Chaos Vs. Order
Chapter 2: I Told You That Story so I Could Tell You This One
With Whiplash and his troublesome weapon no longer a concern for now, I pondered my next move. First, I cleaned house a bit, mostly by removing almost everything inside the castle to reclaim the minutia of power invested in the various rooms I had created. I was now simply floating in a massive, empty stone structure, devoid of interior walls or floors. I considered removing the castle in its entirety, however I believed that might encourage too many distractions.
Usually I’d welcome something out of the ordinary, or a friendly or perhaps not-so-friendly visit from anypony, but I had to face the fact that I was not as invincible as I had once thought. The castle had forced anypony who had come to face me to make it through a number of challenges, each one more bizarre and unexpected than the last.
Most fell to one of the traps along the way where I would simply teleport them out, along with a far less flattering star than the one I gave to Whiplash as well as a much less extravagant gift basket.
…
Why, if a pegasus or some other flying creature came by I simply rearranged the floors and waited at the bottom. It was all rather simple to change for me really.
Speaking of change, I also toned down much of the ongoing chaos going on throughout Equestria. This also helped me consolidate my power better. Shame really. Vegetables and fruits would stop their uprisings. Outhouses would cease campaigning for better treatment. Rocks would become far less entertaining pets. No doubt this would make many ponies suspicious of what had happened to me, but I still had plenty of other chaos going on to make it clear I hadn’t gone anywhere.
I had hoped the move might have bought me a brief reprieve from Whiplash who’d possibly at least believe he had inflicted more damage on me than he really had. Perhaps he’d wait to see if even more of my power faded before making another move.
Though no doubt with a slight reprieve or at least an easing up on chaos across Equestria, Whiplash and others might better organize an offensive in time. However, I was sure they would take some opportunity to relax, or at least as much as they could with furniture that barked and needed to be walked from time to time.
As my powers pulled inward I began to look inward as well. Focusing and trying to reconnect with that primordial chaos I had been so many eons ago. Funny in hindsight how quick I was to leave it. It was so joyful to have substance and depth to my world, that I had no problems abandoning that swirling mass of energy. But now the world was a very different place and I had a very different perspective. I had spent so long being something other than what I once was, I could scarcely remember how things were.
Of course I couldn’t simply permanently return to my old form. I had changed myself into something corporeal long ago, and while my own body was something I still felt I could freely alter and change to my whims, the idea of abandoning it seemed problematic; Both in terms of the effort it would take and also considering the fact I didn’t want to do it in the first place. While what was me was perhaps still subject to change here and there, I did not wish for such a drastic change.
Still, if there was a time when I could still be energy but concentrate on holding a physical form, perhaps now the inverse was true.
I focused on changing my tail to energy, followed by my limbs, then my body. Soon, I was nothing but a head floating atop of swirling red energy, and in a short time I wasn’t even that.
At first I was aware of nothing but myself, only able to sense that I was now energy. Quite the departure from when I originally achieved awareness, even without sensing the world around me I still had my sense of self. Little by little, I realized how vast I was, or rather how stretched I was. In this state I could feel tendrils of my energy reaching out into Equestria as my subconsciously maintained my fun across the land. Once I had established a feeling for myself, I began to slowly feel the air around me, or more specifically, the air molecules around me. Other matter came into focus as I felt out with my extremities. Once I was aware of what was immediately around me, I concentrated further, bringing more and more into focus. I decided to see what my limits of what I could focus on was, and then the world flooded into view in one great, terrible instance.
I felt as if I was aware of everything and yet nothing. I could sense every molecule, every atom in Equestria, yet there was so much information I could scarcely make sense of it all. My mind, such that it was, was now accustomed to the same types of stimuli the other creatures of the world used, and this was nothing short of sensory overload.
I returned to my normal form almost immediately. Sweating and breathing heavily as my reformed heart beat rapidly in my chest. Funny how I needed not circulatory system nor respiratory system, however having both once more was quite the comfort.
It seemed I was capable of omnipresence… At least in the most basic sense of the word. However, there was no way for me to make sense of all that information, it was simply too much. Even reaching out to feel what was going on in the farthest reaches of my influence was of limited use to me. I could sense every molecule, sure… but it had been so long since I had thought in terms of such small units that to actually piece together what was going on based on that seemed far more trouble than it was worth.
It was much easier to simply teleport myself to the location… or even, say, just my eyes and ears.
Still, there was something to that form, something that made me think more experimentation was warranted. I may not have been able to make direct use of the ability to sense everything, the fact remained that I could. I wondered what the reason was, and resolved myself to try again.
And try again I did, this time concentrating more on scrutinizing my immediate surroundings than seeing how far I could reach out. I felt the air around me once again. Molecules of various gasses mixing and bouncing off each other in a swirling mass, but the question remained as to how I could tell what they were. I was quite aware of how they worked. I had watched life on this planet begin from its earliest stages and watched as everything from a basic sense of touch to something as complex as an eye formed.
Obviously, as a being of pure energy, even a temporary one, I had none of these things, so how was it I was able to feel each atom that composed each molecule? Of course I could always do this. My earliest memory was realizing what matter was, but I never thought to question how I knew that. Especially since at the time the very concept of ‘sensory organs’ hadn’t occurred to me.
I concentrated further, focusing my attention on a single patch of air, then a single molecule, and finally a single atom. One single atom of nitrogen, in this case. I concentrated until I could feel the energy of the tiny amount of matter itself, or rather, where the energy ceased. In the moment I realized that it was the energy of each individual atom I was feeling.
