//------------------------------// // Getting Your Hooves Filthy // Story: Appledashery // by Just Essay //------------------------------// “This isn't even h-half of it!” Trenderhoof stammered to speak above the sound of his clattering armor. “I've just recently ordered a ceremonial Pegasopolitan meditation gown!” “Uh huh,” Rainbow said, looking every which way as the two stumbled towards the far end of the party. “I spent most of the week reading up on cloud city lifestyle. I think it's absolutely fascinating how you pegasi commune with nature, as if you're the stewards of the earth and sky!” “Uh huh...” “And so I figured that this gown would be a first step! I mean... sure, I can't exactly sit on clouds, being a unicorn and all, but I imagine that I would look ravishing in such traditional garb, even more so if I had you sitting beside me in joint meditation, which is why I took it upon myself to order a second gown for—” “Yeah. Okay. Hey, Trenderhoof... uhm... honey,” Rainbow stammered, wincing. Trenderhoof's eyes sparkled. “Yes, Madame Firefly?” He leaned forward, his armor creaking. “My most radiant and lovely companion?” “Eeeeeeeh-yeahhhhh...” Rainbow recoiled slightly, clearing her throat. “Ahem. You see that moth-eaten bird thing over there?” “Hmmm?” Trenderhoof swiveled his helmet about so he could peer across the room. “Oh, you mean Baron von Claw?” “Yeah, that dude.” “What about him?” Trenderhoof grinned. “Let me guess, a former consort of yours? I read that over the past centuries the monarchs of bordering griffon and pegasi sky kingdoms have fraternized for the sake of diplomacy—” “No... I-I mean... Yes!” Rainbow grinned wide. “Yes, as a matter of fact, we both used to... d-date!” “Is that so?” “Er... yeah. His... uh... sister Gilda introduced us to each other. Ahem. As you can see, things didn't work out forever...” Trenderhoof stood rigidly with an iron frown. “Did he hurt you, my love?” “Uhh... no... but he always did have a gross misconception about pegasi in general.” Rainbow fidgeted in her dress. “If only somepony well read in the subject of pegasus culture could teach him a thing or two...” “Mmmm... yes...” Trenderhoof rubbed his fuzzy chin. “Yes, indeed.” A heroically evil smirk. “And who better to teach him right than the stallion who's properly won his former acquaintance's affection?” “Now that's thinking with your horn!” Rainbow grinned, then forcibly spun the stallion around. “What he needs is somepony super smart and super sweet to talk his eagle ears off!” She slapped his armored rear. Clang! “Go get 'em... uh... sweet cheeks?” “Heeee!” Trenderhoof marched gallantly across the apartment. “We have nicknames for each other alreadyyyyyyy!” As the stallion went forth on his “mission,” Rainbow Dash hovered backwards, exhaling with relief. “Whew. Now if I can just spend one friggin' minute in this minefield of a party without wandering into another familiar jackass.” She turned around and bumped muzzles with an old stallion. “Ooof!” The earth pony stumbled back, adjusted his gray mane, and blinked at the mare. “...Rainbow Dash.” “Buh?” Rainbow's pupils shrank. “How quaint.” A cold smile. “Fancy Pants said that you were here. I told him I didn't believe it until I saw it with my own eyes.” Rainbow's ears folded, as did her wing feathers. “Filthy... Rich...” she stammered. “A pleasure bumping into you,” he said with a slight bow. “And a pleasure to see you in such refinery too. I appreciate seeing fellow Ponyvilleans moving on up.” “Yes,” she grunted, eyes sharp as cold daggers. “I bet you do.” “To be perfectly honest, I was hoping I might... erm... have this opportunity,” Filthy said. “To speak with one of the marefriends so close to Granny Smith's granddaughter, that is. You see... it's not been easy to request an audience on my own.” “Jee,” Rainbow hissed out the side of her muzzle. “I wonder why that is.” “If you have a moment, there's something I've been meaning to get off my chest.” Rainbow could barely hear him through the sound of her own teeth gnashing together.