//------------------------------//
// Fiat Harmonia 
// Story: Sideboard of Harmony 
// by FanOfMostEverything 
//------------------------------//

"Okay." Twilight smiled. Finally, the time had arrived. Finding a common time to discuss the creation of the universe had taken almost two months, three false starts, four friendship reports, and what would forever be known as "The Cutie Mark Crusader Spellcasters Incident."

But at last, she, Pinkie, and Ditzy had gotten together, and the party pony would complete her tale. The unicorn had even ordered a prototype audiocrystal recorder from Canterlot for posterity. "Testing. Testing. Celestia summons six seraphs singing sea shanties."

"Maybe we should just hear the rest of the story first," suggested Ditzy. "That way, Pinkie doesn't have to repeat herself while we don't know the whole story."

Twilight hesitated. Expedite the revelation, or play with her new toy? Er, scientific apparatus. Of science. And not play. She couldn't decide, so she passed the bit. "Pinkie, do you have a preference?"

The earth mare nodded. "Let's just finish the story. We can record it offscreen." Before either other pony could ask, she pressed on. "So, Faust had just created the planet, and Discord had just discovered it. Now he needed to find her..."

Despite the unprecedented scale involved, Discord quickly located his sister. The two were like magnetic poles, drawn to one another by their complementary nature.

Oh, and she was the only light source on or around the dirtball. There was that too.

In any case, the draconequus came down from on high, applauding the alicorn's work. "Well done, Laurie, well done. I'm not certain as to how, what, or why, but the sheer magnitude clearly deserves some praise. Really, it's about time that..." He trailed off once he realized that the order spirit hadn't even tried to get in a word edgewise. That wasn't at all normal behavior for her. Given who and what she was, that constituted one of the rare abnormalities that her brother thought of as a bad thing.

"Laurie?" Discord leaned down and picked up one of the prone pony's legs by the pastern. He gave it a halfhearted shake and let go. It fell back into the dirt. "Lauren?" He brought himself face-to-face with her. Her eyes were shut. Her body was rising and falling in a rhythm he found mildly irritating in its regularity. "Sister?" She was either unaware of him or simply ignoring him, and he wasn't sure which he would rather be the case.

The embodiment of chaos sat and thought for a moment. His beloved sibling had done something incredible, yet at the same time had rendered herself woefully boring. There was clearly only one illogical recourse: Destroy what she had wrought! Surely the opposite cause would have the opposite effect! (Ugh, causality. So predictably linear. But Father had insisted, who was Discord to complain? Well, himself, obviously, but that was increasingly besides the point.)

His plan determined as much as he could stomach, the spirit began gathering ruinous power into his mismatched claws. Oh, he might have been able to dissolve the giant chunk of earth with a snap, but where was the fun in that? Something as magnificent as this deserved an equally magnificent sendoff, and by Father's shiny bald head, he would give it one!

Thankfully for the future of the plane, Discord was distracted by something shiny before he could unleash the entropic maelstrom. Annihilative energies evaporating along with his focus, he noticed the two balls that had been Lauren's constant companions of late. He grinned. Perhaps his sister's unresponsiveness could be resolved by more subtle means. And if it couldn't? Well, nothing was more alluring than that which was forbidden.

Whistling innocently (and horribly off-key), he let his gaze fall on them as if by accident. "Oh, goodness me," cooed the draconequus, "would you look at that? Dear Laurie's little plump balls of delight. Why, perhaps I'll take them apart and see just what makes them so squeezably soft."

He turned away, eagle talon against his forehead. "Nay! Nay, I must not. They are the treasured possessions of my treasured sister, and countless treasured times has she told me not to practice my destructive urges upon them."

He turned back, eyes gleaming with a wide spectrum of emotions of varying speakabilities. "Ah, but the fun that could be had if I did!"

Away. "No, no, you cruel monster! Think of the time, the effort she expended in crafting such plush perfection!"

Back. "Think of the incalculable delight in tearing it to shreds!"

"No!" "Yes!" "No!" "Yes!"

