//------------------------------// // Nailed It // Story: Appledashery // by Just Essay //------------------------------// The stairwell door was kicked open from the inside. Lancie spun with a frown, lifting his talon to speak. His granite eyes bulged, and he quickly dove to the side and out of view. “I'm sorry those guys had to interrupt your sleep like that, kiddos,” Rainbow Dash said, balancing the heavy shard on her backside as she led Gustav and Jaeger safely into the hallway. “But, I promise you, they won't be bothering you again.” “Nein! Not after ze vay you strottled zem vith your fightink magiks!” one chirped. “Are you mutter's new bodyguard?” asked the other. “Ze vay zat you dealt vith ze kriminals is vonderbar!” “Yeah, well, I don't wanna hear about you two trying to impersonate me at your school!” Rainbow Dash shook a motherly hoof. “A pony like me only learns that kind of stuff by dropping out of school. And thought it may look awesome on the outside—believe you me—it ain't exactly the most fun life to live.” “But you are lifing vis us, are you not, Madame Firefly?” “Ja! You are mutter's uber shpecial friend!” “Hate to break it to ya kids, but I'm not exactly sticking around.” “You are not?” The eyes of a Hanz glistened. “But vhy?” “Our mutter feels so happy vis you around!” “Please don't leafe us, Madame Firefly!” “Ve promise not to be kidnapped by ugly idiots in ze future!” “It's not that simple, dudes,” Rainbow said with a sigh. “I enjoyed the time I spent with your Mom. Really I did. But while her home is here in Manehattan with you guys, mine is abroad... doing crazy things for crazy reasons. There's no art in that, only insanity.” Meanwhile, at the far end of the hall, a lone figure limped out of Photo Finish's apartment. Romulus rubbed his ruffled head, groaning from several bruises suffered across his body. His hawkeyes squinted, finally catching sight of Rainbow Dash. He gasped, and his vision narrowed on the heavy shard balanced upon the pony's shoulders. Slowy, a hideous scowl spread across the griffon's face. His beak clicked as he reached into his tattered garment and pulled out a long, jagged dagger. His wings spread and he prepared to glide across the hallway and eliminate the pegasus in one move. WHAM! A pith helmet collided against the back of his skull. Romulus' eyes rolled back. With a groan, the griffon fell to the floor, limp like a freshly cooked turkey. Within seconds, he was being dragged off into a janitorial closet where he was stuffed in and sealed away. As the door closed, a tan mare trotted back into the hallway, dusting her hooves off. A.K. Yearling glanced down the corridor while she removed her thick glasses. Her ruby eyes lingered on Rainbow Dash, then on the shard that she was carrying. As her gaze fell on Rainbow again, the pegasus smirked. She slapped the pith helmet over her head, chuckled, and darted off for a nearby stairwell, making a heroic exit. “Zen vat do ve do now?” Gustav pouted. “Life vill be so unexcitink visout you!” “I really doubt that,” Rainbow said with a smirk. “So long as your mom's around, nothing will be boring.” Jaeger sniffed and hung his head. “Zat is just it... she von't be around much longer.” Rainbow's lips pursed. Gustav leaned against Jaeger as he murmured, “Ve know all about it. Ve don't know vhy mutter tries to hide it so much. Maybe it's because she lofes us.” “Look, kiddos...” Rainbow leaned in and tilted the chin-up of one colt after another. “She does love you. I know it. And... for what it's worth, things are going to get better.” “How do you know zat, Fraulein?” Rainbow stared, mouth agape. At last, she dryly murmured, “You're just going t-to have to trust me.” She gulped. “Okay?” The colts simply gazed at her. “Now... go back and give her a big 'Allo,'” Rainbow said with a hopeful smile. “She's in the secret room, fighting a hangover—most likely.” “Ja. Mutter has at least five of zose efery week!” “Heh... well, something tells me there's gonna be less of them in the future.” Rainbow pushed them towards the apartment and began galloping off. “And if she asks where I went... well...” A living statue stealthily jumped in and clung to one of her moving legs. “...tell her that a mare from Awesometopia has always gotta be on the move! But she'll have no more luck finding me than any of Don Canter's goons! And that's all for the best!” The Hanzes waved as she sped off, then turned and headed briskly for the apartment entrance. At the base of the towering apartments, just outside the lobby, a large crowd had gathered in the street. Frazzled ponies in torn suits and dresses congregated across the sidewalk. A traffic jam of coaches and wagons had formed, made all the more congested by the arrival of police chariots with flashing lights. Manehattan's finest shuffled through the group, attempting to straighten the crowd into single file while questioning every pony they could. “I'm telling you, officers, we need an engineering team upstairs!” Filthy Rich exclaimed. “Some horrible gas leak infected our lungs and made everypony run amok! I've