I paced around my makeshift lab while my tutor/ward stood there looking over a sheet of data concerning the project Celestia had given her while we waited on our test subject to show up. After some basic training in mass manipulation, I was ready to try a basic transformation spell out on a pony that didn’t involve simple duplication. It was my first step in actually gaining a real understanding of transformation magic that was more than just copying the nearest thing I could find.
As for my company, four days of messing around with Sunset hadn’t yielded much in the way of clues to how to change her back because…unlike the spell that made me look like an alicorn mare, there wasn’t a spell on her. The magic that made her human wasn’t some constant thing that forced her into a foreign shape that the natural way of things was always fighting against, it was a permanent alteration that made her new body what was natural for her. Normal reversal spells and the like wouldn’t do anything because there was no spell to reverse.
It also meant that pretty much all the magical info in books were useless because transformation magic was meant to turn a specific thing into another thing. A spell to turn a pony into a potted plant was different than the one that changed a hydra into one. Each one was fundamentally different than the other and, according to Celestia, required genuine understanding of the species in question on a physical and mental level that none of the ponies in Equestria could ever hope to have without years of study of human anatomy that probably involved cutting the girl apart to see what made her tick.
So to have any hope in getting Sunset back to normal, I had to basically get my doctorate in transmogrification magic. Then, I’d need to translate it to work with changeling style magic, and then I’d have to come up with a whole new kind of magic to change Sunset back to a unicorn.
I didn’t have the heart to tell her just how fucking impossible it all was.
But I sure as hell wasn’t above trying to do it anyway. Plenty of more impossible things had happened since I came to Equestria...which my arrival being at the top of the charts.
Then there was all the other problems that cropped up in the past week. With seven days gone by since my first class, me Twi and Sunny had got back to Canterlot with plenty of things written on the alicorn’s to-do list. Things hadn’t gone anywhere near what I expected it to on several levels. After dropping Sunset off at the castle to see Tia, Twilight and I found that her parents were away on business…despite the fact they both worked at the Canterlot Observatory. The disappointment that they were still avoiding me was compounded by the fact that Shining hadn’t brought the mirror from the Crystal Empire with him, and apparently Cadence was expecting us to come and get it. I might have had the plans for the first mirror thanks to Spike picking them up for us, but since it lacked any integration spells, those plans were completely useless when it came to understanding how the one that messed up Sunset was all set up.
Oh, and there was this rather annoying thing with Blueblood that I’d rather not get into. Let’s just say...from the way he was looking at me the other day...I think he fully expects a dark-coated mare like me to be sleeping around.
Then there was Twi and Sunny’s little project…
“So…any idea just what the hay you and Twilight are working on?” I asked as Sunset took a seat and began to write down some figures with a quill. "Or why Tia wants it done?"
“So far, all we’ve done is go over the total ponies born and deaths per year for every settlement in Equestria. Or started to anyway,” Sunset replied without looking up. “But since I’m sure Princess Twilight has told you that much, I…have no freaking clue when it comes to what Princess Celestia’s up to besides a really overdue census.”
I couldn’t help but nod. Twilight really had told me just as much, although she also included the fact that Celestia was having them go through all that information for the past several years. Several, as in several hundred. Although the precise number was a cool thousand. I also noticed the title Sunny had attached to Twilight's name. It was a little odd considering how Twilight liked to be as familiar as possible with her friends.
Which... Sunset kind of wasn't.
A light knock on the door ended our conversation before I could voice my opinion about how it might have just been a lot of busy work that would keep the two of them together long enough to have them become friends. But even that idea kind of rang hollow in my mind. Due to the nature of the work, it didn’t require Twilight and Sunset to actually work together.
Don’t get me wrong, they weren’t outright hostile towards each other, but...
Okay, as much as I hate to admit it…I was apparently wrong about the whole Twilight testing my parenting abilities while using Sunset. Apparently, the girl’s presence had put Twilight in an almost perpetual bad mood whenever she was around. Nothing showed of course, but…I could Smell it just fine. Something about Sunset was bothering the hell out of Twilight.
But I had no fucking clue on how to deal with it. Hell, I didn’t even know where to begin when it came to getting involved. All my questions in the manner that I directed at Twilight whenever we met up with us for lunch and dinner (she ate, I talked, and sometimes we had sex) were met with an ‘everything’s fine’ complete with wave off. And when I asked Sunset about it…
Well, I didn’t ask Sunset about it. I didn’t know how. Hell, I wasn’t even sure if she knew there was a problem. She just kept to herself for the most part except when the two former unicorns needed to meet up for a few hours a day to collaborate their efforts and eat together. She also went and helped Cheerilee, so it wasn’t as if she was being all withdrawn or being unfriendly, but…there was just something about it that Twilight didn’t seem to like all that much.
It was almost like Twilight was the one who had a problem with Sunset, which was ridiculous as Hell.
Thoughts about all the problems with my personal life ended when I opened the door with my magic, and my test subject came walking in the room with a guest in tow.
As much as it made me feel like a heel for doing so…I asked Rainbow Dash to be my magical metamorphic test subject. Rarity would have actually known how dangerous it might be, Applejack already helped me out enough with the mirror pool stuff, Pinkie Pie…was Pinkie, Twilight had her own thing to do, and Fluttershy…okay, even if she was nowhere near most favorite pony for me, shooting magic at Fluttershy was too much, even for me.
And…I had kind of been avoiding Fluttershy ever since Tia taught me about what’s pony hot and what’s not. Mainly because…she was hot. Really hot. Out of the entirety of the girls, she was head and shoulders above the other five.
But there was a difference between knowing that and seeing her in pony.
When it came to pony hotness, Fluttershy… Was. Perfect. She had an extremely light coloration, her wings weren’t overly developed, and she spent most of her time on the ground but didn’t exercise beyond walking, so the mare’s plot was just the right amount of padded while her attitude matched her coat. Altogether, Fluttershy might as well of been Celestia in pegasus form.
“Pink hair…you…Fluttershy?” Sunset managed as the adorably hot mare followed Rainbow Dash into the room, knocking me out of my daytime wet dream and into a real world nightmare.
“Oh hello…you’re…Sunset Shimmer?” the pegasus replied hesitantly, although nowhere near the shy levels I had been greeted with as Flash Sentry. “You’re…um…is something wrong?”
Sunset stared at the pegasus for a moment, she shook her head and laughed a bit. “Sorry it’s just…with the way the other Fluttershy was into animals…I was expecting an earth pony.”
Rainbow snickered a little and Fluttershy’s eyes went wide for a second, then she hid behind her mane. “But I do like animals.”
“Wow you even do that like…sorry,” the human apologized before she squatted down to eye level with the mare. “I probably shouldn’t be doing the whole comparison thing. I know it kind of creeped Rainbow out.”
The blue pegasus snorted. “You said human me couldn’t fly, was afraid of heights, and wanted to play…sock-her for the rest of her life,” with a frown before she pointed a hoof in Sunset’s direction. “Not cool.”
Me and Sunset both laughed at that one. Then she spoke to Fluttershy again. “It’s just kind of weird meeting you last though. I mean…back there…that Fluttershy was the first one who really tried to be my friend.”
My ears perked up at the potential information. “But I thought you and Rarity…”
“Naw, she was one of the last to come around…even though she did make up for it with effort,” Sunset replied. “And what I mean is, the first of the girls who did more than…just go through the motions, I guess would be the best way to say it. Not that I…deserved it…I mean.”
I groaned. “If you want some pony to beat you up Sunset, I’ll gladly save you the trouble and find a stick.”
“FAIRY!” the pretty pegasus with the pink mane shouted at me. “Don’t you dare bully her! Rainbow said she’s really hurt…or sick, or…um, well…what do you call a unicorn that can’t use magic?”
Sunset giggled at my problem, and reached out to put a hand on the pegasus’s back. “It’s okay Fluttershy. Fairy is just…trying to be funny. Ponies and humans have a completely different standard of humor. It’s weird but after two years, I can get it.”
As Fluttershy made some embarrassed apologies and I found myself having to accept them when she wouldn’t take a ‘there’s nothing to apologize for’ for a reply, me and Rainbow were finally able to get down to business while Fluttershy and Sunset talked about…
“So, those things up there are your teats? That must be so inconvenient!”