He broke from the routine to hazard a peek at Lauren. She was still in that peculiar repose of hers. Discord pouted. If that didn't get a rise out of her, then either she discovered some vast unknown reserve of self-control or she really was unaware of her surroundings. Or maybe it wasn't as funny as he'd thought. The chaos spirit dismissed this last thought, inconceivable even by his standards. Even if he had just conceived of it. Internal consistency was for lesser creatures.

In any case, he brought his attention back to the blue and pink lumps. Somehow, actually doing something with them seemed less satisfying than being melodramatic about whether or not to do something with them. Oh well, he was committed now. With a shrug, he reached for them.

Before he touched them, both orbs suddenly popped, gas hissing out of them as they deflated. Discord snatched his forelimbs back. "Were they supposed to that?" he thought aloud.

"Supposed to do what?"

For the second time in his life, the draconequus felt fear. Lauren had returned to the land of the interesting just in time to see her brother standing before her suddenly sagging spheres. Should he vanish? No, surely she would assume the worst. Discord had never seen his sister angry – really, truly furious – before, and he didn't want the first time to be directed at him.

Going against his every impulse and instinct save for his drive to continue existing, the spirit of chaos looked to that of order and unhesitatingly told the complete, honest truth:

"This isn't what it looks like."

No one said he'd be good at it.

Thankfully, Lauren was still waking up. "What isn't what it looks like?"

"I know it looks like I fiddled with those funbags of yours, but—"

Discord was fairly certain there was more to that sentence, but it seemed to escape him as he watched his sister look between him and her balls. Calmly, quietly, evenly, like the mechanisms of a jail cell door's lock sliding into place, she asked, "What happened?"

He swallowed. Her dialogue attribution had gone into an elaborate simile. That was never a good sign. "As far as I can tell, they popped like a pair of heavy-duty balloons and roused you from your whatever-you-were-doing."

"It's called 'sleep,'" the alicorn said absently. "You should try it sometime."

Denying her anything seemed unwise at the moment. "...We'll see."

"It's a lot more interesting to do it yourself than watch someone else." Lauren considered the sagging skins of her first complex creations. She really did believe that her brother had nothing to do with whatever had happened to them, but that left her with no explanation for what had taken place. Or, for that matter, why. Morosely, she nudged the pink one with her muzzle.

It nudged back.

The order spirit recoiled a bit, then poked at its blue counterpart. It responded in kind. She looked to Discord. "You aren't—"

He fervently shook his head. "Your guess is as good as mine."

She turned back to the wriggling sacks just in time to see them begin to glow. The pink one was familiar, the same incandescent plasma that had formed it in the first place. But the blue one...

The background was familiar, the same void that the siblings had grown up in. But the points of light, the delicate plays of color and form against that cosmic background, it was like nothing either embodiment had ever seen. For Discord, it was a fleeting curiosity.

For Lauren, it was water to one who had never known she had thirsted.

As the outer skins finished sublimating, they revealed their occupants. Four tiny eyes peered out at the wide world. Four tiny wings felt their first breeze. Two tiny horns tasted the ambient energies of a universe that had been waiting for them.

"What—" Discord never got past the first syllable. The newborns erupted in a double helix of astronomical power, white and black intertwining as they rose together into the sky. There was an incredible flare, a burst of radiation that would've wiped out any mortal life on the plane.

When their vision cleared, the spirits of order and chaos beheld a black disk outlined in brilliant light. The foals, meanwhile, yawned and fell asleep in each others' hooves.

After some time, the draconequus broke the stunned silence. "Lauren?"

"Yes, Discord?"

"What just happened?"

"I have no idea."

"Good. I was afraid that I was the only one."

"I think we should call Mom and Dad."

"I think you're right. And that frightens me."