I suddenly remembered the moment I had realized my existence. Feeling something besides myself for the first time. What I had felt was energy coming together in a unique way to form the first bit of matter. What’s more, now that I returned to my original form, I realized I could sense all the energy of the planet and beyond. This was different from any of my other senses. It was like the energy was almost an extension of myself.
A startling thought occurred to me. Could it be that inside every little bit of matter was a part of me? Was it possible that I was part of everything and everything was a part of me?
… Yes, do you like that, my little ponies? The feeling of me inside of you?
…
Alright everypony! It was just a joke! Calm down… Also, could someone please revive Fluttershy?
Potential revelations aside, I did not spend much time pursuing or even dwelling on the idea that I was part of all things and vice versa. I simply found the idea undesirable. I had spent eons crafting who I was, and once more I was happy with who I was. I had no need to go on some sort of existential journey of self-discovery. All I needed was more power. Hopefully enough that weapons such as Whiplash’s whip would be unable to harm me.
I hadn’t yet given up on this path potentially leading me to something useful. I decided to explore my affinity with energy further. I reached out again, but instead of looking out in all directions simultaneously, I concentrated my focus in a single line. I felt out as far as I could, my awareness passing through different elements and atoms as I continued onward. Eventually, I started to feel less and less, as the matter grew farther and farther away from each other.
Soon, I felt nothing at all.
At least, that’s what I thought at first. But there was something… the tiniest traces of energy…
No… not just energy, but…
…Magic.
It was faint but it was there. It was as if even around Equestria trace amounts of magic remained. I had to explore more. At first I went about seeing how far the magic went, but afterwards I reeled in my concentration in and discovered the magic didn’t simply begin where Equestria ended. No… I could feel it even as I sensed matter. It wasn’t simply their alongside everything either… it was in it.
Inside everything, every pony, every tree, even every rock, stream, and air molecule was magic.
I spread out my senses again, but this time focusing only on one thing, magic. It was everywhere! Simply everywhere on and in the planet! Flowing and shining and filling every little molecule with bits of mystic energy. I could even feel that some things had more energy than others. Some ponies even had more magic than others, some rocks had more magic than others! It was amazing, and breathtaking, and just endlessly fascinating. Yet one thing seemed to have far more magic in it than anything else I could sense.
Me.
I reverted to my physical form. Somehow it felt odd to be solid again, to be me again. I even brought up my paw and talon and simply stared at them for a bit. I wasn’t looking for an existential question of who or what I was, but it was there… There like a shining supernova set amongst dimly glowing stars.
At first I did nothing, and then… I laughed… Not a mere chuckle, chortle or even guffaw, but a lengthy howl of laughter that reverberated off the stone walls and ceiling around me.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA…
…
… Pinkie stop laughing, you’re ruining my moment here.
… Now where was I…?
Ah, yes. I was energy. I was magic. Alright, maybe I wasn’t exactly the physical embodiment of it, but I certainly was made of quite a lot of it.
And what’s more, there was lots of it out there.
I very briefly considered figuring out how to take magic from something. I mean, I was surrounded by ponies, and ponies where all rife with the stuff. On the other hand, I’ve never been terribly fond of direct harm, and draining the magic from beings that used it daily, many without really even knowing it, seemed like a pretty harmful thing to do.
Even taking the magic out of things that weren’t living felt uninviting. There was no telling what would happen. Plus, my involvement had helped create this world, and aside from being mostly on the dull side without my direct influence, I rather liked it. I saw no reason to change it for what would most certainly be the worse.
Besides, magic was everywhere. I had plenty of options and I had just discovered the basic nature of magic in Equestria. I mean, it couldn’t hurt to do a little more research before I started playing with what seemed to be the very fabric of the world.
I left an almost exact replica of myself at the castle. Only the very astute would be able to tell it was nothing more than a construct made of a thin material arranged in a series of tubes kept in constant motion via a magic fan that constantly blew air through it… You know, provided ‘not very astute’ meant blind and willing to accept I did little more than blow air and wackily wave my inflatable tube arms around.
I discreetly left for the very edge of the world itself… you know… as discrete as a giant rocket that shot me into orbit could be…
…
… Alright, so ‘being discrete’ isn’t my forte! Anyhow, it was doubtful the ponies around me would take too much notice of such an act. I would occasionally launch things into the sky for my amusement or throw myself ‘I love being me parties’ complete with fireworks. Also, there was still little things out of the ordinary going around in Equestria here and there. The butterflies that would scream obscenities at any pony that startled them the littlest and also most out of the ordinary.
Once I was outside the world, I again turned into energy. Once again, I sensed nothing but my immediate self, but as I concentrated further I could feel strings of myself reaching back down to the planet below and my various creations. I ignored these, it was what was around me that I was interested in.
I again sensed the barely noticeable trace amounts of magic around me. I concentrated on a bit of magic… this was much harder than it might sound like. Sure, I had spent eons looking at and examining the very structure of everything even from the tiniest, little minutia of mater, but this was different… an energy beyond any I had really looked at before… and yet so very familiar.
I could feel the magic moving slightly… just… drifting through the empty cosmos away from Equestria.
It almost seemed as if it was radiating from the very world of Equestria itself… No, not radiating exactly… but drifting, flowing… The magic was moving like a slow current. I stretched my concentration out further… the magic was indeed moving through Equestria but that was not its source… It seems this stream of magic ran through the very planet… as if Equestria was a lake of magical energy and the water moved into and then out of this massive pool at a constant rate.
