//------------------------------// // Side Battle: Can You Race With All The Yellow Of The Wind // Story: The Moment No Pony was Waiting For (A Death Battle Parody) // by TundraStanza //------------------------------// To ensure that you can read certain colors, it is recommended that you set the "Formatting" to "Dark". Thank you. Why am I still making these? I guess I've still got an inner savage to feed. Properties in this chapter belong to Hasbro, ScrewAttack, Sega, and CaptainHoers. --- --- A/N: Congratulations. You're our third narrator so far. --- The third? What happened to the other two? --- A/N: Well, the first one blackmailed two of our combatants. He had to be punished via green paint makeover, courtesy of Rarity and Amy Rose. Then... well... Discord killed the second narrator. --- Wait... Discord actually killed somebody?! --- A/N: I know. I didn't see it coming either. --- *sigh* I can't believe I thought answering the 'help wanted' ad was a good idea. --- A/N: Hey, relax. Your predecessor lasted for nearly one and a half seasons. If you still feel in danger by the time Season 4 starts, you can leave without any strings attached. --- Forgive me if I withhold my relief. The Moment No Pony was Waiting For Season 3 E Side 1 Must a captain be a sailor of the sea or is that just a side benefit? The competition for fastest in the universe is swift and fierce. This couldn't be any more true than for Sonic and Rainbow Dash's flying rivals. Jet the Hawk of the Babylon Rogues... ... and Spitfire the Pegasus as told by CaptainHoers. She's N and I'm F. And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle. ---Death Battle--- Spitfire -Martial artist -Racing flyer -Graffiti specialist -Rocket boots -Super endurance -Defiance of ridiculously cartoonish authorities The footage cuts in the middle of Spitfire chasing after Lightning Dust across the water. The Wonderbolts are possibly more impressive in these mini-videos than they'll ever be in the show. Depicted as one of the best professional flyers, Spitfire can reach speeds of over one thousand one hundred kilometers per hour. Kilometers? I hate the metric system! What's that in normal units? *sigh* A simple calculation would tell you that it's over six hundred miles per hour. F takes a drag from his cigarette. My intelligence is beyond the lowly scope of math. And yet you were the one that figured out that seven hundred sixty-five pancakes would be needed to cover an entire roof in that question regarding trees falling in the forest and a lack of charcoal. F suddenly inhales his little bad habit and has a choking fit. He coughs it out a second later. Whew. *Ahem* That's irrelevant. Anyway... Spitfire isn't a goodie four-shoes that solely collects her paycheck through racing performance. In her spare time, she speeds down the city streets on rocket-propelled boots just to leave yellow spray paint trails all over the place. Her understanding of martial arts was enough to keep up a pace and overcome the aggressive Lightning Dust in a fight to the finish. Her endurance is enough to survive a five hundred mph impact with a solid wall with little more damage than a chipped tooth. Plus, a vertical climb at her top speed can create a bright yellow flash similar in splendor as the Sonic Rainboom. Whether she's a captain on duty or a hoodlum on the run, Spitfire is a force to be reckoned with. Meh, Luna could do it better. How did I know you were going to say that? Instead of saying something, Spitfire simply spray paints a "Technical Difficulties: Please Stand By" test image on a helicopter's windshield. ---Death Battle--- Jet -Extreme Gear (hoverboard) -Goggles (that he rarely puts over his eyes) -Stainless feathers -Quick to anger -Impatient -Was a forgettable extra in the multiplayer of Sonic and the Black Knight "Hah, you're lucky you got this far. It obviously wasn't due to your skills!" Oh my g**d. His voice is *eff*ing annoying. Jet is an anthro hawk and the green leader of the Babylon Rogues. He's backed by Wave the Swallow and Storm the Albatross, for brains and brawn respectively. They're professional thieves as well as aircraft pilots. But... they're birds. Why the hell would birds need to pilot zeppelins? It's mostly just for a traveling home. Jet's preferred transport is Extreme Gear, hoverboard technology that can be used to reach speeds up to three hundred mph. This featherbrain keeps making the claim that he's faster than Sonic and takes every opportunity to try and prove this in spite of the fact that Sonic can reach speeds over seven hundred mph without the help of hoverboards. He does have a bit of a pride issue. His ancestry stems from the ancient Babylonians of the floating city, Babylon Garden. He also carries the bad luck of awakening ancient evil genies and black hole generating robots in his quest for riches and glory. Well, he's not completely helpless. When push comes to shove, he can pull giant razored leaves out of his *ss and beat the s*** out of any racer dumb enough to get in his way. Uh... yeah. He can also build up momentum from the turbulence created by other speeding objects to perform X-game levels of tricks and flips. Kind of like Tony Ha-... Oh, I see what they did there. Hah! Sega, you guys are hilarious. "You see, to be the fastest on a Gear, you have to become one with the wind!" ---Death Battle--- All right, the combatants are set. Let's settle this debate once and for all. It's time for a Death Battle! ---Death Battle--- How appropriate, the arena takes the form of a giant, city-wide racetrack. Lights flash rapidly all over the place, making this the worst nightmare for energy-savers everywhere. The combatants stand at a starting line. The suited pegasus pony unfurls her wings. The hawk with shoes tosses up his board before it floats down for him to jump on. It lets out a slight whirring noise as it hovers just a few inches above the road. "3... 2... 1... GO!" The combatants rush out of the starting gate. They both burst through a couple of item jars that are in the way. Jet hovers through a trail of rings. Spitfire attaches her acquired spray can to a small metal brace on her right hoof. Both of them keep up their speed as they approach the first ramp. Spitfire flies along a low arc path as the slow motion camera zooms in just above her position. At that point in time, Jet performs a backflip while holding out his left hand. All of his fingers are curled except the middle one. Underneath her goggles, it can be seen that Spitfire simply lifts an eyebrow at Jet's action. At the next section of racetrack, the visual view returns them to their actual speeds. They rush around a corner in flashes of yellow and green. Suddenly, Jet pulls out a couple of giant leaves out of nowhere. He swats one of them against his opponent beside him. The unsuspecting pegasus is sent hurtling into an invisible barrier at the side of the track. "Bye!" hollers Jet before kicking against his Extreme Gear. "Gear change!" Something in the hoverboard flashes as Jet rides toward a yellow rail. With a light jump, he starts grinding along the rail to another section of the track. Meanwhile, Spitfire shakes off the pain. She taps her goggles in annoyance before flying off in a rush. Jet looks behind him. He is laughing to himself when he feels a tap on his shoulder. Confused, he turns his head to see an unamused Spitfire flapping her wings while moving backwards in front of him. Before the hawk can get out a startled squawk, the pegasus performs a spinning kick right into his beak. She follows up with a few quick jabs and a flying uppercut. Jet is sent soaring smack into a floating advertisement. His hoverboard ends up abandoned on the track. Satisfied for the moment, Spitfire zooms around the track for three complete laps. She then flies up to where Jet is groaning in pain. She shakes her right hoof before spraying the entire billboard with a new advertisement. The announcer is courteous enough to read it out loud for the audience. "SPITFIRE WAZ HERE!" ---Death Battle--- Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Jet may have a stronger choice of melee weapons, but that wasn't enough. Wo ho ho! Wah ha ha ha ha ha! Spitfire had twice as much speed, a broader experience in physical combat, and a much higher invulnerability level than Jet. Ha ha ha ha ha! She spelled "was" with a "Z"! Ah ha ha ha ha! The winner is Spitfire. ---Death Battle--- Next time on Death Battle... "But here I am, surrounded by death, arguing philosophy with terrorists." ---