…stuff I’d rather not say. Although considering Fluttershy’s interest in animals and Sunset’s non-pony status, the fact that the pegasus wasn’t her usual self and had as much curiosity as a purple alicorn was starting to make sense. The two of them seemed to get along…better than any of the other girls that Sunset had been introduced to in fact.
“What’s this magic favor you wanted me for?” Rainbow asked.
I grinned nervously and looked over to my ace in the hole that was hidden under the table Sunset had been writing on. It was a table covered by a tablecloth that went all the way to the floor so nothing really showed and...well, it was better to get forgiveness with a bribe when it came to Rainbow Dash rather than ask permission.
“I um…wanted your help in practicing some magic. I…wanted to try casting a spell on you,” I told her nervously. “Metamorphic magic.”
Rainbow brightened considerably. Quite frankly, it surprised the hell out of me. “Like you’re going to turn me into a griffon? Oh! How about a dragon? That would be so awesome…unless I was like Spike. You know, all small and puny.”
Thankfully, she didn’t see me gulp. “Um…something like that. I’ve got a little something for you in return, if you want it,” I told her nervously.
“Hey sure,” she agreed with a smile. “But uh…there is something I’ve been needing to ask you for too. But, it can wait until afterwards. Fire away!”
Now, to be fair, I just said I was using transformation magic on her, I never actually said just what kind of transformation magic I was using, and that form duplication spell had already been mastered anyway, so I didn’t have a reason to play around with it. Instead, I focused on a purely will-directed transformation that was at the command of the caster.
I make a quick prayer that this would all go as planned and I wouldn’t need to run and get Twilight or Tia, and focused the spell on Rainbow Dash.
Magic is…hard to explain. It’s not like some chemical experiment or math. It’s not SCIENCE. Sure, there are equations, and expectations on how things were supposed to work but it’s like love + purple = BLAM! There’s no such thing as a true understanding because...there’s so much more emotion and artistry in it than math. Hell, if magic was completely understood and worked like science with every little thing perfectly explained, well…where the hell would the MAGIC be in that?
That was what made Twilight’s feat of creating new magic so extraordinary. She was like an artist that put red and green together for the first time to make yellow. Up until then, ponies had only been using the three base colors separately, and then she had two colors make friends and opened up a whole new kind of creation. Sure, they could make new spells with those three colors, but none of them had made the color yellow.
Even Twilight didn’t really understand it, and she made the damn thing.
So I concentrated on what I wanted to happen, focused my will, pictured Rainbow Dash the way I wanted her to be, and told the way things were to go suck it before she was struck by my spell and covered in a cloud of smoke. My…artistic understanding of magic told me things had gone off without a hitch. I didn’t check the math or anything, I just…stepped back and saw all the colors on the painting had been put in the right place.
“Oh mare this is so awesome, hey uh, I didn’t step on anypony, did I? Uh wait, how come I still have hooves? I thought I was going to be a dragon or something? Hey, did the spell not work? GAAAAH!”
It took all my power not to bust out laughing at hearing the squeaky voice coming from where Rainbow was standing. But I managed to creep up close enough to her without the pegasus knowing what was going on, and blew away the smoke concealing her. Then I crouched down so she could see my face, and grinned at her little scream.
“I’d say it worked just fine,” I told the three inch tall pegasus as she flew into the sky, forcing me to stand up just to keep on level with her.
“W-What’d you do to me? You were supposed to turn me into a dragon!”
Once again, I had to keep myself from laughing. Despite the situation, I had promised myself never to laugh at the little pegasus in fear of damaging her pride. “No. I said I’d be using transformation magic, you just assumed I’d be turning you into a dragon,” I told her with a smirk. “I just reduced your height…a little.”
“Not cool!”
Okay, I’m still a guy at heart but…seeing Rainbow Dash all mad at me when she was small enough to fit on my hoof…it’s true when they say little things trying to look tough are all the more adorable for it. But I was just too relieved at her reaction to ‘daww’ at the little pony. And by that I mean I was just glad she was perturbed instead of panicky. The last time Rainbow had undergone a reduction in height had kind of weirded her out.
Of course the casting had drawn the attention of others, and a few seconds later, Fluttershy was right up next to me. “Oh my gosh Rainbow! You…you’re so cute!”
“Fluttershy!”
The pipsqueak pegasus’s complaint fell on deaf ears, and her friend looked over to me with a concerned face. “Um…you can change her back, right?”
For a moment I felt the urge to just abandon my plan of acting like I couldn’t do anything and how Rainbow would just have to spend the rest of her life as my pet in order to reassure Fluttershy that everything would be just fine. That damn mare’s eye looking at me, all concerned for her best friend…and the growing panic I could Smell on her…
“It’ll wear off in ten to fifteen minutes,” Sunset assured Fluttershy before I could say anything as she came over to rest on her haunches. “We put a timer on the spell to make sure it would reverse itself if anything went wrong.”
“You mean I’m stuck like this for ten minutes?”
Rainbow Dash’s anguished squeak made me wince. “Sorry, but…here,” I told her before using my TK to grab the bribe I had prepared beforehand. The small keg of Apple Family cider floated out from underneath the covered table I had hid it in and popped the top open. It wasn’t that much, just the size of a saddlebag. But to Rainbow… “So…how many gallons does this look like to you?”
“Waaaaay too much for ten minutes.”
I realized a flaw in my plan. Although she had too much to drink, the little pony didn’t have anything to drink out of. For a few seconds, I found myself looking around for something small enough to hold the cider and let Rainbow use as a cup, then the sound of a ‘plunk’ from the little pony’s cider pool made me groan.
Sure enough, when I looked back down inside the thing, little Dashie was swimming in the stuff with an open mouth, drinking gulp after gulp while she flailed around madly in something that was probably a lot harder to swim in than water. “Sunset get her out of there before she drowns, I don’t trust my horn not to crush her at that size,” I told my ward. Handling living creatures was a lot more difficult than inanimate object after all, and changeling magic was far from gentle.
A second later, Sunny was holding a drenched Rainbow in her grasp while the little pegasus struggled in a futile attempt to escape the human’s hand. “Rainbow cut it out, I don’t want you to hurt yourself,” the former unicorn warned.
Rainbow’s attempts to fight her way to freedom subsided soon after, and she looked back over to me with a frown. “Hey, how come there’s no buzz?”
“Yeah, there’s no way in Tartarus I’m giving you that much cider made from hard apples,” I told her evenly. Even discounting just how bad an effect consuming that much of an intoxicant would have on her liver at that size, I didn’t want the temptation of a drunk Rainbow Dash. Especially a drunk Rainbow Dash that I considered hot and the ability to actually get away with pretty much anything thanks to my ability to change shape and warp minds.
A picture of the inebriated pony sucking me off while her eyes had a distinct green twinge to them passed through my mind, and I was filled with a dozens senses that went everywhere from desire to self-disgust for even picturing it. Then my traitorous imagination decided to tell me just what was possible with that kind of power, and I had a brief image of myself sitting on a cool throne of obsidian with eight chains attached to eight collars that were being worn by two pegasi, a unicorn, two earth ponies, and a trio of alicorns whose only goal in life was satisfying any perverse pleasure I could think of. So with that image running through my head, I decided it was best to take a quick breather and winked out of the room.
Once I reappeared in another part of the castle, I took a deep breath and steadied myself. “Bad changeling,” I told myself with a groan. “You picked Twilight, and you sure as hell aren't going to be doing that to any of them. Sexy or not.” Damnit Celestia, I’m really going to hate you if this whole thing keeps up.
At least I could still control myself around Twilight. But then...well...she kind of was the least attractive of her friends.
I shook off that estimation with a growl.
Twilight was beautiful. She was a wonderful young woman with nice wings, a perfectly good ass, and a plus three libido that could never be put on hold. I was beyond lucky to have her and wasn’t going to break her heart. Period.
With that fact set in my mind, it took me a minute to teleport down to the kitchen. After that, I grabbed a little bowl Rainbow could drink out of without drowning, and came back into the lab to fill it with cider for her while Sunset and Fluttershy went back to talking about animals on Earthquestria. Of course Rainbow still had to stand in the damn thing but…it was better than when she was swimming in the stuff.
Not two minutes after she started chugging, the tiny pegasus fluttered her way out of the bowl Sunset had set her in, and fell onto the ground before she rolled over with a swollen tummy to let out a barely audible burp. Sure it probably would have been gross beyond belief had she been at full size, but as things were, everything that little pony did was cute. I couldn’t help but smile at the little girl as she patted her stomach.