A sudden idea hit me, or perhaps a question or series of questions to be more accurate. What was it that made me different from this magic? I could tell I seemed to be mostly made of the stuff, and back on Equestria it seemed so familiar that it almost felt like an extension of myself. Could it be there was almost no difference between this substance and the magic that somehow had coalesced into part of my being? Was it possible to change the very fabric of myself? Perhaps into something more akin to the substance around me? Would I be able to change back if I did?
This was a dilemma to be sure. On one talon, it’s possible I could expand myself with what seemed to be a limitless river of magic, on the other paw, how easy would it be to lose part of me, to lose all of me to this stream? This was certainly a problematic situation that considered careful thought, research, and planning.
…Hahaha, sorry no… I did it on the spot, concentrating and changing part of the very magic that made my being to match my surroundings. It turned out to be surprisingly easy. To my relief, I could still feel that changed pieces as part of ‘me’, though there was a sensation of this bit of myself flowing away with the current and mixing with the energy around it. I decided not to push my luck and transform the energy back to its original state. This was also a success.
Interesting, but it had left me with no more or less power than I had had before. At least, I certainly didn’t feel different.
So I repeated the process, once again changing my magical make-up and allowing part of me to drift briefly through the cosmos. This time I would attempt to convert some of the other base magical energy with me. I pushed the change in my own energy even further, blurring what little distinction there was between my converted energy and the energy around me until it was almost one in the same. When it seemed even a slight change would cause my energy to simply become one with the magic around it and drift away, I changed it back this time attempting to grip hold of some of the magic it had begun to mix with. I hoped I could bring this magic into myself and make it as part of me as the rest of the energy that I was made of.
… Success.
It was small but it was there… So I did it again, and again… slowly taking in these minute amounts of magic. Absorbing magic from the very edge of the world before it left towards wherever it was going. Another magical world perhaps… perhaps it went nowhere, simply drifting off into the infinite cosmos. Maybe I’d take the time to find out some day, but it was still too much fun in Equestria, and I had just discovered how to make myself even more powerful. Possibly limitlessly so!
It was not a quick or easy task by any stretch of the imagination, but it was working. With each little addition of magic I could feel my very self become stronger. My thoughts felt clearer, sharper, and I felt like even tasks I had done countless times before could be done with more ease.
Maybe this wouldn’t be considered a significant change by most standards, but I had spent eons with the same, static amount of magical power at my disposal. The slightest minutia of change was noticeable to me, and it felt incredible.
I hoped this would give me the edge I needed over Whiplash or anypony else who showed up with a troublesome magical weapon to fight me.
To my great surprise, this would happen much sooner than I anticipated. It had felt like I had just barely begun before I felt a disturbance back at my castle. Seems, somepony had either gotten curious or had already had plans to pay me a visit.
I quickly teleported back to the near vicinity of my still empty castle. Normally, I would simply teleport to see which pony had showed up, however Whiplash’s little visit had curbed my impulsiveness a bit. It was clear to me I had more power than before, yet I didn’t know if it would be enough to directly deal with a threat.
As I popped back up a short distance away, I also shrank myself to no more than the size of a mouse. It seemed almost comical that I was sneaking up to my own lair, but the game had certainly changed. I certainly wasn’t going to let a little thing like pride be my undoing. I had lived long enough to see plenty of beings fall simply because of their own overinflated opinion of themselves, and I wasn’t about to forget this world contained at least one real danger.
I drifted through the cool night sky up to one of the windows on the top floor, peaking my head up over the bottom. The castle was still empty, there should have been no trouble with me seeing what had happened inside. When I looked, I had almost wish there still was something to block my view, for what I saw caused my heart to get stuck in my throat and my body to go numb.
…My doppelganger… laying lifeless and listless on the linoleum ground level of my lair.
…
… Alright, yes. I did say the floor was stone earlier. I was simply on a role.
…
… See! Pinkie gets it!
Anyhow, my look-alike sat on the ground with a number of holes punched through it… it was perforated… poked… punctured…. pierced… penetrated… pricked… Has anyone else noticed how many ‘p’ words there are that mean the same thing?
…
…Thank you, Pinkie Pie. At least somepony appreciates attention to alteration!
…
… Alright, anyhow I looked over my fallen look alike as a deep sadness came over me. No longer would he gleefully dance in place, flailing his arms about without a care for anything! His existence was as brief as it was one of a kind.
As unique and one of a kind as this exact copy of that exact copy you see before you now.
…
… Alright, fine, no melodrama… Party poopers…
I fought the urge to rush up and mourn the passing of my copy. Somepony had clearly done this and there was a good chance they were still here. It was certainly me they were after, and as great of a stand-in my doppelganger was, it seemed unlikely that would be enough to satisfy some pony who came here to put holes into things. Especially if those things where me…
…
Well how would you phrase that?! ‘If those things where mees?’ Now that just sounds silly…
Anyhow, It was then that I caught a glint in the corner of my eye. I turned and there was something reflecting the moonlight in some shadowy corner of my castle. My eyes being unable to tell me much more, I closed them and concentrating on feeling the magic and energy of whatever it was.
I sensed something I could easily identify as a pony. However it wasn’t what I sensed, but what I couldn’t sense that reminded me once more what fear felt like. Whatever the pony had brought with them, I couldn’t feel at all.
I opened my eyes just in time to notice an arrowhead sailing towards me. With not a split second to spare, I lowered my head into my torso.
The giant, from my perspective, arrow sliced through the bottom of the stone window frame as if it was nothing and sailed right over my head. Missing me by what was possibly only a hairs width or two.
For a brief second as the arrow passed, everything went numb, everything went dark, and all my other senses went away as well. It was as if for an instance I had merely stopped existing. Thankfully the moment passed along with the arrow.
