//------------------------------//
// Lyra Is Blissed: The First Month Is Fabulous 
// Story: Lyra Is Crazy: Many Months Of Mommy Madness 
// by Masterweaver 
//------------------------------//

	"...just saying that it makes going to the bathroom a literal pain in the butt," Lyra finished as she entered sugarcube corner. "It's not your fault--I mean, it technically is, but it isn't something I blame you for--get me the usual missus Cake--I just think maybe we should cut back to every other day."

The cream earth pony beside her rolled her eyes as she pulled out a chair for the unicorn. "As I recall, you were the one that wanted to attempt this little venture in the first place. But, if you absolutely insist on me doing less work, so be it. Ah, and a hay cookie for me, if that would be alright missus Cake."

"Well, it sounds like you two have been having an interesting week." The portly proprietor produced the pastries the pair had ordered, setting them down on the table. "That'll be twelve bits. What exactly is going on, anyway?"

Bonbon coughed into her hoof awkwardly, glancing around the shop. A few ponies were giving her some suspicious glares, and a number seemed to avoid looking at her entirely. "It's, ah... you know how I..." She gestured at her face vaguely.

"Yes, I'm aware of your make-up." The blue mare nodded solemnly. "I'm terribly sorry that my other customers are not as accommodating as Celestia was--"

A stallion scoffed and stood up, leaving his half eaten scone on the table as he trotted out.

"--but I'm not legally allowed to bar them unless they do something, well, illegal." She gave Bonbon an apologetic smile.

"Yes, well." The confectioner waved it off, trying to keep her ears from folding back. "It's not that important. They'll either come around eventually, leave, or just settle into a sort of... thing. Pattern. I dunno." She picked up her cookie, chewing it carefully.

"Still, I hope you understand that we're your friends. Me and my husband," Cupcake clarified. "And if there's any problems we can help with, feel free to tell us and we'll be--"

"Do you have any any advice for expectant mothers?" Lyra asked. "Or ponies who want to be expectant mothers. Actually, how do you know when you're an expectant mother?"

In the long quiet that followed, Bonbon's hoof made a slow journey around her forehead as Lyra munched on her fudge.

"....ah," Missus Cake finally managed. "So you two are trying for...?"

"Mmmmyep." Bonbon nodded, not removing the hoof from its place. "She seems to think that because I'm... a touch different down there, well...."

It took a few seconds for the baker to fully process this revelation. Then she turned to the kitchens. "Carrot, dear, would you please go find Pinkie and bring her out here?"

"Sure thing, Cuppa!" A gangly yellow stallion poked his head out. "I just put some rolls in the oven, they should be done in a few minutes."

"Got it!" The mare smiled happily. "Heh, Cuppa. I remember when he first called me Cuppa..."

Lyra smiled, leaning forward. "Go on..."

"Oh, we were just starting to date," the blue mare began, grabbing an empty chair and sitting down. "He'd been, well, apparently his friends had told him some cheesy one liners, so he ordered some coffee and said 'I don't know which is better, this Cuppa or the one in front of me.' Then he actually drank the thing and, hee, sputtered it all out."

"Oh, wow." Lyra smirked. "Let me guess--"

"'You're definitely the better Cuppa,'" the two of them quipped together, before descending into giggles.

"Yes, because one liners are perfect seduction tools," Bonbon deadpanned. "Witty and devastating."

"Bonnie, you're doing it again..."

The cream mare curled under Lyra's stern look. "Right, sorry. I apologize, missus Cake, that does sound... cute." She grimaced. "Sickeningly so."

"Aw, you don't have to worry about hurting my feelings, Bonbon. I'm a tough old mare, I can handle it."

A predatory smile formed on the face of the confectioner. "I am so tempted. So so tempted."

"Giving into temptation can be a very bad thing," Pinkie pointed out.

"I know, I GAH!" Bonbon jumped back into Lyra, staring at the pink pony. "Where-- what-- when did you get here?!"

"Just now, silly!" Pinkie pointed at the yellow stallion walking back into the kitchen. "Mister Cake found me pushing some foals on the swings at the local playground! I never know how he does it..."

