//------------------------------// // Chapter X: The Bureaucracy // Story: The Conversion Bureau: Setting Things Right // by kildeez //------------------------------// Anton burst through the door, the limp, white form in his arms not even moving as he stumbled across the plush carpeting. Everyone immediately leapt into action, the others moving with the sort of precision usually reserved for military maneuvers. “Get him to the couch! Get him to the couch!” Lisa screamed as she slammed the door behind the large Russian man holding the unicorn in a bear hug. In a flash, Anton darted across the room and threw the unicorn over one of the sofas, where Akshat and Franz swiftly pinned his hooves down. “His suppressor! Somebody get a real one!” David reached under the control panel on reflex, pulling out an emergency kit. Thank God that’s the same on British ships as it is American, he thought, actually grateful as he rushed the kit over to the couch, sliding on his knees next to Shining like a kid sliding into third base. He flipped the metal clasps on the kit as he went. By the time he reached the couch, his hand was already darting into a pile of gauze and assorted bandages and retrieving the small, round tube that had become standard in emergency kits on every military ship since the days of the Collision Wars. “Put it on! Put it on!” Akshat screamed, never minding the fact that Shining was just lying there, not even struggling, always looking up with that placid neutral look on his face. With a cry of victory, David slammed the tube down on Shining’s horn, right over the fake piece of jewelry. Finally, the humans backed off, standing away from the Equestrian Prince. They all watched and waited, their breaths all stopping in their throats when Shining sat up. He looked up at the new horn accessory and gave it a good tap, then he looked at the humans all staring down at him. Finally, he did the creepiest thing he could think of at that moment: he smiled. “Yep. It on their good. Well done, everyone. You took care of big, dangerous pony.” Somehow, that little smile and light tone of voice was even worse than if he'd leapt at them, teeth gnashing and hooves flailing. The group eyed one another warily. Despite Shining's attempts at a reassuring smile, nobody made any moves to close the distance between them, leaving a nice, wide circle around the unicorn. At one point, Akshat looked over to his Chinese counterpart and motioned with a nod quick of his head. Liu replied with a quick glance over at the Prince, followed by a glare back at Akshat while mouthing the words "fuck that shit." Akshat glared right back. The two kept it up until Liu inevitably realized they simply couldn't leave things as they were and stepped up. "{Well, your highness,}" he said, still with that winning, political smile. "{This has been an...interesting experience for us all, don't you think?}" "{It has,}" Shining Armor replied, climbing down off the couch. "{Now, may we go see the other prisoner?}" The grin froze on Liu's face, his shock at the Prince even knowing about the other prisoner transforming into instant dismay. Though they didn't understand what had been said, the others' collective mood plummeted. Despite his political face, they could all tell when Liu was trying to digest something less than appetizing, be it Lisa's attempt at a birthday cake (in her defense, the eggs hadn’t looked spoiled when she’d used them for the batter) or some terrible news. It took a collective effort worthy of a WWI-era sapper squad going up against an enemy machine gunner, but the group somehow managed to keep up their smiles for the Prince, even if they were about as transparent as a well-polished pane of glass. "{A respectable wish, sir, though I'm not sure it would be terribly appropriate for...}" "{Come now, I am a visiting dignitary, one with special UN status,}" Shining Armor said placidly, finally rising to his hooves. Still smiling that wretched, pale smile, he surveyed the group as he spoke. "{Surely you are not going to hold visiting royalty responsible because a door got stuck? Unless, of course, you have proof that it was somehow being held in place by my actions?}" Liu grinned, every single one of his teeth becoming visible all at once. "{Actually, your majesty, I was more concerned with the way you assaulted a prisoner of the UNCDI in front of a half-dozen witnesses from an assortment of different countries, all of whom are UN-certified diplomats, and all of whom are starting to grow a little bit tired of your behavior since boarding this ship,}” he hissed, and in an instant, Shining saw something new in the young Chinese man. He saw a fire in his eyes that had been missing before, something that took the proper provocation to ignite. Chen clenched his teeth, and all at once, Shining took a step back, a hint of fear rising in his features as a brand new fire flared up in the human’s features, only tempered by an incredible willpower the small pony had rarely seen before. All of a sudden, they were not diplomat and royal, but human and little pony, staring one another down, and