*thirdperson*
the next day...
Fluttershy and Twilight were currently following Mister Chucklenuts, one of Shy's squirrel friends, who was leading her to what he claimed was a 'cheese legged bug-pony.'
"Do you know what this means, Fluttershy? This might be the thing that saved Scootaloo from those Timberwolves!" Twilight was extremely excited, as this meant a chance to catalog a new species. Her enthusiasm was also evident is Fluttershy, for the same reasons, albeit quite tame in comparison.
Upon reaching the large drop from the other night, the duo was shocked to see the creature sleeping at the top of it, sprawled out like somepony who hadn't had their coffee in the morning. Of course, before they could do anything, Chucklenuts ran up to the sleeping creature, and began tickling its snout with his tail, causing it to smack its snout, the noise scaring him badly enough to flee into the woods.
"Huh?! I'm up, and if I find shaving cream on my face, there will be retribu-" It opened it's eyes. "oh... Merde..."
"Merde..." Well crap, I open my eyes, and who am I greeted to? Twilight and Fluttershy. They were staring at me, blankly, before I spoke, snapping them out of it. "Is there something you need, gentle mares?"
...
Yes, I did indeed say it with a French accent...
Fluttershy promptly fainted. That makes me feel bad. Very bad.
"Bu-buh-buh. W-w-wha. Huh?!?" Oh god, Twilight.EXE has stopped working.
"What, is there something on my face?" No seriously, I don't see why else Twilight would react like that. I get no response. Really getting into it, my eyes slowly widen. "There is, isn't there?" Luckily this gets Twilights attention.
"No, its just... I've never seen anything like you... This is an amazing discovery! A new sapient species!" I realized something, do I really want to get dragged into their antics? No, I don't.
"Distraction!" The moment Twilight looked away, I bolted deeper into the forest, hearing her yell 'get back here!' Crisis averted.
*Snnnnnnnrk!* I spat out a loogie, hoping to get rid of the phlegm in my throat... Wait, how is it sticking to a tree and not sliding down, and why the nuck fuggets is it blue? Walking closer to investigate, I poked it with my hoof, it felt solid... Is this the stuff those drones used to restrain the guards during the wedding? Liquid duct tape... Best. Evolutionary. Adaptation. Ever.
Walking deeper into the forest, I was eventually greeted to a familiar bridge which had apparently broken down again after the Nightmare incident. Slowly lowering my self over the edge, I clamber down the side of the gorge, not knowing what to expect. When I reached the bottom, I was surprised to find a large number of caves. A loud rumble came from one of them, which sounded almost like snoring. Inching towards the cave, I was blasted in face by a combination of the worlds worst morning breath and brimstone. Must be a dragon.
Walking up to the ceiling, I began following the noise, sticking a glob of phlegm to the ceiling at every intersection, so I could find my way back out. I eventually came across a massive cavern, full of all kinds of gems and other valuables, as well as a huge ass dragon.
"Woaaaah..." upon my exclamation of aww, the dragon snapped awake. Crapcrapcrap, don't look up, don't look u- he looked up... waving a hoof awkwardly, I tried not to run screaming. "Ummmmm, hi?" The dragon blinked before glaring at me.
"And just what are you doing this far from home, pony? And your ability to walk on walls fascinates me." apparently he doesn't know about changelings either.
"Umm, sir, I'm not a pony, im a changeling." I open my wings and allow my tail to show. The dragon appears intrigued by this. I can literally feel my abdomen tighten in fear, painfully. Inching my way down from the ceiling, I feel it slowly getting worse. Unfortunately, a thought hit me. I never bothered to determine if I was still male, did I? The pain gets worse, and I feel something begin to shift. [Redacted]! I'm *bleep*ing laying a [Data Expunged] egg! And in front of a ****ing dragon no less! Said dragon had actually shifted up to my face, and I was now staring at one of its eyes, which was nearly as big as me. "Can't talk, too much pain!" The felling had shifted to my rear, and it began hurting even more. Yes, I was literally in enough pain to not care that there was a Kaiju sized dragon not an inch from my face. Everything became a blur at that point, and when the pain stopped, I noticed a few things, one, my throat hurt like hell, two, the dragon had leaned back in shock, and three, there was now an egg behind me, a neon blue one to be precise.