"Pinkie Pie, Lyra is in need of your unique special ability." Missus Cake nodded toward the green unicorn. "I'd do it myself, but it's very early and I'm not as sensitive as you are."

"Hang on, what--?" Lyra squeaked in surprise as Pinkie put an ear to her belly. "What is this, what's she doing--?"

"Shhhhhhhhhhhh." Pinkie scrunched up her face. "This is more difficult then it looks."

Bonbon could only stare in incomprehension.

"...Forty four weeks, two days, and seven hours," Pinkie finally proclaimed. "Give or take thirty five minutes."

Lyra blinked. "Until what?"

"Until he comes out of course!" Pinkie leaned back. "Or she. Too early to tell."

"Wait... hold on." Bonbon held up a hoof. "Are you saying you can--just, just pick up a date of birth from what could barely be more then a zygote--?"

"Well, most earth ponies can only get it down to the month," Missus Cake explained casually. "Pinkie's special talent is parties, though--"

"And that includes birthday parties!" Pinkie finished with a grin."

"You mean..." Lyra's lips slowly curled upward. "You mean I... I'm actually... I..."

There was, ironically enough, a pregnant pause.

"YAHOO!" The unicorn jumped onto the table and started dancing. "I'm going to be a mom! I'm going to be a mom!"

"You're going to be a mom!" Pinkie joined the dance.

"I'm going to be a mom!"

Bonbon slumped in her chair, shock on her features. "I didn't think this would actually work--"

"Bonnie!" Lyra pulled her onto the table. "We're going to be parents!" She pulled the shocked mare into a deep snog.

"You're going to be parents!" Pinkie squealed, bouncing on the edge of the table.

"Mmmmm--!" Bonnie broke the kiss with a gasp. "I--I'm going to be a dad! I think..."

"You're going to be a daddy mom!" Lyra supplied helpfully.

"Yeah!" Pinkie nodded. "What she said!"

"A daddy mom... I'm going to be a daddy mom!"

Lyra hugged her tight and spun around "Woohoo! This is so awesome!"

Pinkie blew on a party popper. "You go girls!"

The table groaned ominously. Bonbon's ears perked. "Um, maybe we should--"

"Haha! Take that laws of genetics!" Lyra stood on her rear legs and shook her hoof at the ceiling. "LOVE CONQUERS ALL!"

The table collapsed.


***


"...so it's not going to be too different until the fourth month," Carrot Cake explained casually. "That's when she's really going to get what's going on with her body and, well, some irrational part of her is going to suspect that you just wanted a foal making machine."

"But she's the one that asked me to--"

"Irrational. I said irrational." The lanky stallion shrugged. "Cuppy and I had a lot of arguments around that time. What you'll need to do is really pay attention to her. Not her body, but her feelings, her wants... compliment the things she does, not the way she looks, is what I'm saying."

Bonbon nodded, trying to keep the advice tracked up in her head. "Right, right. I guess that makes sense."

"But then later she's going to start thinking you think she's hideous, because you're holding back on the physical compliments. So around the fifth month, start working them back in. Along with regular sex. You should be the one asking her, mind you, so she knows you still like that aspect, but you don't want to ask too much or you go back to the irrational 'he thinks of me as a baby machine' thing."

"Wait... what?!"

"And, uh, if you're doing anything... intense in there, um, hold back." Carrot winced. "There are... well, when she's bigger... let's just say I had to visit the hospital once and, uh, leave it at that."

"Got it, I guess." Bonbon glanced behind him, looking at the shut door that led from the kitchen they were in to the main store. "And you're sure that Missus Cake is giving Lyra the same advice?"

"Heck no. She's giving Lyra different advice. Mostly about moodswings and morning sickness and all that."

"Morning sickness?"

"Yes, everyone knows, but it has to be done."

Bonbon blinked helplessly. "...Mister Cake, I don't know if you realized this, but I am a Changeling."

"Yes, I... I heard about the scandal and all--"

"An egg-laying species," Bonbon clarified. "Whose mother laid literally hundreds of eggs."

