“So let me get this straight. You live in a gingerbread house?” I was rather amused by the pony architecture. It was a mixture of high fantasy, and old middle english. Lots of thatch and plaster, and brightly colored enough to hurt the eyes. The ponies themselves were equally as colorful, with no rhyme or reason to their color scheme. But Pinkie’s house took the cake, no pun intended. It looked like some abomination from a christmas card brought into the real world.
“Yeah, it’s awesome! But you can't eat it.” Pinkie sighed. “I tried when I first moved here, and it tastes terrible.” The other girls snickered at what must be an old joke.
We were now in her room, which was the very epitome of girlishness, with almost everything decorated in shades of pink, and lace and hearts everywhere. It was as if Barbie had a stroke, and then took up interior design.
“And does everyone have other people in their heads here?” I pondered.
“Nope, just us!” Surprize answered, happily.
“Actually, there are many documented cases, although it is very rare, and there are no known cases where the other personalities are as lucid and independent.” Pinkamina explained. “Also, none of them are as self aware, it seems.”
“Weird. It’s definitely a first for me.” Looking outwards, I watched Pinkie bouncing around her room as she prepared for her visit to her friend.
“So how long have you been traveling between worlds?” Surprize asked me. I swear I could even feel her leaning over my shoulder as she talked. It was strange feeling physical contact with something in my head, while also feeling the real world through the body I was in.
“I lost count long ago. Some worlds I stay on longer than others. Sometimes the coin makes me jump, and other times an accident makes me jump early.” I shuddered at the memories of all the times I died horribly.
“This thing is really cool, and so pretty. Hard to believe it’s cursed.” Pinkie was holding up the coin that was on a string around my neck. It glistened like the first time I had seen it, still just as unreadable to me, despite having picked up over a hundred languages in my travels. “And nopony else can see it?”
“Well, most can't. I guess you can because I’m in your body. Usually only very powerful magic users can even detect its presence. Even then, most can't touch it.” I sighed wearily. “And no matter how I try, I can't get rid of it. I’ve tossed it into the deepest of oceans, buried it underground, even launched it into the heart of a sun. It always reappears around my neck, or somewhere nearby.”
“Pinkie, time check!” Pinkamina broke in, causing my host’s head to snap up toward the clock on the wall.
“Ohmygosh! It’s almost time for the party, we gotta get moving!” Pinkie grabbed the last of her party supplies, and threw them into her bags on her back. Sprinting for the door, she was down the stairs and into the street in the space of an eye blink. I would have felt motion sick if I was fully in control of the body at those speeds. In a bound, we made our way down the street, somehow managing to wave and smile at every pony we past, and not even slow down as the houses passes in a blur.
“Wheeee! This is as much fun as chasing Dashie!” Surprize cheered. Pinkamina just shook her head.
Next thing I knew, we were in front of a giant tree, with a door carved into it. Pinkie was tapping a hoof on the portal, and grinning from ear to ear.
“Holy hell, did we just teleport here? I didn't feel any magic!” I looked back at the others, who were grinning at me.
“No magic, just the power of Pinkie!” Pinkie thought to me. “If there is a party that needs attending, then this pony is there!”
The door opened, revealing a small, pudgy lizard creature, resembling a chubby kobold. He was an outlandish purple and green, with wicked green eyes like a cat. His claws were rather well trimmed for such a creature, and he looked at us with a bored expression.
“Oh, hiya Pinkie Pie.” Turning, he yelled over his shoulder. “Twilight, Pinkie is here!”
“Let her in, I’ll be ready in a minute!” I heard the voice of the purple unicorn from earlier drift from deeper in the room.
“Hiya Spike! Are you staying for the party?” Pinkie bounced and grinned at the little critter.
“Naa. Slumber parties are for girls and stuff. I’m spending the night with Big Mac and the Crusaders. We’re gonna camp out in the orchard and tell ghost stories! I even got some marshmallows to roast.” Grinning a rather carnivorous smile, he pulled a bag from behind his back.
“Oooh, better not tell Rarity about that!” Pinkie smiled and winked.
“What? Why?” Spike looked confused.
“Oh, nooothing!” Pinkie sang.
“Anyone tell you you are really silly, Pinkie?”
“All the time! I’m so good at it too!” Humming to herself, she bounced into the room, while Spike shook his head and made his way out.
“Hello Pinkie Pie!” Twilight’s voice came from the kitchen. “Most of the girls are upstairs. We were just waiting for you and Rainbow Dash.”
“Super! That means I’m on time!” Pinkie grinned and bounced her way up the steps. “Hiya girls! Is everypony ready for an awesome slumber party?”
“Oh my, yes! We has such a delightful time at the last one when me and Applejack stayed over.” A white unicorn I hadn't met yet flashed a winning smile as she fluttered her eyelashes in the direction of an orange pony wearing a western style cowboy hat.