I felt head on my face and my heart pump in my chest. That was close, and who knows what that arrow would have done to me had It found its mark.
“Come out, tyrant,” a voice called out. “Come out and face your fate.”
The voice was not unfamiliar to me. Yet another would-be pony-hero who had made it his life’s goal to stop my fun. Longshot was his name. A gray-pegasus with a short, silver mane and tail who had worked out how to use a bow and arrow using his teeth on the arrow and string and forehooves on the bow. Usually this was awkward to do at best for a pony, however Longshot was never one to let a little thing like the odds get in his way of trying and even practicing at something exceedingly difficult. As of such, he had spent years becoming a master at the bow and could use it with a skill that easily rivaled those with opposable digits or magic.
Longshot called out once more, “The terrible and powerful Discord hiding? Pitiful…”
Normally I’d probably quickly magic up some sort of reprimand, like turning the ground Longshot was walking on into itchy slime or expired milk, but I was having a little trouble thinking through the frantic fear and possibility of death… I tried to calm myself and think of anything that could give me the edge.
Alright, Discord think, think… you have eons of years on this pony. There’s got to be plenty you can do to get the advantage here… So what if he’s armed with a weapon that’s possible lethal to you and honed his sense so well that he can probably hear a sparrow take flight from a mile aw—
A thought occurred that though I was still about the size of a mouse, I was breathing heavily. Somehow I managed to get past fear into a state where I was acting on impulse. I quickly closed my eyes and began feeling out with my other senses, clearing my head just in time to feel the wall behind me began to fade as an arrow flew straight through it.
Rather than dodge one way or the other, I made a hole in my body and spread myself out, turning myself into something of a doughnut just in time to have the arrow sail right through the empty center of me. Again, its proximity caused a numbness in my body, but it passed quickly. I watched this arrow fly off into the distance like the other. Then it was nearly silent once more, the only sound was my labored breathing.
No… no good… I’m giving myself away. I’m… I’m thinking too much like one of them… Time to switch things up a bit…
I disappeared… or rather, I teleported, but instead of reforming myself to my corporeal self I instead reformed as pure energy and magic once more.
Maybe it was the threat of defeat, maybe it was my new increase in power, or even figuring out I could sense magic, but a very important thought had occurred to me.
As much as these corporeal being had entertained and fascinated me, it finally dawned on me that I had spent so much time thinking like, and perhaps even being one of them that I had been limiting myself.
Well, no more. I was time to start thinking outside the fleshy, mish-mash of creatures, box. I started by feeling out the magic around me, and more importantly, the magic around Longshot.
Once again I felt the magical energy of every rock, every bit of air, even the pony himself. However, what was most intriguing was Longshot’s arrows. At first, it seemed I couldn’t sense them, only their absence like several arrow shaped holes punched in reality itself, but as I concentrated I noticed the magical energy around them seemed to be… flowing, not unlike the magic that surrounded Equestria…. No… not flowing exactly, but being pulled into the arrows… almost as if the arrows where some sort of magic drain in the ocean of Equestria’s magic… That’s why I felt numb around them and Whiplash’s whip… their weapons were designed to literally drain magic, and judging from how the magic was flowing into them, the stronger the magical source the quicker they drained.
Well, I decided that would simply not do. The arrows had to go.
I noticed a slight shift in the magical energy, something I perceived as Longshot moving… speaking even. Sadly, I could not hear him. Well I couldn’t have that, talking with my foes was one if the best parts of their little visits. I simply had to rectify this… though, there was no reason I had to simply appear before Longshot in my full form. With a little thought I shifted enough of my physical self-back to hear Longshot…
…
…Sigh… Yes, I did, in fact, just materialize a pair of floating ears… But it worked!
“… the great Lord of Chaos actually hiding?” I heard Longshot say. He was clearly getting a bit impatient and attempting to flush me out of hiding. Still, as cool and collected Longshot tended to act, there was a reason I enjoyed his little visits. I devised and materialized a way to converse with Longshot.
…
…Hah! Wrong, it was more than one mouth! Otherwise Longshot would have pinpointed it and took a shot at it. Probably hit it too. No, I needed to distract Longshot from the task at hoof. Focused and armed as he was, he was actually a major threat.
“… Don’t tell me the mighty Discord is afraid of a paltry few arrows.”
I chuckled. “Now why would I be afraid of chicken arrows?”
There was a brief moment were Longshot turned, his arrow knocked as he clasped it in his mouth and held the bow with his forehooves. This was followed by a much longer and more entertaining moment of Longshot looking around in confusion at the multiple sources of my voice and dwelling on what I had said.
“What?!” he cried as he grabbed the arrow with one hoof and allowed his bow to relax once more. “No! ‘paltry’, p-a-l-t-r-y.”
“Well, they look like regular sized arrows to me…” I replied.
“That’s not what…” Longshot furrowed his brow. “Stop it! Your mind games won’t work on me!”
“Oh?” I said in an inquisitive tone. “Seems to me they’re working quite well…”
“Yeah… well…” Longshot trailed off as he attempted to formulate a proper response. “They haven’t!”
Good, I had thrown him off slightly, but there was still the problem of what to do about his weapons. I could just teleport him away from them like I did with Whiplash, but I loath repetition. My magic couldn’t interact with them directly, so clearly I’d have to use the environment. I decided to keep Longshot distracted as I formulated a plan.
“Haven’t what?” I asked.
“Worked!” Longshot said angrily.
“What haven’t worked?”
“Your mind games!” Longshot cried.
