//------------------------------//
// Mother-shit-fuck 
// Story: Potty Mouth 
// by oakscreator123 
//------------------------------//

	Twilight wished that she'd owned an acoustic guitar. She also wishes she knew how to play the guitar. She also took a moment to contemplate how it was possible for any hornless pony to play an instrument based entirely upon coordination of some variety of opposable digits on the strings of a guitar. She put that on the mental checklist in the back of her head for things to research about ponykind. Also on the list was how hornless ponies wrote with their mouths, how Applejack grabbed apples, why ponies say everypony, why nearly every village, town, city, municipality, territory, and region of any kind was a word containing a piece of equine jargon.
But she should not think about that right now. It would mess up her entire schedule of things to contemplate if she contemplated them at the wrong place, at the wrong time, in the wrong order.
Twilight finally rose from her mattress, and began to walk downstairs. She noticed that she had wasted a considerable amount of seconds in her room, which ultimately ruined her schedule so much, she wouldn't be able to have lunch with Rarity next Tuesday.
"Spike! Cancel my lunch with Rarity next fucking Tuesday!"
Twilight immediately covered up her mouth with her fore hooves, realizing the evil, cursed, mind-bendingly corrupting vulgarity she had just uttered. The word had escaped her muzzle, and she felt nothing but shame for exposing an impressionable young dragon like Spike to such foul language.
Twilight lowered her hooves and uttered one simple, regretful, apologetic word to herself.
"Fuck."
She covered up her mouth again.
Twice!
Twilight had never felt the need for such unladylike and vulgar language, so why could she not stop spurting it out like a water faucet that swore?
"What the fucking shit stained ring finger is wrong with my stupid ass mouth?"
At this point, Twilight decided that covering her mouth would be a futile effort. She simply hung her head in shame and briefly continued trotting forward when she noticed that Spike was standing at the bottom of the stairway, staring at his potty-mouthed sister figure like Pinkie Pie staring at (and drooling over) a delicious cake, fresh out of the oven.
"Spike.. eh heh...so...you were standing right there the whole fucking time?"
Spike did not budge. Or acknowledge that she was speaking. He just simply continued to stare. Only after several uncomfortable seconds of Spike staring in confusion at Twilight, he finally opened his mouth to speak.
"T-Twilight... are you okay?"
"No, you stupid piece of shit. I'm not o-fucking-kay. My damn fucking mouth is more dirty than Rarity's whorish daddy milk filled mouth!"
Spike's jaw quickly returned to its resting place underneath his upper jaw (even though I'm about 50% sure that the bottom jaw has no real natural resting place) and he proceeded to close his eyes and take a deep breath. He patiently exhaled, opened his eyes, and turned away from Twilight and continued over to the window.
"Sp-fuck-ike?" said Twilight gently, but not that gently, because she just dropped the F-bomb. "Are you okay, you damn piece of shit?"
Spike did not acknowledge her speaking. Instead, he unlatched the locks on the window, and slowly lifted the window up. He took a deep breath of fresh air after sticking his head out of the window.
Then he vomited.
Twilight had never seen a dragon puke before, but interestingly enough, they still exhale a great, majestic flame when they do. Spike still lost his breakfast though. And his dinner from the night before. And his lunch from yesterday afternoon. And his breakfast from the previous morning.
And everypony knows what dragons eat.
Spike, grunting in intense pain and also vomiting from utter disgust, just continued to puke and puke a slimy goo with a disgusting yellow-brown hue, as well as several beautiful jewels. Sapphires, amethysts, rubies, emeralds, you name it, he was losing it all out of the window, and there was nothing he could do about it. Because every time he tried to stop vomiting, he remembered why he was vomiting, and kept vomiting. 
It didn't help that he could see a white unicorn approaching Twilight's castle from a little ways away. 
A white unicorn who, not even a day ago, was the pinnacle of beauty, the epitome of elegance, the definition of grace.
A white unicorn who, according to Twilight, sucked lots of horse cock.
Rarity approached the baby dragon, who was still uncontrollably puking up a shit ton of precious stones.
"Spike..."
Spike suddenly stopped with all of his whiny puke-y bullshit, and just stared at her...mouth. In horror, by the way.
"Are you okay, my de–"
"GET AWAY FROM MEEEEEEE–"
Spike's scream of horror and disgust was cut short by more whiny puke-y bullshit, which he promptly released all over Rarity's perfectly clean face, flawlessly coiffed mane, and blemish-free white coat.
Oh, also, he was still puking fire at the same time, so he burned the shit out of her too.
Rarity, who would usually be staring in disgust at this point, was instead screaming and running around in pain and agony, because Spike just puked slimy jewels and breathed fire on her, but she was mostly screaming and running around in pain and agony because he just breathed fire on her.
Rarity panicked and just shrieked whilst rolling around on the dirt, "SOMEPONY HEEELP MEEE!!!" Her screams of pain reached the highest possible pitch in Rarity's range, and they reached the optimum volume that a pony could speak at (you can ask Princess Luna about that last one, she'll tell you I'm not lying) and Rarity was now orally delivering something much less satisfying than the things that she usually delivered orally.
Glass-shattering, decibel-blasting, eardrum-breaking screams of pain that could be heard as far away as the Castle of the Two Sisters.
Her screams could also be heard from the streets that she was lying in agony a few feet from. There were also a shit ton of ponies walking on the streets and somehow completely ignoring Rarity's obvious pain.
"WHY WON'T ANYPONY HELP MEEEEEEEEEEEEE!?!?"
Still, no one even bothered to acknowledge her existence.
A couple minutes later than what would have been appropriate, Twilight teleported out of the castle and recreated herself next to Rarity, who was still on fire. Twilight opened her mouth to speak, and then remembered that her potty mouth is, by association, basically the reason that Rarity was on fire. Twilight, who was running out of options to help her fashionable flaming friend, simply just stared at Rarity with a determined expression.
She was determined to figure out what she would be determined to do to help Rarity.
"TWILIGHT, PLEASE! I'M BEGGING YOU! I'M SORRY IF I DID SOMETHING TO UPSET YOU BEFORE, BUT EVEN IF I DID, I DON'T DESERVE SUCH A TERRIBLE FATE!"
Twilight, much like Spike had done to her earlier, just continued determinedly glaring at Rarity.
Rarity was now crying, believing that this was the day that she would die, the day she would meet her fiery fate and be no more. Tears flowed from her eyes and slid down her charred white cheeks, until they hit the dirt that she was dying on. After a few seconds, a little puddle formed that slowly moved towards Twilight's hoof.
Oh, she was also crying because Twilight's "determined" expression is a deranged smile paired with a scrunched-up nose and narrow, glaring eyes.
"Twilight... how could you be so cruel to me..?"
This heartbreaking, tearjerking, mind-blowing scene was completely disregarded by the townsfolk, who walked past a flaming Rarity and a deranged Twilight without a care in the world.
Suddenly, a light bulb spontaneously appeared atop Twilight's horn, and her deranged grin quickly changed into a proud beaming smile.
She turned away from Rarity, walked a few steps, and opened her mouth to speak.
"SOMEONE FUCKING HELP THIS STUPID BITCH!"
Twilight's face then turned very satisfied at the hundreds of ponies staring at her, shock, confusion, and anger displayed on their faces. She turned back and forth, seeing many ponies covering up the ears of their foals to protect their young minds from the foul language that had just escaped their princess's mouth.
"NOW!"
Ponies ran frantically in every direction on the dirt roads, all returning with buckets of wa–