much to Shining’s own surprise, the unicorn blinked. Then his initial shock faded and Shining returned the step. The fear in his eyes was replaced with something nobody in the room could have expected: happiness. Finally, here, right here in front of him, was the species that destroyed the Solar Tyrant! He grinned at the sight, nearly shedding a tear. It’s incredible, he thought, allowing an extra moment to admire the rage just oozing off Chen’s slender form before making his reply. "{Ah,}" Shining Armor said, meeting the human’s eyes. ”{I see. Then I take it you already have a subpoena from the global courts asking me to answer for my actions? You know that is the only thing that can stop someone of UN-Special-Administrative status from…}” “{I am aware of the UN doctrine!}” Chen spat, his breath heaving. Suddenly, he paused, rubbed his eyes, took a few steps back, and when he looked up again, he had some semblance of normalcy back on his face. Sure, his teeth still ground audibly together in frustration, and his eyes practically bugged out of his skull, but still, he managed to keep something on his face that one might confuse for a smile, if they turned their head and squinted hard enough. “{No, in fact, we do not.}” Once again, the mood fell amongst the group. The Prince had taken to learning politics like a fish took to water, it seemed. To them, the little pony left devastated, alone, and requiring a twenty-four hour suicide watch was long gone. In his place stood a coldly intelligent royal that had just backed a half-dozen UN-certified diplomats into a corner with little more than a bit of knowledge of UN protocols and a title as an international VIP. “{While we wait for that subpoena, why don’t we pay our other guest a visit?}” He asked, a malicious smile spreading across his lips. “{Do we have any say in this?}” “{No.}” “{Then she is right this way, your highness,}” the Chinese man spat, those last couple words practically shooting out of his mouth with all the venom he could muster. He gestured to the open doorway leading back out to the hall. ”{I will lead the way, I think,}” Shining Armor said as he pushed his way past the human, ushering him out of the way gently, but with a firm touch. “{While I was walking down here, I took the opportunity to memorize the layout of this place as best as I could. I would rather like to put that knowledge to the test.}” “{Of course,}” Liu replied, dismay obvious in his tone. “{Because who are we to refuse such a simple request from a visiting royal of our allies in Equestria?}” As the pair left with Shining walking ahead of Chen, the humans remaining in the control room assumed expressions ranging from dismay to utter frustration. With the prince in the lead, their last hope of guiding him in circles until the UN General Assembly could be reached had been crushed. “Can’t we stop him?” Someone whispered once they thought Shining was out of earshot (they thought wrong, of course. Humans always did underestimate pony hearing). “There must be something!” “Special Equestrian national status,” another whisper replied. “As a UN-administrated disaster zone, their officials have every right to be here that we do. Y’know, like what the Japs got?” “Who the hell would approve that!?” “The general assembly looking to alleviate their guilty consciences, that’s who.” Liu watched and felt a small knot in his stomach twist as Shining’s victorious little smile morphed into a victorious little grin. Though he could still be glad that he and the manipulative little quadruped weren’t enemies just yet, he could see how this unicorn had stood in open defiance against Celestia’s reign for so long, even after his army had been crushed and he’d been forced to flee into the wilderness with the Solar Tyrant herself at his hooves and his sister’s death weighing on his heart. Knowing this, it took an exceeding amount of courage and more than a few minutes of walking for Liu to speak. ”{You should know, your highness, that I will most definitely be able to protect you should this prisoner prove more violent than the last.}” “{Oh?}” “{Yes. In fact, I would like to say that I am more capable unarmed than even my Russian counterpart who seized you back in the cell, and should another…’incident’ arise…}” he trailed off, searching for something, and spying a loose tuft of hair drifting off the back of the Prince’s mane. Without another word, his hand darted out, seized the stray hair, tore it loose with a flick of his wrist, and presented it in front of the royal pony’s face, all in the same span of time most people took to blink. “{Let’s just say I will not only be able to handle myself, but you as well. Especially now that I know your magic is restrained. Do you understand?}” “{Of course,}” Shining Armor regarded the human with a cocky little smile. ”{However, with my Royal Guard training and experience in the Equestrian underground, I doubt you will have to worry much about me.}” Liu scowled, flicking the hair over his shoulder. ”{Five years is a long time to be away from combat.