“What about them?”
“THEY HAVEN’T…OH, THAT IS IT!”
“What is i— AH!”
I cried out in pain as Longshot quickly re-knocked the arrow, pulled his how bow back, and fired. His speed and reflexes where simply remarkable. I didn’t even have time to act before an arrow shot right through one of the many mouths I had hidden in the shadows of the empty castle. Even with me spread out like I was, the mouth was still part of me, and I felt a sudden numbness as well as a dull ache as I returned to my full, material self along one of my castle walls. I was woozy on my feet. Defeat seemed certain! All it would take was one arrow and I could very well be no more! The self-styled Master of Chaos himself, Discord, brought low by a few well-placed shots! My very existence wiped from the face of…
…
…Right, sorry. Just trying to build a little dramatic tension.
“HA!” Longshot cried. “You were careless!” One of Longshot’s wings unfolded as the tips reached out along his back. “Now to… to…” Longshot frowned and glanced behind him. “HEY!” he cried as he noticed a he was now sporting a particularly adorable pink backpack in the shape of a pony with button eyes.
“Looking for this?” I asked as I held up the quiver in my lion’s paw as my arm went from a long, stretching limb to a regular sized one. My distraction had brought me enough time to swap the item without Longshot noticing. Thankfully it wasn’t made up of the same substance as the arrows. That being said, it took much of my concentration just to hold the quiver upright. My paw had gone numb just from the near contact and even my head felt a little fuzzy from the arrow that actually hit me, or part of me rather. I simply rotated the paw, dropping the quiver ceremony and took a few steps forward. At least the arrows were safely out of Longshot’s reach.
Longshot continued to stare at me with a determined look on his face. “You’re clever, chaos lord, but not nearly clever enough.” With that, Longshot placed his bow into his mouth and began trotting forward slowly.
I frowned. I was so fixated on the arrows I didn’t even notice the bow itself seemed to be have the same magical draining properties. It made sense of course, I could have easily rendered the arrows almost useless if I had simply turned the bow into a snake or some such. Seems Longshot still posed something of a threat…
Lonshot took a step forward—
“OWCH!”
—and stepped right onto a the metal head of a rake I had just created, causing the wooden handle flying up and hitting him in the muzzle.
… A threat, but not such a big one I couldn’t have a little fun…
“WHAT TRICKERY IS THIS?!” Longshot cried as he took flight, allowing the bow to drop into his forehooves.
I smirked. “You really think a little thing like flight will save you from the rakeribution?”
With a whooshing sound like something quickly moving through the air, Longshot quickly looked behind him. The backpack I had given him held a rake high above his head and began to bring it down. Longshot quickly brought his bow up in-between the yard tool and his head. Usually this act would easily have blocked the blow, but in an odd turn of fate, the part of the handle which hit the bow simply ceased to be on impact and the top half of the rake continued its journey. The heavy metal head made a satisfying thud as it hit Longshot on the top of his crown.
“ERK!” Longshot cried he fell slightly as the blow dazed him, however he quickly recovered enough to maintain flight.
I have a hearty chuckle, or a guffaw, if you will. “Hahahaha!” Oh the ponies who came after me where always so serious, it made taking them down a few notches all the more satisfying.
While not the hardiest of the species, a seasoned pegasus could take a few hits and few were as seasoned as Longshot. He simply swung his bow behind him, smacking himself in the back as much of his new fashion accessory was simply unmade as the bow passed through it.
Though he seemed to be sporting a lump on the top of his head and a trickle of blood from his snout, Longshot looked as determined as ever.
I snapped my talon and created several dozen rakes a few feet above Longshot. They floated in mid-air above him briefly, giving him just enough time to look up and notice them. He then shot me a deliciously dirty look before I allowed the rakes to fall. Longshot was soon brought to the ground by a rake-alanche.
I laughed again. “AhHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!” Oh, this was so much fun! So what if my existence was in danger? What was the point of existing if I couldn’t have fun, and what was the point of existing if I couldn’t be challenged from time to time?
Speaking of being challenged, the rake-heap began to stir. I could even see the tip of Longshot’s bow as anything that touched it simply ceased to exist.
This wasn’t good. As frustrated, bruised, and battered as Longshot was, I knew he was far from throwing in the towel. Anypony who made a habit of visiting my castle was used to a barrage of rooms that tested both mental and physical endurance. Also by simply moving his bow through the rake pile, Longshot was uncreateding my magic. I could simply teleport and keep my distance and eventually tire him out, but no doubt Longshot and other ponies would find the tactic a bit cowardly. If word got out that I was afraid of these items, who knows how quickly more would be made and how many ponies would hound me day and night and quasi-night-day when both the moon and sun were up at the same time which was a thing I made a mental note to do.
I could always simply kill him as well, but that might also make him something of a martyr to rally behind. That also meant more ponies with weapons after me. Thus far, I was able to have my fun without killing anypony, and despite my rampant altering of reality for these ponies, refraining from murdering any of them outright certainly kept many if not most of the species from rallying around ending my fun.
Besides, even the most boring live pony I have ever met was endlessly more entertaining than the most interesting dead one.
After some brief struggling and turning the rake-heap into a random pile of scrap metal and pieces of wooden handles, Longshot emerged victorious, if covered in bruises. He looks as angry and determined as ever.
“Your magic is no match for my willpower, evil-one!” He cries as he reads his bow. “You may bury me in landscaping tools a mile deep! I shall still… shall still…” Longshot trails off, no doubt noticing my newest addition to the castle. “…Wait, what is that?”
