“Pinkie! What are you doing here?” Twilight demanded of the Pink Menace that continued to roll around the floor and giggle. For my part, I fumbled for my glasses and got them on.
“I came by the say hello, of course!” she said. “I never expected you to have something this unique sleeping in your guest room!”
“How… How did you get in here?” I found myself asking. Considering that Twilight didn’t know she was around, did she slip in through a back door or somewhere similar?
She stopped her incessant wiggling to grin brightly at me and pointed her hoof at behind me. “Through the window, silly!”
I looked at the window. Said window was only cracked. I might have been able to slip a few fingers and perhaps my hand, maybe even my arm through, but I doubted that her hoof could replicate that feat. Also of note; this was the second floor. And the ceiling of the first floor was pretty high. How in the name of all things kosher did she get in through the window?
“Pinkie Pie, please tell me why you are here,” Twilight said slowly after sighing.
Pinkie Pie stiffened, face going stoic and set, then rose to an upright position. In a way that reminded me of a lever; she simply tilted up from her prone position, her forelegs popping out when she hit ninety degrees so she could drop down on them. Physics be damned.
Magic, ‘leb, remember the magic, I told myself.
“Well,” her mechanical bearing instantly replaced once more with her hyper animated one. She skipped over to the middle of the room, her tail bouncing like a jaunty plume behind her. “I was down at Sugarcube Corner making the regular batch of pastries for the brunch rush when I got a floppy ear, itchy back leg knee, tail jiggle, nose crinkle! I’d never gotten one of those before, so I tried investigating a bit more, donning the Sherlock Hooves hat you gave me.
“My Pinkie sense told me that there was something going on at your place, and that there was also somepony new to Ponyville, so I dashed right over to make sure!” Pinkie had somehow donned a hat from those typical Sherlock Holmes costumes and pulled a bubble pipe out from somewhere, which she was currently puffing on, sending a dozen or so bubbles drifting around the room. “Now, when I noticed the guest room window open, I concluded that you had brought a visitor back with you from Canterlot. To that end, I quickly entered the room and found HIM!”
She pointed at me with more drama than even I could manage on my best day. I’m not even sure my eye could do what she made hers did. In fact, I didn’t think eyes were supposed to do what she made hers do. Of course, that explanation didn’t explain anything to me. To the contrary; it raised further questions. But for now, I kept it monosyllabic. “Me?”
“Of course, Caleb! Who else is a strange pony that I’ve never met before that has never been to Ponyville and is sleeping in Twilight’s guest bed without anypony else knowing that you were there aside from Twilight herself and set off my Pinkie Sense this morning?” Pinkie said. In one breath, at that. “Are you a hairless monkey, by any chance? Did you come to Twilight so see if she has a spell or potion to get your fur back? Because she is the most powerful unicorn I know and can do all kinds of magic!”
“No Pinkie,” Twilight said firmly. “You’re being ridiculous.”
“I know!” Pinkie said, her eyes sparkling. “Aren’t I good at it? I keep telling you all that I’m so good at being ridiculous!”
I couldn’t help it, I started laughing. I decided then that I kind of liked this Pinkie pony. She was weird and scared the crap out of me (those eyes and that grin would likely be in my nightmares at some point), but she could make me laugh.
“Okay, I’m awake now,” I said, though a yawn bubbled up at that very moment, as if trying to undermine that comment. “Good morning Twilight, Pinkie Pie and Spike.”
“Don’t forget Gummy!” Pinkie said, scooping up the little alligator with her tail.
“Crap,” I said, flinching. To be honest, I had forgotten that she left an alligator on my bed. Don’t look at me like that. Her antics were very distracting. “Er, good morning Gummy.”
Gummy blinked. Pinkie giggled again and flipped him unto her head. Gummy seemed content to sit there and observe the world from his fluffy pink throne.
“Huh, morning, I guess,” Spike said, still unsure. He got Twilight’s attention. “I’ve still got breakfast cooking, so I’m heading back to the kitchen. Call me if you need anything.”
He gave me a look that pretty much said he wasn’t sure if he could trust me, and I didn’t blame him. If my sister brought home a strange guy, I’d likely do the same thing. There was another pang as I thought about her. I shook it off. Twilight was talking again.
“How was your sleep?” she asked, keeping an eye on Pinkie.
“It was fine,” I said, wondering just where my shirt had gotten to. I didn’t fancy being shirtless about them at the moment. “Aside from the unexpected wake up call, it was fine.”
“Excellent! Then we can get started on the day,” Twilight said happily. “There are a few little things we need to get done aside from the meeting with the mayor.”