"I... see."

"So while I can kind of understand what moodswings are, I have no point of reference when you mention morning sickness."

Carrot Cake opened his mouth. Then shut it. Then he chuckled awkwardly. "Ah, well... you see... sometimes an expecting mother will wake up in the middle of the morning and... basically purge her body."

"Okay."

"From the mouth."

Bonbon stared. "...so she'll throw up."

"Yep. And it's not just the morning either."

"...Then why do they call it morning sickness? Why not pregnancy sickness or something?"

"...I have no idea."


***


"You know what I could really go for? Some pineapple burgers with rose petals."

Bonbon gave Lyra an odd look as the two of them walked home. "You've... never wanted that before..."

"It's totally a pregnancy craving."

"It's psychosomatic is what it is."

"Would you make me pineapple burgers with rose petals, Bonbon?" Lyra nuzzled the cream mare. "Because you are an amazing cook and I love you so so much."

"...fine, I'll see what we have in the pantry." The pony glanced at the doorway of their home as they approached. "Right after I find out why there's a royal guard outside our home."

The two of them approached the stern-looking stallion without fear. The reason for this was as radically different as the ponies themselves; Lyra was happier than a cat in a glade of nepeta cataria, while Bonbon was just tired of all the stares she had gotten on the way home. The guard, for his part, was giving them a measured look.

"...Right, you. Why are you in front of our house?"

"Princess Celestia has assigned a guard to the protection of this domocile and its inhabitants." The armored pegasus glowered at them. "I assume you are Lyra Heartstrings and Bonbon?"

"Yes, yes we are..." Bonbon tilted her head. "You know, we went to Twilight right after we managed to get out of sugar cube corner and explained the situation. Then we asked her if she could see about getting us a guard. That was fifteen minutes ago."

"Indeed."

"And I assume you came from Canterlot?"

"That is where the royal guard is stationed."

Lyra whistled. "Wow, when Twilight says she'll get us a guard, she doesn't screw around! Straight to the top and everything! Let me guess, your name is Razor Wit. Or Gleaming Shield. I know! Captain Equestria!"

"Lace."

"Lace." The unicorn nodded. "Nice name."

"Huh, well." Bonbon coughed. "This is... actually, why am I even surprised anymore? Today has defied all my expectations." She stepped forward. "Could we go in please?"

Lace stepped to the side, opening the door for the two of them. Bonbon rolled her eyes as Lyra hopped right in, giving the guard a long look. "Okay, first of all, the primary reason ponies fear changelings right now is that they could be anywhere or anyone they know."

"I see."

"Secondly, I don't really appreciate liars under my roof."

"Understood."

"Thirdly, that mare is pregnant with my child so if you're here to hurt her I will tear you apart right now."

Lace blinked. "...Ah. That would change things. May I reintroduce myself?"

"Be my guest."

"Lace, Protection Adept of the Hagfish hive. I was sent by Queen Myxine to contact Celestia's advisor on changelings."

Bonbon blinked. "...Queen who?"

"Myxine. Of the Hagfish hive."

"...there are other hives?"

Lace tilted her head. "Yes. I had assumed you were aware of this."

"Uh, well... no, actually." Bonbon rubbed the back of her head. "Chrysalis never told anyone anything they didn't need to know and I kind of went rogue a decade ago so... Luna would know more than me, honestly, she's the current Regent."

"Regent..."

"Queen subsidiary. Queen Dash is our Queen on paper but she's still a little too... random to lead the Hive." Bonbon shrugged. "Anyway, another hive?"

"Indeed. Queen Myxine feels that in light of our species revelation steps should be taken to ensure allegiance with Equestria and avoid total genocide. She assumed you would have advice for negotiating with the princesses."

"Uh, right now I... am honestly just riding out a lot of shocks from today. Let me just get some rest and... I can get you an answer later." She paused. "Oh, and Lyra should know the truth about you. She may not look it, but she can keep a secret."

"Understood." Lace nodded toward the door. "Do I have your permission to enter your domicile?"

"Sure... whatever."