“Oh, it’s just your biggest fan,” I said as I patted the several story device I had created. A device, that was in fact, a massive, box fan pointed directly at Longshot.
Longshot shot me another priceless look as I switched the giant fan on. As the fan blades spun, a mighty gust of air picked up the rake debris and blew it to the opposite wall of the empty castle. Longshot leaned down and attempted to walk forward against the wind, but it was no use. His light weight worked against him and he was soon airborne without intending to be, and his flapping aided him not as he was thrown smack into the castle wall. The hapless pegasus was soon pushed flat as the wind held him in pace.
To his credit, he had done an excellent job of holding onto his bow up until the point. However, once he was against the wall the item slipped from his hoof. If it were a regular bow, this would have likely meant the heavy wind would keep it in place on the wall. In this case however, the very real wind produced by the very magic fan pushed the very magic-negating bow through the very magic wall.
I smiled wide at Longshot, he grimaced at me… I mean… I think he grimaced, with the wind it looked more like a dog sticking its head out of fast moving pony-drawn carriage.
I snapped my talon and I was outside the castle. Hovering within feet of the weapon which could have been my undoing.
I clasped my eagle claw and as I did the very real earth around the very magic-negating bow engulfed it in a very round sphere of mud and dirt. Now, this only meant there was little more than a well compacted dirt and mud pile separating anyone from the bow, but I could easily stop Longshot before he got to it if he decided to dig it out.
Not that he’d really have an opportunity to do so with the giant fan on.
With the threat neutralized, I decided to clean up a little bit. My empty castle was full pieces of rakes, a torn backpack, the quiver, arrows, the stone tiled floor, some random planks of wood, a barrel, a beach ball, a dear scare, a cat statue that’s supposed to bring you good luck …you know… things one might create on a whim so they had more to roll up with their giant dirt ball.
The doors of my castle flew open and the fan disappeared. Longshot fell to the ground, dazed and confused as I began to roll my ball over each item. Each item stuck to my ball of earth as it grew ever larger and larger. I sang a happy tune, something that seemed appropriate for rolling up items into a large sphere. “NANAAAAAAAAAAA NANANANANANANA NANANA-NANANAAAAAA, NANAAAAAAAAAAA NANANANANANANA NANANA-NANANAAAAAA…”
Longshot merely scowled at me as his quiver and arrows disappeared into the ball of items. Unmaking bits of a few, but getting rolled up into the mud that composed the base of the stuff-sphere. He continued to sit and give me a sour look as I picked up more and more items. A few bricks from my castle wall even made their way into the sphere.
My lair all cleaned up. I stood by my stuff-sphere proudly. At this point it was easily twice my height and as big around. Longshot continued to sit and glare at me, no doubt waiting to shout one more one liner along the lines of my days being numbered, or my end coming… something cliché like that.
“Well?” I asked. “Aren’t you moved to tears by the size of this thing?”
“Are you finished wasting time?” Longshot replied an in an annoyed tone.
I smirked, opening my mouth slightly from just behind my large fang. “Why Longshot, how can I waste time when I have all the time in the universe?”
Longshot scowled. “You may think that now, but your—”
“Yes, yes, my time is running out…”
“—days will soon be at an…” Longshot paused as he considered my words.
I chuckled. “What’s wrong? Upset that I came up with a better retort to myself than you did?”
“Silence, devil! Your words mean nothing! For I shall return with another set of weapons to destroy you with!”
“Oh, you’ll come back with another little toy?” I asked with interest. “What’s wrong with the one you have?”
Longshot narrowed his eyes. “Do not mock me! You have sealed my weapon away!”
I turned and looked at my ball random item. “It’s just a little dirty… and covered with stuff. It’s still good.”
Longshot gritted his teeth. “Yes, but you have possession of it,” he growled out.
I shook my head. “Oh, my dear, sweet, mistrusting Longshot. Why would I keep your little arrows and bow? They don’t match anything in my wardrobe!” To demonstrate, I pulled out few ensembles, a regal set of robes, a jester’s tights, a dazzling dress, but not the sort of things you’d walk around with a bow and a quiver of arrows. “You’ll get your toy back and all these lovely parting gifts!” I said motioning to the stuff-sphere. I pulled a hollow, orange cone with a flat base from the clutter ball. “Like this thing!” I eyed the item closely. “Wait, what the heck is this?”
“The weapon that is to be your destruction?! You’ll return it to me?! What trickery is this?!”
I tossed the orange cone behind me, it sprouted a large pair of brown wings and flew off… presumably to be with its own kind. “Silly Longshot, tricks are for foals,” I said with a smirk. “You will have your weapon back because I would very much like you to try again at some point.”
Longshot scowled. “You have a death wish?”
I gave a mighty laugh. “Hahahahahahahahahahaha…” My sides left my body and floated to orbit where I would return to soon. “No, no, no, my little pony.” I smiled wickedly at him. “I honestly don’t think you have much of a chance. However, it’s possible you have a slim chance of defeating me, or even harming me… This intrigues me. As of such, you will be given opportunity, so you desired.” My smile widens. “And I do so love our little chats.”
Longshot looked over me suspiciously. “What is this new game you are playing with me? I’m not interested in being your puppet.”
“No, no game…” I said. My lips began to quiver as tears poured down the sides of my face. I motioned to my flat, flaccid facade of myself that was now floating courtesy of my fountain of tears. “This is about him!”
Longshot flapped a few feet off the ground as my tears flooded the insides of the empty castle. “What about that ridiculous thing?”
I pulled a red polka-dotted handkerchief from one of my pockets…
…
… Yes, I have pockets! They’re so useful!