Pinkie gasped loudly, her hooves pressed against her cheeks. “Of course! We got a large order from City Hall yesterday and a note asking me to put together a Welcome to Ponyville party for a special pony that was coming to stay in town for a while! That pony must be YOU!”
I backed away from the nightmare inducing smile that Pinkie adopted again. “Um… yay me?”
“Of course, yay you!” Pinkie said, exuding enough excitement to, assuming we could find a way to harness it and convert it to electricity, power a city for a couple days. “I’m going to throw you the best party! I mean, I’ve never seen ANYTHING like you before! I’ve thrown parties for ponies, a zebra, a griffon, a cave troll, a dragon and even for my sister’s pet rock! So what are you Caleb? Where are you from? Do you like cupcakes or muffins more? Ooo! I should get more hot sauce!”
“Pinkie, calm down,” Twilight said, though in the tone of someone who knew they were fighting a losing battle. It at least got Pinkie to stem the torrent of words. “Caleb is from very far away, and he’s new to Equestria, so take it easy on him, okay?”
Pinkie thought about it for a moment, then started bouncing around the room. “Okie-dokie-lokie! I’ve got to get back to work now, anyway! So much to do for the party! It’s going to be tomorrow, by the way, so I’ll make sure you get your invitations! And it’s going to be a ‘Welcome to Equestria’ party too! Wow!”
On that note, she flashed us on last grin and bounced right out the door. I stared at it, listening to her bounces fade as she headed down the stairs, and the muffled call of ‘Bye Spike!’ and it’s response ‘Later Pinkie!’
“Was that normal?” I asked.
“For Pinkie; yes,” Twilight said with a slight grimace. “You’ll get used to it. Eventually.”
“Fun, I suppose.” Shrugging, I finally got out of bed and retrieved my shirt from where it fell after I tossed it at the dresser the night before and missed. Shrugging it on, I roughly spread the bed, which basically amounted to just tugging the sheets till they looked straight enough.
Twilight, meanwhile, had gone over to the box of my stuff. She already had it open and was lifting things out with her magic. I sighed at the invasion of privacy, but considering she likely packed it in the first place, I let it slid.
“I’m surprised you didn’t unpack this all when we got in,” Twilight said, lifting my two other sets of clothing from the box.
“It was late, and I was sleepy,” I said. I winced, looking at the outfit I had worn. It really did suffer in the trip. Twilight folded them one at a time, set the shirt, slacks and well battered sneakers on the ground beside the box. “I’m going to miss those clothes.”
“Actually,” Twilight said, giving me a quick smile, “one of the stops I have planned it at my friend Rarity. She is a fashion designer. She should be able to repair these for you.”
“Seriously? Woo!” I said with exuberance, punching the air. I know they were just clothes, but they were clothes that fit and they were clothes from home. I had a reason to be attached to them at the moment.
“We can stop in to visit after breakfast,” Twilight commented as she grabbed the stack in her magic aura again and trotted out the door.
Taking the implied directive, I followed her lead. The place was nice in the daylight, and I could actually make out the details, including the pictures on the walls. Twilight and Spike were prevalent, as were four or five other ponies, Pinkie Pie being one of them. At the stairs, the atmosphere changed somewhat, becoming a bit less personal, though still homey.
“So, Twilight,” I asked as we re-entered the room we teleported into the night before, “What’s with all the books?”
“What else would you find in a library?” Twilight asked offhandedly, though that would be offhoofedly for her. “I'm pretty sure I told you that last night, though I might have forgotten. I'm sorry if I never mentioned it before.”
“No, that’s fine,” I said, my town vague and distracted. I fall out of my dimension from inside a library, and end up getting to stay in another library? Was this some strange irony? A joke the multiverse was playing on me? Twilight said something and I muttered a response. Maybe I should just write off all coincidences as magic. Or maybe I should find out just how magic actually worked before I got myself in trouble because of ignorance. What if I caused some magic explosion by touching something every kid here knows not to touch? Now I wasn’t so confident about leaving the library.
“Caleb!” Twilight’s voice cut through my introspection like a knife. A knife helped with a hammer of a hoof hitting my chest. Well, a bit of an exaggeration, but she did hit me.
“Oof! Gah… Jeeze Twilight,” I gasped, rubbing at the sore spot.
“You zoned out on me! You just mumbled something in response to my last four questions,” Twilight said, looking frustrated. “It’s almost as bad as back on the train when you fell asleep. Are you okay?”
“Yes, I’m fine,” I said, rubbing my chest, pouting. It hurt. I realized we had reached the kitchen and dining area while I was distracted, standing beside a table set for three. “I just got a little caught up in my thoughts.”
