While the city may have been beautiful, the castle looked…trashed if ah do say so myself. Now ah could see what everythin’ was supposed to be like no problem. The damage wasn’t that bad and the place still filled me with awe, but it just felt wrong lookin’ at it in this condition. Like seein’ a supermodel after she got beat up in the back alley.
‘It’s just plain wrong.’
Ponies were as busy as bees in a hive, repairin’ the damage, be it broken windows to shattered tiles. Ah had to give it to the ponies who worked here. They worked fast. Already ah could see the damage start to disappear. They were quick and efficient. It almost reminded me of my own family workin’ on the farm. Ya know, what with raisin’ barns and all.
It still puzzles me why our barns never stay up for long. Ah’m not one to go blamin’ curses, but it sure seems like somepony put a curse upon any barn on our soil.
Anyhow, back to the matter at hoof. Since everypony was too busy fixin’ up the castle, the two of us had to find the princesses ourselves. Ah was happy that they weren’t screamin’ or runnin’ away from Discord, most likely because they were so used to him. Ah wasn’t happy about the thought of tryin’ to find my way around this place. A prospect ah was lookin’ forward too.
‘This place is massive! Ya could fit a fully grown dragon in these hallways.’
It might be that the princesses did invite dragons over now and again. It wouldn’t surprise me, given their lifespans and Celestia is quite the sociable goddess. Applejack just went on and on about how generous she can be.
That and ah met her once. My foreleg is still sore from tryin’ to best her at an hoof-wrestlin’ match. Kind of stupid of me to agree to it in the first place, but hey, ah wanted to take my mind off nails at the time.
‘Ah still do.’
Nails and ah haven’t mixed well since that certain fair day.
‘Course, now that ah was on the topic of curses and destruction, ah couldn’t help but ponder somethin’. That kind of stuff seems right up Discord’s alley. Ah didn’t want to assume it, ‘cause ah wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt. Hay, ah’m gonna let him date my sister, might as well.
But ah couldn’t help but wonder. He still liked to prank ponies and, if ah remember correctly, he made Princess Cadance’s trip to Ponyville a livin’ Tartarus. At least, that’s what Applejack said when she wasn’t sneezin’ from that curse the nasty varmint put on her. Blue aint a color for an Apple.
Ah turned to ask him, despite my gut tellin’ me he had nothin’ to do with this.
“I had nothing to do with this, big red,” Discord answered, before ah even opened my mouth. “I’ve been spending the last several hours trying to woo the alluring and awe-inspiring mare you know as Applejack. This damage is too fresh, not nearly an hour old. By the looks of it, I say it was made by accident.”
“How’d ya guess that?”
Discord stood up on his hind legs. Within the blink of an eye, he was wearin’ a plaid shirt, poofy white hair, and a pair of broken spectacles. On his side was a blackboard that hovered in the air with the words ‘disasters 101’.
“I am the leading expert on disaster, my colleague in pulling apples,” Discord’s grin turned malicious. “I know the sight and smells of disasters. No one better.” He smelled the air around him and his grin grew wider. “I am drawn to such chaos like flies to dead flesh…” Frownin’, he started pullin on his beard in thought, causin’ all his stuff to poof away…only to wind up on a nearby guardspony. “I don’t know where that analogy came from. I’m not exactly fond of flies. Too pesky for my line of work.” He smacked his lips. “They don’t taste that good, either.”
Cringin’, ah tried not to think about eatin’ flies. ‘The last thing ah need is to throw up on the royal carpets.’ Ah’m not squeamish by any means, but that’s not a pleasant thought either.
“But we can be rest assured that we have nothing to fear,” Discord chuckled to himself, like he just heard a funny joke.
Raisin’ an eyebrow, ah was gonna ask him what he found so funny. Again, ah was interrupted when Princess Luna came stormin’ around the corner and golly, did she look mad. Beside her was a dark bat pony mare. She wore a lighter version of the Lunar Guard's armor and her cutie mark was a strange one: an eye with a blue crescent moon and stars around it.
Now ah’m not an expert on bat ponies, and ah might be wrong, but she was rather pretty in a sense. What really grabbed me were her deep magenta eyes. They seem to capture one and never let go. Ah wasn’t crushin’ on her or anything like that. That’d be stupid, since ah don’t even know her. Ah was just appreciating a little beauty is all.
Said bat pony was smirkin’. “See something you like, big boy~” Her voice held a certain exotic flare to it. It was plain Equestrian, no doubt about it, but it made the hairs on the back of my neck raise.
But to answer her question, ah just rolled my eyes. Ah’ve dealt with enough mares, mostly Sweetcream Scoops, that were tryin’ to get me into bed. Ah didn’t need another one. She just chuckled.
“Ah, speak of the devil and she will appear,” Discord unbuckled himself from the cart and walked up to her on his hind legs. He was certainly doin’ his best to keep himself taller than Luna. Maybe he just liked her lookin’ up at him, or vice-versa. “Lulu, darling. You look simply smashing. Did you do something with your mane? Looks positively green, like the night sky.”
Luna didn’t even look up when her mane turned green.
Discord tapped his chin. “No, that’s grass. Silly me.” He snapped his fingers, fixin’ her mane. “I apologize. I never do take the time to look up at the night sky. Much too boring for my tastes.”
Luna growled. “Discord, what are you doing here?”
“Why, delivering some apples from Ponyville,” Discord bowed. “Only the best of the princesses.”
While he was praisin’ us, his tone seemed to mock Luna. It was obvious that she picked up on it.
“Knave, do you think yourself clever?”