"Grandpa."
The elderly human man, storybook in hand, reading glasses adorned upon his wrinkled white face, hair white and full as ever, looked up, a friendly wise grin conquering his face. In his arms, he cradled a storybook. The cover of the thick-ish book had a picture of Twilight Sparkle's head, and underneath it sported a few words, boldly and proudly.




My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic


POTTY MOUTH

Staring back at the elderly man was a much smaller, much younger boy, with brown hair and a stupid looking bowl haircut, wearing pajamas donning little pictures of Pinkie Pie all over them. The boy, in a very high voice, opened his mouth and inhaled impatiently.
"Why didn't Twilight just use a spell to make it so Rarity wasn't on fire anymore?"
Also, he was 15 years old.
"I don't know, Timothy, why are you a stupid gay pony loving faggot piece of shit?"
The childish teenager looked down at his pajamas dejectedly and shamefully.
The old man was still wearing the same proud, friendly smile as he stared at his grandson whose sexuality and pony enthusiasm he just insulted.
"That's what I thought, ponyfucker. Now, why don't you shut your fucking mouth so I can finish this gay ass story?"



She was staring at Rarity, who was lying completely bandaged in the hospital bed, unconscious.
"Rarity... I'm so sorry I fucking did this to you."
The heart monitor to the left of the hospital bed continued beeping in regular intervals, as Twilight looked down at Rarity's charred body in guilt and shame, mentally preparing herself for a solemn apology.