"Never, in all my millennia of existence, have I heard such a string of profanity, not even during Celestias infamous drunken rant." what. Celestia apparently gets Tourettes when drunk. Fun. Then it hit me.
I'm a female, alicorn sized changeling, that just laid an egg... I'm a Queen... and I still have a dragon standing in front of me... I don't want to die... I began whimpering, and cower in fear. "Don't eat m- *hack*" my throat burns.
"Leave, and speak not of this place." I nod, as any further attempts to speak were too painful to try, before picking up the egg, and getting the hell outta there. Upon finally reaching the exit, I realized something. How the hell do I climb back up while carrying an egg? Its not like I can tape it to my back... Baka! Adhesive mucus/phlegm you moron! Guess its loogie time. Oh god that sounded wrong.
Sitting myself down, and holding the egg up against my stomach, I hack up more O.D.T. (organic duct tape!) And use it to adhere the egg to my belly, before waiting for it harden. When it did, I began the slow walk up the other side of this gorge. Upon reaching the top, I can't help but feel a warm sense of anticipation, as the egg pulled on my stomach. Wait... Kuso! How the flarp am I supposed to get this off? I slowly apply hoof to forehead. I'll figure that out later.
Eventually I reach the old castle, and realize that it would be the perfect place to set up camp. Pushing the doors open, I entered the main room. Even in its decayed state, it was breathtaking. Watching as the mo- wait, moonlight? I must have been walking for longer than I thought. Either way, watching as the moonlight filter through the stained glass windows, I felt at peace. Walking up a spiral staircase, and opening another door, I reached the throne room.
Now how the bloody hell do I get the egg off me? Considering the stuff doesn't harden in my mouth, maybe my saliva would do something? I lick my hoof, before rubbing it against the O.D.T. which begins to dissolve rather rapidly. I lick my hoof and rub it against several more parts of the adhesive several times, until I can feel the egg beginning to slip. Quickly catching it, I walk over to the throne and use more of my O.D.T. to stick it to the floor and back of the throne.
Something glinted in the corn- no, that can't b- it is! IT'S NIGHTMARE FLIPPING MOON'S ARMOR! I release a fangirl level squeal of joy that nearly shatters several windows, before bending over and nearly coughing up a lung. God I need water. Taking a side door and staircase back to the ground floor, I enter the kitch- correction, what USED to be the kitching, and was now a gaping hole in the ground, over a underground river. Walking down the wall, I eventually reached the river, and started drinking from it, trying to quench my thirst. Suddenly, something long and slender shot from the water, witch I instinctively plunged my tail into, and felt a muscle contract, before the snake like creature went limp. Seeing it was still breathing, I assumed that I had just injected it with some kind of paralytic venom.
*grumble* for some reason, looking at it made my mouth water, and stomach growl. But aren't changelings love eaters? *grumble* screw it, I'm eating it, even if I don't have the rice and seaweed. The first thing I did was chomp down on the back of its neck, severing its spine and granting it a quick death, before I dug in. It tasted like a cross between snake meat and salmon. After eating everything but the head, skeleton, and digestive system, I coated it in my O.D.T. to keep it from smelling and sent it down the river, so that predators weren't drawn here.
Climbing back up the wall, I trekked back up the stairs to the throne room, and eyed Nightmare's armor. I want to see how how badass I look in it. Slipping my tail into its grove, I walked over and picked up the chestplate, before strapping it on. The hoof guards just slid on, and it looked weird as all hell consider my hooves had holes in them. Last, but not least, I put the helmet on, thankfull my horn could fit through the opening. I can already feel my badassery increasing. I wonder, how much do I resemble Moony anyway? At that thought, I felt something slowly began crawling up my legs. Looking down, I saw bright blue flames slowly consuming my body. My common sense began running around screaming 'putitoutputitoutputitout!' While my inner brony flipped open a folding chair, muttering 'this gonna be good.' As they reached my body, I felt my tail shift into a cloud of hair, and my wings fusing together before become avian.
