You know truth is a funny concept. People have such difficulty with it. It’s either: this is true. I swear it’s true. Are you telling me the truth? I’d like to know the truth. The truth hurts. The truth of the matter is… and so on.
The thing about truth is that so many people want a claim on it but it’s oh so hard to give. The truth is, and I’m fully aware of the irony of saying this, that the truth can never be something you know. There’s never a hundred per cent certainty for anything and even more disturbing is learning this fact when you are a scientist. You are practically forced to accept this axiom.
For me, I got around this by understanding the limitations of humans. We could never be able to see the whole truth. it’d be nice if we could but I fancy that if we tried to see the universe at its fundamental level and peered into the heart of truth for even a moment. We’d lose our minds and go crazy with the existential crisis afoot.
To be completely honest I think this stems from the lack of motivation. What is one well fed, happily employed, medium-class worker meant to do when he is confronted with purpose. Go to school. Go to university or college. Get a job. Get married. The entire minutia that make up modern living, packaged conveniently into our fixed routine.
Let me tell you, things didn’t change from the 90s it only had a different brand and a flashier start up screen. So how did I get to noble purpose of using my scientific knowledge to aid humanity? I experienced loss. I experienced tragedy. I experienced what it felt to struggle and overcome life’s hardships and still not obtain the results you expected. To me, my struggles define me, my limitations spur me, my journey strengthen me and my legacy carries me on.
To see these ponies so happy and content with their life, throws my perspective out of whack. Do my motivations still drive me if I’m no longer in the sea of humanity? What of these ponies? Will they benefit from my knowledge and carry on my struggle, my legacy?
The sad fact I realised was that the answer to all of those questions were ‘no’. Of course, they couldn’t. The ponies here did not know of war, loss, the ravages of a fast-paced modern times or the inequity of social stratification. I’m not saying they didn’t have their own hardships and struggles to overcome. They just dug themselves out the primeval pit that humans clung for their dear life to.
How can we say we are evolved from animals if we are not so much better than them? How can we say we are civilised people, if all we do is take advantage of the blood, sweat and tears of thousands of lives from across the world? I shuddered in contemplation for them. I wept silently for the wasted lives.
At least the necromancers were quick.
-----
Luna and Twilight were arguing over whether a particular plan inclusive of my messaging from the Synch would produce a loop or a paradox.
Being in the future with the ability to alter the past seemed like an all-powerful device, capable of creating timeline shifts of the greatest magnitude, or so I thought from the science-fiction shows I had enamoured myself with in my movie times with Emilia. Unfortunately, all evidence, including Twilight’s own experiences seemed to fix things in a very uncomfortably fatalistic way.
You see ponies see time a little differently than we do. Of course, there’s free will, of course you can make your own decisions, you are your own moral and free agent. What struck me was their contradictory view on destiny. They sort of viewed life as an extended Romeo and Juliet play. You knew the ending, it was ordained from the start, and the journey was what made the difference.
But such a stance led me to a loss. If I knew the future and the future was fixed, then any action of my part would only alter the ‘in-between’ as it were and things that I was destined to do would play out to result in that destiny. The problem was, there was no way for me to test this theory. I was stuck not knowing whether I could make a proper difference or if I was preordained to carry out my role, with no wriggle room to make my own decisions.
To make myself a character in a play reminded me uncomfortably of a puppet dancing on his strings. I couldn’t picture a world where I wasn’t free to choose my own destiny. Instead, I was forced to contemplate the possibility that I was just playing my part. Time travel threw up so many conundrums that I was thoroughly sick of it just two hours of brainstorming with Twilight and Luna.
“So who’s side do you think is right?” Twilight demanded, tossing me a critical gaze, which no doubt urged me to side with the righteous unicorn.
Luna was no less fearsome, narrowing her eyes dangerously at me.
I swallowed, looking between each indignant mare. Siding in an argument between women, or mares in this case, was never a good idea no matter which universe you happened to be in. The best-case scenario I was hoping for was someone to barge in and distract the two.
The local deity within this universe must have heard my prayer for they answered it immediately afterwards.
“Excuse me?” called a voice from the outside.
“What is it?” Luna growled venomously back at the door. You could hear the pony equivalent to knees knocking on the other side. I felt enormously sympathetic to the creature standing out there.
“A-a m-message from a one ‘Death Wing Sharp’ for Your Highness”, the voice outside stuttered.
Luna sighed, stomping a hoof and looking in my direction. Her look said ‘this isn’t over yet’. But I sagged my shoulders in relief. I think Twilight gave me the same look but to be honest with you, Luna pulls off the scary thing more. Even though they’re both adorable when they look mad. I’m just saying.
Luna approached the door and practically flung it open, telekinetically yanking the letter from the nervous aide’s grasp and tearing open the sealed envelope to read the contents.
Luna started and looked up at me, as if I had something to do with the letter. I shrugged putting on a genuinely confused look.
Hey I didn’t know anything about a Death Wing Sharp, other than she helped Celestia wipe out the necromancers.
Luna looked at me with an intense glare that pinned me on the spot.
