//------------------------------// // Chapter 3: Smokin' for a Chokin' // Story: Clusterbuck to City Hall // by Caddy Finz //------------------------------// "Owww, my head" Octavia groaned as she woke up in her bed. "What did I do last night?" As Octavia's vision returned, she began looking around the bedroom that her and Octavia shared. A few feet away, in Vinyl's bed, she noticed that Twilight Sparkle was starting to stir as well. Octavia wondered to herself why the local librarian would be hanging out with Vinyl as she had always thought before that drinking and partying was not her idea of a good time. "Twilight Sparkle?" Octavia asked, confused. "Um, what's going on? What happened?" "Huh? Oh good morning, Octavia." Twilight replied. "It's a long story really. Are you feeling okay? I've got the bucket emptied out and ready if you need it again." "W-what bucket?" "Well let's just say that you got pretty damn wild and lost a few cookies last night." "The only thing I really remember is having a few shots with Vinyl...and I may or may not have sneaked a few more when she wasn't looking...and breaking a window in our apartment...and there is a slight possibility that I could have given an officer of the law a small slap on the rump." "You went so far as to shake your flank at them while they were chasing you, Octavia! Oh man, last night was the most fun I've had in...well...ever." "Wow, I really made a fool of myself then, huh?" "I wouldn't look at it that way. I wasn't there the entire time though. Vinyl slept on the sofa last night. She can explain it to you when you're ready to get up. She was exhausted after we got home and I was wide awake after that rush so she asked me to keep and eye on you and make sure you'd be okay." "Awww thanks, Twilight. I'm sorry if I acted like an idiot last night." "Oh don't you worry about a thing, Octavia. I actually think I'll be hanging out with the two of you a lot more." After a few more minutes of rubbing her eyes, Octavia was finally ready to trot downstairs with some help from Twilight. As she kept a hoof on the railing and her other foreleg around Twilight's shoulder for balance, she heard what sounded like the news channel on the TV in the living room. "Oh man, what a bunch of chumps!" Vinyl laughed as she turned up the Volume to listen to a news report. "In recent news... The reporter began. The Ponyville PD is still on the look out for a late model, black, two-door Sadillac Gazelle that was spotted fleeing from a disturbance at the Sloshed Screw Loose nightclub at around 1:30 am late last night. The pursuing officers were unable to retrieve a plate number as the suspects were believed to have tampered with their patrol coach before the chase. Several small stones were found lodged inside the tailpipe afterwards, leaving the police to believe that is what ultimately caused the extreme engine damage which rendered their sixty-two thousand bit patrol vehicle useless." "Ha! Joke's on them! It's a four door, dark blue, Bovilet Curvature they should be looking for! These guys can't even count!" "On a political note, as Mayor Mare's fourth and according to her, her final term nears it's end, a new candidate already begins preparations for the next up-coming election. Local bigshot, Filthy Rich stated, and I quote, that he will 'make Ponyville great and powerful enough to rival Canterlot.'" "Aw, fuck him! He ain't got shit on Mayor Mare!" "Many citizens remain apprehensive, as Mayor Mare made it possible for the fastest economic growth and lowest taxes in the town's history and as of yet, few are convinced that anypony can do any better. That's it for now so be sure to re-join us at five o'clock tonight where we will be broadcasting the mayor's farewell adress. I'm Noteworthy, PFTW News. Ponyville for the win!" "This guy's a joke!" "Wow Vinyl, I didn't know you cared that much about politics." Octavia said as her and Twilight reached the bottom of the stairs. "It's almost as if you could be a politician." "Hey, Tavi. Nah, as much as I get glued to the TV with this kinda stuff, that job ain't for me. So, how ya feeling?" "I'm feeling...quite good actually." "Tavi I-I'm sorry I got you into that mess. I guess that kinda life style just plain isn't for yo-" "I had fun!" "Y-y-you did? Really?" "Yes, Vinyl! For the first time in my life, I actually lived! Sure I did some stupid things and could have gotten in huge legal trouble or hurt very badly but I had a great time!" As