//------------------------------// // Chapter 31 // Story: Princess Luna's Suicide Solutions // by kudzuhaiku //------------------------------// Quirky struggled to take in everything that had just been said to her during the past half an hour or so. She felt sick, out of sorts and she couldn’t imagine what poor Noctilucent must be feeling. He looked frantic, afraid, and ashamed. She had felt anger at first, when it was first brought up, followed by a sudden sense of betrayal, but that had faded and quickly turned into other just as raw emotions. If she was having a difficult time, she realised that Noctilucent must be near his breaking point, and Quirky felt more pity for him than she did for herself. “Noctilucent, how could… I mean… you… Noctilucent, I need to know how could... I help you deal with Merriweather?” Quirky asked haltingly. Dr. Lethe watched the two ponies attempt to come to terms with the past and how it affected both of their futures. Noctilucent was nearly beside himself with fear and grief, and Quirky was clearly in shock. Yet she saw progress from both of them. The past two weeks had seen a tremendous amount of progress and these three-way sessions were proving most useful. Quirky seemed to have made a profound change, and Dr. Lethe observed that Quirky had started to ask how Noctilucent could have done such a thing, only to turn things around mid sentence to try and help Noctilucent. It was the sort of strength she hoped to see in Quirky. Noctilucent looked up at Quirky hopefully. He was clutching a small stuffed pony and hugging it to his chest. He held it to him with one foreleg as he reached up with the other and scrubbed at his eyes with his folded fetlock. “Whew, for a moment there, I thought I was going to be overcome by my atelophobia… I was worried that this would be the thing that would make you hate me. I mean, I’ve been so scared of facing her but then realising that I had to tell you, I thought I was going to have a breakdown there for a while,” he confessed. “I haven’t always responded well to things you’ve told me,” Quirky said guiltily. “This has been really hard on me, but you and I, we have come this far and we have made things work somehow, and somehow, we will make this work too. I… I… I don’t think you can face this all by yourself, which is why you told me I guess, and you need to be able to tell me these sorts of things and have me respond well if you want my help, and we are to trust one another,” she explained. “Well, I see that two ponies have been learning… I am most pleased,” Dr. Lethe announced. “Noctilucent, it seems you have been paying attention to your lessons, and Quirky, you didn’t burst into flames or have a major outburst,” she added. Noctilucent’s white spots turned pink while Quirky gave Dr. Lethe a satisfied half smile. Both of them exchanged a sheepish glance with each other and then looked at Dr. Lethe. “Now all I need to do is talk to Princess Luna, find some means of going to visit Merriweather, and then apologise to her face to face,” Noctilucent said nervously as he fidgeted with the stuff toy he was holding. “Do you want me to come with you?” Quirky asked. “More than anything,” Noctilucent responded right away. “I… uh, there is no way I could do this alone. I accept that. If I want to do this, then I must be willing to accept help from others because all alone, I will fail,” he said as he squirmed uncomfortably. “It never gets any easier using I statements and admitting my faults. I always think that somepony is going to judge me for what I say.” “It hasn’t become any easier?” Dr. Lethe inquired. “No, it hasn’t,” Noctilucent answered. “It goes back to your intense atelophobia-” “I know, Dr. Lethe,” Noctilucent interrupted gently. “I have trouble with facing that because I have fears that I am not good enough to deal with that either.” “It is a crippling anxiety disorder,” Dr. Lethe said soothingly. “And needing help to deal with it doesn’t mean that you’re not good enough… you are good enough to have a group of ponies who love you a great deal and will do anything to help you deal with it, and Quirky treasures you enough to deal with her own personal feelings so she can try to help you with Merriweather.” “I can see that now,” Noctilucent said as he squeezed his eyes shut and clutched at the stuffed pony doll. “And that makes it even worse because before, I was only letting myself down when I didn’t feel good enough. Now, I feel like I am letting everypony else down, and the feeling is crushing me, it feels like it is going to break my back,” he whimpered. Quirky watched the pony that she loved squirm from emotional pain and she felt an uncomfortable sense of restriction around her barrel. “You’re not the only pony who struggles with those feelings… just a few minutes ago I almost slipped up and said something horrible to you after you bared your soul to me. More and more I feel that I am not good enough for you. You need somepony loving and supportive and I almost lost my mind after you told me about your part in what happened to Merriweather,” she confessed. Noctilucent’s eyes opened wide and he looked at Quirky pleadingly. “But you didn’t… you came through for me,” he whispered. Quirky took a deep breath, held it for a moment, and then let it out slowly. “I suppose I did,” she acknowledged. “And if you can get better, then so can I,” Noctilucent said in hopeful tones. “And I think that we should end this on that hopeful note. This has been a good session,” Dr. Lethe interjected. “I agree,” Noctilucent said with a nod. “We’ll do this again tomorrow,” Quirky stated to the two ponies in the room with her. Lethe watched as Noctilucent gave Shortbread Cookie a wedge of lemon. She cringed, every muscle in her body tensing up as the lemon wedge