
Arsenic rose from his seat with a grateful nod, marching toward the courtroom doors and stepping out.
A few seconds later, Princess Luna entered the room.
"Y-Your majesty!" Judge Gavel stood up. "I was not... you are the mental magician employed by the crown?!"
"Indeed. The Crown can employ themself, can it not?" Luna nodded. "Please be seated. I am not here in my station as a royal. I am here to offer my expertise to the case in question--"
"This is preposterous!" The blue unicorn slapped his papers on his desk. "Summoning a princess into a courtroom like this is not only a blatant stunt for attention but also a distinct improbability! Your honor, I insist that an illusion dispelling enchantment be placed on this so called alicorn so we can see who she truly is!"
Lyra blinked for a few seconds. "...Are you seriously accusing Princess Luna of being a changeling?"
"The court building has gates at every entry to scan for disguised changelings," Judge Gavel countered dryly. "As such it is quite unlikely that anyone here is not who they claim to be."
It took a moment for the lawyer to fully process the statement. But he bowed his head. "My apologies, Princess. There is just so much tension around this case--"
"I am unsurprised." Luna swept past the lawyer. "A number of ponies are still unaware of the Hive Proclamations."
"The... I'm sorry?"
"Your honor, may I produce for the record a copy of a portion of the document written and signed by the legislative branch of Equestria shortly after the invasion of Canterlot?"
Judge Gavel sighed. "It's not as if anything reasonable has happened so far... why not."
"Thank you." Luna pulled a scroll from her petryal, clearing her throat. "Ahem. 'In light of the recognition of Changeling Hives as nomadic states, and furthermore of individual changelings as citizens of Equestria, all changelings are to be considered as having a one-year license to the use of non-medical mental magic and can furthermore reapply for mental magic licenses after expiration.'" She rolled the scroll up. "In other words, so long as Bonbon did not violate the ethical code associated with such a license--"
"Objection, your honor!" The blue unicorn stood. "Whether or not the accused has a license is irrelevant! The fact remains that she is accused of mental coercion, which is in fact in violation of said theoretical license."
"...objection sustained." Gavel brought a hoof to her forehead. "Princess Luna, would you be so kind as to examine Lyra for any use of mental magic in violation of ethical conduct?"
Luna rolled her eyes. "Very well. Miss Heartstrings?"
"I know the drill..." Lyra leaned back into her chair. "Lay it on me."
Luna's horn lit up as she lowered it gently to Lyra's forehead. The sparkle of her aura enveloped their craniums, and for the briefest of moments their eyes were lit up in an eldritch glow.
Then Luna pulled back, ceasing the spell. "Well. Ahem. I can confirm that mental magic was never used by Bonbon to coerce Lyra." She paused. "Though... it apparently has been used as a sexual enhancement method?"
"Oh yeah. When I can feel what she feels and she can feel what I feel it's just wow oh the wow wow wow." Lyra grinned broadly. "So, yep, that's pretty much it."
Bonbon coughed. "Ah. Yes."
"Well then." Judge Gavel bit her lip. "Having learned so much more than I ever needed to learn, I think I can pass down my judgement--"
"But your honor, miss Heartstrings is hosting a changeling spawn! Surely she couldn't have agreed to--"
"HEY! I ASKED FOR THE FOAL YOU JERK!"
"And there you have it, straight from her mouth." Judge Gavel glowered at the lawyer. "Sexual assault of any type is a serious thing. But to try to find it where it does not exist, in order to support any agenda, is just... sickening. I decree Bonbon not guilty on all charges, and furthermore apologize for this mess of a court proceedings." She brought her namesake down with a bang. "Court is adjourned, you may all go, I'm going to find a bar."
***
"...Um. Bonbon?" Lyra bit her lip, glancing nervously at the mare walking next to her. "Uh... about what I said this morning."
"....yes?"
"I... I am very, seriously sorry. I was.... well, I was in one of my moods, hadn't taken my pills, and... I don't know. You didn't deserve any of it. And, and if you hate me for what I said about you and Mister Cake and... I completely understand--"
"I don't hate you," Bonbon interjected.
"Oh. Okay. But, uh... I'm still sorry. I should never have said any of that and--"
"Lyra? I am... really emotionally stressed right now, could you please just... not?"
"Oh. Okay."
The two of them continued their walk in silence for a few minutes.
"...Um. Bonbon?"
"Yes?"
"....Was there a hole in our front window when we left this morning?"
"...no."
"....Horseradish."