“That’s Rarity, and Applejack is the orange earth pony. They still won’t tell us what happened at that party!” Surprize announced from my shoulder. I could feel her chin resting there, and almost felt the tickle of her curly mane on my face. It was bizarre.
“Darn tootin, we had a hay of a good time.” Applejack blushed a bit, but smiled back, avoiding Rarity’s look. “Ah ‘specially loved seeing ya soaking wet from that storm.”
“Ahh yes, darling. You do have a way of making a mare wet, don't you?” Rarity retorted, her smile taking on a more predatory look. “Although, I was equally surprised at how well you cleaned up in that delightful dress.” This just caused Applejack to sputter, and cover her face with her hat.
“Yes! I knew it!” Cheered Surprize, causing me to flinch away from the sound in my ear. I looked back to see her sticking her tongue out at Pinkamina, who passed her a small pouch that made the telltale clink of coinage. “Applejack and Rarity sitting in a tree, B-U-C-K-Mmmph!”
I couldn't help but laugh at the antics, as Pinkamina shoved a hoof in the white mare’s mouth. Pinkie joined me by laughing out loud, which caused both Rarity and Applejack to blush, misunderstanding her reaction.
“Well I am just happy to spend a night with my friends.” A pastel yellow mare spoke softly. I hadn't even noticed she was there, she was so still and quiet. She had a pair of wings, like Rainbow Dash, and pastel pink hair which she tended to hide behind. She reminded me of some of the shy emo kids back in school, but with far less black makeup and piercings.
“I love my little critter friends so dearly, but they really can be a hoofful at times. Sometimes having some time away is... nice.”
“I know what you mean, Fluttershy. I love the twins as if they were my own, but some days I need to get away and decompress. If I had to care for as many animals as you do, they would drive me absolutely batty! Especially the bats.” Pinkie smiled at the shy pegasus, and received a warm smile in return.
Suddenly there was tap at the window, before a burst of air heralded the entrance of the blue flier from earlier. The girls all cheered, as she stopped in mid-air to pose, before dropping to the floor and unloading her bags.
“Uhh, Rainbow? Ain't you a bit old to be haulin ‘round that stuff? I thought those things were for little foals?” Applejack rolled her eyes and pointed to the blue and gold sleeping bag, and the small plush toy Rainbow Dash was unpacking.
“Are you kidding me? This here is an authentic Wonderbolts sleeping bag, signed by the entire team after I attended the academy. And this!” Picking up the plush, she reverently held it aloft. “This is an hoof stitched, custom plushie of Daring Do, wearing the outfit she wore in the third book, where she had to infiltrate a Nightmare Moon cult. I picked it up at the last DaringCon, and had her sign it herself!” She snuggled the toy lovingly. “Isn’t it the cutest?” She gave a very feminine squeal of affection.
“Ahem, yes quite. I’m sure Miss Yearling is quite proud to have fans such as you.” Rarity rolled her eyes, and shared a look with Applejack, who was biting down on her hat to keep from laughing.
“Yes, I can see the stitching on the outfit must have taken a long time to do. I have one of Miss Dove’s animal plushies myself, and it cost me over four hundred bits.” Fluttershy tenderly touched the dolls clothing, and smiled warmly. “This must have cost a fortune!”
Rarity made a disgusted noise at this, while Applejack lost control and started laughing. Pinkie decided to laugh as well for some reason, while I looked back to see Surprize and Pinkamina sharing a bag of popcorn they had gotten from somewhere.
“Oh shut up, Applejack. I know all about that doll your brother plays with. It’s not even a collectable!” Dash sneered, causing the orange mare to sober up.
“Now you leave mah bruther outta this! It’s got, uhh.. sentimental value, an stuff...” Applejack glared at the blue flier.
“Oh pull-eeeze darling! What it has, is Twilight’s scent all over it!” Rarity snarked cattily.
“What has my scent?” Twilight asked as she entered the room, a tray of food and drinks floating behind her in a violet glow.
“Ooooooh Snap!” I heard Pinkie, Surprize, and Pinkamina say at once. Somehow Pinkie had joined the other two eating popcorn, and was slurping from a giant cup with a crazy straw sticking out of it.
“Oh. Um, I meant the room. Yes, dear. The room smells of you.” Rarity tried to recover, blushing furiously.
“Oh, sorry, but it is my bedroom after all. I hope it doesn't offend anypony. I know sometimes I forget to shower when I get focused on a study project.” Twilight looked dejected, her eats splayed back and her tail drooping as she blushed.
“Oh no, no! I didn’t mean to offend, my dearest Twilight!” Rarity backpedaled further. Across the room, Applejack and Dash were grinning with schadenfreude. “It’s actually a rather delightful scent, like books and lavender. Very becoming for a young, single librarian.” Her smile was brittle, and beads of sweat began to form on her brow.