…
… I honestly don’t get why you’re surprised! Spike has pockets!
Anyway… where was I…? Oh, yes! My double who had in all likelihood fought valiantly even as many an arrow pierced his thin body! No doubt flailing his arms and torso about in a desperate gambit to frighten his opponent or entrap them with his hypnotic movements!
I dabbed at my tears and blew my nose. “We have to lay my friend here to rest! He’s earned that much!”
Longshot looked down at my flat look alike briefly then back up at me. “You want me to bury him?”
“Actually, I think he’d prefer cremation…”
Longshot chuckled darkly. “You want me to set it on fire? I will have no trouble granting that request.”
“Oh Longshot, my dear, dear friend. I want you to do much more than that! My esteemed comrade here fell bravely in the line of— Don’t you roll your eyes at me, Mister!” I said sternly, pointing a claw at my ill-mannered guest. “You killed him, the least you can do is hear me out! Like I was saying before someone’s rude reaction… He shall be honored and you and I will conduct a proper funeral for him!”
“WHAT?!” Longshot exclaimed. “I know you are crazy, but that is an absurd and humiliating request! No! I won’t do it.”
“Do you want your toys back or not?!” I shot back.
Longshot sighed heavily. “How do I know you’ll keep your word? How do I know you will not simply mock me further after we have completed your ridiculous services for this—” Longshot paused as he stared down at my lifeless doppelganger “—thing?”
I motioned out to my double once more. “And besmirch everything my counterpart believed and stood for?! Oh Longshot, you wound me.” I grin and before Longshot knows it, my lion’s arm is resting on his shoulders and my face is next to his. I tickle his chin with a talon as I smile. “I mean emotionally of course. You failed to physically harm me.”
“Away from me, chaotic one!” Longshot cried as he pushed me away with his forehooves. “If a few minutes of misery is all it takes for me to have another chance at revenge, I will put up with this ridiculous farce!”
I nodded solemnly. “That’s good, ‘ridiculous’ was Flaily’s favorite type of farce.”
Longshot gave a heavy sigh as he stared out into open space with a grumpy expression.
“Yes, that’s good. A perfect attitude one should have while attending a funeral.”
With a snap of my claw, the empty castle was now full of pews and guests! Such as Longshot… and the stuff-sphere!
I also created a coffin made of incense-cedar for my dear, dear Flaily…
…
… I had an open casket ceremony then cremated him afterwards!
…
… ‘Waste of money’?! I made the coffin out of magic! Look, stop distracting me this is a very emotional memory for me!
Anyhow, a podium to stand at and a lovely suit for myself, black for this very somber location.
I addressed those gathered before me, “Dearly beloved, we are gathered her tonight to say farewell to someone I know has touched all our lives in a unique way we shan’t ever forget. Flaily had many traits worth listing. He was stalwart, dedicated, energetic, stretchy, inflammable… an incredible dancer. However, I think I’ll simple miss seeing his happy face most of all … I… sniff … I promised myself I wouldn’t cry… WHOUAAAAAAHOUAAAAHOUAAAAHOUAAAHOUAAAAAAAA! Oh it’s not fair! TAKE ME INSTEAD!” I cried at the heavens.
Longshot gave yet another sigh. “If only…” he muttered to himself. He continued to stare grumpily into space, seemingly trying for some sort of record regarding how far he could push out his lower lip. I placed my lions arm across his shoulders and wept for my fallen friend, tears began to soak my black veil and black dress.
…
…Yes, I was also at the podium wearing a suit… How exactly is this hard to follow?
“I’m… I’m sorry…” I said from the podium as I brought a handkerchief up to my nose. “Phphphphphbtbtbtbtbtbt! Flaily wouldn’t want me to cry. He’d want me to stay strong, to stay flexible and go with the flow, as he was so accustomed at doing… And now his closest friend Longshot will say some words…” I said as I motioned to Longshot.
“Me?!” Longshot cried as he motioned to himself. “Closest friend?!”
“Well, he only existed for a few hours!” I cried. “The only two being he knew where you and I!”
“A few hours?” Longshot replied in a slightly confused tone. “I scouted and observed your castle for days before I made my move! That silly thing was there the entire time!”
“Oh?” I said in surprise. I began to wonder if I really had been gone for that long. It didn’t seem like I had been away for very long. And yet… it made some degree of sense. Longshot’s interruption was so sudden. It seemed odd that he’d strike so soon after Whiplash.
“Just a moment…” I said to Longshot.
“Do I have a choice?” he asked.
I chuckled to myself. “No, not if you want your toys back.”
Longshot continued to stew angrily as I looked up towards the castle ceiling. I quickly closed my paw then opened it again, opening a hole in the stone ceiling as I did.
This exposed the moon, which I noted was now several phases further along than the night I had fought Whiplash. Excluding the very unlikely chance the unicorns where switching up their boring and predictable day tracking system, it seemed Longshot was telling the truth.
Also, I remembered my idea of making the moon and sun show up at the same time and made another mental note to start messing with the moon phases… and figure out some other fun things to do with the sun while I’m at it. I figured that would be a nice, easy way to get those stuffy unicorn’s all hot and bothered. Not to mention anypony else who relied on the sun on the moon for time tracking or anything else… which pretty much meant everypony.
Pranking the entire world aside, it had seemed I had spent roughly a week up in space collecting energy. Though it didn’t seem long at all, I had somehow lost entire days. I suppose this made some degree of sense. Who knows how many millions or billions of years I had spent as a being of pure energy? Eons spent simply observing dust collect and mass into something more interesting. If anything, I was fortunate I had only lost several days. Still, I’d have to endeavor to keep better track of time up there. Perhaps I’d hold off messing with the unicorns boring and predictable celestial time tracking system…
…Or… you know… just make a magic watch with a minute hand, millennium hand, and an eon hand so I could still mess with ponies still….