“Do you know a ‘Gruff’ the diamond dog?” she asked me, keeping her ears pricked as she cast her attention back to the letter.
“Yes”, I replied, a little guiltily.
Man I haven’t seen Gruff for a long time… I didn’t know he was still around. Oh, dammit I was supposed to be his teacher, wasn’t I? I thought to myself, feeling a stab in my chest for forgetting about Gruff.
I hoped he forgives me for ignoring him, I contemplated. I resolved to give him a sincere apology the next time I saw him.
Luna hummed to herself, reading the rest of the letter then tucking it away somewhere. Where do these ponies hide their things?!
Twilight bounded up to Luna.
“What did it say?” she asked, always the infinitely curious one.
“That is not for you to know, young one”, Luna replied gently, although Twilight drooped a bit upon hearing the soft rebuke.
“Come, we must visit this impatient dragon. She may have excellent writing, but she does not mince her words”, Luna beckoned, strolling out the door.
I followed half-heartedly, giving my Synch a glance, and then firmly affixing it to my head, before heading out.
-----
This was one of the first times I’ve seen a dragon up close. She was massive, I could tell you that. Probably about three times the size of Princess Celestia herself and about twice as wide. I was told that Death Wing Sharp was actually bigger than this, but her magic allowed her to compress her size to manageable dimensions.
It would probably freak out most of Canterlot if a house-sized dragon went stomping around in the streets. Not that Sharp actually looked like she cared at all for etiquette. Her manners were sharp as an atom-wide blade. She was also blunter than a watermelon but I didn’t say that to her face, because I didn’t want to die.
Sharp regarded me curiously, when we had arrived. She looked me up and down and then nodded to herself as if confirming an earlier suspicion. She later explained that she was gazing at my aura and I wasn’t surprised that she couldn’t see anything. Apparently, the only way to tell if I was a null being quickly was to use a ‘mage vision’ spell to detect the aura around me. Since everyone in this world had at least some form of magic, even the magic nullifying ones, I was the only one with a ‘black hole’ like aura.
When we finally got around to greeting each other, Sharp did something I didn’t expect. She ignored Luna straight up and bowed to me. Sharp then proceeded to apologise on behalf of all necromancers for the atrocities that had been committed against my world.
At first I was tempted to flip out at the dragoness. I hadn’t forgiven the necromancers but neither could I do much to gain what I had lost. In addition to this, Sharp had been one of the original necromancers, I was told by Luna on the way, one of the only remaining necromancers that had core ideals and values that directly contravened the actions that other necromancers had engaged in. She had held to her beliefs by sacrificing her fellow necromancers and redeemed herself through that torture.
To say I forgave her would be too strong a word. I merely acknowledged what she had done. I couldn’t forgive her because she technically had done no wrong. Unfortunately, she disclosed everything about her resurrection. I found out that her body contained nearly two thousand souls. Two thousand lost souls. Through some kind of weird honour systems that the dragons held, she pledged her life and her soul to my use, in penance for the act.
I regarded her carefully before speaking what was on my mind.
“I’d rather you didn’t”, I simply replied, feeling a familiar weariness seep into my bones. At these times when trying events played out or some serious drama, I couldn’t help feeling tired and sick of it all. I cut off her reply.
“Sharp, I’m saying this because your body houses those thousands of souls, what greater insult would there be for me to bind those souls to my purpose? They are lost anyway and there is no way to get them back”, I ground out, bitterly. There was stinging in my eyes, and I averted my gaze.
“Sharp, I’m asking you to live free like I am sure those people wanted to. Don’t hold yourself to a ridiculous oath because of that… just… I hope you can live happily, because I want there to be a winner in this, even if they are not human.”
There was silence for an interminable while, as Sharp considered what I had told her.
Twilight gave me a sympathetic hug and Luna wrapped a wing around me.
I was surprised to feel the touch of Sharp’s snout on my forehead.
“Young one, I am glad to see your wisdom has far exceeded mine late and scattered subordinates”, she whispered, breathing a surprisingly cool breath through my hair.
“If thou ever needest me, I will come for you faster than the speed of thine own breath for calling”, she promised me, flaring her wings. She reached up into her mouth and broke off a tip of a tooth. She grimaced in pain before magically binding it with some arcanic spells. She wrapped the tooth up in a cloth, before handing it to me.
“Do not touch it or thou will render it useless”, she warned, passing me the bundle.
“If thou needest me, simply say mine name thrice and I shall hear thine voice and come.”
I nodded weakly but gratefully.
“Thank you Sharp”, I said appreciatively, clutching the bundle.
Sharp nodded at me and took off, leaving us with a gust of wind.
I looked ahead to see a familiar face poke out of an alleyway as he made his way towards us.
“Gruff!” I yelled, giving him a friendly squeeze, he looked embarrassed. “How have you been? I’m so sorry I’ve never had a chance to meet you.”
Gruff looked at me with a serious expression.
“Good to see you but there’s much to tell”, he growled, heading off towards the opposite side of the street.
“Princess Luna and Twilight Sparkle must come as well, very important”, he indicated, waving at me to hurry along.
“What’s wrong, Gruff?” I asked, worried.
“The world”, he replied, shortly.