“You’ve said you were ‘fine’ to everything I asked you,” Twilight said, looking at me with an expression I couldn’t read. “Sit down and tell me what’s wrong.”
I sat down, pulling out one of the low stools from under the table for my use. Spike was at the stove, his attention split between the pot he was tending and our discussion. I scratched at my scalp as I thought about what to say.
“It’s not that anything is wrong. I mean, aside from the obvious stuff we’ve been over. Right now, I’m just worried about today. Not all of the ponies I met at the castle took kindly to me, and I don’t know what to expect from the ponies here in Ponyville.” I looked up at her, grinning slightly. “My intuition tells me that Pinkie Pie wasn’t what I could base any assumptions off.”
“Well… no, she’s not. She’s just Pinkie Pie,” Twilight admitted. “There’s no one else like her.”
“Thank Celestia for that,” Spike commented, carrying a tray laden with goods. Grinning, I rose to give him a hand. The heavenly smell of cheese and mushroom omelettes hit me as I set the plates on the place mats and organized my thoughts some more as Spike put some jars and a bag of rolls on the table. A jug and three glasses floated over, curtesy of Twilight’s magic.
“Aside from that,” I shrugged as I sat again. The omelette was calling to me, whispering ‘Caleb, Caleb, eat me. You know you want to.’ “I was worried that I’d touch or do something stupid and get myself hurt because I don’t know how magic works.”
“Don’t worry,” Spike said, picking up his fork. “Twilight is about the best with magic I’ve even know, aside from the Princesses. She can help keep you out of trouble.”
“Also; going out will be good for both the locals and for you,” Twilight said, blushing slightly as Spike’s praise and trying to hide it by opening a jar and smearing some of the fruit spread side on a roll. “We don’t know how long you will be around, but they need to get used to you, and you need to get used to them too.”
“Sure,” I muttered in a noncommittal fashion, cutting a chunk of out of my omelette and lifting it from the plate (the melted cheese stretched tantalizingly.) When it inevitably reached my tongue, my eyes widened. “Spike… you are an amazing chef! This is just as good as some of the stuff I got at the castle, if not better!”
“Thanks!” Spike said happily. “Twilight is a horrible cook. So it was either learn how or suffer. Some of the cooks at the castle actually taught me.”
“Well, you definitely learned well,” I said, digging into my food some more. Across from Spike, Twilight was somewhere between indignant and abashed. ‘So, she’s sensitive about her cooking skills. Valuable information. I don’t know what it’s valuable for, but it’s valuable.’
The rest of the meal was mostly small talk. The comment about Twilight’s cooking opened the door to more stories form her fillyhood (Hah! I was getting the terms!), and I found myself in a position of being forced to reciprocate with childhood in return, lest I made thing awkward. We got the discussion of what exactly I was and how I came to be squatting in their home out of the way with Spike as well, even a bit more talk on food. Twilight managed to get me to try a dandelion, and it was actually pretty good. But the meal eventually did finish and Twilight shuffled me out the door.
Do you remember your first day at a new school? The hyper awareness that had all your senses pricking, the feeling that everyone was watching and judging your every move and action. That was what I was experiencing the moment Twilight, a set of saddlebags on her back, and I stepped out of the library and into the wide and exposed public.
There were dozens of multi-coloured ponies making going about their business, most on the ground, but here and there some took to the air instead. They didn’t all stop and gawk, gasping in shock and marvel, but it didn’t stop me from imagining that they would.
Twilight was already trotting off. “Come on, Caleb. We are going to stop be city hall first, then we will head over to Rarity’s, stopping at Applejack’s stall on the way.”
“Joy,” I muttered, jogging to catch up. “By the way… when were you planning to tell me we were in a giant tree!”
----------
As it was, it wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. There was some staring, and some muttered comments which I did not attempt to eavesdrop on at all. I think what helped was that I slipped into my ‘customer service’ shoes, smiling and telling everypony who came close enough good morning. Everyone knew that monsters didn’t smile and say good morning. Super Villains, maybe, but not monsters.
Even the meeting with the mayor, called Mayor Mare, which I really hoped was a nickname, too much alliteration and predestination in it otherwise. Celestia named me a minor ambassador in the letter she sent to the Mayor, which surprised me, though not as much in retrospect. I was a visitor from another world, the only one available to represent said world, at that. After a few more questions, she gave me a formal invitation to the party being thrown in my honour, the one Pinkie mentioned after her version of a wake-up call.
All in all, far better than I imagined. My luck was apparently running when we headed to the next stop on Twilight’s schedule.
