Cadence grimaced and squinted her eyes in pain as her ears were being battered with the nonstop chatter that Rarity decided to provide during their spa treatment. At the moment, the two of them were sitting side-by-side in the spa room, getting rejuvenating mud mask facials, ‘guaranteed to relax the body and brighten one’s demeanor’.
It had no such effect on Cadence.
“Oh, Cadence, you would not believe the trouble Twilight can get herself into,” Rarity said, carrying on her one-sided conversation.
Cadence could feel her head heating up, and a headache was approaching rapidly. It was all she could do to not force Rarity’s mouth shut by driving the white unicorn’s own horn through her lips. However, that would not sit very well with the poor spa ponies who would be witnessing the event, and Spike might not appreciate it either. So for the time being, revenge would just have to wait.
“And then I said to her, ‘Sorry Twilight, but that’s a test tube, not a bowl of ‘Cocoa Splosion!’” Rarity burst out in laughter, causing a few bits of saliva to land on Cadence.
Cadence wiped off the spit from her leg and gave a few token chuckles at the punch line, despite the fact she hadn’t been paying attention at all. One thing, and one thing only had been on her mind.
The kiss.
The slobbery, tongue locked, unholy kiss that Rarity had placed upon her husband. The images flickered through her mind, one frame after another, impacting her sight and thoughts with every beat of her heart. And every beat transferred into a vicious explosion of pain in her head, like a migraine that would never go away.
“And you wouldn’t even believe the reaction Spike gave me when I told him he looked handsome at dinner several weeks back. Ha, he still admires me the same way he did when we first met all those years ago,” Rarity said, with a chuckle. “He really is adorable.”
The pain, the voice, the images, the white unicorn - it was too much, and she had enough.
“Now, Cadence—”
She.
“—how are things going—”
Had.
“—with you and your wonderful husband?”
Enough.
“Shut up, you obnoxiously narcissistic marshmallow!” Cadence screamed, bolting up in her seat. “Do you even have an off button for your mouth?”
The ensuing silence in the room was broken only by the noise of two cucumber slices falling off Cadence’s face and falling to the floor.
Rarity sat in a stunned silence, along with the entire staff in the spa room. The latter quickly went about their work, while Rarity attempted to speak. “M-Marshmallow? Are you sure you’re okay, darling?”
Cadence used every bit of self-control she could muster to keep from murdering her right then and there.
Keep it together, girl. You just have to play it cool until you meet up with Spike this afternoon.
“Um, I’m s-s-...sorry, Rarity,” Cadence said, forcefully spitting every word out like it was a warm drink of water on a hot summer day. “I guess I’m just a little tired, seeing as how I didn’t sleep too well last night. But, of course, you wouldn’t understand that, because I’m sure you slept just fine and peachy last night!”
“Oh, I did, darling. The sleeping accommodations you provided were just splendid! I feel sorry for poor Spike, though… it looked like he didn’t sleep a wink last night. I hope the poor dear is okay. I’d hate for him to be sick on vacation,” Rarity said, pouting. “He works so hard back home, he deserves some time to enjoy himself.”
Cadence could hardly believe the words spewing forth from Rarity’s mouth. First, she cheats on Spike with Shining Armour. Then, she has the nerve to play innocent and practically mock the poor dragon she’s betraying. This was going too far.
“Well, you know, Rarity… maybe Spike just couldn’t sleep because something was bothering him. You know, maybe some kind of heart pain. Like, perhaps, the kind somepony might feel if put under severe emotional stress?” Cadence said, on the verge of slapping Rarity silly.
Rarity rubbed her chin for a moment. “No, I don’t think so, dear. Must have just been something he ate. Now, how about we finish our spa treatment?”
Cadence somehow found herself to be blown away by the Rarity’s ignorance for what must’ve been the fifth time that day. She was starting to feel sick to her stomach.
The way she saw it, she had two options: handle the situation maturely and discuss things like a responsible adult, or, she could break the door down and angrily make an exit.
She chose the latter.
“Ahhh!” With a short burst of magic, the spa door was blown to pieces, and Cadence stomped out, cursing every object in her way.
Rarity, once again, was left stunned by her actions. Collecting herself, she dashed to the now broken door and shouted after Cadence.
“Darling, is it that time of month?”
Spike had no idea how to process the words he had just heard. His brain began to spark and smoke just trying to think about it.
He wants to renew his vows… to Cadence? The beautiful mare he had just been unfaithful to the previous night? Is it possible for someone to be that unrealistically ignorant?
“You… uh…” Spike stuttered, giving Shining a chance to explain himself a bit further.