"Me too, Dis. Me too." Lauren fished the locket out of its dimensional pocket, which she'd formed to keep the keepsake safe from her brother. Focusing her will through the pendant, the alicorn felt her awareness escape her body, then the universe entirely. It drifted, blind and deaf, through incomprehensible expanses. Purpose guided it to a comforting presence. As the order spirit neared the familiar essence of her mother, sensation returned. Strange colors played in her vision, writhing meaninglessly. The sounds made more sense, though they came from everywhere and nowhere.

Niv... Niv! I don't care how many nephilim you suplexed, you can't stay at my place.
...
I don't care if you did the math, Niv. It could come out to a simonplex and it still wouldn't matter. Rule of Awesome doesn't apply when they haven't even made the sun yet! Look, what about Nic?
...
Yes, I know he's an asshat, but he's our asshat. That's got to count for something.
...
Uh huh.
...
Oh. Oh, well. That kinda changes things then... What about Intet?
...
Well, you didn't seem to mind the risk of a paradox when you wanted me to give you a room.
...
So she's a little granola!
...
Okay, so she's a lot granola, she'd still sit up and roll over if it was you asking.
...
For a scientist, you can be awfully unobservant at times.
...
Yes, I'm sure they haven't made the sun yet! Don't you think I'd know whether or not my plane has a sun?

"Um, Mom?"

Oh! Speak of the executive producer and they'll name a God Card after him.
...
Yes, Niv, I know that's the wrong card game. I have my daughter on the other line.
...
If you go to Intet's place, you'll have an excuse to blow up stuff with Numot.
...
Yeah, I thought so. Later.

Sorry about that, sweetie. One does not simply hang up on Niv-Mizzet. What's up?

"Well, I... actually, I think it'd be easiest if you just saw for yourself."

Of course. How silly of me to think that my only daughter might call me for any reason other than an emergency.

"Mom..."

Oh, I'm teasing. I'll be there faster than you can say-

"Hi, Lauren!"

The alicorn jumped, her consciousness abruptly returned to her body. Sure enough, there was Pinkie Pie in all her poofy glory, taking in the scenery. "Nice, you've really been making progress." She looked up and tilted her head. "Why the eclipse?"

"'Eclipse'?"

"You know, the moon in front of the sun and all."

"You mean that's not one thing?"

The planeswalker sighed. "Alright, who made 'em?"

"Um..." The redhead answered the question with a pointed hoof.

In that direction lay Discord, attempting to wrangle a pair of newborn alicorns into something that might resemble control to the half-blind. "Lauren, these miscreant creations of yours are wearing on my last nerve!" He shot a glare at his sister, spotting Pinkie in the process. "Mother! Oh, thank chaos. A little help?"

The pony's dour expression cracked into a wide grin. "Oh my gosh, I'm a grandma!" She threw open her forelegs. "Come and meet your Granny Pie, kids!"

The foals detached themselves from their plaything, much to his relief. As the draconequus tried to salvage some degree of dignity, he watched the party mare embrace his troublesome... nieces, he supposed? Yes, nieces.

"She's got a way with them, doesn't she?" The elder alicorn moved next to her brother. "Thanks for not just destroying them out of frustration."

Discord smirked. "What, and ruin all the havoc they could wreak? You saw what they did within seconds of... what would you call that? Hatching, perhaps?" The mare shrugged. He pressed on. "Anyway, who knows what other entertaining upheavals they have in store? A little exasperation is worth something like that."

"Hmm."

The chaos spirit raised an eyebrow. He'd been expecting something a bit more coherent. "Are you alright? You seem distracted."

Lauren shook herself. "Sorry, deep in thought. I actually got quite a few ideas from watching Bluey hatching."

"'Bluey'?"

"Well I can't just call her 'the blue one,' now can I?"

Her brother grinned. "Didn't you just?"

The redhead groaned. "Not the point, Dis. I've been inspired here! I don't even know where to begin!"

"With what?"

The alicorn swept a hoof over the wide expanses of bare earth beneath them. "This is only the beginning. It's a canvas. I'm going to make a masterpiece on it." She frowned. "I just don't quite know where to start..."

Discord considered this for a moment. Then he belched out sheets of erratically lined paper. "Pardon me."

