Well, I have to tell you guys that I am feeling quite heartbroken. I received a letter from Coat of Arms today, asking me to come over to his house for dinner. Well, I was quite excited! This was the first time I had ever been invited to an event that wasn't hosted by Fluttershy, and I must say it warmed my heart. I conjured up the finest tuxedo I could imagine, Fastened a red bow to my neck, dumped a bottle of perfume on my head and headed out the door.
Coat lived up in Canterlot, so I of course took the liberty of teleporting there for the sake if time. I knocked on the door, chocolate milk dispensing daffodils in hand, (can't show up to a get together without a house warming gift,) only to find the door open. It swung slowly, sending a whining creak into the dark hallways of the house. Curiosity gripped me tight, and soon I found myself wandering inside the house. Why was it abandoned like this? I had made sure to arrive on time, yet there wasn't a soul here.
And then I walked into the living room, only to come face to face with the last four ponies I ever expected to see.
"Princesses?" I said in utter confusion. "What are you doing in Coats house? Did you eat all the dinner?"
"No," said Celestia flatly, her face remaining a stern, yet neutral visage. "You will also find that Coat of Arms and his family are not home,"
"What, did you eat them too?"
"Discord," said Luna, her voice a little more stern. "Now isn't the time for cracks which are wise. We are here to discuss something of the utmost importance."
"You know if was that important, you could have just told me in the letter,"
Twilight shook her head. "This is about you. Specifically, this,"
Twilight floated a colorful book over the table, before letting it drop in front of me. On the cover, there was a stunning picture of truly handsome beast, accompanied with two words beneath it. "Discord's Diary".
"This, is an intervention." Said Twilight resolutely.
"What, is this like a grammar police thing? I probably ended some dialogue with periods again."
Suddenly, Cadence leapt from her spot on the couch and punched the book away.
"Stop making a joke out of everything!" snapped Cadence. "I don't appreciate you poking fun at Shining and myself in this little journal of yours, but I will not tolerate the public delving into my private life! There are some paragraphs in there that I demand be bowdlerized!"
"Like what?" I said, my lips curled in a smirk of pure curiosity.
"You know which ones,"
"No I don't,"
"The paragraph with the damn riding crop!"
"You mean this riding crop right here?"
Cadence's face flushed red. "How do you keep getting your claws on this?" She said in a furious whisper, getting up in my grill and whatnot.
"I just find things! If you'll refer to chapter one of my memoirs, you'll see I find a sixth-age bit-"
"Your going to find my hoof six ages in your-"
"Cadence!" scolded Celestia, "I understand you are upset, but we must keep on track."
Cadence sat down on the couch and folded her arms, her brow furrowed in annoyance,
Celestia then turned to me. "Alright, I will get straight to the point. We can't have you writing this diary any longer,"
"And here I thought you had no sense of humor! I'm proud of you Celestia, you're officially not as boring as Luna,"
Luna's eyes narrowed in mild offense.
"Twilight, please show Discord the graph," said Celestia.
"The graph?" I said.
"The graph," Twilight said, floating a large poster in front of me.
"Notice how you were relatively calm about 16 weeks ago. No mass chaos or any other forms of large scale pranks. Now we look at the things you've done since you began writing and..."
She turned the poster around, revealing a long list of items, pictures, and other odd documents.
"Grievances in Ponyville over home destruction via rampaging Orthros, A missing Orthros from the Exgalloper in Las Pegasus, the destruction of the Exgalloper in Las Pegasus via giant rampaging Orthros. The list goes on and on." Twilight sat down next to Celestia after she finished talking. "And they are all mentioned in your Diary,"
"I don't see your point," I said, clearly unable to see their point.
"You're causing more chaos for the sake of having something to write about," said Celestia. "It needs to stop Discord. You're doing it for attention, and it's causing unrest in my kingdom."
"But I'm not trying to draw attention to myself," I complained.
"Your selling your book in my library! And I saw copies of you're 'personal' diary in a bookstore on the way up here. It ends now,"
"But I have the right to free speech! It's my book, it's my words. So pthhbt," I said, sticking my tongue out in defiance.
"Well, it's my riding crop, but you seem to have it more than I do!"
"This one right here?"
"You know what, keep it. I'm leaving. Have fun with it." Cadence got up and marched out the door.
"Huh, she's gonna have a hard time herding all that cattle without it,"
"Do you think you can just run around and cause chaos when you want? There are ramifications you know!"
"Yeah! I served an entire week of town arrest! Believe me, I know,"
Twilight facehoofed. "If you keep causing trouble, you'll find yourself in the stony lonesome, if you catch my meaning,"
I scowled at Twilight, who was being ratchet. "That was so low, it could have played limbo,"
The princess of the Sun stood up, obviously aggravated. "Alright, enough. This is getting too far off topic, and it's obvious he can't be reasoned with. So I'll solve the problem like this."
Everyone turned their gaze to Celestia.
"Discord, you are no longer obligated to write to me every week, and I urge you to stop altogether. I suppose I can't keep you from writing and publishing your stories, but know I will be much harsher on you from now on. I will not tolerate your casual destruction of Equestria, and know that the moment you go too far..." Celestia stood up from the couch. "Is the moment I'll do the same."
There was a tense silence that fell over the room.
"Luna, Twilight, we're done here."
"Stay frosty gurlz," I said as they left. I watched as the two sisters left the room, with Twilight trailing behind them. But suddenly, I had a muscle spasm in my arm, causing it to shake violently, before involuntarily swinging the riding crop into Twilight's flank.
"Eep!" She said, visibly stiffening up, before turning and shooting me daggers.
"This must work really good on the cattle," I said.