}” Burn them! Burn the rebels, my beautiful Newfoals! Crush them beneath your hooves! Spare none and… Shining Armor forced the memory back down, disguising his grimace of displeasure with a cough and a grunt to clear his throat. “{Not as long as you might think,}” he rasped, thumping his chest a few times to add to the show. "{Now, what's so special about this other prisoner?}" "{She's another alicorn, your majesty.}" Shining paused mid-step and gazed up at the human incredulously, his eyes wide, his jaw agape. For a second, Liu saw the pony that had grown up with a little lavender unicorn, pretending to be her mount as they rushed off to save some generic fantasy princess from the clutches of an evil monster. Then his initial shock wore off and Shining's ice-cold facade returned at full force. "{Damn her,}" he mumbled. "{And she said she was the only one in existence. God damn her.}" Liu smiled tiredly at him. "{Is lying about her origins and telling everyone she is the only alicorn to have ever existed really her worst crime?}" "{No, far from it,}" Shining conceded. "{It's just that every time we think we've seen the depths of her evil, every time we think we've uncovered all her wicked machinations, she discovers a new low to which she can plummet. May I have a pad of paper? I would like to know about this new alicorn.}” Thanking God for a way to change the subject, Liu reached into his back pocket and handed the prince a pencil and pad of paper, both stamped with the UN’s logo. "{So, here's what we know: she is another alicorn, princess status, only recently ascended into her role.}" "Mmh-hmm," Shining said, absentmindedly jotting things down on the pad with the weak flicker of magic the suppressor allowed him. "{Female, of course. Aptitude for magic, resident of Ponyville, though she was apparently raised under the Princess's tutelage as a filly.}" "{Big surprise there,}" Shining snorted. "{The bitch probably saw her power and had her brought in to be turned into her own little toy.}" "{That would make sense,}" Liu said. "{However, from what I've gathered from the transcripts of our interviews with her, she at least appears to be a bright, happy little pony with an appetite for learning. She asked us for a book of human history the moment she first saw one of our faces!}" Suddenly, Shining Armor did something so utterly unexpected, Liu wouldn’t have been more shocked if the Prince had pulled off his face and revealed that he was a robot clone sent from the future: he gave a loud snort of laughter. "{Really!?}" He gasped. "{Y-yes,}" Liu said, staring at the Prince warily, as if the snort was an indication that the Prince's head was about to crack open and reveal a flying saucer. "{Sorry, sorry, my apologies,}" Shining snorted, an odd spark in his eye and a lightness to his tone that Liu would have said was pleasant if it had come from anyone else. The unicorn looked up at his human companion, that smile still teasing at the corners of his eyes as the pair stepped through a final set of double doors and into another control room. "{What you just described to me sounds so much like something my...}" "BBBFF?" A little voice called from inside the room. Shining Armor looked up. The pencil dropped from his grasp. He didn't pick it up. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 0620 HOURS TOP SECRET UNITED NATIONS MAXIMUM SECURITY FACILITY {CLASSIFIED}, {CLASSIFIED}, RUSSIAN FEDERATION -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Corporal Bessonov was not a happy man. But then, who would be after being pulled out of bed right after a twelve-hour night shift? He had literally just stepped out of the shower and was about to turn in when the call came in. He had to go down to the “Brickhouse,” as the men under him affectionately referred to their station, not even an hour after leaving for the day shift to take over! I swear, if that damn yank blew up firecrackers in the men’s room again, I’ll tear his balls off and mail them to his mother, he thought, a small flicker of anger burning away at the bottom of his sleep-deprived mind. Oh sure, PFC Kowalski meant well enough. Lord knows they all needed a break from the pressing knowledge of what they were guarding every now and again, and his antics served as a much-needed release for the men. Even that super-strict Chinese guy they had with them cracked a smile whenever Kowalski was around. That didn’t do much for an aging Russian military man who had gone the last thirty-six hours without sleep, though. Right then, he was wondering if Kowalski's balls should be sautéed or fried. He stepped into the control room, making the final adjustments to his uniform coat. As expected, the room was packed to the brim with computer equipment and rows of desks, each one seating some desk jockey from Intelligence hunched over his keyboard. Also as expected, the oak conference table dominating the rear of the room was surrounded with each of the UNCDI reps: a soldier from every nation on the new permanent Security Council. What wasn't expected, however, was the horrible unease that filled the air as he stepped in. Instead of talking jovially, the