//------------------------------// // Turn 8: Distraction // Story: Twilight Struggle // by Twiface //------------------------------// --Turn 8: Distraction-- “Alaska’s liberation is imminent!” “Ponies of Equestria! It is I, your ruler, Prince Blueblood!” announced an over-the-top regal voice from the radio. “Hear me and obey!.... Oh, sorry, that’s that other radio station.” “Hey, how’s everypony doin’?” asked the now familiar voice of Tree Dog. “It’s me, your host Tree Dog, and it’s time for the news! Almost a year after the ‘Breezenev Doctrine’ was announced, its effect has now faded. The doctrine, once notoriously effective, has virtually been cancelled out by improved Equestrian planning and preparation. In order to turn the tide of war to their favor, the zebras have gone back to one of their favorite old tricks: Spying!” “Now, before you go crazy and try to beat the crap out of your neighbor just because you think they might be a spy,...” continued Tree Dog, “Remember that those zebras are actually fairly predictable in their modus operandi; just yesterday, a spy ring naming itself the ‘Maripony Five’ after their idols, the notorious ‘Canterlot Five,’ was found in a top secret government research facility. And the pony who turned them in? It wasn’t a pony at all! It was a zebra; a member of the very group. Yeah, that’s right: we’ve got defectors. This zebra was allegedly won over to our side by our love and tolerance, so he went up to the authorities and spilled the beans. Perhaps if we could all be just a little nicer to our zebra neighbors, then maybe they’ll turn over to our side as well. And if they don’t,… well… they’ll probably just suffer the same fate as the other four zebras in the ring who didn’t turn themselves in: they were all caught and thrown into a vat of radioactive fluid as test subjects. The result was a hideous oozing beast that sprawled all over the place. It was hacked down by chainsaw before it could do any harm. Hopefully the scientists have learned never to throw zebras into vats of radioactive fluid ever again…” “Aaaaannnnnddd that’s all, folks! Our next song is ‘Civilization,’ by Danny Kaye and the Andrews Sisters. Take it away, Danny!” Twilight shut off the radio and returned to the game board. “I just can’t get over it…” sighed Twilight. “I..I… I just can’t.” “What, Princess Celestia?” asked Spike. “Twilight, get over it. That’s old news.” “But now she’s dead, Spike!” moaned Twilight. “Gone! Lost forever!” “So?” asked Spike. “She abdicated the throne long ago. Her sister ruled in her place for the last seven years of her life while she just lounged around on a beach somewhere.” “Yeah, but she was Princess Celestia! Now without her, everything will fall apart, the night will last forever, and the whole world will be like it was in the fanfiction ‘Friendship Was Magic!’” “That was written before you became an alicorn princess. There’s no way you’ll be reduced to some lowly clerical job in a bureaucrat’s office. Now, you’re the bureaucrat.” “But what about my friends? What will happen to them? Their lives will become miserable!” “Ever since we barricaded ourselves up in this place, not a single one of them has ever knocked on our door! If they’ve gotten along this well without you, then they’ll get along without Princess Celestia.” “Gee, thanks Spike!” spat Twilight bitterly. “Are you saying that our friends don’t need us?” “No…” said Spike hesitantly. “I’m just asking if they were even your friends at all.” Twilight thought about this for a moment, and then shrugged. “I guess you’re right, Spike,” she said. “Maybe it really isn’t a big deal. Now my only concern is that if Princess Luna dies, the next one in line for the throne is Prince Blueblood, which would quickly put an end to the monarchy. But that’s not much of a problem, because I have the power to overthrow regimes with the snap of my metaphorical fingers.” “Yeah!” said Spike. “And you have way more important things to worry about than the death of some stupid princess, like the card that the phantom’s about to play next!” The phantom played ‘Libation Theology,’ which allowed it t pace three influence in Solace. It placed two in the Lands of the Eternal Flame and one in Llamidagua, taking control of both. “What the hell is a libation?” asked Spike. “A drink,” said Twilight. “Oh,” said Spike. “But how does a theology based on drink help our enemy?” “Because you would have to be absolutely drunk to ally with a phantom,” said Twilight as she played ‘Striped Scare.’ “This should sober them up.” The phantom, disgruntled by the ops point penalty that ‘Striped Scare’ inflicted upon it, proceeded to play ‘The Performer’ as an event, which allowed it to add four influence points to Primus, but could no longer make any coup attempts in the region. The phantom placed two influence apiece in Prance and Reiterland, taking control of the former and seizing control of the latter. They were but the newest trophies which the phantom held in the clutches of its evil empire. “Shit, it’s going for domination!” cried Spike. “Do you think it might have a scoring card?” “Perhaps,” said Twilight, “But I’ve got to focus on Prekt and Kadur. That’s where I’ve got scoring cards for. As long as I can keep a leg up in both regions, I should be good.” Indeed, both regions were presently dominated by Twilight. But things could soon change, because there was no way of knowing what the phantom would do next. But just to make sure, Twilight played ‘Missile Envy’ as insurance. Pursuant to the rules of play of ‘Missile Envy,’ Twilight gave the phantom the Missile Envy card in return for its highest valued operations card, which was ‘An Evil Empire’ with a value of three. Because the card was an Equestria-associated event, its event occurred immediately. It cancelled ‘Flutter Power’ and gave Equestria one victory point. “Yeah-hah!” screamed Twilight. “Now that Fluttershy’s anti-war protest is over, I can start making some more of those awesome coups!” Right on cue, the phantom played ‘Colonial Plot Guards’ for two ops points, which it used to stage a coup in Coltombia. Its roll of five, plus the two ops points from the card, easily overpowered the country’s unstable government and removed all of Twilight’s five influence points in the country. The remaining zebra influence points were enough to return control of the country to the phantom. It also gained two ‘Friendship Operations’ points. “I didn’t mean like that!” shouted Twilight. “I’m so frustrated that I could make a counter-coup, just to spite them!” “Don’t waste your action round on that!” said Spike. “Focus on what’s important: I recommend putting more points in to Veneighzuela to protect your interests there.” “You’re right, Spike,” said Twilight. “I’ll play ‘Solidarity’ for two ops points, and put them both into Veneighzuela… as insurance.” The phantom played ‘Arms Race,’ and gained three victory points for achieving the two required ‘Friendship Operations.’ “It’s just trying to distract us,” said Spike. “If we act now, we could control all of Prekt and gain extra points.” “Why would we need extra points?” asked Twilight. “What about our instant win strategy in Primus?” “The points will give us a time buffer,” explained Spike. “It will buy us time so that we can focus on Primus without falling too far behind in score.” “That makes sense,” said Twilight. “Okay. I’ll play ‘Elephanto-Rhinoli War’ for two ops points, which I’ll put in Guanacunia.” The phantom played ‘Guanacone’ as an event, which placed two zebra influence in Guanacunia. “Don’t be discouraged,” said Spike. “That was actually a crappy card, so the phantom must be running out of good ones. Play ‘Two Small Steps’ for the points and use them to take control of Guanacunia.” Twilight did just that, spending the two point card and achieving dominance in the country and control over the continent. The phantom played the Three Kingdoms Card for four ops points, modified by the ‘Striped Scare’ penalty down to three. Then it used them to take control of Markhoristan, a move which completely shocked Twilight and Spike. “What the--?” cried Twilight. “Wha—wha—how dare it!” “I wonder if it can read our minds?” wondered Spike. “I mean, it’s just sitting there, grinning like it knew we were going to react this way.” “I’d like to play a card and take back control,” said Twilight, “but I don’t have enough action rounds left. I’ll just play the Kadur scoring card before it can take anything else.” The region was scored. With the new addition of Markhoristan into their sphere of influence, the zebras earned seven victory points and Equestria only three. For its final action round, the phantom played ‘I’d Take Cover If I Were You’ for three ops points, penalized down to two, and spent them to force a tie in Guanacunia. Twilight was forced to play ‘Prekt Scoring,’ which earned the ponies five victory points for domination of the continent and the zebras two for their presence there. Equestria, for failing to fill its quota of two required ‘Friendship Operations’ during the turn, was docked two victory points. The score now lay at 27 to 31 and the DEFCON at two. As the game moved into its penultimate turn, the pressure intensified as the two nations postured themselves to achieve world domination. With the game nearing its end and the two points, would Twilight and Spike’s Primus strategy propel them to early victory just in time? Could they reclaim their lost ground in Kadur or overturn the phantom’s grip on Solace or Centralia? And would anypony give a damn about Emerelda, the Crystal Empire, or the Space Race? These questions, and many more, will only be answered in…… the next chapter!