“Oh, thanks Rarity, that's sweet of you to say!” Twilight hugged her friend, who sighed with relief.
“You go, sexy librarian Twilight!” Cheered Dash.
“Aaand the moment is ruined. Thanks Dash.” Twilight deadpanned, stepping away from Rarity to give the pegasus a half lidded glare.
“What? Some ponies are into the sexy librarian look.” Dash shrugged. “Myself, I prefer a nice athletic stallion, with some stubble, maybe a mustache. And a whip. Yeah...”
“Your porn stash says otherwise, miss ‘Mare of the Month Club’.” It was Applejack’s turn to deadpan, causing Dash to sputter as the others laughed.
“What? Those weren't mine, I swear! I was, uhh, they were, umm, delivered to me by mistake! Derpy is always bringing me the wrong mail.” Dash turned bright red while the rest of her friends snickered.
Okay, okay. We can all talk about Dash’s sexual preferences later, it’s number fifteen on the list. For now, we have snacks and music!” Twilight pulled out a glowing checklist, and marked off the first item. I blinked as I briefly saw that halfway down, the list did indeed have an item labeled ‘Discuss Rainbow Dash’s Sex Life’. Right above something about Fluttershy and a sex change? What kind of slumber party was this?
“Oh she must be using the book I sent her on adult slumber parties! I got is special ordered from this store in Neighpon.” Surprize giggled, getting an eye roll from the other two ponies sharing her head.
The evening turned into night, and the events went one by the numbers. Twilight was adamant that everything be done according to her checklist. I remember dating a girl like that in college. needless to say it didn't work out. Or, according to her, my inability to reliably follow established and agreed upon procedure to facilitate the smooth operation of a relationship. Yea, screw that.
Or not, as the case turned out.
So the next thing I know, we are in the middle of a game of Truth or Dare. For some reason, Twilight managed to combine it with Spin the Bottle for maximum efficiency, and the turns became random. Meanwhile, the girls sharing headspace with me decided to pull out their own bottle and spun to decide who got to control the body during the party games.
“Woohoo! Lookatit go!” Surprize had ploped what looked alot like an old fashioned coke bottle and started it spinning. From my point of view, all three of the ponies were sitting in a semicircle, with me opposite them. How Pinkie managed to sit with the other two while also controlling the body was beyond me. And yet, there she was as the bottle spun wildly.
“Okay, here it comes! Moment of truth! Anypony wanna place bets?” Pinkie grinned as the bottle slowed. I preemptively facepalmed, knowing my past relationship with Murphy’s Law was inevitably going to force the bottle to point at me.
“Yay! Congratulations... uhh. We never did get your real name.” Pinkie looked at me with one eyebrow raised.
“John. John Smith.” I replied, keeping my mind closed. It was basically the psychic equivalent of a poker face, and a skill I picked up on a world with mind readers. Thankfully they bought it.
“Yay! Johnny gets to run things for awhile! Just remember the rules.” Pinkie suddenly grew somber for the first time.
“Don’t talk out loud to us, we can hear you in our head.” Pinkamina started to tell me the rules while the others just nodded. “Never tell anypony about us, or that you hear voices. Always refer to yourself as Pinkie, or Pinkie Pie. Don’t make any promises that you can’t keep yourself, without asking us first. When your turn is up, you give control over to the next pony.”
I nodded agreement, and they all smiled. “Now what do I do?”
“Just concentrate a bit on moving the body, and you will snap into control. As long as one of us isn't fighting you, it will happen automatically.” Pinkamina once again was the voice of reason.
“And remember to have fun!” Pinkie chimed in, getting a nod from the others.
I did as instructed, and concentrated on moving my hand. Suddenly there was a tingling in the back of my scalp, like a cold chill, and my eyes unfocused. An instant later they refocused, and my arm moved. The world snapped into focus, and I could feel every little bit of the body, from the fur on the skin to the strange sensation of having hooves. It wasn't the first time I had been a non-human creature, nor the first time having hooves, and yet being a pony was still new to me. I couldn't help but grin as a feeling of happiness settled on me.
And at that moment, the bottle stopped in front of me, and all the other ponies grinned in my direction. “Your turn, Pinkie! Truth, or dare?” Twilight smiled at me.
“Umm, dare?” I responded. I didn't know enough about Pinkie to give any true answers.
“Okay, since I went last I get to give the dare.” Rainbow Dash grinned mischievously. “I dare you to... Kiss Twilight!”
“W-what?” Twilight sputtered. “Why me?”
“I dunno, because it would be funny? C’mon, you got me to let Rarity braid my mane! Now it’s payback!” Dash was still sporting a rather attractive braid in her rainbow mane, with a cute bow at the end.
Meanwhile, there was a bit of a scuffle going on on Pinkie’s head. “No! She’s mine! I wanna kiss her! You know I gotta crush on Twilight.” Surprize was desperately trying to take control, and didn't even know how to let her.