His sister beamed like the burp was the greatest thing in existence. "That's it!"

"What is? Gas?"

"No, I'll write it down! Organize my thoughts outside my head! Discord, you're a genius!"

The chaos spirit preened. "Tell me something I don't know."

Lauren paid him no mind. Instead, she was willing scrolls and quills into existence, using her own void-black magic as ink. Furious scratching soon followed as the ideas of a creator deity flowed onto the paper. She didn't even notice as an inkwell and quill flashed into existence on each of her flanks.

Discord, attention deficit draconequus that he was, did. "What in the void is that?" His sister didn't respond, still engrossed in her grand transcription. Put out, the chimera turned to Pinkie Pie. "Mother?"

The party pony was moving the celestial orbs into position, largely by balancing a granddaughter on each forehoof and moving them in arcs while making rocket noises. The foals were giggling like mad, their tiny horns aglow with magic that came to them as easily as breathing. Fortunately for their uncle, she had attention to spare. "Yes, Disky?"

"What exactly happened to Lauren just now?"

"Hmm?" The planeswalker checked for herself and again gasped in delight. "She got her cutie mark!"

"Her what now?"

"Her special talent! Her unique purpose! Her mark of distinction!" Pinkie was gesturing wildly, the alicorns magically attached to her hooves enjoying the wild ride. The newly forged sun and moon could not be reached for comment.

"Ah." Discord considered this for a moment. "When will I get mine?"

"Um..." Pinkie looked down awkwardly. "You, um, won't get one. It's kind of a ponies-only thing." She gave an uncertain smile. "Besides, you're good at everything! Just... unpredictably so."

Her son considered this. Finally, he nodded. "True, true." His attention drifted to his nieces. "So, what's the story with those two?"

The mare nuzzled the fillies. "Aren't they just the cutsiest wootsies you've ever seen?"

"I suppose, but my wootsy experience is rather lacking. And that doesn't answer my question."

"Oh, I'm getting to that. They made the sun and moon, essential accessories for any fashionable planet. See?" She indicated the sun and moon marks on the infants' respective flanks. "They'll maintain the respective orbits and make sure that nothing crashes into anything." She noticed his disappointed expression. "Oh, don't be such a baby. There's more to chaotic fun than thoughtless destruction."

Discord glared indignantly. "I put plenty of thought into that destruction!"

"Uh huh."

"Done!" All eyes turned back to Lauren, who was proudly rolling enough scrolls for a thousand mummy costumes. "This is going to be the best world ever."

"Remember," noted Pinkie, "let your brother help. If you don't maintain balance, balance maintains you."

The elder alicorn considered this. "Is that a threat?"

"A warning." The pink pony set down her grandfoals. "I've got to go. You two keep up the good work. Let the twins chip in when they grow up a little, too."

"So soon?" asked Discord, half serious.

His mother's expression grew melancholy. "The longer I spend here, the better the odds of a paradox." She gave each granddaughter a farewell kiss on the forehead. "Bye bye, Celly. Bye bye, Lulu. Granny Pie'll see you again someday." She looked to her children, pride mixed with regret. "I love you both, and I wish I could stay for longer. Never hesitate to call me if you really are having an emergency. And if something from beyond time, space, and color starts eating the universe, tell her who your mother is. Bye!" Before anyone could ask her to explain, she was gone.

All parties contemplated where she'd been standing for a moment. Discord spoke first. "Am I the only one who's curious about where she got those names?"

"C'westia!" cried the white filly.

"Woona!" added her sister.

"I guess they named themselves," reasoned Lauren. "Guess it comes with being born with a cutie mark."

"Hmm." The draconequus lost interest in the matter. "So, what's first on that list of yours?"

"Volume 1..." The redhead unrolled one of the countless scrolls. "Hmm... oceans!"

"Oceans of what? Iodine? Blood? Nostalgia?"

"Water."

The chaos spirit scowled. "Boring."

Lauren wingshrugged. "Well, no one said you had to help with everything. Besides, someone needs to keep an eye on the twins."