never experienced anything like it! And I live in Ponyville!” “There were some unsavory characters attending the party,” Fancy Pants said to another officer. “Part of the local riff-raff, I suspect. Odds are they were likely involved in the harrowing events that unfolded so dramatically.” “Could you send some ponies up there to check on Photo Finish?” Coco Pommel asked, shivering in the night air. “Uhm... I-I couldn't help but notice that neither she or her foals are down here. They must still be in the apartment.” “We'll get right on it, ma'am,” one cop said in a thick Manehattan accent. “Hey! Silver Star! Grey Steed! Let's get a move on!” As several cops galloped into the lobby, Coco stood alone, hugging herself. Suddenly, she felt a warm towel wrapped around her petite figure from behind. “You poor thing!” Sapphire Shores next patted the mare's shoulder. “You look like you just fell off an ice berg!” “Mmmm... I-I've always had something of a low blood temperature.” “That was some scary stuff upstairs, huh?” Sapphire remarked. “I hope nopony you knew was hurt.” “Oh...” Coco shrugged, staring across the street at where two inebriated ponies sat side by side. “Nopony's hurt, I'm sure.” She gulped. “Employed? Well... that may be a d-different story, after tonight.” “No kiddin'?” Sapphire tapped her chin in thought. She smirked. “You know, sugar, you've got a voice like milk and honey! You ever thought about going into the singing business?” Coco giggled lightly. “Oh please. All I'm ever good for is fetching doughnuts and sewing dresses.” “You don't say?!” Sapphire grinned. “I happen to be in need of both of those things!” She nudged Coco with her elbow, winking. “Though my agent tells me that the doughnuts could kill my career.” “Heeheehee... don't I know it...” “How about this! You fix my gowns and fetch my danishes for a week or two, and I let you swing by a studio so we can let you show off that voice of yours. I promise you that it'll be electrifying! Ow!” “Uhhhhh...” Coco stared across the way at Suri. Eventually she sighed, her ears folded. “Now how can I say 'no,' to something like that?” “No way in Tartarus, girl! Mmm-mmm!” Coco smiled, clutching the towel to herself with a rosy smile. Across the street, Suri teetered from where she sat. “And... HIC... it's like everywhere I go and with everything I do, I fail miserably!” She shrugged. “So what if I'm a horribly self-conscious cheapscape who plagiarizes everypony around her in order to get noticed?” “Please...” Trenderhoof peeled the last of several sweat-stained plates of armor off his figure. “You just described my writing career in a nutshell.” “Oh... don't be so—HIC—down on yourself, handsome! At least you've got hundreds of young mares fawning at your hooves!” “Eh... more like three or five...” Trenderhoof's bleary eyes twitched. “I can't seem to stay steady with a mare for more than—HIC—five minutes.” “That's because—HIC—you're never relaxing!” She pressed a hoof to his chest. “You need to beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee yourself! HIC! No more pretending! Just peace and love and all that molasses!” “But what if ponies hate what I have to give?” “So what?” Suri smiled intoxicatedly. “Would you rather trot through life alone? If only you knew what it was like to—HIC—wake up every morning, knowing that the only pony you can relate to is the one you sigh at in the mirror.” She looked down at her fidgeting hooves. “Makes you wonder if any other pony could feel that way... and wh-what it would be like to help each other through the stupid mess that is life...” Trenderhoof's pupils shrank. He slowly turned and looked at her. In the flickering lights from the police wagons, Suri's eyelashes glistened, along with her silky mane. A dumb smile spread across the stallion's muzzle as his cheeks turned rosy. “You know...” He rested his chin against a hoof. “...I've always admired the strong work ethic of earth ponies.” “Oh realllllllly...?” Suri smiled at him, eyelashes fluttering. “Tell me—HIC—more...” High above the bustling scene, Rainbow Dash perched atop a window ledge. She sat with folded wings, the chaos shard situated right next to her. She took one long, deep breath, her eyes vacant, distant. Meanwhile, Lancie rambled, “Well, if you ask me, this was a beautiful night. It had the sexiest bullet points in all the right places. Ponies trampling over each other... a mind-bending art piece... thugs getting their flanks hoofed to them inside a stairwell..” He grinned. “And you thought there would be no headbutting!” Rainbow was dead silent. “And—live and grin, Sparky! Nopony died! At least, not right away.” He gestured at the shard. “And we got what we came for! Look at it! My torso and my arm! That's totally a two-for! Now that's something to go home and drink about, huh?” Rainbow bit her lip. “Maaaaaaaaybe something you can drink about with Lady Y'all Y'all!” He leaned in, elbowing her side with a smirk. “Right after I snap my finger and turn her farm into a three story cider processing plant! Huh?! I mean, with two shards, I could