When the last of the flames dissipated, I ran to the nearest window, and looked at my reflection.
...
I'm freaking Nightmare Moon! Do I sound like her to? Clearing my throat, I test that theory. "Can you feel the sunshine..." okay... the fact that echoed through the castle made it even creepier. Now how do I undo this? Once again, at the thought of that, I was consumed by flames, except I returned to normal nearly instantly. You're kidding me, its that easy?! Trying several more times, I confirmed that yes, it was that easy. I did notice, however, that every transformation into Moony was faster than the last, until I was doing it in about three seconds... Must be the changeling equivalent of muscle memory. Eventually feeling tired, I went and tore down a curtain, and after applying some of my O.D.T., I had a makeshift sack, which I deposited the armor in. Before slinging it over my shoulder, and began searching for the castles library... after I set something up. Returning to the main floor, I found my way back to the wreaked kitchen, and started hauling pots and pan to the entrance, where I stacked them. That oughta make enough noise if somepony comes in here. The library, it turns out, was located behind the throne room.
Looking around, I wandered between bookshelves, looking for a particular subject. Eventually encountering the section of relevant books, I grabbed the first one that looked like it was for beginners, 10 basic spells every unicorn should know, and the mechanics behind them. by Dr. Mystic Traveler, before bunkering down for an all nighter...
Dreamscape
I watched as Harbinger quickly lost a beam-o-war to Godzilla, who was then body checked by Metroplex, who waded through an Emperor class Titan's full frontal assault without flinching. Man this popcorn is good, I stuffed another hoof full into my mouth. Elsewhere, Chuck Norris, Saxton Hale, and Captain Falcon were trying to determine who was the manliest, only for Ausra to beat the three of them out of existence.
"This... is more chaotic than Discord at his worse... I was right to come here..." ER MAH GURD IZ BEST PONEH! Slowly swiveling my chair around, I was greeted to a shocked Luna. "You're that changeling From Scootaloos dreams!"
"Yes, yes I am. Its was simply a matter of being the right mare, in the wrong place. It was- If you value your sanity, I would suggest you do not open that door." I caught Luna walking up to a door with sign saying '/b/ DO NOT OPEN!' "No seriously, DO. NOT. OPEN. THAT. DOOR! Your brain would more then like eject itself from the sheer levels of NOPE it would encounter."
"What in Tartarus are you talking about?" 4chan Luna! YOU DO NOT WANT TO KNOW!
"I'm talking about the oozed drippings of brains, liquefied into a slurry of madness ment not even for the eyes of Discord. 4chan... as for what's behind that door, it is every kind of sick or disgusting thing, blended into a serum of mindfuck powerful enough to drive even the most pure of being into a twisted, perverted shadow of their former selves... /b/" I shudder, unable to so much as think that name without remember the unspeakable things within. Luna backs away from the door so fast she skids across the room on her rump.
Meanwhile the room a giant '÷0' appears, before everything outside the room is sucked into the resulting paradox. "Now that the distractions are gone, I believe there was something you wanted to talk to me about?"
"What are you doing in Equestria?" Do I really have to lie to best pony?
"I came here, to the Everfree, so wouldn't be a danger to other, while the last shreds of my sanity slipped away..." as I said that, I looked towards the door. Luna followed my eyes, and realized why I went insane.
"What would a Queen, be doing alone in the Everfree?"
"I wasn't always a Queen, as a matter of fact, I was still a drone when I went off the deep end. All I know is that I saw and felt a rainbow, and the first fragment of my true self rose from the grave that had become my mind..."
Luna seemed surprised by that. "And just what do you plan on doing now that you're sane?" Now I can be truthful.
"Let's see, start a hive, keep the local wildlife in check, and hopefully not go on another expletive laden rant to outmatch Celestias drunken one." Luna's eyes widen.
"How do you know about that, and how did you outdo it?"
"To answer how I out did it, laying an egg HURTS! Especially when it's your first one and you didn't know it was going to happen. As to how I found out, it happened In front of a dragon bigger than a Ursa Major."
"So... You met Zoun, huh?"
*CRASH!*
"Crud, early warning system, gottagobye!" Everything faded to white.