“Listen, Spike. When I invited you guys to the empire, I was hoping both you and Rarity would be willing to join us in the ceremony. Everything that has happened over the years hasn’t done anything positive for our relationship, but having some of her friends around while we work on renewing our vows might just be the perfect thing to bring the two of us back on track. What do you say? Will you be my best dragon?”
Shining reached a hoof over towards the still seated Spike, and offered him a small medal in the shape of a diamond.
“This pin was always worn by the groom’s best colt at weddings in the old Crystal Empire… I’ve been researching a lot of the old history so I can follow the traditions correctly. While digging through some of the old rooms of the castle I found it, and I’d love for you to wear it.”
Spike balled up his claw, and looked away from Shining.
You must think I’m some kind of fool.
He turned back and smiled at Shining.
“Yeah, of course, Shining! It’s so cool that you’d want me to be the best… uh… dragon!” Spike took the pin in his claw and squeezed it tightly.
Wait until Cadence hears about this...
Shining rose from the table, and slowly moved towards the window. It was a large, floor-to-ceiling piece with a wonderful view of the kingdom. He sighed and hung his head low.
Spike wanted to walk out without Shining even noticing, but something compelled him to stay.
Shining turned and faced Spike, tears rolling down his face.
“What’s wrong?” Spike asked.
“I don’t know, Spike. What if she doesn’t accept my vows? What if she decides to end it right then and there?”
Ha, you’ll be lucky if there’s even a ‘there’ to be at after you ask her.
Shining was looking out the window again, and ran his hoof along its glass. “Maybe you can help me?”
Spike barely paid attention to Shining’s confession, his mind instead taking the opportunity to call him every possible curse word he knew.
“Spike?”
The dragon’s concentration broke, and he realized Shining was talking to him.
“Yeah, of course! Whatever you need, I can help.”
He immediately regretted offering his assistance to Shining, but in a matter of seconds his anger and regret hatched a plan.
"Oh thank you, Spike!" Shining said with excitement. “It'll be a grand affair! There will be a feast, a dance, and of course my sister and her friends will be there!"
The prince placed a magical grip around Spike, and started to carry him out of the dining room.
"Let me show you what I've done so far!"
Spike plopped himself down on the comfortable guest room bed and sighed.
"I have absolutely no idea what's going on around this place."
Rarity and Cadence hadn't returned from the spa and it was getting late. At first Spike was afraid Cadence might've done something regrettable to Rarity. Something that would involve maniacal laughter, funeral preparations and the sound of vengeance being echoed throughout the halls.
“Ugh, why can’t things be simple?” Spike said, laying back onto the bed. “Maybe I can just have Twilight zap me back in time before I ever came on this trip. I feel like everything is just going to crash and burn… more than it already has!”
Spike was trying to make sense of everything going on, but he ended up with a pulsating headache.
“Let’s see… Shining and Rarity kiss each other in the Saphirum; they pretend to know nothing about it; Cadence wants to kill Rarity; I’ve waged a personal war with Shining; Shining breaks into tears saying he wants Cadence back.”
“...”
“... ...”
“. . .”
“Yep, we’re all going to hell.”
The door burst open in a cloud of smoke and wood splinters, which could only mean one thing.
“Um, Cadence? Is everything okay?” Spike asked, sitting up at the arrival of the Princess. “Is everyone, you know, alive?”
“Unfortunately…” Cadence replied. “Spike, I have no idea how you put up with her. Does she even know how to shut up or mind her own business?”
“No. I just got used to it after awhile,” he answered. “Just gonna throw this out there, but... I take it your spa session didn’t go very well?”
Cadence pierced Spike with a sharp glare. “Ya’ think? I cannot stand her! She acts like she’s perfectly innocent!”
“Tell me about it,” said Spike, scooting over to make room for Cadence on the bed. “Shining almost made me sick with what he said after you left.”
“What do you mean?” Cadence replied, curling up on the bed next to Spike.
“Well, he said things weren’t really working out between you, and—”
“Ha, surprise, surprise,” Cadence scoffed.
“Well, that’s not all. He said he wants to renew his wedding vows with you… and he wants me to help.”
Cadence’s face was frozen, her mouth open and her left eye twitching uncontrollably. “I’m sorry, Spike, I don’t think I heard that right. Did you say ‘renew… vows’?”
“Yeah,” Spike said with a nod. “But don’t worry!”
“Spike, you have exactly ten seconds to tell me why I shouldn’t suffocate Shining in bed tonight!”
“No, you can’t kill him! Not yet, at least.” Spike stood up and looked eye-to-eye with Cadence. “I have a plan.”