Discord considered this for a moment. "So, oceans, you say?"

After finishing the major items - oceans, ice caps, atmospheric tweaking - the spirits agreed to split up and start working on some personal projects. Discord experimented with other chimeric beings, combining disparate animals into peculiar and potent hybrids. The manticore. The owlbear. The platypus. He also toyed with magic, giving clouds a discriminating solidity and bringing awareness where it was rarely expected or even wanted.

Lauren focused on ensuring the existence of their component species. Both she and her brother knew of them as part of the awareness Pinkie Pie had given them, and the order spirit instinctually knew they were essential to any healthy, functioning ecosystem. She also brought forth vegetation, something her brother had little interest in.

Both kept an eye on the alicorn twins, who wandered the wide world as a playground and place of infinite wonder. Celestia and Luna occassionally made a suggestion, but rarely wrought a new creature. Still, their ideas were gladly adopted by uncle and mother alike, ranging from fantastic creations like the phoenix and the ursa to humble life like the true sunflower and the moonglow moth.

And, of course, there were disagreements.

"Lauren, don't you think youre going a bit overboard with the beetles?"

She frowned. "What's wrong with beetles?"

"Nothing, it's just... well, how many different kinds have you made?"

"Just a few." Her face scrunched with the effort of holding back the truth. "Thousand."

Discord gave a wry grin. "You're in a rut, Sister."

"What would you suggest?"

"How about another collaboration? I've seen your list, hideously meticulous thing that it is. We both know there's one key item that we've been putting off."

The order spirit hesitated, but she knew what he meant. "Sapience."

"Ponies, specifically."

Lauren sighed. "You're right. Call the girls. This is going to be a group effort." The draconequus remained where he was. "Well?"

His expression grew surprisingly serious. "There's also the matter of that 'sleep' thing of yours."

"What?"

"You've been doing it more and more frequently, for longer and longer." It was a rare sight, genuine concern on the face of Discord. "You've taken it upon yourself to create an entire biosphere from whole cloth. You're burning yourself out and we both know it."

The alicorn frowned. "If that were true, and I'm not saying that it is, why say we need to make something as complex as ponies?"

"Because if we don't do it now, you may not have the strength necessary to do so."

There was silence. Twilight broke in. "Well?"

Unusually subdued, Pinkie shrugged. "They brought forth the ponies. Discord was right. Faust was so exhausted afterwards that she went into hibernation. Discord and the Princesses - though they weren't princesses yet - spun off other species from the ponies. Donkeys, zebras, sheep, pretty much everything with hooves. Discord even made some self-aware non-ungulates, like the griffins and the diamond dogs. I introduced dragons myself, because what kind of self-respecting universe doesn't have a few dragons?

"In any case, without Faust's gift for reinvention, for making something more than the sum of its parts, the other races were... subpar. Flawed. Ponies weren't perfect, of course, but the other races just didn't have the same vitality and drive, the same close, intimate connection to the magic of the world.

"Eventually, every item on Faust's list was checked off, and it was then that, without the moderating influence of his sister or her legacy, Discord began to grow... imbalanced. Even time destabilized, leaving our universe out of sync with the rest of the Multiverse for... well, giving a duration wouldn't really have any meaning, but it's no longer the case. Eventually, the Princesses rose up against their uncle, though his magic had long ago made them forgot that he was their family.

"And they sealed him in stone with the Elements of Harmony," concluded Twilight.

Pinkie merely nodded.

Ditzy mulled over the story. "So, is Faust still hibernating?"

"Kind of. It's... complicated."

"How complicated?" asked the unicorn.

Once more, Pinkie manifested in her world. To her surprise, it had been Discord that had called her. "Hey, Disky!" She noticed his subdued demeanor. Worry began to creep into her heart. "What's wrong?"