risky as Octavia's behavior was the previous night, she had just told Vinyl the best news she had heard in a very long time. For years, the wild party girl had tried to get the bookworm cellist out on the town for a night of fun. After countless attempts, she was finally able to pull it off. What made Vinyl even happier was that Octavia had actually enjoyed herself and was potentially on her way to making it more her thing. Not only that, but they now had a friend in the local librarian while before they were more just acquaintances. "Tavi, that's...just great!" Vinyl said as she shed tears of joy. "I'm so glad you had fun for once. I'm definitely more glad that you're okay but this is a huge step for you!" "I'm glad too, Vinyl." Octavia replied. "Let's just try not to overdo it next time. Baby steps, okay?" "She's got a good point, Vinyl." Twilight said. "As wild and crazy as that was, she shouldn't make a too fast of an approach to it. We wouldn't want too much fecal matter coming in unwanted contact with the rotary blade of an electronic air circulating apparatus." "Okay, you lost me after the 'fecal matter' part." Vinyl replied, dumbfounded. "We don't want shit hitting the fan quite as much." "I couldn't agree more. Why didn't you just say so?" "Eheheheh. Sorry, that was the nerd in me talk-" "Luna's flank!" Octavia gasped at sudden realization. "It's 9:30 am! I have to be at work by 10:00!" "Whoa, chill out Tavi." Vinyl said. "It's only a ten minute drive away. Just cool your shit, fix your hair a bit and you're good to go. Really though, you oughtta take a vacation sometime soon. I plan on starting mine next week so we can take it together." After being calmed down by Vinyl and quickly making herself look professional, Octavia was heading out the door as Twilight was trotting down the street back to the library. Just as Octavia reached for the door handle of the sedan, she froze on the spot after noticing that something was wrong. Her face began to turn beet red before she suddenly snapped her head back into the direction of the apartment. "You know that we're still making payments on this right, Vinyl?!" Octavia scolded as she pulled a parking meter out from under the rear bumper. "It was either drive a bit buzzed to find you or let you wake up in a gutter Celestia knows where, Tavi!" Vinyl smugly replied after she exited the door of the apartment. "Don't you have to go to wo-" "And how the hell did you manage to get a fire hydrant stuck in strut springs?!" "You don't wanna be late do you, Octi?" "Fuck!" As usual, Octavia worked yet another event-less shift at the Quills and Sofas furniture store where she worked as a commission paid sales pony. She was very good at her job and did very well when it came to up-selling as she had exceptional pony skills. Although the job helped pay rent and put food in the fridge, her true passion was playing the cello. As much as she loved her instrument, she only played it part time whenever a gig opened for her nearby. When Vinyl was not busy with the turntables at one of the many hopping night clubs, she spent most of the work week at the Disc-Connection record store where she worked as an hourly assistant manager. Having worked an eight hour shift with a thirty minute lunch break in the middle, Octavia was back in the sedan and on her way back home. Since it was now 6:30 pm, she ended up missing the mayor's farewell address which was not something she really wanted to happen. Being that it was Vinyl's day off however, she knew that she would still be able to get the basics of how it went. As Octavia parked the vehicle and entered the apartment, she was just about to find out exactly how much information she was about to get. "Hey, Tavi!" Vinyl greeted from the reclining chair in the living room. "I decided to go see the mayor's farewell address live at the town hall! You'll never guess who I invited to hang out with us!" "I don't really feel like guessing right now, Vinyl." Octavia replied as she trotted into the living room to join Vinyl and their guest. "I really don't mean to be rude but I'm just dying to hear how the m-m-m-Miss Mayor?!" "Why hello there, Miss Octavia!" The now former mayor of Ponyville chimed. "It's so nice to meet you! Your friend Vinyl here so kindly invited me over. I'm so glad the two of you enjoyed my administration." "Oh it's no big deal really, it was only the best administration this town has ever seen! Also, I think the natural pink color