“Oh mare, I have never had that much cider in my life! If you need me to help with your magic stuff from now on and got one of those barrels for every time I show up, just let me know.”
Then, ten minutes after we began, there was a puff of smoke, and I sat back up to look Rainbow in her rather disappointed eyes as she looked down at her stomach for a few seconds, then back up to me. “Hey, what happened to the cider?”
Sunset looked away from her conversation and filled Dash in for me. “Technically, you only drank a few drops, so it’s all still there. You're just bigger now and it isn’t.”
“So, want to go again? I have to experiment with various sizes to make sure I have the theory right.”
For a moment, I was worried that Rainbow was kind of put off by the idea when she gave me a lidded stare. “You’re saying you can make it so I can drink cider till I feel like I’m going to explode, then make it so I can drink more?” she asked before smirking and rubbed her hooves together. “This kind of experimenting, I like.”
An hour later, and I was pretty sure I had the spell down pat, with Rainbow having been changed in size from anywhere to something along the scale of a fly, to barely an inch shorter. It was a little odd when I made her about equal in height to Scootaloo though, her dimensions actually made her look a lot punier than the girls of the CMC. But a success was a success, and the most basic of transmogrification magic had been castable by me in just four short days.
Things were shaping up to be…somewhat okay.
“So, about that favor you owe me now,” Rainbow spoke up while I resealed the cider casket. Despite her binge, the thing was barely a fourth empty, and that was only because Sunset and Fluttershy had chipped in.
I raised an eyebrow at her. “I thought the cider covered that.”
A roll of the eyes told me what Rainbow thought of that, and I hunched over at what I knew was coming.
One thing that really sucked about being in Equestria was that the girls would always be asking me for favors, something I was just now starting to reciprocate by asking for favors of my own that involved more than just hanging out. It wasn’t much, just some little things like try on some clothes while looking like a different pony, help carry some apples, corral some critters for a census, or just play some childish party game. But…saying no to ponies was impossible. I could defy gravity, the laws of physics, and even the state of reality in general, but a cute little equine-ish species asking with wide eyes and I collapsed faster than a house of cards.
“Well you see, Fluttershy wants to be in the Equestrian games too, so I figured I could help her out and sign up for a team sport. But we need a third pony to make even the smallest team, but there aren’t really any athletic pegasi left around town-”
“There’s Bulk Biceps,” Fluttershy cut in, making me shutter as the cute pegasus mercilessly slaughtered a piece of the fandom with her cruel words.
Rainbow Dash sighed and looked back at her friend. “Fluttershy, you’ve seen the size of his wings and muscles. Trust me, the kind of juice Bulk’s drinking ain’t cranberry,” she said before turning back to me. “And we were talking and then I remembered all that flying around you did as Flash when I was giving Twilight lessons, and I guess giving you lessons too, but I also remember you were kind of fast so…you want to join our relay team?”
The invitation made me blink. “You mean…you and me…at the Equestria Games?”
“Uh…yeah,” Dash replied. “I mean, you’ve got the speed. You just need to work on your cornering and junk.”
Dash’s assessment made me wince. I’ll admit, I had a tiny bit of a flaw when it came to flying like an Equestrian. It wasn’t my fault I had a…ninety degree turning problem…as a pegasus/alicorn I mean. I could fly around as a changeling just fine. But…
Look, pegasus flight is powered by magic. Magic likes to kick science in the balls…repeatedly. Magic is also heavy into the belief and mental imagery stuff. If you think you can do something, you just might be able to, but if you know you can’t do something…you can’t. It’s that simple, end of story. Doubting yourself is one thing, it was one of the things that kept Rainbow from doing her signature move for so long, but knowing you can’t do something…that was the death of magic.
So when the logical side of my brain tells my magic that a feathered creature can’t make ninety-plus degree turns on a dime…well, I can’t. I can fly fast when I want to, maybe even somewhere approaching Wonderbolt speeds, but corning at barely subsonic speeds just didn’t work thanks to my half-assed knowledge of the way the world was supposed to work and the fact no changeling ever told me pegasus wings could work like our natural ones back when I was all young and impressionable two months ago.
“Are you sure there isn’t another pony you can ask?” I replied as Dashe’s eyes got all big and sobby. “Um…what about Twilight? She’s uh…getting…bet-okay, fine! Just stop looking at me like that!”
Rainbow chuckled and let out a cheer before she flew up into the air. “All right! Now we can start practicing for the tryouts next week!”
My jaw dropped. “Next week? Seriously Dash? You waited till now to choose your partner and I only have a week to prepare?” I shouted.
“Chillax, we got this we can start right-” Whatever Rainbow was going to say was cut off when her stomach growled, and she cleared her throat. “-after you treat us to lunch.”
I groaned and hung my head. “Why me?”
Lunch in Everfree Palace was always a somber affair since Sunset moved in and Twilight started eating her meals in the palace as well. So much so that the third resident of our home had stopped coming to eat with the rest of us in favor of avoiding the atmosphere.
The main reason for such an atmosphere being one positively perturbed purple pony princess that liked to show up at the castle now that I stocked a food supply. I had tried to talk to her about whatever was bothering Twilight, but whenever the subject came up, Twilight assured me I hadn’t done anything wrong and neither had Sunset.
But…there was just that…something beneath the surface that seemed to creep up from inside of Twilight whenever Sunset was mentioned. It wasn’t anything like hatred or anger, but…I knew there was something about the teenager that got to my girlfriend and…I honestly had no idea what it was, or how to solve it.
But with our new guests, things were twenty percent livelier.
“So…” Rainbow began three minutes into the meal as she shifted around on the pillow that kept her rear from touching the floor, “how’s…stuff?”
Sure twenty percent of zero added to zero was still zero but...at least she tried.
Twilight raised her head, her expression not showing anything of what was beneath the surface. Hell, if it wasn’t for the whole changeling thing, I probably wouldn’t have been able to gauge Twilight’s mood at all and just thought she was your average half-insane mystical goddess. “You mean the research? It’s…going good enough,” Twilight said as her voice dropped a bit and a little bit of sadness seeped in. “We’re still waiting for reports from Vanhoover and Manehattan, as well as the smaller communities that don’t have railroad access, but once we get everything it’s just a matter of correlating the data.”
“Right…data,” Rainbow replied before confusion blossomed on her face. “Um…what all are the two of you doing again?”
Both the eggheads groaned and face palmed/hoofed at the same time. It was…creepy. Twilight was the one to answer the question though. “We’re correlating the total number of births and deaths in a town by town basis.”
For a second it looked like Dash got it, which she might have, it wasn’t that big a thing to wrap her head around. “Uh…why?”
“Because Princess Celestia is telling us to,” Sunset grumbled. “Beyond that…no idea. And don’t bother asking her because she never tells us anything beyond do this or read that. I think she gets off on it or something.”
Twilight frowned at Sunset. “Excuse me?”
The barely restrained hostility of her tone apparently came to Sunset’s attention, and she looked over to the mare with an expression that was half trepidation and half annoyance. “What?”
“Did you just…insult Princess Celestia?” she asked in careful disbelief.
Sunset raised an eyebrow. “Huh?”
“You did! Didn’t you?” Twilight accused the human as she pointed a hoof at Sunset.
I looked over to the alicorn carefully. I really didn’t want to step anywhere near this minefield but…better me than Fluttershy. “Uh Twilight…what’re you going on about?”
“She just insulted Princess Celestia!” Twilight exclaimed. “Again!”
The last word made Sunset’s confused frown return. “Uh…when did I insult her the first time?”
Twilight’s jaw just dropped for a second as she looked at the girl in disbelief. “Are you kidding me? You…you just…” I caught a whiff of her anger as it practically went through the roof, and the alicorn’s whole body visibly trembled for a moment before she let out an aggravated groan. “You know what? Forget it! I lost my appetite. I’m just going to get some more files to research, and I’ll get out of your…hair!”
As Twilight disappeared in a bright flash of purple light, I shared a confused look with Rainbow and Fluttershy, then looked over to Sunset and sighed. “Okay, I’ve been trying to stay out of this, but after that…what the hay is going on between the two of you?”