disappeared into the foal’s mouth and the foal suckled on the juicy bit of citrus. A moment later, there was a cry from Shortbread Cookie after she spat out the lemon wedge. “Oh come on Shortbread, lemons are nummy,” Noctilucent said in wounded tones. Lethe shook her head. Some ponies. All of the muscles in her back tightened up as once again, Noctilucent flexed his poor judgement skills, giving Pyrocumulus a lemon wedge, which the foal foolishly accepted. The lunar pegasus foal let out a startled cry that sounded like a tea kettle coming to a boil, emitting several shrill whistles and shrieks using her echolocation system after spitting out the lemon wedge. “Oh come on! Why is it that nopony loves lemons?” Noctilucent said in a defeated voice. “Noctilucent… giving the foals lemons… how could you? That’s awful,” Lethe said, unable to stay silent any longer. “What did I do wrong? What is wrong with giving the foals lemons? Aren’t they supposed to try new things?” Noctilucent whimpered as he cringed under Lethe’s scolding. Shortbread Cookie kept spitting and drooling everywhere as she rose up on shaking legs and attempted to escape her tormentor. Noctilucent pulled her back and stroked her with his good wing. “Lemons Noctilucent… LEMONS! Nopony but you likes lemons. You gave lemons to Cactus Blossom too… a little blind filly…” Lethe scolded. Noctilucent’s ears folded back against his skull. “Hey, that was funny,” Graves said in Noctilucent’s defense. “Why is it that I am the only pony that likes sour things?” Noctilucent groaned. “Because you are not normal,” Lethe said gently. Pyrocumulus hissed at Noctilucent, curling back her lips into a tiny adorable snarl. Her wings flared outwards as she puffed out her barrel and tried to look ferocious. Noctilucent heaved a sigh and looked at his little foals. “You told me to get them to taste new things,” he said to Lethe. “Yes, but who gives a foal lemons!” Lethe retorted. “Giving foals lemons is a time honoured tradition of parents everywhere,” Holly said as she stepped into the room and came to Noctilucent’s defense. “How do you think I stayed sane with all of these little hooligans?” “Holly, that’s horrible,” Lethe muttered. “But it made me feel better,” Holly said, her words punctuated with a loud chuckle. “Nothing brightens up your day like watching a foal suck lemons.” “But… I just wanted my foals to like lemons like I do,” Noctilucent interjected. “I wasn’t trying to torture them,” he stated, realising that he had inadvertently done something terrible to his foals, something Holly apparently took great pleasure in. Holly snatched up a lemon wedge in her magic and jammed it into Shortbread Cookie’s mouth. The foal went crosseyed for a moment, puckered, and then spit the lemon wedge out. Shortbread Cookie immediately tried to flee again, her stubby little legs pumping as she waddled off. Holly hauled her back using her magic, and then gently patted the foal with her hoof. Graves chortled and then guffawed, delighting in the foal’s suffering. He would have continued to keep laughing too, if Lethe hadn’t suddenly jammed a Pyrocumulus slobber covered lemon wedge into his mouth. The donkey foal fell silent and accepted his punishment with as much aplomb as he could muster, chewing on the lemon as his face contorted unpleasantly. “I am ashamed that I am enjoying Graves’ suffering,” Lethe confessed. “Schadenfreude,” Graves muttered as he spat out the lemon rind. “The greatest word ever invented by the Germanes.” “To take pleasure in the suffering of others,” Lethe stated. “What a terrible concept,” she added as she forced herself to eat the soft flesh from the rind of the lemon wedge as punishment for her actions. “But I didn’t want them to suffer,” Noctilucent said. “That’s because you’re innocent, dear,” Holly replied as she patted Noctilucent affectionately. “You just wanted to them to enjoy lemons as much as you do,” she said as she stuffed a lemon wedge into Pyrocumulus’ mouth. The lunar pegasus foal let out another shrill squeal before spitting out the hated chunk of yellow fruit. She stood spitting and drooling, long sticky strands of slobber going everywhere and sticking to everything. And then she sneezed, spraying yet more slobber, and Noctilucent felt his heart stop for a moment, feeling what every parent felt when their offspring did something unbearably adorable but also gross and disgusting. “Hrrgh,” Noctilucent grunted. “I have never seen a foal drool so much and I have been around too many foals to count,” Holly said as she surveyed the flood. “I feel… damp,” Graves commented. “Ugh, you got it in the face Graves,” Lethe observed. “Oh, I'm well aware of the locations of multiple strands of slobber,” Graves deadpanned. One ear twitched and a gobbet of slobber dribbled to the floor. “I am feeling a strange feeling of satisfaction from seeing Graves just sitting there covered in drool,” Noctilucent admitted. “Huzzah, my life has meaning and purpose,” Graves muttered. The donkey foal began to wipe his face with his foreleg as he fussed wordlessly. “Little Graves is so serious and stoic, and watching him endure such a humiliation is kind of…” Noctilucent said before coming to a halt, trying to think of the right word to say. “Therapeutic?” Lethe finished. Graves glowered at all of them and then gave a final wipe to his face. “I am glad I could entertain you,” he grumbled. “See, there are always lessons to be learned, even from silly things like giving foals lemons,” Holly stated. “Life has a funny way of teaching you things. That’s something I’ve learned after doing what I’ve done for so long,” she added. “I like it when life gives me lemons,” Noctilucent said as wiped away some slobber from Pyrocumulus and kissed the still spitting and sputtering foal on the head.