of your hair works for you. Oh and congratulations on your engagement, by the way." "Awww, why thank you! Now, Vinyl here tells me that you even have an associate's degree in economics and government. By the sound other things she's told me, it sounds like you may even have potential to run in this next election." "Heheheh, well as flattering as that is, that's a good one, you two! Almost had me thinking you were serious for a minute there." "We totally are, Tavi." Vinyl corrected. "If you ran for mayor and kept that Filthy Prick or whatever his name is from winning, you could keep this town as awesome as it is now! Even if he's an asshole, it's pretty hard to lose if he's running unopposed." "Oh don't be silly, Vinyl." Octavia replied. "I wouldn't stand a chance even if I did run. The only thing that would prove is that it was a dumb idea. Really though, Vinyl, what have you been smoking?" "Oooh, speaking of smoking...Miss Mayor, would you like to take the first hit?" "Vinyl, are you crazy?! Don't pack your bong in front of the ma-" "I'd be honored to, Vinyl." Mare replied as she lit the bottom and pressed her lips on the top. Octavia was speechless. She was sitting on the sofa next to the recently former mayor of Ponyville who was inhaling a mass of smoke from Vinyl's bong packed with everfree happy grass. As Octavia sat there with her jaw near the floor, Mare exhaled the thick intoxicating cloud before letting out a blissfully content sigh. "Now this is why I had this stuff decriminalized." Mare said softly as her eyes began droop slightly and turn bloodshot. "Octavia, if you were to run for mayor and win, you could have this totally legalized by Hearths Warming Eve." "Tubular." Vinyl said. "Hey pass that my way, will ya?" While the bong and lighter levitated in Vinyl's aura, she did much of the same as Mare. Octavia was stunned at how well both of them were handling the strong smoke without hacking a lung or even so much as emitting one tiny cough. She had never tried it before and since she had been willing to try new things lately, she was tempted to have a hit of her own. "So, Tavi." Vinyl said. "Think you'd wanna give it a try this time?" "I-I don't know, Vinyl." Octavia replied. "Is it really that good? How does it really make you feel?" "It makes you feel like all of your stress just melts away, Tavi. If you wanna try it, I promise you won't regret it. No pressure though." Octavia for the most part had always trusted Vinyl despite her usually being the one with the more questionable judgement. Even though the two of them were nearly polar opposites when it came to their lifestyles, the unconditional trust they often had in each other proved the strength of their friendship time and time again. Although Octavia was apprehensive at first, she knew in the back of her mind that Vinyl would never lead her into harm's way. At least not intentionally. "Okay Vinyl, give it here." Octavia said as she mentally prepared herself for the unknown. "Alright, Tavi." Vinyl replied. "Now usually you'd wanna hold it in for a few seconds to get the most out of it. Since this is your first time though, you'll wanna exhale as soon as you inhale. Then after that, give it about ten minutes just to see how it makes you feel before taking any more hits. We don't want a repeat of last night." Octavia then motioned with her hoof for Vinyl to pass the bong over to her. As she pressed her lips against the top of the hollow glass tube, she had Vinyl light the bottom and began to slowly inhale the smoke that rose out of the water. Vinyl and Mare were very impressed at how much Octavia took in before finally gagging and going into a coughing fit. "Okay Tavi, deep breaths now." Vinyl said softly as she gently patted Octavia on the back. "You'll be alright." Finally, Octavia's coughing subsided giving Vinyl a chance e for her to inquire of Octavia's current thoughts about the affects. "So how're ya feelin' Octi?" Vinyl asked. "Ummm...you know what, Vinyl?" Octavia ever so slowly replied. "This was...well...this actually wasn't so bad. I feel like I haven't a care in the world. Very hungry all of a sudden but pretty good over all." "Yeah, you'll get the munchies sometimes. Let's wait a little while before you have more though, okay? Just to be on the safe side." "Oh sure, right, right, right. Ummm...would you two excuse me for a moment? I'm just gonna step into the kitchen for a quick snack and maybe a glass of water while I'm at