Sunset actually looked confused and apparently felt it strongly enough for me to smell it on her too. Was was pretty hard as she wasn't a pony and my Nose was specifically attuned to them at the moment. “I-I don’t know,” she replied in an almost whiney voice. “Y-You’ve got to believe me, I haven’t picked a fight or anything since we got back, and Twilight hasn’t done anything to make me angry. She’s just been kind of distant and now…well, you saw.”
“Yeah right!” Rainbow exclaimed as she got into the air to point a hoof at Sunset. “Twilight doesn’t go all crazy like that for no good reason.”
“Except when she does,” Fluttershy added before she hid behind her mane as her words drew all of our attentions. “Which is a lot…actually. I’m sorry, but…that is kind of the case. Sometimes anyway.”
For a second I thought Rainbow was going to argue with Fluttershy, but the mare’s wind got taken out of her wings and she just floated back down to the floor to sit on her cushion. “Oh yeah,” she mumbled before looking up at me with a glare. “So, how come you didn’t do anything?”
I flinched at the accusation. “Say what?” I asked before getting rightfully indignant. “What the hay was I supposed to do?” Stepping in during a catfight was one of the stupidest things a guy could do. Best to let the females fight it out and be there with the disinfectant later.
Rainbow waved her forelegs at me in a wild fashion. “You’re supposed to fix it like you always do!” she replied. “Hay, remember the train, and when Twilight thought you died, and that whole thing on that pirate island? That’s your thing! If you could get a cutie mark, it would probably be…whatever the hay ponies like you use to identify themselves with.”
I groaned and looked over to Sunset. “Sunny, are you sure you didn’t do anything in the past few days to make Twilight get all…that?”
“What?” Sunset asked me in a surprised tone that told me asking her had managed to hurt her feelings. “No! I…Fairy, she…you saw what happened between the two of us. Twilight, she…Twilight saved me from that…thing,” she finished with a shudder before she reached up to wrap her arms around herself and I had to kick myself for reminding Sunset about the darkest point in her life.
“Why would you…I don’t…I’m not like…that…anymore,” she finished in close to Fluttershy volume, and my hooves went up in social surrender as I tried to hold off the dejected teenager assault.
“I know, I know,” I assured her quickly. “I’m sorry.” I took in a breath and let it out. I knew the whole evil thing was a very sensitive subject for Sunset. Being what I was, dark magic wasn’t all that mentally scarring, but when it came to ponies…the extra power might be seductive, but having an overdose of the stuff was apparently so horrible they were able to quit cold turkey if they recovered.
Case in point: Trixie. She was in my class, took notes, paid attention, and actually answered as many question as Twilight did the other day. She wasn’t the same mare that set up a whole show as a boost to her own ego at the expense of others, or anything like the bitch queen that the alicorn amulet had turned her into.
To be honest, it...kind of surprised the hell out of me. The mare really was trying to turn over a new leaf and...I honestly believed it wasn’t an act.
So with Sunset properly disturbed and apologized to, I had more important business to take care of. I stood up and backed away from the table to teleport to the most likely place that Twilight would have gone to before heading home: the records room.
The world disappeared in a wave of green light, and when my eyes cleared, I was looking at a bunch of papers that were doing backflips through the sky thanks to the displaced air caused by my teleportation thanks to the fact the changeling version of the teleportation spell did tend to cause a bit of a mess around loose objects.
Thanks to the fact ponies kept everything on paper and the girls were literally going over every birth and death Equestria had experienced in the past thousand years, keeping the records at Twilight’s library was impossible. The records were written on everything from modern Manehattan level stuff to paper that might as well have papyrus for as yellow and wrinkled as it was. But thanks to whatever methods kept the millennia old banners around and furniture too, it was all legible and didn’t turn to dust at the drop of a hat.
And there were stacks of papers. Stacks upon stacks. The small ballroom that we had set aside to house the records looked more like some cartoonish exaggeration of a mail room with all the packages full of nothing but paper, and a few free flowing sheets just floating around.
Twilight was in the middle of the mess with her saddlebags already on, looking around and probably trying to decide what stack of records to take next. I know she liked to work through the records for each city and had finished Ponyville’s information the day before. So, Twilight was probably trying to decide on whether she wanted to tackle another small town, or start going through one of the towers that contained the birth and death records for someplace like Manehattan.
“Twilight?”
The alicorn gave a slight jump at my calling out to her, and looked over at me with wide eyes for a second. “Oh, Fae. Hi…I um…what do you think would be faster, Appleloosa, or Dodge City?” she asked before a jumble of papers floated up into my face and I had to push out of the way to get to her. “Appleloosa is pretty new so there’s not much to go on. But what about the buffalo? Do you think Princess Celestia wants their information too? Wait, I don’t think they didn’t send me any kind of information pertaining to the buffalo tribe! What if-mmmpth!”
Stopping another pony by kissing them is a bit of a risky business, especially Twilight. About half the time she keeps trying to talk or gets mad at me for interrupting her. This time however, Twi cut herself off and backed away after I ended it.
“I’m rambling again, aren’t I?” she asked before licking her lips.
“And avoiding the problem,” I pressed her before nudging the papers that were locked in the alicorn’s magic down so we could focus on what was really important. With the air cleared, I locked the alicorn in my gaze and took in a deep breath for strength to weather the coming storm. “Twilight…what’s…wrong with Sunset?”
My choice of words were apparently poor, as a frown crossed Twilight’s face. “Sunset? Nothing’s wrong with Sunset, she’s perfect! Well, except for that whole human thing that Princess Celestia is making us-I mean, you solve. Oh, and her organization of information! Do you know that she wants to go through the data chronologically? No, wait, chronologically backwards!” We don’t even have everything we need and she wants to go over information from Manehattan when we’re still waiting for-”
“TWILIGHT!” I yelled, making the alicorn jump again. Another breath, and I tried again. “Twilight, come on, I can read emotions remember? I know you’re angry at her for…something. Please, tell me what’s wrong. I wanted to wait until you’re ready, but after what just happened...I think we need to talk.”
Twilight frowned at me. “Nothing’s wrong!” she went on. “Sunset didn’t do anything wrong. Well, except for all that human world stuff, but I don’t care about that. I forgave her for that! Now everypony loves Sunset! Even Fluttershy was talking to her on the way in, Fluttershy! It takes her an average of three days to warm up to anypony, and she’s talking to Sunset about animals from day one!”
I cleared my throat and looked away. “Well uh…she isn’t a pony, so maybe that-”
“And she’s helping Cheerilee at the school, and doing a good job at it too!” the alicorn went over right on top of me. “The crusaders can’t stop talking about how awesome those…hands of hers are! Did you know I’m tutoring them now by the way?”
“Yes,” I replied. Apparently my once a week teaching thing had caught on, and Twilight had set aside a special time each week when she helped the girls out in her library. It was pretty admirable of her.
“Oh, and Princess Celestia!” Twilight exclaimed as her emotions rocketed to new heights. “I can’t even get a dinner with my parents to try and get a proper introduction going for you because they’re too busy, but Princess Celestia can just clear her schedule to have a meal and Celestia knows what else with her! I come back from a world Celestia doesn’t even know about, and apparently scares the hay out of her, and her first words, her first words are ‘is Sunset alright’ without even asking how I am despite the fact Sunset just threw away everything Princess Celestia ever gave her and-”
And then it hit me like a bolt of lighting. The…impossibility of what I was seeing made me nearly collapse but…I really couldn’t think of any other explanation as everything I had seen of Twilight over the past few days, the anger that wasn’t quite anger, the way she just became a little withdrawn and dour around Sunset, her sudden explosion just now and back at the table…
“You’re jealous,” I said with surprise dripping from every word. “Of…Sunset Shimmer.”
Twilight looked over at me with wide eyes. “I…no!” she declared with a frown before she stamped her hoof onto the ground. “I can’t be jealous of Sunset. I…I pity her! She’s trapped as a human here! She’s the only one of her kind around, she…she can’t even use her magic! I’m a princess! I have everything Sunset ever wanted! I can’t be jealous of somepony like that! It’s not right!”
The words rang of practice, and it was probably something Twilight had told herself dozens of times over the past few days while I had been…busy with Sunset. Living with Sunset. Working on my magic…with Sunset.
Hell, we even talked about movies together and…okay, Earthquestria got the names wrong on a lot of things, but the basics were all still there. Sky Walker was really the son of Darth Vader, Indy Ana found the Ark of the Convenient, and Fro-dough fumbled Soar-on’s ring less than one yard from the goal line so Goal-um had to finish the job. All of which were conversations Twilight couldn’t even hope to get in on.
