“Nice party, isn't it?” Rainbow Dash said, wagging her eyebrows. “Why, back in Awesometopialand, if we had parties like this, we wouldn't bother taxing the poor. Hah hah hah! You get that? It's rich humor.”
“Uh huh. Quaint.” Baron von Claw squinted his hawkeyes at her. “Say... where have I seen you before?”
“Have you invaded Awesometopialand from our native Prancia?”
“No.”
“Then I doubt we've met. Or our grandparents, for that matter!”
“I swear I've seen your manestyle once before.”
“Nope!” Rainbow Dash tactfully spread her wings in such a manner to knock Romulus off-balance. The disguised bounty hunter stumbled off and collapsed in a cluster of startled ponies. “Hey! Tangle-talon! This ain't a roost, ya know! Anywho, Clawy-Baby, catch you later! I've got party business to attend!” She hurried her steps, eyes locked on Fancy Pants' horn from afar. “Come on come on come on...”
“My goodness!” A mare stammered, rushing across the apartment. “This is dreadful! Mr. Trenderhoof seems to have collapsed!”
“Cool!” Rainbow marched right past her. “Ahem. Fancy Pants?”
“Hmmm?” The unicorn turned from an art exhibit, blinking. “I say, did some pony call me?”
Rainbow slipped between him and the wall. “I say, I did!”
“Ah! Good heavens! Rainbow!” He chuckled. “You gave me quite a turn!”
“Yes... well...” Rainbow giggled nervously, standing in such a way that the stallion's figure would block all eyes from her. “In this life, either you're screwed or you are the screw. Eh heh heh...”
“How simply poetic. I must say, we split apart under the most bizarre circumstances half-an-hour ago.”
“And here I am to rectum that!”
“I believe the word is 'rectify,' darling.”
“That too!” Rainbow cleared her throat and leaned in. “I heard you wanted to see me.”
“'Tis a shame you were gone these past few minutes. Photo Finish was giving us a most delightful presentation of her current art.”
“Yeah. Uh huh. Was that all you wanted to talk about?”
“Actually, now that you mention it, I was hoping you might deliver a message to your friend Applejack for me.”
“Really?” Rainbow grinned with sparkling eyes. “My friend Applejack?”
“I mean, after all, you've done such wonders in the past, bridging the gap between her farm and my business. I suppose it would be best if you were the one to help assist her on another venture.”
“And... uh... what venture is that?”
“You see, there's an old businessmare who owns a cider mill outside of Orlandoats.”
Rainbow Dash blinked. “Orlandoats? As in Orlandoats, Fillyda?”
“Yes, indeed. The Sunshine Province.”
“Don't they get—like—three tropical storms a year?”
“It's all in the advertisement, darling.”
“Righto.”
“Anyways, this old mare by the name of Shindig has owned a cider mill for years. Over the past three decades, she's been overseeing the production of all sorts of fruit juices for the coastline towns of Equestria. Most of the land down in Fillyda produces citrus, but the process of juice-making isn't all that different from what it takes to produce cider.”
“Uh huh...”
“Well, word is that Shindig is retiring, and she would very much like to pass on the ownership of the mill to a pony she deems worthy.”
“What do you mean by 'worthy?'”
“Well, she's retiring, Miss Dash. Odds are, she's going to be passing off her citrus fields too. We're talking about gargantuan acres of land, most of Central Fillyda, as a matter of fact.”
“Okay...”
“Rumor in the business world is that she's hoping to meet up with the best fruit-squeezers in all of Equestria, and the pony that impresses her the most will not only win the mill, but the outlying country as well.” Fancy Pants grinned wide. “Correct me if I'm wrong, but does not your friend Applejack produce some of the most exquisite apple ambrosia in all of Equestria?”
“Yeah... she does...” Rainbow Dash squinted. “But... like... Orlandoats is so far...”
“Point being?”
“Just... I know Applejack, Mr. Pants. She's a hard-worker, but also a simple one. She takes good care of Sweet Apple Acres because it's the land she was born on... the land of her family n'stuff.”
“And yet, she's a blossoming young entrepreneur, is she not?”
“Well... uh... s-sure, I-I mean... I guess...”
“This could very well be the opportunity of a lifetime,” Fancy Pants said. “Just having that land alone could give her ways to expand her apple farming business in ways never before precedented. Do you understand what this means?”