group gathered around the table was busy staring grimly at one another, some with mugs of barely-touched lukewarm coffee in their hands. Instead of working diligently on personal projects or, more commonly, playing Starcraft at their desks, the Intelligence people were all pouring over reams of data scrolling across their screens. When they weren't yelling barely-decipherable jargon across the room at each other, that is. Bessonov grimaced. He had heard of the terrible events of the past twenty-four hours, and knew they might have some impact on his duties here eventually, but he had still hoped that his little slice of the world might carry on as always for yet a little while longer. Let the Brits and the Norwegians spend their nights worrying, Bessonov was just an old man looking forward to retirement. Adjusting his cap out of habit, the Colonel strode up to the oak table, noting that each and every man there was in full uniform: an odd sight for such a usually laid-back group, and not one he was sure he particularly liked. "{Tennn-SHUN!}" He barked, and despite the shocked, trance-like look on all their faces, each man stood up from the table as a single unit, one standing so fast that his chair upended itself and clattered to the floor. Again, as nice as this newfound dedication was, there was still something positively wretched about it, something too Children of the Corn for Bessonov's tastes. “{At ease!}” He announced, and the group sat back in their chairs, all sitting bolt-upright, all staring back at him with the wide-eyed, shocked look of children just learning that there was no Santa Clause. Bessonov’s grimace deepened. He had seen that look on men before, both on the battlefield and off, and each time he had wanted to slap it right off their faces. ”{Does anybody wish to explain to me why I am standing here, tolerating your faces when I should be at home in bed?}” “{Sir,}” Kowalski rasped. ”{Don’t you hear it?}” Bessonov turned to the American, and his heart sank. For the first time in memory, a look other than stupid cheerfulness filled the American’s eyes. This look was haunted, wretched-looking, the sort of thing you would see on a man when the enemy had him surrounded and all hope for reinforcements was miles away. ”{Hear what, Private?}” He asked, more gently this time. Kowalski’s only response was to hold a finger to his lips and gaze upwards. The Russian sealed his lips and closed his eyes, trying to listen past the general bedlam of the computer room behind them. He rested his hands on the table, and that was when he felt it. An unsteady, halting sort of pulse, like a diseased heart going into palpitations. Once he knew what he was listening for, he finally heard it in the air, something coming from the long, metal hallway at the head of the room, marked off with yellow and black stripes. He felt it more than heard it, but it was still there, hanging in the air like gas. ”{What is it?}” He asked, dreading the answer. ”{It’s her, sir,}” Chen this time, his hands massaging his temples. Without another word, he reached over to the wood-paneled intercom box on the table and pressed the little red button on its front grill. A light blinked on, and the room filled with the most terrifying laughter Bessonov had ever heard in his life. The haunting chortle flooded their ears, sounding like a combination of some evil queen in a kid’s movie and a madwoman locked in the deepest bowls of an asylum. The Russian stood ramrod-straight, held erect by the fear lighting up his entire spine. One of the techs collapsed at their computer screen, hammering their fists into their ears. After a few minutes with the wicked laughter drowning out all other noise in the room, Bessonov raised his voice, hoping it sounded braver than he felt. “{Princess?}” He called, leaning over the intercom. “{Princess, what’s so funny?}” All at once, the laughter stopped, dying down into an occasional giggle. The Russian bit the inside of his cheek until he felt blood seep into his mouth. The silence between chortles fell as a deafening pulse on every man’s ears as they all waited, their breaths held, their bodies remaining firm as every muscle in them tensed. "{He sees her!}" The ragged, maniacal voice on the other end of the line exclaimed with barely-contained glee. For a horrible moment, the Russian believed he might be hearing an enthusiastic school girl talk about some new celebrity pairing. Then he remembered what was down there and that thought sent shivers racing up his spine, coupled with a wave of nausea through his stomach. "{He sees what he can never have again, and it's killing him!}" Bessonov hammered a finger into the call button, allowing those tinny, humming sounds to echo back up the halls without the monitoring system to clarify them. He really preferred it when he hadn't known what they were. "{Sir?}" Mui asked, visibly shaken by the sounds. "{What did she mean by all that? Who's he?}" "{For the sake of your sanity, Lieutenant,}" the Russian replied, working like hell to keep the fearful quiver from his voice. "{I pray that we never find out.}”