Year 1, Month 10 day 1 LoL:
I have failed. In every possible way, I’ve failed. My sister whom I’ve tried comforting for fifty years to no avail succumbed to something. Dark magic, a curse from Sombra, madness, some entity that possessed her I know not. But she became the demon the Order of Celestial Light damned her as, and I had no choice but to unleash the Elements of Harmony upon her.
It killed a part of me to do so, and I fear that I may never heal this hole in my heart. I admit that after I lost my guiding star, I’ve done regrettable things in my anger. I’ve destroyed all if not most of fanatics that claimed to worship me, and I turned Luna’s fanatics and the worst of her followers into stone. They now decorate my gardens along other problems my sister and I’ve made examples of when were much different ponies.
I’ve named those ones in a different journal. Anyways, I’ve destroyed countless works of knowledge pertaining to the dark arts, and for a while I was every bit as tyrannical as ponies claimed me to be. But that anger is gone now, and all that’s left is this dull ache. Every night I raise the moon I feel a part of me die, and I’m filled with the knowledge that failing Luna was my fault. My previous entries make that clear now.
I’m so sorry Luna, I miss you more than words could ever express. Even the ever creeping closeness of winter can’t match the ice that’s crept into my soul.
- Celestia
Year 250, Month 4 day 14 LoL
Holder of My Darkest Secrets. I must confess that it’s been ages since I wrote in you, well... Centuries to be honest. I haven’t written in any of my Diaries, and I have to tell you of my latest blunder. You see, after my anger burned away, and I fell into depression. Not knowing who or what to blame beside myself and my failures for losing Luna, I retreated and left ponies to their own devices.
They survived before Luna and I, and I was sure they could do so again. I even went so far as to hand power over to the ponies so they could rule themselves. Two hundred years later, I come out of my refuge to see that my actions ushered in the Dark Ages as ponies call it.
They took my last purging of knowledge to heart and eradicated all mention of Luna from texts, anything of the golden age of Equestria was lost as being evil and against “Equestrian Morals”, a fancy way of saying against the status quo that erupted in my leave. Tribalism ran rampant, education and learning was less important than preserving ways of thought I thought long since gone. Even the ruling class was split between the Unicorn Nobility, the descendants of Pegasi Warlords, and Earth Pony prefectures held together by a consulate of chancellors.
Even worst the old racisms that came to a head when there was no pony in charge to look out for all the races like I intended to. Brought to the Wendigos. I had to step in once again, and find those who were friends regardless of the status quo to power the spell that drove off the Wendigos the first time. Decades before Discords came to cause the anarchy that he brought.
So here I am. Once again the ruler of Equestria. Cleaning house, and bringing peace to the lands. Although I fear that what’s been lost will never be found again. Yet another failure on my part. I would promise to do better, but we all know that’s a doomed project waiting to crush me under its weight when I fail yet again.
- Me
Year 975, Month 3 day 26 CE:
I thought through all my problems that I had finally built the perfect image. The perfect me. Shortly after the Dark Ages ended I had a prophetic dream where Luna would come back to me after 1,000 years of exile. Where 6 ponies wielding the elements would come and free her, returning her to me.
So I set up a school to weed out the Element of Magic, knowing through that pony mare or stallion, the others would unite. And through them would not only free my sister, but would also complete the failed destiny spell of Starswirl the Bearded and ascend. Something I didn’t know was possible.
But Holder of my Darkest Secrets, I only come to you when I make fail, not when something I do write happens. Or the good times. Or even my deepest fears. You’re a living testament to my imperfections, my failures, and the parts of me that I can’t afford to forget. So I’ll stop beating around the bush. Where do I begin?
It was shortly after the dream that I thought I was ecstatic at the thought of another Alicorn. So I started tinkering with what at the time unicorns called “Life Code” what is now called DNA or Genetics. Regardless of what ponies think, while I was the Element of Magic, and I am an Alicorn. I didn’t think it was possible to make them, they had to be born. But before they disappeared leaving only my sister and I. They had many mortal children so I thought, “Why not bring those traits to the forefront?”
Let’s just leave it at I failed in my experiments, and I have laid heavy restrictions on genetic magics and transmogrifications from that point onwards. Even I don’t know the extent of the damage I might’ve done to future generations. Or even if those bloodlines I tampered with survived the few ponies who didn’t die at birth from my meddling. But I changed tactics. Thinking that it was a magical object that needed to fuel the spell.
So I found the perfect candidate. A pony whose heart was pure, filled with light, and had a good head on her shoulders. And most importantly a descendant of my kind. A young pegasi named Mi Amore Cadenza. I nudged a pony who found a rather dangerous love stealing artifact to interact with her. When Cadance overpowered the amulet it’s power filled her with enough power to bring out the Earth Pony and Unicorn magics latent within her.
I still have no idea if I was truly successful. She’s weak for an alicorn, both in strength and in magical potency. She’s aged so far like a normal pony of her age. Rather than the slower ones of an Alicorn, and I fear that she’ll age until she dies a mortals death. Although there is hope that since she is ascended that in her adulthood she’ll stop aging as is natural for Alicorns. But she can’t be the pony of prophecy. She won’t return my Luna back to me.
- Me
Year 984, month 2 day 28
This is the last entry I will make in you. Then it is into the Holosieve, a device I’ve made especially for you, and in a few decades time I might allow all of Equestria to learn. It’s basically a Pensieve of old merged with Memory Crystals. Quite ingenious if I may say so myself. Then I will hide you where you’ll never be found. I thought I could keep you, but I can’t do this anymore.
This latest failure was Sunset Shimmer. I thought if I gave her everything she could want, I could fix the mistakes I made with Luna and my other students from me protecting them from the world and hiding things from them. So I taught her everything I could think of, but her heart grew dark and the things she wanted to learn were things that would give her power over others. To become more stronger. I don’t know if it was to please me or to please herself.
But she would never be the Element of Magic, and I had to cut her loose. But as I did … she … she’s gone. And to where she went I can not follow if I’m to save Luna. Maybe someday after Luna I can find a way to save her as well? But I don’t know what to do. I’m too involved, I lose those I love. I’m too distant, Equestria dissolves into anarchy. And I’m afraid I don’t know a middle ground that won’t cost me everything. I have one last shot and I’m going to make it count. I’m going to fail him or her some how, some way. But I’ll be there for when he or she’s ready to forgive me and hopefully mend whatever mistake I made with that pony. But you … I thank you. But I can’t look at you anymore. I think that if I could die, the sight of you everytime I look at your covers would bleed me out. Goodbye my stalwart companion.
-Me
Twilight Sparkle’s head rose from the crystal tab her magic touched and cried. Cried for the thin veneer of infallibility she and others imposed on Celestia, cried for the wounds and memories that plagued Celestia, and wept harder from the memories of her life from Ponyville on up and how knowing Celestia was flying blind just how close she was to losing everypony she ever loved forever. Oh! So many times. Grabbing the pedestal that held the tab with her magic she teleported it, it’s contents, and herself to her bedroom in her and her friends’ crystal castle before passing out from emotional overload.