"Grandpa."
"What the fuck do you want, Billy?"
"I think you skipped a couple parts. Weren't we just at the part where Ponyville was about to save Rar–"
"Shut the fuck up, Samuel. I'll start wherever I damn well please. Now, go fuck yourself, or maybe you can fuck your gay ass Pink Pie bullshit fuck toy over there instead, I don't care, just shut your little whore mouth."
"..."
"Okay, Daniel, now.. where were we? Ahem–"



–as Twilight looked down at Rarity's charred body in guilt and shame, mentally preparing herself for a solemn apology.
"Rarity.. you piece of shit. I'm so fucking sorry I did this to your stupid ass.. I swear, I'll make it up to your bitch ass somehow, you fucking slut... I didn't want all of this bullshit to happen..."
Twilight's eyes began to fill with tears and she began to stutter and sniffle at random intervals.
"I didn't ask for this bullshit curse.. but I guess you usually don't with fucking curses, eh?" Twilight giggled a little, all while still crying. "I will use this stupid ass power... for the greater fucking good. I swear on your fucking whore mouth.. you cunt." She paused for a moment.
"I don't know what is fucking happening to me.. I'm hoping this is some gay ass bullshit dream and I'm going to wake up from it soon..my psyche is aching with guilt right fucking now, but who am I to pretend I have it so damn bad when I caused you to light on fucking fire and almost let your glamorous ass burn to fucking death?"
Rarity did not move an inch, but Twilight was certain that she was listening intently.
"I caused my fucking baby dragon best friend messenger assistant brother son thing to lose his shit all over you, he vomited so much, I thought his stomach would im-fucking-plode. I felt pretty damn bad about the whole shitty thi–"
Twilight had an epiphany, which would cause her apology to be cut short.
"Shit."
Twilight gave Rarity's unconscious body one last hug and grabbed her saddle bag off of the desk next to Rarity's hospital bed.
"Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit!"
She sprinted through the halls, down the stairs, which were reserved for emergencies like fires, but she just got done visiting her friend that was on fire, so that was close enough. But she knew she'd have to send an apology letter to the hospital later for taking advantage of their emergency fire stairs so cruelly and thoughtlessly.
"Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit!"
Running was out of the question at this point. Twilight broke from her polite jog into a full sprint and rushed through the double doors to the hospital, at which point she swiftly catapulted herself into the air and began to fly full speed ahead towards her castle.
"Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit!"
Shit no longer sounded like a word, and the author briefly believed he had just developed dyslexia, because seriously, when you read and type the word "shit" repeatedly, it starts to look like it says "siht."
"Fuck."
Twilight had arrived at her library, finding exactly what she was hoping that she wouldn't find.
Her baby dragon buddy, lying unconscious in a nasty puddle of boiling vomit and jewels.
"Fuck shit fuck shit fuck shit fuck shit!"
Twilight picked him up, much too worried to even care that he was covered in vomit, and put him on her back and flew as fast as she could back through the double doors and up to the front desk, at which point she used her Royal Canterlot Voice to get somepony's attention.
"Somepony come out here and fix my fucking baby dragon!"
As if on cue, four pegasi nurses came from different directions towards Twilight, nabbed Spike, and flew him as fast as possible to a hospital room. Twilight swiftly followed.



"Princess, I have good news and bad news."
"Give it to me straight as fuck, Doctor."
The doctor was about to ask why he was just cursed at, but decided it wasn't important enough to keep Twilight waiting about Spike.
"The good news is, Spike is going to come out of this okay. He'll just need some treatment and some time."
Twilight nodded to reassure the doctor that she was listening.
"The bad news is, he's overheated his internal oven and, after his vomiting fit, he's suffering from some minor malnutrition."
Twilight blinked. "His internal fucking oven? What's that?"
The doctor looked away from Spike and locked his eyes on Twilight's.
"The internal oven is what allows fire-breathing creatures to, well, breathe fire. It houses the organ system that creates fire breath and encases the heat so that the rest of Spike's innards don't burst into flames. When a dragon uses it too much, it can cause some extreme damage."
Twilight gasped. "Is he gonna be oh-fucking-kay?"
"Yes, he will be safe, as I stated earlier..."
"Oh, thank fucking good–"
"–but he won't be able to breathe fire for a very long time. Probably a couple months."
"Oh, my fuck. That sounds bad."
A nurse walked past Spike's hospital room and let out a quick whistle to gain Twilight's attention.
"Hate to do this to ya, Princess, but visiting hours were over a while ago. You're gonna have to leave soon, mkay?"
Twilight nodded. She thanked the nurse in a very crude manner, and wrapped things up with the doctor within a few seconds. She began to approach the doorway to leave Spike's hospital room.
Before leaving, though, Twilight turned her head around once more and looked at Spike, her face awash with guilt, sadness, and worry.
"Please...please be okay..."
A single tear left her eye.
"...you motherfucker."