“Erm...”
“Your friend Applejack could expand from a simple farmer to a agricultural producer. She'd have enough fortune for her family and her family's children and her family's children's children to live off of for decades!”
Rainbow gulped. “But... like... sh-she'd have to move away, wouldn't she?”
Fancy Pants calmly nodded. “Such is the cost of taking your business past another milestone, my dear. But, from I can tell concerning your dear friend, such challenges would be simply scrumptious to her. Wouldn't you agree?”
Rainbow Dash gulped, avoiding his gaze. “Yeah...” She murmured, trembling slightly. “I would...”
“Would you be a dear and give her the word yourself?” Fancy smiled. “Tell her that Shindig of the Orlandoats Cider Mill has extended a hoof of invitation for Applejack and/or the Apple Family to come and meet with her at the Central Fillyda site. I'd tell her through my own messages, only—I think she would trust word of muzzle from a close friend of hers. Besides... you do seem keen on bringing good luck to the mare.” Fancy winked. “I figured there was no harm in you facilitating such yet again.”
“Yeah...” Rainbow nodded, smiling awkwardly. “No harm...”
“Oh, and while you were here, perhaps we could discuss another matter,” Fancy said. “About what I owe you concerning the Granite Mountain deal...”
“Fancy, we've been through this,” Rainbow said, waving a hoof. “I only wanted Applejack to benefit.”
“But you might be intrigued once you hear what I'm offering. Tell me, Ms. Dash, do you have health insurance?”
Rainbow blinked. “Health... insurance—?”
Just then, a hoof tapped on Rainbow's shoulder.
“Nnngh...” Rainbow shrugged the hoof off. “Not now. I'm busy—”
“Madame Firefly?” a gruff voice asked.
Rainbow turned around—then did a double-take upon seeing an ugly, scarred face.
“'Madame Firefly?'” Fancy Pants' brow furrowed.
The henchstallion grunted, “Are you or are you not Photo Finish's ladyfriend?”
“Uhhhhh...”
“I believe you're mistaken, my good fellow.” Fancy Pants leaned forward. “This here is—”
Rainbow lightly swatted Fancy across the head, knocking his monocle loose.
“Oh dear me!” Fancy leaned over, searching the floor with his glowing horn. “This simply will not do!”
“Ahem...” Rainbow leaned in. “Who wants to know...?”
“Friends of Don Canter,” the stallion said. In the distance, Rainbow could make out the figures of several more surly stallions cracking their neck joints and looking shifty. “And if we're to remain friends of Photo Finish, she'll get her paint-stained keister out her and began talking. Or else.”
Rainbow's eyes narrowed. “Or else what?”
“She'll be kissing her children through a straw.” The stallion leaned forward, growling. “Got it?”
“You know, something tells me it's been a really, really long time since somepony's fed you those yellow teeth you're sporting.”
“Who you gonna sick on us?” The stallion spat. “You're coltfriend?”
“Hah hah hahhhhh...” Rainbow neutrally chirped.
“Ah!” Fancy Pants stood back up. “Got it—!”
Whap! Rainbow's wing grazed him. He dropped the monocle again.
“Goodness! I'm all out of sorts tonight!” He went scurrying once more.
“Fine...” Rainbow grunted. “I'll go get her.”
“You do that, toots.”
“Just make sure you don't get rained on while you wait,” Rainbow said as she trotted off.
The stallion blinked. He glanced up at the ceiling.
Another thug shuffled up. “What's the matter, Mooky?”
“Can a rain cloud form inside an apartment?”
“I dunno...” The other meathead squinted up at the ceiling with him. “Maybe if we look really hard...”
Swissssh!
Lancie glanced up from where he sat on Photo's chest, fanning her. “Now what?”
“Friggin' garbage-smellin' alley scum...” Rainbow snarled inwardly, tossing off her green dress and slipping the wig and dress back on. “...got a sonic rainboom with their motherless names on it...”
“If you wish to perform a soliloquy...” Lancie pointed across the panic room. “...Julius Canter's corpse is that way.”
“Shove it, Lancie!” Rainbow grumbled, slipping on the dress. She cleared her throat. “I am not in ze mood, ja?”
“Hrmmm...” Lancie returned his attention to Photo. “Marecus Anthony was Bitalian anyways...”