//------------------------------// // Turn 4: Not in My Backyard! // Story: Twilight Struggle // by Twiface //------------------------------// --Turn 4: Not in My Backyard!-- “Communist detected on American soil! Lethal force engaged!” “…That was the Ink Spots, with ‘I Don’t Want to Set the World on Fire.’” Said the now-familiar radio voice. “And now, here’s the latest news: unemployment is down, stocks are up, and the League of Nations has just declared global peace forever! Now the real news.” Tree Dog gave a deep sigh before continuing. “Remember how the DEFCON used to be set all the way up at five? And then how it was raised all the way up to an impossibly high seven? Back then we all thought that the world was immune from nuclear disaster and the world was safe? Well, all that’s changed suddenly as we’re entering a new era: the mid-war. I’m not sure whether or not the war will end in nuclear holocaust or not, but it’s starting to look like it. The DEFCON, once all the way up at seven, was, when I woke up, all the way down to two! Two! Cacn you believe it? Two! Right at the brink, baby! Aaaallll the way down to the brink! At first, I thought somepony was playing a prank on me, but I checked around and the DEFCON was indeed all the way down to two. I dunno who did it, but I suspect that one of the princesses did it.” “Conspiracy theory or not,” continued Tree Dog, “There’s hope for us at last. The zebras, vile as they may be, may indeed have some sort of a heart, since it was they who called for SALT negotiations. I don’t know why they’d want negotiations over a little white mineral, especially since it’s nearly as common as sand, but they DID set the DEFCON back up to four. Lucky for us. And them, too, I suppose. For now, nuclear disaster has been averted, but be warned: the DEFCON could move at any time, folks. Now, I’m not trying to advertise for Stable-Tec; they’ve just had their best quarter in ages, but I am warning you: things are about to get a whole lot thougher from here on out.” “Up next we’ve got a Public Service Announcement,” said Tree Dog, changing topic. ”Listen up, children. This stuff’s important...” Twilight shut off the radio yet again and resumed her vigilant vigil over the gameboard. The phantom, finishing up its SALT negotiations, leafed through the discard pile and reclaimed the card ‘Decolonization,’ which it restored to its inventory. “What’s wrong, Twilight?” asked Spike. “Nothing,” said Twilight. “It’s just that… I’m afraid.” “Afraid that the phantom has something up its sleeve?” asked Spike. “Exactly,” said Twilight. “We’ve been doing ok so far, but we might be one card away from losing the game altogether.” “Aww, cheer up, Twilight,” comforted Spike, “At least your ‘How I Learned to Stop Worrying’ card gave you 5 ‘Friendship Ops’ points.” “Yeah,” said Twilight. “By the way, why are they called ‘Friendship Ops’ in the first place? It seems like all of them have more to do with war than friendship.” “Well… I dunno,” said Spike. “Maybe because you have to rely on your friends to win wars, thus building the bond between you. Or maybe it’s that you end up goading all of your friends into pointless fights solely for your own benefit.” “But—that’s not what friendship is about,” complained Twilight. “That’s not what I did to my friends back in Equestria... before all of this princess bullshit.” “Lesson Zero?” asked Spike. Twilight thought about this for a moment. “Touché,” said Twilight. “But I was only doing that because a princess told me to. Wouldn’t the world be a much better place if there were no princesses?” “Then Hasbro never would have approved this show in the first place,” said Spike. “You know, Lauren Faust wanted to make Princess Celestia a queen, but Hasbro wanted her to be a princess so they could sell more toys.” “No,” said Twilight. “I mean, if there was never such a thing as monarchy in the first place. Just think of it: life would be wonderful, nopony would tell us what to do, society could be egalitarian since there would be no hereditary ranks…” “And that would have happened much, much sooner,” said Spike, pointing to the other side of the table, where the phantom was playing the card ‘Decolonization,’ and placing one zebra influence in the former third world shithole of Neighpon, and the current third world shitholes of the Fillyppines, Lynxia, and Nefertia. “Shit,” spat Spike. “Now they’ve got control of Nefertia and Neighpon. Plus they’ve upset our control over the Fillyppines. Now what are we going to do?” “I tell you what I’m going to do!” said Twilight. “I’m going to play ‘Striped Scare!’ Now all of their further operations this turn will have a -1 point penalty to them.” “I guess that’s a good idea,” said Spike. “Although we still don’t know whether they’re going to do play any operations cards this turn.” “Oh, they will,” said Twilight devilishly. “They will, alright, they will…” Now it was the phantom’s turn again. It played ‘Centralia Scoring,’ for which it gained three victory points for having a presence in the region, while Equestria gained nothing because it controlled no colonies there. The score was now zero to five. But Twilight wasn’t done just yet. She played the card ‘Pinkie Plays The Three Kingdoms Card,’ despite Pinkie’s not actually being there. The card switched the Three Kingdoms Card from the phantom’s possession to Twilight’s possession, albeit face down and unavailable for play until next turn. “That should cut them off from doing anything in the east,” said Twilight. “Now’s my chance to take back Neighpon!” The phantom had a hard time deciding which card to play next. It ultimately decided upon playing ‘Stealthbuck Incident,’ for points. With an ops value of three, lowered to two by Twilight’s play of the ‘Striped Scare’ card, the phantom now had only two ops points to spend. It decided to use these two points on achieving control over Veneighzeula on the continent of Prekt. “It’s trying to start something over there,” announced Spike. “Do you think you could stop it?” “Maybe,” said Twilight. “I dunno. I guess I could play ‘Amarezonian Death Squads’ for points.” “Then do it!” said Spike. “Something’s happening over there. I just know it.” Twilight played ‘Amarezonian Death Squads’ for points, and spent the two ops points on buying influence in Amarezonia. Amarezonia was now under Equestrian control. The phantom gawked at this, then played ‘Zadat Expels Zebras,’ for its one ops point. Because it was an event associated with Equestria, the event occurred as well, replacing the two zebra influence points in Nefertia with one Equestrian influence point. The phantom then spent the one ops point from the card on controlling Coltombia, Veneighzeula’s neighbor over in Prekt. “That was stupid,” said Twilight. “It just threw away two of its own influence just to gain one influence.” “Careful,” warned Spike. “Look where it placed it. It looks like the phantom’s trying to achieve domination of Prekt.” “So?” asked Twilight. “What should I care? I’ve got better things to do, like retake Neighpon.” “Ah, well,” sighed Spike. “Suit yourself. Just be warned though, ok?” “Ok,” said Twilight, not really heeding Spike’s warning. “I’m playing ‘Chariot Diplomacy’ for three points.” Twilight spent one point to retake the Fillyppines. Then she spent one point on a realignment roll in Neighpon. Twilight rolled a two, but because of her three adjacent controlled countries and Neighpon’s connection directly to Equestria, she had a modifier of four, for a total of six. The phantom also rolled a two, and had a modifier of one because it had more influence points in Neighpon itself, but because six is three more than three, Twilight successfully removed three zebra influence points from Neighpon. Neighpon was now under Equestrian control. “Finally!” exclaimed Twilight. “We’ve taken back Neighpon! I think I’ll place my last influence point in Makhoristan, just to get a head start.” “Well done,” Spike congratulated. “The weeaboos will adore you forever.” But before our heroes could rejoice in celebration of their most recent triumph, the phantom had already begun its turn. It played ‘Benedict XVI Elected Pope,’ for the ops points, but because the event was associated with Equestria, the event occurred too. The event caused two zebra influence to be removed from Reiterland and one pony influence to be put in its place, thereby loosening the nation from the zebras’ control. But with the two ops points from the card (now reduced to one ops point due to ‘Striped Scare,’) the phantom placed one influence point in Alpacatina, on the southern end of the continent of Prekt. “Twilight?” asked Spike with a worried look. “It’s still happening…” “Not now, Spike,” said Twilight. “I’m trying to plan my next move. I think I’ll play… ‘Zebra Trap!’” Twilight played ‘Zebra Trap.’ This card, although not doing anything good for Twilight, would force the zebra player to discard an operations card worth two or more and roll a die to get rid of it. The phantom was vexed. Its plans for world domination now had to be put on hold to deal with this distraction. It discarded ‘Libation Theology,’ worth two points, and rolled a six. Six being too high, the phantom did not clear itself out of the trap. It would have to wait until the trap expired next turn. Twilight now used her turn to play ‘Arms Race,’ which gave her three victory points because she had met the required ‘friendship ops’ points for the turn. The score is now three to five. The phantom, restrained from its plans for world domination until the next turn, played the only card it was allowed to: a scoring card for Prekt. Since both sides had a presence in the region but neither side dominated it, both sides earned two points each, bringing the score to five to seven. “Good job, Twilight!” said Spike. “I knew you could do it! Now, what are you going to play for your last action round of the turn? More ops points?” “No, Spike,” said Twilight. “I’m going to play an event this time because I think this turn needs to end with a bang.” Twilight played ‘Two Small Steps,’ which only worked its magic if the player was behind in the Space Race. Twilight was behind in the Space Race, and she needed it. ‘Two Small Steps’ gave her a two step boost up the space race track, just enough to catch up with the zebras. That night, Pinkie’s pet alligator Gummy became the first alligator to fly in space. For the first time, the ponies were not docked points for failing to meet their ‘Friendship Ops’ requirements. The zebras, not having accrued any ‘Friendship ops’ points during the turn, were docked four points. Heading into round five, the score is five to three. The DEFCON hovers at four.