//------------------------------// // Good Bye, Slice of Life Tag // Story: Appledashery // by Just Essay //------------------------------// “Gotta check on Lancie,” Rainbow murmured to herself as she snuck across the crowded party. “Just gotta get to the panic room. Just gotta get to the panic room. Please Celestia almighty let me get to the panic room—” “Where you off to in such a hurry, Madame Finish?” Fancy Pants asked between champagne sips. “Euuuuugh!” Rainbow grunted to herself. Taking a deep breath, she spun about with a bright grin. “Fancy Pants! Vat a pleasant surprise! Do pardon meine rudeness. I am simply off to powder meine muzzle!” “Hmmm. Quite the common hobby this time of night,” Fancy Pants said with a smile. “Seems like mares are slipping through the cracks everywhere you look!” “Er... ja... zey'll do zat...” Rainbow started to trot away. “For instance, I've been hoping to run into a certain mare myself. Tell me, are you familiar with a Rainbow Dash?” “Erm... n-nein!” Rainbow gulped, pausing to straighten her wig. “Who kould zat be?” “Oh, a most striking pegasus. Six toned mane? Sky blue coat? Small, athletic?” Fancy Pants sipped again. “She's here somewhere. You must have invited her.” “Ze name shtrikes none of Photo Finish's bells!” “Hmmm... that's most unfortunate,” Fancy Pants said, shrugging. “I had a business proposition to discuss with her.” “Hah! Please...” Rainbow began trotting again. “Vith a name like zat, how kould such a pony kare about business?” “Well, it didn't involve her, so much as a friend of hers.” Rainbow froze in place. She gulped, her coat pale. “A... a f-friend who bucks apples?” she muttered with absolutely zero accent. Fancy Pants' thin eyes blinked. “Why. Yes. Yes indeed.” He glanced over. “Have you and Rainbow Dash discussed this?” He did a double-take. “...Photo?” Rainbow was gone. While the unicorn stallion glanced curiously around, Rainbow hid underneath a nearby table. She bit her lip, hugging her forelimbs close to her blouse. She glanced out one end of the table. Surly looking stallions guarded the exist. She looked out the other end. Suri Polomare marched around indignantly. Hissing under her breath, Rainbow took off her wig, clutched her head, and stifled a prolonged growl. At last, she squeaked, “Dang it all!” Then, with a venomous frown, she slapped her wig back on and galloped out form under the table. “...and what's more, a pegasus' reputation is sacred!” Trenderhoof said, grinning in “Vone Claw's” beak. “Once a maiden, always a maiden, if you ask me. Heh. But, I doubt egg-laying societies could relate to that so much...” “Uhhhhhhhhhh...” The griffon sneered, spotting Rainbow from across the apartment as she galloped towards the walled partition in Photo's dress. “Actually, babies come out our mammalian end, so—” “Oh, my bad.” Trenderhoof grinned. “But you still perform external fertilization, huh?” “No, that's amphibians... look, fine... nnng... fellow, I'm afraid I must be going—” “But not until you allow me to recite the Twelve Precepts of Pegasopolitan Virtue!” “Really, I—uhm—I have prior engagements and I must—” “Do not worry! I memorized them all last night! Well... most of them. Ahem. Article One! In regards to cloud courtship—” The griffon ultimately snarled. “Say... excuse me...” He pointed with a talon right behind Trenderhoof. “Could you tell me the time?” “Oh, but of course!” Trenderhoof turned, only to blink straight at a support beam. “Strange... there's no clock here—” CLANG! Von Claw shoved the back of Trenderhoof's head, rattling the unicorn's helmeted skull against the vertical pole. “Unnnngh...” Thwomp! Trenderhoof collapsed with rattling armor. Several party-goers gasped and looked in wide-eyed surprised. “Mmmrnngh... finally...” Von Claw spread his wings and shoved ponies aside as he charged across the clustered apartment, eyes on where Rainbow Dash last was. Swisssh! The secret door swiveled to a stop. Lancie looked up from where he was fanning a naked blue and unconscious Photo Finish with a piece of canvas art. “Any luck with being a frenzied moron?” “Cute.” Rainbow slid up against a wall and started shimmying out of her dress. “How's Photo doing?” “Well, she's not dead yet.” “Is she alive and concious yet?” “I'm afraid not.” Lancie glanced up. “Does this call for a 'Weekend at Burneigh's?'” “I'll pretend to understand what that means and just ignore it.” “Uhm... what's with the stripogram act?” “I gotta switch out.” “Switch out?” “Is my green dress still there?” “Uhhhhh...” Lancie raised a stone eyebrow. “Yeah?” “Good. This should only take a second.” “Sparky, is there a change of plans?” “Huh?” Rainbow Dash looked up, her prismatic mane disheveled as she slipped out of Photo's dress and wigs. “Pfft! Please, Lancie. Does it look like the plan has changed?” “Uhm... does a bear advertise toilet paper in the woods?” “I've got everything in my hoof! It's fine.” “Sparkyyyyy...” “It's fine, Lancie.” “Are you changing the plans, Sparkyyyy?” “Not changed... really...” Rainbow shrugged as she grabbed her green dress. “More like... optimistically extended.” “This apartment is going to explode before the night's over, isn't it?” “Yeah, well...” Rainbow threw the dress on and slid her body through it. “Good thing we have a panic room!” “Hardy har har...” “Just keep tending to Photo and let me know if anything changes.” “Right. You want me to impersonate an owl or a porpoise?” “No birds. We've got a blood-thirty griffon out there with my name on his talons.” “Lucky you.” “Say...” Rainbow squinted nervously at Lancie's talons. “Is that a priceless art piece that you're using to fan Photo with?” “Uhhhhhhhhhh... maybe?” “... eh, whatever.” Rainbow hopped into her heels and straightened her gown. “So long as Photo is not “gone” for too long, then I think we're good!” “Well, I hope so, because right now things are lingering around 'cautionarily stale.'” “Will you just relax? I so totally got this!” “I still think you shoulda gone into full headbutt mode.” “Oh hush.” “Baron Von Claw” was presently tracing his claws along the wall, staring at every square inch. “Blast...” Romulus hissed, his lion's tail whipping about behind him as he scurried behind the partition in frustration. “It's too damn dark! The stupid pony wears shades! Why would she make it so damn hard to find?” Swissssh! Rainbow Dash suddenly appeared a few steps behind him. “... ... ...” She trotted up and cleared her throat. “May I help you—?” Von Claw raised his head so fast that he slammed his bird-skull into the bottom frame of a painting. “Guh!” He teetered, a feather or two falling to the floor. “Careful!” Rainbow Dash grinned, placing a firm hoof on his shoulder as she pretended to smile. “You could get hurt while snooping around in the dark of somepony else's apartment that isn't yours!” “Madame Firefly...! I-I was just... uhm...” Von Claw blinked dizzily. The mercenary sneered in an off-key voice. “Where in Tartarus did Photo Finish go?” “Fraulein Finish?” Rainbow shrugged. “Beats the heck out of me! But enough of that!” She yanked Von Claw towards the center of the apartment from around the partition, continuing to smile. “Let's check out the banquet!” “But I-I-I...” “The stuff is too good to pass up! Believe me, it's no chicken feed! Whoops! No offense intended. Heeheehee!” “Heh heh... heheheh...” Von Claw clenched his teeth beneath his beak. “Charming...”