“No way, Surprize. Johnny won fair and square, and he gets control until the game is over.” Pinkie was holding Surprize back, while Pinkamina rolled her eyes.
“Please Pinkamina, you gotta help me here! I don't even understand why you don't wanna date Twilight too. You are smart like her. You two would make a perfect couple already.” Begging, Surprize tried to win her sister’s approval. “Imagine how happy we would be with Twilight!”
“The problem is, I am not into mares. You are the fillyfooler, not me.” Pinkamina replied coolly.
“Don’t knock it until you try it!” the white mare replied glibly.
“I was there when you tried it, remember?” the darker sister spat.
“Oh yea, eheh.” Surprize laughed nervously, and rubbed the back of her head. “That time in baking camp. I wonder what ever happened to Cream Puff? She was a real cutie!”
“I’m sure she grew out of her little experimenting phase and found a nice stallion to ride.” Pinkamina grew positively catty as she glared at the lighter mare.
“Oh.” Looking downtrodden, Surprize stared at her hooves.
Meanwhile, the real world was intruding.
“Pinkie? You don't have to if you don't want to.” Rarity was looking worried, and Twilight was looking sadly dejected, as I realise I had been staring with a blank look on my face while the other ponies in my head were arguing.
Suddenly, I felt a strange sucking sensation, and my body went numb. I felt a huge grin appear on my face against my will, and I realised that I was no longer in control.
“Pucker up!” Suddenly, we were kissing Twilight with unbridled passion. She froze at first from shock, but then melted into the kiss. I felt hooved tangling in her hair, and checked to see what was happening. I saw Pinkie and Pinkamina staring in shock with their jaws open as Surprize continued to tongue wrestle with the sexy librarian.
I gotta say, it was one of the better kisses I’ve experienced, even if I wasn't in control. And as soon as it started, it was over.
“Wow. Pinkie, that was... just, wow.” Twilight panted breathlessly.
“It’s Surprize.” Eyes half lidded, we responded. I could hear our our pounding, as we panted for breath ourself.
“What?” the purple mare responded, looking confused.
“Uh, oh. I mean, I was just as surprised as you. It felt good, right?” Surprize’s voice sounded plaintive, almost pleading.
“Yes, Pinkie. It was rather nice, and definitely a surprise.” Smiling shyly, I could see a blush bloom across her face.
Suddenly, I was back in control, and I noted that the other two sisters were holding the white mare back. Despite this, she had a triumphant grin on her face as she was retrained by the other two, who looked shocked.
“Get back in there!” Pinkamina ordered, looking at me.
And like that, I was looking at a blushing Twilight, who was avoiding eye contact. “Ahah, sorry. I just wanted to know what it was like.” I released the flustered mare, and stepped away, blushing furiously myself.
“Whoooo!! Go Pinkie Pie!” Rainbow Dash cheered, as the other mares clopped their hooves and cheered me on. Twilight just blushed more and looked away.
“Ahem, so. Um, now who’s turn is it?” I asked.
“Spin the bottle to find out!” Applejack replied.
“Oh yeah, silly me. Here we go!” I tried my best to sound like Pinkie, as I tapped the bottle with a hoof, sending it spinning. It whizzed around wildly, until slowing to point once again at me. “Oh crud.” I responded.
“Whoh nelly! Pinkie, I think that thar bottle likes ya!” Applejack cheered.
“Ahem. I believe I should ask next, then.” Twilight spoke up, swallowing her earlier embarrassment.
I felt sweat starting to bead on my forehead. I wasn't sure I could survive another dare set by these randy mares, especially one set by the pony I had just molested. I made a choice.
“Truth!” I swallowed, hoping that the others could coach me through whatever was asked of me.
“Okay Pinkie Pie. Answer me this: What is the worst thing you have ever done?” Grinning maliciously, I realized I had made the wrong choice. However I was quite prepared to lie.
“Oh, c’mon Twilight? What kinda question is that?” Dash blurted out.
“Really, darling. Dash has a point, this is Pinkie Pie we are talking about.” Rarity rolled her eyes. “Her worst thing probably involves burning cupcakes or something.”
“Oh that’s fine with me. However, to make sure, I am going to cast a truth spell on her.” Twilight’s grin grew bigger, and I was suddenly reminded of a particular cat on one of the worlds I visited.
“Oh no...” I swallowed. This was not going to end well.
Suddenly I heard the sound of a spell being cast, and felt my body tingle. Looking back at my mental companions, I saw they were all frozen with looks of horror on their faces.
“So, I ask again Pinkie. What is the worst thing that you have ever done?” Twilight asked, her voice silky smooth.
Against my will, I felt my lips moving, and the words escaping them. “Well Twilight, that would be the day that I killed myself.”