“Is it me?” I asked her carefully. “I know it must be hard for you to just go back to the library when she’s staying here, helping me learn magic when that used to be our thing.”
Twilight shook her head fiercely. “No! I…I’m proud of you for helping her like this!” the alicorn told me in that same desperate tone. “And I’m glad she had somepony to talk to that understands what it’s like to be human. And…you…I know how much you want me to find a way to turn you into a male alicorn so we can be together like we used to. And you’re even putting that aside to help somepony who doesn’t…” A short burst of anger was followed by an outpouring of shame, and the alicorn took on a miserable expression before she hung her head.
“I know I don’t deserve it.” The sound of Sunset’s voice coming from the other side of the door made Twilight’s head bolt up in surprise, and even my body tensed from the unexpected addition to the conversation.
I turned around and saw the door had been opened, and the girl in question was standing there just huddled in on herself again. Twilight’s eyes went wide, and she practically cowered as the former unicorn walked into the room. As she did, nearly every instinct I had said to get the hell out of Dodge before I got trapped in a catfight but…my legs wouldn’t move.
“Hey,” Sunset began as her usual introduction kicked in. “I’m sorry-”
“Don’t apologize!” Twilight shouted before Sunset could really start. “Ugh, ever since you came here, that’s all you ever do! Everything you did, I already forgave you for. I’m not mad about that and I…you need help, so I’m helping you. It’s what a good pony is supposed to do!”
The last of Twilight’s little speech put a quizzical frown on my face while Sunset came in and stood a little behind me. “Uh…a good pony?” I asked. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
Twilight’s eyes went wide for a second, and she fell back on her plot to look at the ground. “I…I’m a good pony,” she said before repeating it more to herself in a much lower tone than to either of us. “I’m a good pony.”
“Twilight,” Sunset cut in as she came within reach of the mare and crouched down so they were eye to eye. “What’s wrong?”
A tiny snicker that sounded halfway blocked came out of the alicorn’s nose as she looked back up at Sunset with a frown. “Everything’s wrong!” she exclaimed before throwing out her hooves in a wide gesture towards Sunset. “Look at you! You can’t even use your magic anymore and it’s because I…I LEFT YOU THERE!”
Twilight fell forward a bit, back on her hooves and let out a sob. “And I…when I first got back, Princess Celestia asked me where you were, and then you get to go have lunch with her when my own parents won’t even talk to me, and…and when I think about it, I just get this…feeling in the pit of my stomach, and I know it’s so wrong, but…but I can’t stop it and then I hate myself for feeling this way, and-and-and-”
I didn’t let her continue her hyperventilating/talking combo before I walked around the alicorn and put her into a loving embrace that included putting my wings around her. Then I let out a little shushing noise into her ear. Slowly, the panting mare’s heart rate decreased, and her muscles relaxed a tiny bit while I told her everything was okay.
As Twilight continued to calm down, Sunset stood up to her full height and looked down on the two of us while I tensed under the old teenager’s gaze. It was still something I hadn’t gotten used to, being so damn short compared to my old height of six foot and a few inches. Hell, Sunset was maybe five-and-a-half at most, and she still made my neck hurt to look at in the face. Hence why she crouched when talking to a pony.
After giving me and Twilight a long, measuring look, she bent back down and ran a hand through Twilight’s hair. “In that case, I forgive you,” the human told her with a little smile. “And I’m sorry if I messed things up between you and Princess Celestia.”
Twilight sniffled in some air and looked across to her senior student. “No…you didn’t do anything to-”
“Twilight, I’m not stupid or blind,” Sunset went on before the alicorn could finish. “I see the way you get around her, the way you talk about her, the stories I’ve heard from your girlfriend over there.” As Sunset paused for breath a winced at the reveal that I had kind of been gossiping about Twi behind her back. “You’re attention starved when it comes to Princess Celestia…and it is my fault.”
Before the alicorn could do more than shake her head, Sunset held up a finger and stopped her. “Did she ever take you to an amusement park, or the Canterlot Country Fair? Or tell you how proud she was of you even for the smallest things, or um…sing you to sleep…at night?” she finished with a blush while both me and Twilight just stared at the human.
“Say what?” we got out a the same time.
“I-I was like…seven, okay?” Sunset exclaimed before looking away from the two of us. “And had just become her student and…my parents and…look! I was having trouble sleeping. It was perfectly normal!”
She sighed and shook her head. “My point is…when I talked with her after coming back and…everything…I…” Sunset gulped. “When I left…I did hurt her. I hurt her badly. So when you came along she probably…kept you at arms length. So I’m sorry for-”
“She read you-” Twilight said before her face became a frown. “You make it sound like I wanted Princess Celestia to be my mother or something! That’s just…ew!”
That little bit of information even managed to throw me off. “Say what? Come on Twilight, from what I’ve seen-”
“Then you have seen something completely out of context!” Twilight told me before she got back on all four hooves and out of my embrace. She paced around for a minute and let out a long groan. “I can’t believe you-ew! I have a mom! Why would I want Princess Celestia to be…that’s just…creepy! She’s my teacher. I respect her and I…um…” Twilight cleared her throat and looked away as some embarrassment made its way up from the conflicting emotions on her Scent.
Sunset carefully frowned at the alicorn.
I laughed nervously.
Twilight…let out a long sigh and shook her head for a second. “Sorry.”
What followed was probably one of the most weirdest awkward pauses in the history of anywhere. Sunset continued to look at Twilight, Twilight continued to look away from Sunset, and I was kind of caught in the middle of the whole thing. I think a whole five minutes passed before I managed to say something.
“But uh Twilight…you did kind of say something about Sunset and Princess Celestia,” I pointed out. “And don’t try and tell me its nothing. I got the whole reading emotion thing going on, remember?”
“I really do wish you could turn that off sometimes,” Twilight mumbled to herself before she shook her head and looked over to Sunset. “Okay fine! I am jealous of you for that. She…rebuilt that mirror and went looking for you. I mean, I know it was mostly an accident but…Princess Celestia has never come to my rescue like that, and I’ve needed it plenty of times. She worries about you more than she’s ever shown to care for me...and when I think about that, I just feel so…angry, and sad and just…wrong! And it all just tears me up inside!
“Everything I know says I should be happy for you that Princess Celestia cares for you so much but…there’s just this part of me that wants to scream at her, and then there‘s you! With you I just…I…just…I keep thinking about that stupid night when I left you there, and I look at you now and I just…I…feel like I want to kick myself for doing something so horrible and…” The words stopped and Twilight’s shoulders slumped before she sat down again to let out a sigh. “I’m just so confused.”
The image of Twilight just sitting there told me to help her, screamed at me to. I needed to come up with something to say to make things right but…nothing came to mind.
Sunset walked up to the alicorn and sat down so they were on eye level again. “Twilight, I already said I forgave you. You don’t need to feel bad about this,” she said before raising her arms up. “I…this was my mistake. I could have come home that day I stole your crown. But I let jealousy get the best of me and then that dark magic overtook me and…you saved me Twilight. And…I’m sorry-”
“What?” Twilight exclaimed as she stepped back from Sunset. “No Sunset, you don’t have to apologize for all that again. I-”
“I’m sorry I made you feel this way,” the human told her before Twilight could finish. “I’m sorry I didn’t see what my presence was doing. I guess…I’m not really that good a friend, huh?”
There are moments in people’s lives when they can just see something just click on the face of another. Like there was this one time me and a friend of mine when to go see the 6th Sense, a movie about a guy who was a ghost and didn’t know it. I kind of figured things out about halfway through the film when the kid was describing the way ghosts were while Bruce Willis just got a close-up, but my friend actually took until the scene the movie was meant to reveal everything as the dead man tried to open a closet and noticed a table that wasn’t there before blocking it. There was just like there was a light that came on in the guys head or something as all the little clues just fit together in his brain to go ‘HOLY CRAP HE’S BEEN DEAD THIS WHOLE TIME’.
Twilight stared at Sunset for a few seconds, and she kind of had the same thing happen to her a second where there was like a sudden spark of realization in her eyes before she lowered her head and sighed. “No…I’m the one who hasn’t been a friend to you,” she said before looking over to the human. “I’ve just been going through the motions, and I am so sorry for that. You’re trying to start a new life and…you deserve better than that. Better than everything I’ve done so far. So much better.”