“The horror! The horror!” A high pitched voice broke out as we made our way down Market Street, cutting into the rich history Twilight was giving me of Ponyville’s open market. I was quick to trace the voice; a mare dramatically swooning in front of a flower shop.
“It’s a monster!” another mare that was in the vicinity called out, swooning as well. A third mare screamed shrilly and followed suit. I never before thought I’d see a case of contagious swooning.
Twilight was right when she said ponies were panicky creatures. At the disturbance, a few other mares in the area started panicking and racing about. There were less stallions in the mix, but they too started galloping, though I would like to think it was more to console and protect the mares than in panic.
“Oh, for the love of…” Twilight said with a roll of her eyes once she slipped out of the daze the unexpected chaos caused. With a snort, she stomped a hoof on the ground. “Daisy! Rose! Lily! Get up and stop making foals of yourselves. There’s no reason for all this fuss!”
It took a moment, but one of the prone pony mares cracked open her eye to look up at Twilight. “There isn’t? But look at it. It’s so tall and strange!”
“We went through this with Zecora. You should know better than to judge somepony like that,” Twilight said. Hmm… was that lecture mode I sensed coming?
“Put it’s not a pony!” the pink one said. Well, pink with a bit of red to it. I was going to have to expand my colour repertoire if I was going to spend much more time here. All these multicoloured ponies.
“No excuse!” Twilight said firmly. “You should be ashamed of yourself! Think about how he feels, walking down the road and suddenly having ponies fleeing in fear for without cause. Is that anyway to treat a visitor?”
“Take it easy on them, Twilight,” I said, stepping in. The ‘it’ thing was bugging me, but I didn’t want to sic Twilight on them. That would be an abuse of trust and friendship. “I’ll admit I almost ran screaming when I first saw a pony.” Granted, there was the matter of my being mostly bedridden and suffering from what I think might have been a concussion that stopped that, but details, details.
“So, Hi. I’m Caleb,” I said to her with a slightly strained smile. “And I’m a guy, so lay off the ‘it’ please. Just a bit irritating.”
She looked at me with wide eyes, then visibly swallowed. “H-hello Caleb. My name is Lily.”
“Nice to meet you Lily!” I said cheerfully, extending my hand to her. Still nervous, she met it with her hoof and we shook. The other two workers had abandoned their pretense of being unconscious and watche.
My charming, if I do say so myself, smile and greetings managed to win them over some, at least to the point where they were willing to apologize for the yelling. All three had flowers for their cutie marks, probably the same ones as their names; Lily, Daisy and Rose. The pale yellow one, Rose, even gave me a small bunch of flowers. I was touched. Even better; a lot of the other ponies that scattered had come back, however hesitantly.
“Well ah’ll be,” a feminine Southern American accented voice spoke up from behind us as I waved at the flower girls as they, embarrassed at their actions, put back order to the wares their drama upset. “Ah ain’t never seen somepony calm those three down like that before.”
“I’ll admit that didn’t expect him to get through to them that easily either, Applejack,” Twilight commented. “I didn’t think they would cause that much trouble either.”
Applejack was the name of those other person, pony, Twilight wanted to see before going to Rarity’s place, if I recalled. So after one more smile I turned my attention to them. Standing beside Twilight was an orange mare, apples on her flank, her blonde hair done up in a pony tail, with was a bit odd, and not just the issue of how she managed that with hooves, a Stetson sitting on her head.
“Howdy,” Applejack said energetically, extending a hoof. When I took it, she proceeded to subject my joints and muscles to a stress test. Surprisingly; they passed, even if they were throbbing and somewhat in pain. I think she might have considered it a hoof shake though. “When ah heard about some strange critter in town, ah never thought it would somethin’ like you. So what’d you say your name was?”
“Caleb,” I supplied. How did a pony get an accent like that? How was there no one else with an accent like that? “And you must be Applejack, right?”
“Darn tooting, ah am,” Applejack grinned. “Ah gotta say, ah ain’t never seen any critter than looks like you. Maybe if you shaved of all the fur from a diamond dog…”
“No, ma’am, not a dog,” I said. I really needed to find out what these diamond dogs were. “I’m a human guy. Um… Do I need to outline what a human is?”
“Ah’m a guess they look like you, huh?” She said, giving me a smirk. Yep. Applejack and I would probably get along.
“Right you are,” I said, grinning back. “Twilight’s taking me to see her friend Rarity. Want to tag along?”
“I’m sure she wouldn’t mind a visit from you as well, Applejack,” Twilight added, supporting the idea.
