“Look at all this junk...” Lancie shuffled into the tiny vault alongside Rainbow Dash. The shelves along the walls were stacked with lockboxes, containers, trinkets, and various paintings and photographs. “If there's anything in life I hate, it's hoarders.” He blinked. “Actually, I take that back. Heheh...” He folded his arms and smirked up at her. “I'm not a big fan of Adam Saddler movies.”
“She must have been collecting stuff for years,” Rainbow said. She trotted around a tall lump of a thing in the center of the room. It was covered with a gray tarp and planted atop a wheeled dolly. “This must be her masterpiece... the thing that she wanted to unveil to tonight's party guests.”
“Whoopty Fausting Doo,” Lancie yawned. “Still, how are we going to find the shard in all this mess?”
“You tell me, Einstallion,” Rainbow said, glaring at him. “You're the one with tingly Lancie senses.”
The statue squinted. He held a paw over his brow, peering across the shelves. “Mmmm...” Finally, he smiled and pointed at pedestal in the far corner. “We have a winner.”
“Huh?” Rainbow turned around. Her eyes twitched. “You gotta be kidding me.” She flew up high and hovered beside a comically enormous cylinder of granite. At the top of it, a slender branch was sticking straight up. It took a few seconds for Rainbow to realize that it was the piece of a torso and an outstretched arm. “I'll need a Celestia-dang wagon to drag this thing back home!”
“Thanks. I'm flattered.”
Rainbow spun. “What the buck were you doing with your arm stretched way up while you were turned to stone anyways?!”
“Practicing my baritone.”
“Lancie...”
“Believe me. The real answer is a lot less sexy.”
“How'd she land herself this thing anyways?” Rainbow cackled. “She must have spent her whole fortune!”
“She does seem to be rather fatalistic about everything.” Lancie shrugged. “Guess it goes with her finances as well.”
Rainbow exhaled, hovering lower. “Yeah...”
“Face it, Sparky, she was doomed long before we ever trounced into her life. The mare's wacko. Screwy in the head. If you ask me, that's perfect. She won't be nibbling on the cold toes of death quite as succulently. I've been around long enough to know that—believe or not—it's the best way to go.”
Rainbow stood on her hooves, staring up at the tarp-covered artpiece. She bit on her lower lip.
“So, are we done here or what?” Lancie picked up a random necklace with a red alicorn emblem. “So long, Manehattan Project.” He flung the thing casually into the background. “Hello, Ponyville. Am I right or am I right?”
Rainbow sighed long and hard. “We can't go just yet.”
“Buh?” Lancie went crosseyed. “Sparky, I think you've been inhaling too much Calvin Klop perfume. You've got sociopathic socialites, a murderous griffon, and the cast of Goodfillies all waiting to tear this place apart! Of course we're out of here!”
“I knew when I first came here that I'd be going out of my element to get the shard,” Rainbow said. “But I was being stupid and selfish. All I was thinking about was myself.” She gulped, then stared out the vault door at where Photo was lying unconscious. “I didn't really... really think about the sort of toll it would put on other ponies.”
Lancie sighed into his granite paw. “Sparky Sparky Sparky...”
“I used to be a loyal friend. But look at me?” Rainbow winced. “I've used Vinyl and lied to Rarity... more than once. And now this mare and her two kids are in a bad place and it's all thanks to me.”
“Don't even pretend to go down that road,” Lancie said in a cold tone. “These freakjobs were already flirting with disaster. Practically humping it.”
“Yeah, but I didn't make anything better.”
“And you couldn't make it worse either!” Lanchie pointed. “You gotta stop giving credit to not giving yourself credit! Some things can't be helped! It's a chaotic world, after all, just grab what you can and fly towards the horizon!”
“Chaos can kiss my awesome fuzzy flank!” Rainbow snarled at him. “If you thought any differently about me, then why come along for the ride in the first place?”
He said nothing.
“Don't worry,” Rainbow groaned. “We're gonna get the shard out of here. But... first thing's first...”
“Dare I ask?”
“If you want.” Rainbow trotted behind the large tarped artpiece on roller. “Nnnngh” She began shoving it out the vault. “Photo may... n-not get to live a long life, but at least she'll get to see her life's work get praised!”
“Suddenly you're the life of the party...”
“Besides, it'll be a healthy distraction.” Rainbow smiled while sweating. “And while I unveil this sucker, you are gonna drag the shard to a window and the both of us are gonna bolt!”
“Now we're talking...”
“Yeah, well, soon we're gonna need to master disappearing.” Rainbow gulped. “Because as soon as those windows open, all of Manehattan's seedy underbelly will be trying to bite our nipples off..”
“Pffft. Speak for yourself, girl.”
“I thought I just did.”