At that point, I was pretty sure the girls had forgotten I was even in the room, and I tried to back away from the awkward pause. Unfortunately, my movement seemed to break the spell of silence, and Sunset spoke. “So um…what now?”
“I’m…not sure,” Twilight replied. “I mean, usually me and my friends do something to bond after making up by relying on past experiences, but…we weren’t really fighting and…up until right now…I don’t even think I could have classified us as friends.”
Sunset crossed her arms and nodded. “Yeah, friendly acquaintances, definitely. But friends…not so much.” She tapped her finger against arm for a moment, then looked over to me, and back to Twilight. “So what was that thing about your girlfriend wanting to turn into a guy?”
Twilight groaned. “Oh yeah…that,” the alicorn said as she rolled her eyes. “Well you know how Fae used to be a human, right? Well she used to be a male human. And she got pretty whiny when she couldn’t change into a male alicorn, despite all the other stallions around that she could turn into when it was time to do it.”
“Hey!” I complained in a totally non-whining manner.
The expression on Sunset’s face changed to one of confusion. “But wait a sec. Don’t you two have sex?”
“Of course we do,” Twilight replied before she obviously got a little lost in a memory, judging by her aroused scent. “Oh, and she is amazing in bed. I think she’s even better than when she looked like Flash Sentry.”
“WHAT?” Sunset shouted before she got even closer to the alicorn. “Okay, this I’ve got to hear. Wait, what does Flash even look like as a pony?”
“OH FOR CRYING OUT LOUD! I’M STANDING RIGHT HERE!” I shouted at the two girls before Twilight started to go into WAY too many details about what me and her used to do.
And so, fifteen minutes later I was finding myself following the two women while being completely ignored as we came back to the table where Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy were waiting….
Thankfully by then, the conversation had switched to something that didn’t involve my female sex life and was something I could chime in at on some points. That something being our trip to Tambelon. But with this being the Twilight and Sunset bonding time…moment…thing, I just let the two of them go on. Especially when it came to the technical side of things that I just didn’t want to get into with Twilight after Sunset mentioned her iphone. She was…well, it was Twilight. Telling her about advanced technology was like showing meat to a starving lion.
Sunset had yet to learn this fact. “What’s an iphone? Well, it’s like a…you did see one back in that other Canterlot, right?”
“Yeah, but I didn’t really understand anything about how they work,” Twilight admitted. “They were like…magic bricks that let humans talk to each other and do a bunch of other things.”
The human nodded. “Magic brick’s a pretty good description,” she agreed. “It could play music, record sounds, be used an alarm clock, talk to other people over long distances and a ton of other things. Kind of pissed off I had to throw mine away. Probably could have rigged something to keep it going here.”
Twilight sighed and looked down at the ground. “I would have loved to study one,” she said before looking back up at the human. “Are you sure you don’t have anything else from that human world I could look over?”
The question stopped Sunset midst ride, and she obvious frowned in thought, then reached into her jacket to take out some earphones. “Well there’s these things,” the girl told Twilight before handing the things over to the confused alicorn. “They’re for when I was listening to music and didn’t want anyone else to hear it playing. Um…basically, they translate electricity into sound and use an electromagnet to vibrate some material to create the sound waves like a normal speaker, just on a much smaller scale.”
For a second, Twilight just stared at the objects, then let out a tiny snicker. “Wow, you really have been gone for awhile. We have headphones,” she said before grasping the things in her magic. “Although…nothing near this small and…it looks like they’re meant to go right in the ear instead of covering it completely to try and muffle outside distractions. And is that a volume control built right into the wire?”
Sunset giggled. “Eh, they’re useless to me now. So you can have them if you want.”
Twilight smiled back as we sat down at the table and nodded some greetings to Fluttershy and Rainbow before she went back to her conversation. “Still, it is human technology, and a gift from a friend so…don’t mind if I do!” the alicorn said before putting the things in the saddlebag she still had on from when she was grabbing more research material.
Then, Twilight looked back at the salad on her plate before her eyes drifted over to me for a second, and turned back to Sunset. “That reminds me! There’s something I’ve been asking Fairy, but she just won't tell me,” Twilight said. “When I was in the human world, they had a weird kind of burger with lettuce and tomatoes, and it was just so good! I tried to duplicate it with hay and oats when I got home, but nopony can get the taste right! Not even the royal chefs! And I don’t know what it’s made from, but any student of Celestia’s would have found out if she lived there for two and a half years, right?”
Sunset’s eyes went wide at the alicorn’s innocent expression, and I gave her a look to say ‘if you tell her, I will kill you’ when she glanced over to me. “Well…shit.”
That night, sleep came as easily to me as it always did. Me and Twilight got each other off, told each other how much we loved the other mare, I ate, waited for her to recover from passing out and she went home. Then I just closed my eyes and decided to go to sleep. Bam, instant coma.
I wasn’t even all that tired.
Sunny and Twilight weren’t exactly instant best friends, but...she had actually stayed over and gone over everything with Sunset after lunch when me, Dash and Shy left to go find a team sport to sign up for. By the time I got back, they were making jokes and judging by the way they looked at me for a moment before laughing...I was probably better off when they had been giving the other the cold shoulder.
Within the hive mind, I formed the familiar scene of my old house, complete with upstairs and semi-working television as well as a sort of computer I fooled around with in order for Celestia to understand some of my insults that…okay…I’ll just say this…calling her Molestia in an attempt to get the goddess into some clothes only made the amazon chuckle, and gave her ideas.
Bad ideas.
Wrong ideas.
Ideas that ended up having me restructure our living room into something with a single couch meant to hold two people without any sort of ninety degree curving that she could relax on while I showed her the pleasures that a human body could have on top of her fictional world escapism that was television.
Right after I got done constructing the thing, Tia’s presence appeared in my mind, and the goddess came into being a second later. That kind of froze the building as it was. Of course, she was still human and hot enough to make me get an insta-boner despite the several days her naked form had been around my barely clothed body in its pair of shorts. Whatever it was that bound us worked off a good part of my subconscious, and it said only humans belonged in my old home, so we were human.
Unfortunately, my self-image kept me as your average guy with an average height, kind of skinny build, black hair and brown eyes. Meanwhile, my opinion of Princess Celestia had enough respect for the mare to turn her into a seven foot goddess that had an impossible figure and perfect skin with a face that was the very definition of beautiful. This only made me hate myself even more.
We had tried changing venues to fix the problem during our second sleepover, but…like I said, a great deal of my subconscious opinions were apparently present in the dream reality I shared with Tia. So when I had tried turning everything into the Canterlot Castle throne room, the television wouldn’t work, the air was too cold…and a still human Celestia refused to wear the clothes I had provided. Not to mention she was kind of pissed off over the fact we had only finished half the damn movie thanks to the fact Twilight had woken her up early the first time around.
So, having to spend six hours with nothing to do with a seven foot naked woman that I could only make small talk with while she was pissed at not being able to see what happened after the Rivendell scenes…we had to get a little creative when it came to ways of passing the time. Let me just say, there is nothing worse in all of existence than a bored nudist with a penchant for trolling.
Dance lessons my ass. Once she found out tits were the pony version of a plot, Tia went out of her way to shove the damn things in my face to get a reaction. Sure she’s all prim and proper during the day court or whatever, but when the sun goes down that mare forgets the meaning on the word inhibition.
That was the night I made the mistake of mentioning Molestia, and one night of showing her what I remembered of the old tumbler later on a computer I dreamed up in our house, things got even worse.
Celestia didn’t do anything too raunchy like play with my body or make me her love slave (unfortunately) but…there were a few comments about her old love life and comments about how several experiments had long since proved to her that a banana couldn’t survive an alicorn’s orgasms that had me trying to cover myself unsuccessfully while she lamented over the size difference in alicorns to normal ponies had left her unsatisfied for over one thousand years.
But she thankfully got that out of her system on psychic slumber party number three and things became a bit more bearable. I was even able to wear pants. She still went nude though. Apparently all ponies thought bras and panties were evil.
We did other things than just watch a series of movies, redecorate, and see how much I could blush with all her teasing. Sometimes we actually talked. For the most part, I just listened to her go on about what happened in court and how ruling Equestria wasn’t all it was cracked up to be; something Twilight had told me too. Thankfully, most of the province rulers weren’t idiots. But I got the impression that after ruling for one thousand-plus years, ponies tended to run to Celestia for anything they considered a major decision.
