Set "Formatting" to "Dark". Do you even read this part?
Warning! This chapter contains more verbal spouts that belong in the "Dark" story category than any of the previous chapters. Do not continue reading if you know that you have a sensitive mind susceptible to fear and/or if you need constant applications of mind bleach.
Properties in this scene belong to The Inverted Shadow and The Bearded Wisdom.
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Why couldn't I be in this battle?
This is a battle between really impure and grotesque, fan-created caricatures of characters from some of the more infamous works of media.
... Why couldn't I be in this battle?
*sigh* Armen Arlet from the Slap on Titan series will face...
...Brutalight Sparcake from the Elements of Insanity series. But seriously, why couldn't I be a part of this battle? I'm impure and insane too!
N shoves F off of his seat.
Just read your line.
F reaches up a hoof while still laying on the floor.
It's... time for a... Death... Battle. Ugh.
---Death Battle---
The shaded purple alicorn monster stands atop one mound of rotten flesh. The blonde boy stands on top of a mound of debris of about the same height. They stare at each other with tense glares.
"So," says the monster pony, "you're supposed to be the 'chosen one' of death's hand? I don't buy it."
"Well, I guess neither of us is making a purchase," comments the boy offhandedly, "because everyone knows that Magic isn't a scientific element."
Her eye twitches. "I guess there's only one way to settle this."
"And what would that be?"
The monster conjures a couple swords and buries them into the flesh that she is standing on.
"A battle of wits," she answers. "Our words shall determine the answer to a single question: Who is the most insane entity in the fictional multi-verse?"
It should be me!
Quiet!
The boy nods. "Now this, I can do."
"FIGHT!"
"I play with human dolls!" proclaims Armen.
"I play with pony lives!" declares Brutalight.
"I laugh at death."
"I worship Tirek during graveyard shifts and on holidays."
"Satan worships me!"
"I slice the tears off of soldiers' eyelids before stabbing them in the eye."
"Larceny is my future career goal."
"I fused with two ghosts just to watch engineers die!"
"I celebrate human failure."
"I send heavies to certain death."
"I harass the elderly."
"I contaminated my own fellow monsters with disease!"
"I throw rocks at the homeless."
"Oh, yeah?" Brutalight cocks an eyebrow. "Well you wouldn't know anything about this if you were a virgin, but casualties are my personal form of *ess*ual foreplay!"
The screen splits to show Armen, Eren, and Mikasa staring in shock.
"Yes!" Brutalight laughs maniacally. "You are a foal! Did you really think you could match wits with the worst of us and win? Your hand is nothing but a children's card game." She levitates one sword out of the ground. "Now you will die."
The ground rumbles, but not from Brutalight's magic. The source seems to be stemming from Armen's very feet.
"You thought you were fighting a mere mortal?" asks the boy. "You thought you could probe the darkness that you call my mind?" His fist takes up his military's salute. "Fool! I shall drown you in the maelstrom of my nightmares! My tentacles will contort and strangle around your throat as you are forced to bear witness to my sick *ar*e fantasies! I will take your cemeteries and subjugate your monstrous fillies. I will *ar*e and devour your so-called Elements of Insanity!"
Brutalight's eyes widen.
"But you," continues Armen, "and only you shall survive, so that you may bear witness to my will and my ultimate revengeance!"
For the longest time, all monster ponies and regular humans in the area stare at the scene with speechless faces.
No, thinks Brutalight, The prophecy said that Harmony would destroy the Dark One's chosen, but the prophecy was wrong. I'm the Dark One's chosen. I am the Insanity Elements' leader. Chaos shall only be spread by me!
Both of her swords are in her magical grasp now.
She screams, "Prepare to die!"
Suddenly a much larger sword collides with both of hers.
"That will be quite enough," says a gentle, seductive voice.
"Y-You..." stammers Brutalight. She bears witness to a pink flowing mane attached to a pale monster pony that has a serpent's tongue for a cutie mark behind the wings.
"Brutalight Sparcake," says the newcomer, "This young man has clearly shown his worthiness to the dark pact in ways that you could not. You are relieved of your duties as my faithless student and today's executioner."
With that, the newcomer banishes Brutalight's blades into the ethereal plane. The bastardized Element of Magic falls backwards and slides down her mound.
Meanwhile, Armen falls to his knees and smiles as he catches his breath.
"K.O.!"
---Death Battle---
Dang... that kid is *eff*ed up.
Indeed he is. But what do you expect from someone who reads Mein Kampf leisurely?
Brutalight Sparcake was not born into the darkness. Deep inside, Twilight Sparkle still fights for magic and control. She has a little light that never goes out.
However, hope was lost for Armen the instant he was sent to gay-away camp at age five.
Why couldn't I be in this fight?
Will you give that a rest?
Never!
The winner is Tom Andre.
---Death Battle---