…
… ‘How do know what time it is?!’ I just told you! It’s a watch! It tells time! Aside from being fashionable, that’s literally all it does!”
…
… ‘Time of day?’ Why I merely created a microscope so I could check the progress of the millennium hand as it very slowly moved across the watch face.
…
… OF COURSE IT’S CONVOLUTED! I’M THE LORD OF CHAOS! I CAN’T VERY WELL HAVE A REGULAR, BORING TIMEPIECE, NOW CAN I?!
… Now where was I? Ah yes, sorting out how to best track time. Speaking of losing track of time, I must have sat thinking about the best-worst way to use a watch for a bit, because Longshot began to lose patience.
“So… can I go now?” Longshot asked.
I turned and scowled at him. “Don’t you have a eulogy to give?”
Longshot shot what must have been is hundredth glare for the evening and trudged up to the podium. He began to address the crowd of mourners in a somber, if irritated sounding tone, “Flaily existed for many days… He er… flailed a lot… I would say this was pretty much all he did…”
The me from the pews cried out, “AND HE WAS SO GOOD AT IT, TOO!”
“Anyhow, he flailed his body and arms out endlessly until he was shot with several arrows—”
“HE DIED DOING WHAT HE LOVED!”
“—and then he flailed no more…”
“Whouaaaahouaaahouaaahouaaa!” My voiced… erm… the me in the pews voice dropped to a whisper. “So beautiful!”
“There!” Longshot cried. “I’ve played your silly game! Now return my weapons.”
I smiled. “Of course, a deal is a deal after all.” I snapped my talon and the pews, the me in the pews, the podium, my suit disappeared, and even some of my castle disappeared. All replaced by a rather large, wooden catapult that held the stuff-sphere in its round, scope-like bucket. With part of my castle now removed, it had a perfect shot out into the open land around me.
“WHAT TRICKERY IS THIS?!” He turned and leveled an accusatory forehoof in my direction as he flew up and off the ground slightly. “We had a deal! I attend your ridiculous funeral for your silly toy and you return my weapons!”
I nodded as floated over the catapult, grabbing the leaver in my talon and paw. “Yes, and you shall have them! But what guarantee do I have that you won’t turn around me as soon as I return the items?”
Longshot narrows his eyes as me. He paused slightly, then placed a forehoof against his chest. “You have my word as a warrior that I won’t turn and use them on you immediately.”
My eyes widened in surprise. “Why Longshot! That’s so very noble of you!” My lips suddenly parted into a wicked grin. “But since I already broke out the catapult.”
“Discord! Don’t you—”
I pulled the leaver. With a mighty snap the catapult arm flew up and the stuff-sphere sailed high into the night sky, far away, and out of my bushy-eyebrows.
Longshot gave me a delicious defeated sigh. “—dare…” His toys now far away from him he gave me an angry glare. “I suppose you expect me to fly after that?” he said as he motioned out in the direction the stuff-sphere had just gone.
“Oh, of course not…” I said as I grinned wickedly and quickly turned a graped the spokes of a wheel, turning it and wincing the catapult arm back into place. I snapped my fingers and suddenly Longshot was wearing a helmet and also found himself in the bucket of the catapult. “I’m more than happy to send you to its locations.”
Longshots eyes went wide. “Wait! I do not desire your help! I can fly after the items myself!”
I chuckled as I grasp the lever. “Oh don’t be silly! It’s no trouble at all Now… go long!”
I pull the lever and the catapult snaps up, throwing Longshot in an arc after the stuff-sphere.
“DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSCOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooorrrrrrrrrrrrrrd…” Longshot cried as he desperately flapped his wings to control his flight. Despite his protests, I knew he could do this quite easily. He’d just do it far, far away from the castle. This would discourage him from flying back immediately.
The castle now quiet, I sighed as I looked down at my body, my sides still notably absent. “All that time, and he never mentioned my slimmer figure once!”
I snapped my talon and both coffin and Flaily disappeared in a quick but brilliant fiery blaze. I snapped again and a my large, trusty thinking tree sprouted from the ground, lifting me high into the air with one of its many, large, leafy branches.
Though much smarter and a bit more eloquent than Whiplash, Longshot certainly didn’t create those arrows or that bow on his own. The plot was coagulating to say the least. Some very smart pony had worked out how to defeat me and was arming the most tenacious of those who sought my end. The thought occurred that I might have to start being a little more proactive about these weapons, otherwise I might end up facing a mass of Ponies all armed with something that could harm me…
… Then again, while ponies where a fickle species, they could be a tad predictable at times… I had a feeling meddling with the heavenly bodies would bring the source of my recent troubles right to me. I placed a giant door-knocker on my castle entrance, a tasteful brass peace modeled after my handsome features with my long, forked, dangling tongue as the knocker. I also set the moon and sun to the middle of night-day. I then departed back for the edge of the world to collect my sides and more magical energy.
Now that I knew the weapons worked by draining my very magical essence, I knew I needed more. Dodging arrows and whips and surprising ponies with giant fans and teleporting them away from their weapons would start to show them I feared these items. I needed to show the ponies I could overcome their little trick in a very direct way, and once I had I would revel in my victory as I had no victory before.
…
… ‘Why?’ Oh, that’s simple really. There simply is not greater victory than beating someone at their own game.