“Sorry y’all, but ah still got mah stall to tend to.” Applejack said with a slight shrug. It was a bit odd on a pony, and it involved dipping the head a little. “Had to leave Applebloom to watch it when all the commotion started up, in case it was somethin’ ah needed to buck.”
I opened my mouth to say something, but closed it without comment. I was pretty much one hundred percent certain I misheard or misunderstood her.
“Anyway, it was nice meeting ya Caleb,” Applejack said. “But ah should get back before Applebloom’s friends find her and get another harebrained scheme going.”
“Same here. Have a good day,” I said as she trotted off. I turned to Twilight after she left. “So that was Applejack.”
“That’s right,” Twilight said. “She basically runs Sweet Apple Acres with her brother.”
“So, farmgirl? Um… Farmmare?” I asked.
“That’s right. The Apple Family grows the best apples in all of Equestria,” Twilight said proud of her friend’s accomplishment as she trotted off, forcing me to pick up the pace to keep up. At least we were leaving the starers behind.
I was not going to believe that she had a stereotypical farm accent because she worked on a farm. It would be like… like… I fail at knowing a lot of stereotypes.
“I didn’t expect you to handle Lily like that,” Twilight admitted after a moment. “Those three are pretty nice, but they panic really easily.”
“Yeah, I noticed,” I said, rolling my eyes. “I treated them like anyone else with a problem in customer service. Smile, be polite and directly address their issue. They did calm down faster than I expected, not that I’m complaining. Giving me flowers was a bit weird though.”
“Why? They gave you a sample of their goods to snack on by way of an apology,” Twilight said, looking back at me. “Their wares are rather good.”
“Wait… this is a… snack?” I said, stumbling slightly.
“Well, of course.” Twilight said it as if it were the most natural thing in the world. “They just didn’t realize you can’t eat many flowers. Why, what did you think it was?”
“I thought… I mean… you know what? Never mind,” I sighed. This was going to take so much getting used to. I didn’t even know if it was worth the trouble. “You can have it when we get home.”
“Caleb, you’re a bit strange,” Twilight chuckled.
“You have no idea.”
----------
I was speechless. Rarity’s place of abode and residence was not was I expected. I did think the name, Carousel Boutique, was a bit a tad bit on the pretentious side, but I didn’t expected it to be an actual carousel, as in the carnival type, that apparently fell into a vat of radioactive pretentiousness. And it was so… blue and purple. I think it was two stories tall, but it was hard to pick out windows from the gaudy décor, so there might have been a third. The worse part? Twilight seemed completely oblivious to it.
It was possible to become jaded to that much gaud. God, give me the strength I need to persevere, I prayed silently, following Twilight.
She had already knocked when my feet finally received the memo to move, and someone inside was calling out. “Coming, I’ll be with you in a moment, darling!”
“Don’t worry, I don’t think this will take too long,” Twilight said, ushering me in. Inside was almost as bad. It was even more purple than the exterior, and there were several pony shaped mannequins in the large room, though I suppose they were ponnequins. Some of them were dressed in elaborate dresses, more of the same hanging on racks. They looked well-made, mind you, just rather flashy. The middle of the room held a stage with a large mirror behind it, what looked like a change booth nearby, a staircase hidden behind them.
To be honest, the ponnequins made the carousel image worse. There were a lot of puns in this place. With nothing better to do, I wandered over to the changing booth.
It was obviously a dressmaker’s business place. I was beginning to worry about why Twilight brought me here. The sound of hooves on flooring snapped my attention to the curtains that partially concealed one wall. I didn’t have an eye for horse flesh. I think I’d only seen one horse up close in my life time. But I had been around these ponies for a couple days now.
This one either was fabulous, or thought she was. I instantly thought of some of those actors and fashionista on the red carpet on TV. Even without others to compare it to, it was clear her mane and tail were well styled, her white coat looked carefully treated, and she wore make up; eye shadow in the least.
“Welcome to the Carousel Boutique,” she said grandly as she swept into the room. She gasped, made quite a show of it, actually, when she saw Twilight. “Twilight, dear! Why didn’t you let me know you were coming to visit! I would have prepared tea! Did you bring Spikey-wikey with you?”
Oh God… professions gave you accents here. It all made sense now. The librarian spoke properly, the farmer had a country twang, the fashionista sounded like a, well, fashionista. There was no other explanation.
“Sorry, Rarity, but no,” Twilight said with the slightly strained smile of someone dealing with a very passionate friend. Twilight pointed in my direction. “This time, I’m here for some help for him.”
Rarity turned, noticing me for the first time, and promptly shrieked. “Good Heavens Twilight! Is that a diamond dog? And just what is he wearing?”
I really needed to find out what a diamond dog was…