And by major, I mean any kind of decision that might affect an area ten inches outside their town.
As for my side of the conversation, it mostly revolved around updates on Sunset Shimmer, or how my transformation magic studies were going, or if there was anything I needed to help get her adjusted to Equestrian society again.
“Fae,” the goddess greeted me before she sat down on her end of the couch and turned her whole body towards me in anticipation of being pleasured by her expert in human relaxation.
A second later, I took her feet in my hands and began to work them over, getting a moan that was almost sexual from the naked woman. “I know this isn’t my real body but…by the heavens I don’t know how I could have gone so many years without these and those back rubs you give me.”
I let out a tiny laugh before looking back up to her. “Hey I know hooves aren’t as sensitive, but…um…what about wings? Wouldn’t they be just as good?”
“And who would rub them?” Celestia asked me evenly. “Even minotaur don’t have as nimble fingers as a human’s and…Sunset’s...uncomfortable around me enough. Telling her to give me a massage with those fingers of hers…” Tia actually blushed and looked away for a second.
Ouch, I told myself as I imagined the girl basically massaging Celestia’s wingboner. “Uh, Tia…can I talk to you about your daughter before we get into whatever stupid crap the nobility are hoisting off on you today?”
In response, Celestia gave me a confused frown. “I don’t have a daughter.”
My irritation grew at the alicorn’s response. “Yes you do.”
The even words made the goddess sit up a little straighter and she raised an eyebrow. “Whatever you’ve heard Omnifarious, alicorns can’t breed with other ponies. So what you’re saying is impossible.”
I took a deep breath, and organized my thoughts. I had kind of known this was coming and came prepared for it. Hell, a little talk with Celestia’s kid and her own words had even given me plenty of ammunition. “You sung Sunset to sleep at night, gave her birthday presents and took her to celebrations when she was just a child because she didn’t have anyone to do it for her,” I replied before I felt Celestia’s surprise. Of course her face showed nothing. She was way too good for that. “Oh, I’m sure you wrote it off as ways to make sure she was well adjusted, or something else but…all that little girl would have seen was Princess Celestia taking time to read her a bedtime story, or play a game with her, or the thousand other things mothers do with their daughters.”
Celestia sighed and shook her head, but I could feel she was experiencing something very different underneath. The uneasiness she had was almost palpable. “I may have done those things, but…she needed someone to… I would have done that for any of my previous students with her circumstances.”
“Don’t tell me she’s just another student Tia,” I went on with an accusatory finger as Celestia’s guilt started to grow. “I felt how panicked you were when we showed up on that world and you learned she was in your reach, the hope you felt at seeing her again. You! A creature that has seen thousands of ponies just up and die broke down when you saw her again, and just how pissed off you got when those pig-men threatened Sunset’s safety. You slaughtered them like they were nothing. That’s not the Celestia I’ve read about in every single story Equestia’s got on you. It’s all defense spells and cunning traps or cutting deals. And when it came time to fight Grogar, you didn’t hesitate one second before hitting him with everything you had so I could get her someplace safer.”
On the other side of the couch, Tia broke eye contact with me as she crossed her arms over her breasts.
“I remember how you said you kept that mirror in the throne room at Canterlot,” I went on. “How many nights did you stay up looking at it, just waiting for her to come back? How many times did you glance at during the day at court? Did you have your guards stand a constant vigil at the thing with orders to alert you the second she came back?
“Hell, you could control the moon back then. Did you try to open the gate yourself?” I asked, getting a shake of the head as the goddess drew in on herself, pulling her legs away from me. “And then the Crystal Empire summit thing and…Twilight reminded me what you said when she came back here, about how the very first thing you asked about was Sunset Shimmer. You moved it to the Crystal Empire because you gave up on her, didn’t you? You thought she died, or that she was never coming back. But the second you moved that mirror, the moment you dropped your guard, Sunset came back…and you weren’t there when she needed you.”
A storm of emotions raged within the goddess as I finished with my little speech. I didn’t see any tears but…I wasn’t even sure we could cry considering where we were. Still, there was enough guilt, shame, self-hatred, and a million other things that I could feel coming off the woman.
Celestia looked away from me as she curled up into a defensive ball and whispered a reply I barely heard. “Why are you saying all this?”
“I…” I stopped and blinked at the goddess that was practically cowering from my words. Why was I giving Tia the guilt trip?
Was I angry with her?
I’ll admit that there was a tiny bit of that in the pit of my stomach towards the impossibly tall woman sitting in front of me. I had watched over Sunset for four days, and while she had managed to improve a bit, all of those improvements hung by a thread. A thread that was tied around me, attached to the hope of me being able to turn her back into a unicorn.
A task I had pretty much figured was impossible.
If Sunset found that out before she had a real support system in place…I didn’t like the chances of finding her after the girl made a very life altering decision in the way of ending it. She was a unicorn without magic, and had her true form stolen from her by a bad set of circumstances. But with how she liked to guilt herself so much lately and all that junk ponies liked to spout about destiny...the possibility wasn’t out of the question that Sunset might thought she deserved to die. That it was her fate or something.
As things stood, to avoid that kind of situation, I needed help. Twilight and the others could be there as Sunset’s friends, but…that girl needed family.
She needed her mother.
For Sunset to have that…Celestia needed to stop beating herself up and talk to her daughter on a regular basis. She needed to admit the connection they shared was deeper than just some student-teacher thing Twilight had with the ancient woman.
“It’s not your fault,” I told her as gently as I could. “What’s happened to her, it’s not your fault. Stop blaming yourself.”
Tia shook her head. “No, it was my fault. I…I chased her away! I…didn’t tell her what she wanted to know about that stupid mirror because I didn’t know anything about it other than when it turned on! I was so used to being the all knowing teacher and ruler that I thought admitting I didn’t know something would have undermined her view of me. I…” she sighed and looked down at the empty middle of the couch. “I remembered how that little filly used to look up at me with wonder in her eyes and…I… She just made me so angry when I found she had snuck into the restricted section of the archives, when I learned she had gone behind my back, when I heard her demanding to be made an alicorn and I just…I cast her out!
“Then I find her again and I thought I could make it better, that I could fix things if I could just bring her home and now…I can’t send her back to that world but…the gate only opens once every decade and a half! How can I keep her here when she doesn’t have magic? How can I send her back to that world when all that waits for her is…is nothing?
“How can I make her choose between two years of nothing or...perhaps decades of being like she is now?” Tia finished.
I shook my head. “So you’re going to…what? Avoid her when she needs someone to talk to? Someone she really trusts? All because of some bad circumstances?”
The goddess sighed. “I…saw her when you came to Canterlot the other day,” she replied in a defensive tone.
“For how long?” I asked as I worked to keep my voice even. “An hour? Two? You showed up in plenty of time for class, so it couldn’t have been that long! Did you tell her where you were going, or just give some empty excuse about royal duties? Did you just leave her alone in a library while you went to spend time with Twilight? She needs more than that, and you know it!”
The goddess looked back up at me with a desperate anger in her eyes. “She needs to be a unicorn again! You…you used to be like…like this!” Celestia said as she spread her hands out and gestured to herself for a second before her tone became almost pleading. “Please. You’re the only one who understands anything about the human form. You’re the only one in Equestria who can help her.
“If you need to know more about magic then…I’ll give you everything I know,” she went on. “I taught you about pony beauty in a single night! I could…I will share with you the entirety of my arcane knowledge, right here and now, and with that we could-”
For a second, I found myself wondering where that path would lead. Although I was hardly an expert on the subject, I knew that Celestia was the defacto ultimate source of mystical knowledge in Equestria. Although I would need to learn how to translate all her magical know how to changeling style mysticism…it wouldn’t be all that hard.
But…
“And how the hell would you do that?” I asked with a sigh before lowering my head as I felt like kicking myself for bringing up some holes in Tia’s plan that probably took her all of three seconds to concoct while under the stress she was showing right now. “We’re still not clear on how I got the pony sexiness knowledge in the first place, and…it’s all absolute information. What if learning it that way means I can’t do what I need to do to fix Sunset?”
Celestia let out a sigh, and slunk over to the point where I almost expected to see her deflate. “But…I have to…there has to be something…I failed her and…”
When the goddess just trained off, I let out a sigh. “Come to my place right after sundown.”