“Yes,” Discord nodded. “Yes I do…Unless when it’s not funny, then I can be dumb as a brick.” To emphasis, he opened his skull and let a brick fall out. Thankfully, there weren’t any brains or anythin’ like that.
‘Ah wonder if he had one to begin with.’
Luna snorted in anger and frustration. “I have not time for your games, daemon.”
Discord raised an eyebrow and closed his head. “Why must you call me that, Lulu? I’m hurt.” He put a hand to his heart and ah could hear somethin’ shatter. “Daemon? Me? As if I could ever stoop so low as to be one of those cannon fodder.”
“Daemon or not you shall pay for what you have done,” Luna said.
Discord put his hands on his hips. “And what did I do this time? Certainly, I didn’t help you pick out your choice of make-up. It makes you look tacky.”
“I’m not wearing any make-up,” Luna sneered.
“My point still stands,” Discord crossed his arms.
Luna was shakin’ in rage and ah had to wonder if Discord had a death wish. Ah wanted to tell Discord to shut up. He was obviously walkin’ to his own death right now, but ah couldn’t. Ah was not gonna get myself in-between these two.
“Say, where is your delightful sister,” Discord’s head swiveled around like an owl before it came back to rest in its usual spot. “I don’t see her anywhere.”
“She is resting,” Luna looked away for a second. “We both have had a hard day, but that doesn’t matter.”
‘She’s lyin’.’ My inner lie detector went off in a sense, but again, ah kept my mouth shut. Callin’ her out wouldn’t be good for my health. Ah knew Luna well enough that she was the type of pony that let her emotions get the better of her. Like right now, for example.
“Do you know what happened to me when I woke up this morning?” Luna asked.
“You came to a ‘shocking’ realization?” Discord offered.
“Do you think turning my bed into a jellyfish is just some laughing matter?” Luna nearly roared, almost reaching Canterlot Voice levels.
“Honestly yes,” Discord shrugged.
Ah could literally see a vein in Princess Luna’s forehead about to burst with her frustration. “I’ve had enough of this.”
“Me too,” Discord held out a brown bag he pulled out from behind himself. “Cough up the bits and we’ll be on our way.”
Ah face-hooved. There was literally no way anyone could salvage this situation. Princess Luna was too angry. Discord was bein’ a jerk and lovin’ it and that bat pony was chowin’ on a mango, givin’ me a glance over. She even winked at me.
‘Mare, now is not the time for flirting gestures,’ ah thought with aggravation. ‘Seriously, what is up with mares? Ah am not that handsome.’
“No,” Luna said. “You shall not be on your way, knave. You shall be here where I can finally put you out of my misery.”
“Isn’t me leaving doing the same thing?” Discord asked.
Luna didn’t say anything. She just lit her horn and two dark blades shimmered into existence. They were both long-sword, big enough to carve a pony easily. “If you value your life, I’d suggest you run.”
Discord just rolled his eyes and yawned. “Lucky for you, I don’t value my life,” he quickly ducked, avoidin’ a swing from one of her blades. He came back up, lookin’ scared out of his mind. “Scratch that, I do.” With not another word, he bolted.
Luna turned her glare to me. “Accomplice, why do you not run?”
“What?” Both me and the bat pony said at the same time.
“You were working with Discord, yes?” Luna said.
“Eyup,” ah said, without thinkin’. Ah honestly was payin’ too much attention to her swords.
“Then you must share his fate,” Luna sighed. “A pity, really. You were such a fine stallion.”
My eyes widened. ‘Is this happenin’? Is this really happenin’?’
When Luna poised her blades for another strike, ah did the only thing ah could think of right then and there.
Ah turned tail and ran. “EENNOOOOPE!”
__________________________________________________________________________________
*Night Watch*
I couldn’t help but sigh as I watched that hunky stallion run for his life. It was so cute seeing him so scared. Of course, I was a bit scared myself. When Princess Luna gets into one of her moods, you don’t want to cross her. And now that sexy farmer did so, even inadvertently.
Turning my head, I spied my princess who was just standing completely still.
“Are you really doing this?” I asked.
“They shall know to fear the dark,” Luna growled. She turned to me, causing me to back away due to her glare. “Trust me, my young guard. I shall not kill them. No, they shall wish they had fallen on my blades before I am done this day.”
“Isn’t that a bit…harsh?”
Luna just raised an eyebrow. “Harsh? Neigh, this is not harsh. If I were to be harsh, they would be nothing but mere smears on the walls. Smears that can be washed away in time.”
“But I don’t think the farmer….”
Luna cut me off. “If the farmer survives this, you may claim him as your mate. I myself have considered him to be a virile male. Perhaps we shall share him.”
I blushed. ‘Sharing a guy with the princess?’ I didn’t know whether I found that hot or terrifying. I’ll just call this feeling scaroused.
“But that is for later,” Luna turned her attention to a nearby maid. “Take these apples to the royal chef. Tell him to make enough for our guard.”
“What shall I tell him to make, Your Highness?” The maid gulped, trembling in Luna’s presence.
“I care not,” Luna snorted. “Just tell him to make something.”
The maid jumped in fright from the barking tone Luna used and ran to find somepony willing to pull the apples.
I groaned. Me and the rest of the Lunar Guard have been trying to make Luna more sociable and nice. While that was true most of the time these days, she sometimes relapsed. Like right now for example.
“Ready yourself, Night Watch,” Luna reared back on her hind legs. “The game is ahoof.” Grinning like a madmare, she took off.
I sighed once more. “Here we go again.” I took off after my mad princess.