just about do it!” The pegasus closed her eyes, sighing out her nostrils. Lancie blinked. He instantly grimaced. “Oh no...” He leaned back, nearly falling off the window ledge. “Ohhhhhhh no no no no no...” He pointed with a frown. “I know that face.” She reopened her eyes and gazed dully at him. “That's the 'I'm too good for my own wants and desires and I'm just seconds away from wasting an entire cataclysmic adventure on stupid harmony' face! Well no go!” He jabbed his talon into her fuzzy chest and snarled. “Tough love, Sparky! Believe it or not, I'm starting to grow rather fond of ya! Making you miserable is my job, not your own!” “I've been doing it long before you ever hopped into my life, Lancie,” Rainbow muttered. “Like I care! Like you should care! Like anypony inexplicably reading your mundane life story could possibly care!” He waved his arms and cackled, “Live in the moment, girl! Reap what you've sowed! Get a grip on what makes you sigh with warm fuzzies before it's no longer there to be warm fuzzified!” “Lancie, she's dying... now harder than ever.” Rainbow gulped. “I got what I wanted, sure, but at what cost? Her apartment destroyed? Her family threatened and traumatized? Her final masterpiece shattered to bits at the bottom of a stairwell?” “Sparky, she's a background pony!” Lancie barked. “You know what a background pony is?” He hissed, “Trick question! Why? Because they're forgettable, that's why! She was doomed from the start, whether you entered her life or not! Just let her dwindle back into the obscurity from which she came and—” “Would that be fair to her? Would that be fair to her kids?” Lancie gawked at her... then gawked some more. At last, his stone body slumped, and he performed the mother of all face-paws. Finally, there was a long, lingering sigh. He muttered without looking up, “What is it you want me to do...?” “That depends,” Rainbow Dash muttered back. “How much can you do?” “Mmmf... with two shards?” He shrugged. “Enough.” “Is that a good enough or a bad enough?” “Let's let the jury decide, huh?” Lancie firmly snapped his stone talons. A sudden wind blew past the two. “Because it's already done.” “Nnnngh...” Photo Finish stumbled out of the panic room, stumbling left and right around piles of debris and scattered party favors. “Mrmmmfff... Ach je! Meine head!” “Mutter! Mutter!” The first of two Hanzes galloped up and nuzzled her forelimbs. “You're avake!” “You vill nefer guess vat happened, mutter!” “Mrmmff... from ze feel of it, ze whole vorld just kollapsed on Photo Finish's head...” “Fraulein Firefly just safed us from a bunch of terrible goons!” “Vat?!” Photo Finish gasped, drawing both colts close. “Don Canter's stallions?!” She snarled, teeth barred. “Vere are zey?!” “Nein, mutter! Zey are gone! Fraulein Firefly turned zeir teese into oatmeal!” “Ja! And zen she left!” “She left...?” Photo sighed, her body slumping. “It's just as vell.” She gulped. “Eferypony else in meine life leafes Photo Finish.” She gave a bittersweet smile and leaned down to nuzzle the two. “Except for you, meine wonderbar Hanzes...” “Mutter?” One blinked. “How did you get your wig back?” “Ja! Last time ve saw it, Fraulein Firefly vas vearink it!” “She vas?” Photo blinked. “Vell, zat's silly, because I've got it right here—” She tugged on her bangs, only to wince. “Ow!” Her eyes widened. “Vas...?” She pulled and tugged and yanked. Her mane stayed in place. “It feels... I-I feel...” “Mutter...?” Photo turned and glanced at her tail. She wiggled it with the greatest of ease. An explosive giggle flew out of a crooked smile. She hopped in place... then hopped and hopped again. “Liebe Güte! Kan it be?!” “Mutter, vat is happenink?” “I kan't beliefe it! I just kan't...” She galloped up to an overturned platter of silverware, staring at her reflection. Staring back was a healthy mare with full cheeks and a firm body and absolutely no scars or lesions whatsoever. “Mmmmm!” She clamped a pair of forelimbs over her muzzle, shivering. “Blessed Celestia... Photo Finish is kured! She is healsy as ze day she vas foaled!” Tears welled up in her eyes as she smiled blissfully. “A miracle, Fraulein Firefly... like doves released from a hoof. All zese years of art magiks, and so... so many more to be kaptured...” “Weeee! Mutter is healsy!” “Mutter is healsy again!” “Ja! Zat she is!” Photo spun around and dove at her children. “Fallen sie into meine arms! Mmmmmff!” She nuzzled and kissed them both as they giggled in her embrace. “I, Photo Finish, promise meine Hanzes zat ve vill nefer be sick again!” “Heeheehee!” “Mutter, you're so happy!” “Ja... because of an angel! Photo Finish knows it! A schon angel!” She held both colts close and sobbed. “Mmmmm... Danke... Vielen Dank!” Her teary eyes stared up at the ceiling. “Mein schöner Engel....” Across the apartment, far away from the family huddle, a pony hovered outside the window. She gazed in, bearing a bittersweet smile. Then—flapping her wings extra hard to compensate for the shard's weight—Rainbow Dash tore towards the skies and flew in a southwestern path, straight for home.