"I warned her." The chaos spirit's voice was low and distant. He began to pace upside down, his antler digging a few trenches in the dirt.  "I told her what she was doing to herself. I noticed the signs even earlier. And what do I do? I force her into something that those very same observations would oppose. I destroy the thing I love. That's what chaos does, isn't it? Destroy. Always destroy. Even when I create, it's just another vehicle for destruction. Even the platypus. Especially the platypus."

The pony put a hoof on his shoulder. "Discord?"

He broke from his revery. "Oh. Mother. You're here. I wasn't sure if you'd come."

"Why wouldn't I?"

"Aside from paradoxical ramifications? I estimated that there was a fifty-fifty chance that I'd just erased you from existence. Glad to see that I'm wrong."

"What happened?" asked the mare, a pit forming in her stomach.

"You'd best come see for yourself. Follow me." The draconequus righted himself and stalked off.

As the pair proceeded, Pinkie noted the sheer amount of creation that had taken place. The world looked even more vibrant than she ever remembered it. Of course, the rock farm [had/would have] to be kept barren for any kind of petriculture, but the sheer quantity of life was still staggering.

That vitality made their destination stand out all the more. It was a wide circle of barren earth, where the alicorn twins were standing enraptured. With desperate cheer, their grandmother asked them, "What is it, girls?"

Both looked up. It had been decades since the two had created the sun and moon, but they looked like they'd barely gotten out of diapers. "Momma's asleep," said Luna.

Pinkie got close enough to see for herself. "Asleep" was a generous description. Lauren looked near death. Her coat was soaked, her mane and tail in disarray, her flanks heaving... "What happened?"

"She overworked herself." Discord's voice warbled, grief toying with it. "She's been trying to do everything."

The redhead's eyes fluttered open. "Mom?"

The earth mare knelt by her side, mane straight as a sheet. "I'm here, Laurie."

The order spirit smiled. "We did it, Mom. The ponies are here. You'll be born someday." She shuddered. "Don't know why it's so cold, though..."

Pinkie felt the tears coming. She let them. "You made me proud, honey. You've done more than I ever could've dreamed of. Now rest."

"Yeah. Okay." The alicorn's body began to glow white. "Rest. Sure. Sounds nice. See you in the morning, Mom. Dis, watch the girls. Tia, Luna, make sure your uncle behaves." Her mother and daughters embraced her. Then, with a burst of light, she vanished. In her stead were six... wait, five stone spheres.

Celestia was wide-eyed with horror. "What happened?"

"She's asleep," insisted Luna. "She's dreamin'."

Discord said nothing. He simply left.

Pinkamena held her granddaughters. "I'm sorry, kids."

Luna looked up at her. "Why?"

"You're not gonna have a Momma for a while."

"Will you stay, Granny Pie?" asked Celestia.

The planeswalker hesitated, considering the consequences. "For a while. Then you can go meet other ponies. Be their friends. Sound good?" This got a pair of eager nods, which in turn prompted a small, sad smile. "Good."

"Very complicated," Pinkie said finally.

"Oh." The subtext had been clear enough for even Twilight to pick up on it. "I... guess that's it, then?"

"Well, you can always ask the Princesses, but like I said, their memories of back then are all scrambled 'cause of Discord."

"Right..." The unicorn awkwardly groped for words. "Um... thanks, Pinkie. This was definitely... enlightening."

Ditzy nodded in agreement. "No kidding."

The party pony's smile slipped back into place as though it had never left. "You're welcome!"

That night, as she got ready for bed, Pinkie plucked the Torc of Laughter out of her mane. For a while, she simply stared at the crystal balloon. Gummy latched onto an elbow at one point without her notice. Finally, she kissed the gem and tucked the Element back into her hair.

"Good night, Laurie."

Faust, Mother of Equestria 3GW
Planeswalker — Faust
+1: Put a 2/2 green Pony creature token onto the battlefield.
-2: You may put a Pony, Pegasus, or Unicorn permanent card in your hand onto the battlefield.
-8: Search your library, hand, and graveyard for any number of Pony, Pegasus, and/or Unicorn cards and reveal them. You may cast each of those cards without paying its mana cost. Then shuffle your library.
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