it." "Alright, Tavi. Let us know if you need anything or if you don't feel so good, Okay?" Octavia then disappeared into the kitchen, blatantly ignoring what Vinyl had just said. Thinking little of it, Vinyl and Mare continued their conversation between bong hits in the living room. As some time went by with Octavia still in the kitchen, naturally their minds began to wander and their conversations drift from topic to topic. "Aw that's great, Mare." Vinyl said. "I'm sooo happy for you. He sounds like a really great guy." "Hey thanks s'much, Vinyl." Mare replied. "He's the best thing that's ever happened to me. My job always got in the way of other stuff and I never had time for a special somepony. Now that I'm thirty-seven, my biological clock is really ticking. I want so badly to have a foal and start a family with my widdle lovey dovey schmoopiedoo. That's why I'm not running for a fifth term." "Can't say I blame ya for doing what makes ya happy." "Thanks. Hey gimme a sec, I'm gonna go get a glass of water. This cotton mouth's really starting to get to me." "Oh shit, I think Octavia's still in the uh...the eating room. Would you go check on her while you're at it?" "Sure, I'll see how she's doing." No sooner did Mare enter the kitchen did Vinyl get jolted out of her trance by her new found friend's frantic cry for help. "Vinyl!" Mare yelled from behind the kitchen door. "I think there's something wrong with Octavia!" Fearing that there was about to be as much if not more of a catastrophe than the previous night, Vinyl sprang up from the reclining chair and darted into the last room where they had seen Octavia enter over an hour ago. She dashed through the door to see the kitchen floor littered with empty food boxes and snack wrappers. The refrigerator in the back of the room was equally as empty revealing that the now bloated Octavia had eaten everything in the apartment. "Tavi, what the fu-" Weeeooo weeeooo weeeooo weeeooo weeeooo weeeooo! The siren of the ambulance being driven by medic Fluttershy wailed as she raced to the hospital with Mare in the front seat with her and and Vinyl and Octavia in the back. Motorists from several blocks ahead began pulling to the side to allow them room to pass through. In less than five minutes, they arrived at Ponyville's Flat-line Memorial Hospital where doctor's where waiting to begin treatment. As they wheeled the stretcher with the overstuffed Octavia down the hall towards the designated hospital room, the doctor galloped along side them to form a plan and ask necessary questions. "Lemme guess." The doctor said. "First time with the everfweed?" "First time with the everfweed." Vinyl confirmed with a sigh. "Nurse Redheart! Get me a thirty gallon oil drum and one of those calendars, stat!" "How's a calendar going to help?!" "There's no time to explain!" Soon after they reached the room, the nurse had returned with the two items the doctor requested. These items were a large metal barrel on wheels and a black paper folder with the words "To be opened in emergencies only" printed on the front. The doctor then fitted both of his fore-hooves with rubber gloves as the nurse placed the drum next to the bed where Octavia lay. She the proceeded to fit what looked like an oxygen mask with a clear tube attached to it to the patient's face and placed the other end into the barrel. With the final preparations having been made, the procedure could commence. "You three may wanna look away." The doctor warned. "This could get quite messy." The doctor then peeled a tape seal off the folder and approached Octavia on the hospital bed. "Miss Octavia, do me a favor?" The doctor asked as he held the mysterious paper directly in front of the patient's face. "Just take a good look at this for a moment." Instantaneously, The oil drum began filling up with what Octavia ate recently and at the same time her stomach started shrinking very rapidly. Finally, Octavia's belly was back to normal and the drum filled to the brim with vomit. "Excellent!" the doctor exclaimed as he tossed the folder into a bio-hazard trash can. "The treatment was a complete success! She'll be just fine after plenty of rest. She may even be well enough to be discharged in the morning." "Um, okay that's great." Vinyl replied. "But do you mind telling me how the fuck you did that?! What was that about a calendar?" "Simple. I assume you know the Apple family?" "Yeah. What about them?" "Their granny doesn't know when to quit modeling."