“Do you have something in mind?” she asked, brightening a little.
I shook my head. “It’s when Twilight usually shows up with Spike and the four of us have dinner together.”
A wave of fear ran through Celestia, and I felt the goddess’s hopes turn to terror. “I…”
“Back when we were with those humans, you told me that Sunset could be seen as your daughter from a certain point of view,” I went on. “Well that’s the exact angle she’s looking at you from and…I think it’s the same way you see her too, just from the opposite direction. So stop wallowing in self-pity, pick yourself up, and be there for your daughter. Because she needs you to be there for her, and...so does Twilight.”
Celestia’s attention focused a bit and her nerves calmed down as she took a breath. “What’s wrong with Twilight?”
I didn’t want to bring Twilight into this whole thing too but...well, she needed help too. The kind of help I couldn’t provide. And if Sunset was going to get a helping hand from the alicorn, then I was going to be damned if Twilight didn’t receive the same level of attention. “Look, there’s something about this whole thing that’s really bothering Twilight too. She’s jealous because of some preference you have for Sunset and... She feels guilty about Sunset just like you do and…you’re the person she respects most in the world. She needs you to tell her that everything will be okay, and that she needs to stop beating herself over this whole thing. I can tell her that until I’m hoarse but...she’ll just think its an empty platitude,” I grumbled before looking down at the carpeted floor. “I can’t do anything and...I don’t know if she’ll listen to any of our friends either. It’s got to be you Tia. And...I’m sorry for...bringing all this up like I did.”
The storm of emotions within the goddess sitting across from me slowly died down as she let her guilt and churning anger just...slowly faded away. I don’t know how she did it, practice I guess. There probably was something to being an ancient alicorn when it came to controlling one's temper. By the time she spoke, Tia was back under control. “I’ve had several students over the centuries you know. Some of them went as far as Twilight, and others...not so much. Sunset…”
She sighed and leaned her head over to rest it against the couch. “Sunset was the only orphan I ever taught,” she went on as I got the feeling she was talking to herself as much as me. “She was the only one who…needed me in that special way. That’s where the Sunny Skies identity comes from, you see. I could hardly go to a celebration without causing so much of a fuss it ruined the day for everypony else. And don’t start going on about Ponyville. Yes I went there during the last Summer Wrap-up and took home the hoof-wrestling trophy, but that place is just weird! Luna coming on Nightmare Night and Twilight living there now…” She smiled. “Those ponies actually know how to treat royalty the way we want to be treated.”
After a second, Celestia shook her head furiously as if to clear it, then kept talking. “And Twilight...I had waited for her to come for so long! A mare with the Element of Magic for her cutie mark…”
“Wait a second,” I spoke up. “You...knew about Twilight before she showed up?”
Celestia sighed. “Not exactly,” she replied before smiling. “Twilight…I knew there would be a pony like her one day. But...Applejack, Pinkie, Fluttershy, Rarity, and Rainbow Dash. I found six mares where I had only expected one. I...I’m getting off track again.”
After another moment of silence she looked back up at me. “If my...if Sunset and Twilight need my help… I will see you tomorrow night, and every night afterwards before we go to sleep. And...bring the others too,” she added as an afterthought. “I think it’s time I really got to know the ponies that are always saving this world in a less formal setting.”
I chuckled at the thought of how the girls were going to take sitting down at the dinner table with Tia. The last party they had been at together had involved that damn bird of hers. “Wait...so, what about that whole Sunny Skies thing? You still coming to my class next week?”
Tia let out a snort. “Of course I am, oh...and have a partnered activity for next week. Lectures are fine to lay some groundwork and all, but...active participation is usually the best. Perhaps a competition? Oh, and have it be in pairs!”
“You know for a student, you’re awfully bossy,” I commented with a frown. “And I can’t, next week is the Equestria Games tryouts.”
Celestia let out a disgruntled sigh. “Ah yes,” she had mumbled as she crossed her arms. “I suppose that is a good enough reason for canceling classes. Some of your friends taking part, then?”
Another silence overtook the room, and I let out a long breath before gulping down some anxiety and going back to the thing that was really important, what Celestia had almost pulled me away from talking about, if unintentionally. “So...about Sunset and Twilight...I know it’s…hard for you to talk about, but-”
“No,” Celestia cut in. “I have had a great deal of influence in the lives of those girls and...if they need me, I’ll be there for them. With Luna back and up to speed on how everything works in Equestria, I need to start paying more attention to my personal duties instead of just my royal ones. I’ve learned that lesson all too well this past year.”
I slumped down on the couch in relief. “You have no idea how grateful I am to hear that.”
For a moment Tia just looked at me, and then she smiled. “No...you… Thank you. If you’re right about…” She paused for a moment, and let out a sigh. “Does she really look at me...that way?”
“I think the important question right now is, do you look at her like that?” I asked. I mean, if Celestia was looking for an out, or thinking that she had to fake her feelings towards Sunset to get her through a rough patch… I didn’t want to finish that train of thought it was so bad.
Princess Celestia was quiet for a long time, and then she uncoiled a bit and gulped. “I...” she half-replied before stopping for a minute.
“You know, no matter how much time we spent together, Twilight and all of the others...they went home at the end of the day unless they had some project to work on that kept them up all night. And they’d talk about their parents and their families, and go on and on about what happened on Hearth’s Warming, or Nightmare Night, or what happened at all the fairs. But...Sunset...all she had was…I was with her for every single one.” Tia let out a tiny chuckle, and rubbed the bridge of her nose while a new mass of emotions began to form inside of her. “Presents for her birthday and candy on Nightmare Night…I fed her when she got the pony pox and canceled a meeting to make sure she got better and... From a certain point of view…” she said before looking back at me as terror took root in her stomach. “Oh pony feathers, I really am her mother, aren’t I?”
Unable to stop myself, a smile smirk cracked my lips. “Scary...isn’t it?”
“Fuck,” the goddess whispered before my legs became trapped underneath her feet her voice increased in both volume and speed. “So that means, what? Parenting books? I’ll need to see if there’s something on not letting your child feel supplanted by another student...which Sunset already does because Twilight is an alicorn, DAMNIT!” the goddess cursed as she slammed her fist into the couch.
“Uh...Tia?”
“Okay, need to see if the Canterlot library has anything on repairing relationships with progeny when it might already be too late and…” she paused and looked back up to me. “You said Sunset was a teenager again, right? How much of a teenager? Are human teenagers different from pony teenagers? Do you even know anything about pony teenagers?”
My mouth hung slightly open as the millennia old being underwent her first crisis of motherhood. She didn’t even slow down to hear my answer as her rambling continued. “And now I know where Twilight gets it from.”
“Twilight!” the goddess suddenly exclaimed. “I can’t ignore Twilight! If I start doting on Sunset, she’ll feel rejected and...her friends! I’ve got to connect with them too and…” Celestia paused to glare at me, she she deflated and went back to slumping on the couch before she let out a groan. “This isn’t going to be easy, is it?”
Once again, I couldn’t help but chuckle a little. “All you have to do is work a job from sunup till sundown, set a good example, connect with your newfound family, make some friends, and pretty much commute from the Everfree to Canterlot on a daily basis,” I said as a smile formed on my face. “Welcome to the life of a single mother.”
The goddess of the sun frowned at me, and pinned my legs with her own again. “Just...do your thing,” she grumbled before looking over to the television. “And what are we watching tonight? If I’m going to have to deal with all this tomorrow, I’m going to want something to keep me from worrying about everything until it’s time to raise the sun.”
I went back to helping Celestia relieve some of her stress before turning on the television. “Yes, Princess Mommy.”
“Oh shut up,” Tia grumbled right before she gently kicked me in the leg as the picture appeared and the movie started playing. “And what does that say, just because I can speak English doesn’t mean I can read it you know.”
“After Decades of warfare, Agamemnon, King of Mycenae has forced the kingdoms of Greece into a loose alliance. Only Thessaly remains unconquered,” I read for her before the words faded to reveal a less than accurate map of the land around the Aegean Sea.
As I moved my attentions back to Celestia’s body, the goddess cleared her throat, and I looked back up hesitantly. “Yeah?”
Celestia licked her lips nervously, and sighed. “Omnifarious...before we get started on all this and I forget everything… I just want to say...thank you for...telling me what I needed to hear.”
“No problem Tia. I’m happy to tell you off any day of the week.”