Pinkie frowned at the new development. "How are we gonna get past them?"
They thought for a few minutes before Derpy had a breakthrough. "I've got it!" she gasped.
"Well, tell us!" Joe said.
"I can fly over them!"
"Good thinking!" Pinkie cheered.
Derpy flapped her wings and took off. As soon as she left the crowd and crossed the empty zone, a pegasus guard rose to smack her back down. She spiraled back into the crowd as the guard returned to formation.
"Ow!" she complained with swirls in her eyes.
"Looks like things won't be that easy," said Pinkie. "Maybe if we just walk by really slowly… they won't notice us?"
Pinkie decided to test her theory. She sauntered forward, muttering, "Muffin." She attempted to move to the side, where there was a tiny gap between the army and the wall. She was violently shoved back into the crowd by the nearest guard.
"Aww sprinkles!" she whined.
"What should we try next?" asked Derpy. "This is the only way to get near the princesses. We can't break in from the rear windows… they're way too reinforced!"
"How you know that?" Joe asked.
"I've… crashed into them… on numerous occasions," Derpy admitted with a bashful smile.
"Me… Me thinks me has an idea," said Joe. He reached into his outfit's pocket and pulled out three large cotton muffins. The insides of the muffins were hollow; there was an opening in the bottom which had enough space for an adult pony to fit in.
"Joe? What are you doing? We might get swarmed by the ponies!" Pinkie panicked.
"No. Is okay. Look!" Joe waved a hoof at the guards and the surrounding ponies. "They don't attack muffins!"
Joe was right. The ponies remained oblivious to the large muffins.
"I guess their attention is focused on the one and only Muffin, and not the other generic ones," thought Pinkie.
"Where did you get these?" asked Derpy as Joe handed him a muffin.
"Me think me made them while me was crazy," Joe admitted, rubbing the back of his head. "Let's get in them and sneak to front!"
"If we do manage to get close, should we snatch Muffin then make a break for it?" Derpy asked.
"Hmm… I think I have a plan," said Pinkie. She gestured for them to come towards her. "Come here guys, I'll tell you my idea and we'll take it from there."
And so Pinkie told the two her plan. They both agreed that it was the best chance they had.
"Alright guys, Operation Muffin Evacuation is a go," Pinkie whispered as she slipped under her muffin cover. Derpy and Joe did the same.
At a snail's pace, they moved forward in their muffin disguises. One muffin hugged the right wall, while the other two hugged the left wall. It was proceeding smoothly, until the muffin on the right bumped into a guard.
It was Derpy. She jumped as she realized her mistake. Joe and Pinkie continued moving, unaware of Derpy's situation.
"Oh no…" she whimpered as the guard she'd bumped into looked down at her. He stopped chanting, and bent forward, staring straight in Derpy's derped eyes through the eye cutouts in her disguise.
The guard stepped closer, and placed his hooves on the muffin disguise.
"OH NO OH NO OH NO!" Derpy wanted to scream, but she couldn't catch her breath.
The guard took a bite of the costume, swallowed, then went back into formation.
Derpy laid on the floor for a minute to compose herself before continuing forward. She climbed the steps onto the raised platform where the thrones were situated. Joe and Pinkie were in position, waiting for her arrival.
Directly in front of the princesses.
Joe was on Luna's side, to the left. Pinkie was on Celestia's side, to the right. They were both within hoof's reach of the princesses. Derpy was in-between them, facing the tall pedestal.
Pinkie and Joe slowly rotated their muffins to look at Derpy, who'd give the signal to begin.
Derpy shook her muffin five times.
Joe threw a rock from under his muffin. It went between the thrones and collided with the back wall. It was loud enough for the princesses to hear, but not the guards.
Luna slowly turned her head to the noise, her eyes twitching and her face smiling all the way. Celestia's head immediately snapped toward the exact location where the rock impacted, neck cracking as she did so. She fixed the wall with a death stare.
Derpy moved quickly. She deftly snatched Muffin from his pedestal. Pinkie immediately replaced Muffin with a doppelgänger. No less than a second after Pinkie'd retracted her hoof, both the princess's heads snapped back. They scanned the entire space around them, but found nothing suspicious. They reassumed their twisted facial expressions as the three muffins slowly backed away.
Derpy tripped and fell halfway down the stairs, nearly falling out of her disguise. Luckily she was below the princess's line of sight. Joe and Pinkie were much more careful, and descended slowly. Once they were at the bottom, where no pony could see them, Derpy knocked off Muffin's crown and handed him over to Joe so he could hide him in his pocket. They continued on their way, slipping past the guards and making their way into the crowd. Once they wear hidden in the crowd, they ditched their disguises.
"We did it!" Derpy cheered, throwing her hooves in the air and smiling wide. "Pass me Muffin, Joe. I want to hug him forever!"
Joe smiled wide and reached into his pocket, but Pinkie stopped him. "I'm excited too, Derpy," agreed Pinkie, "but we're not in the clear yet. Keep your cool and let's get outta here first. It's too risky to pull him out here."
Derpy nodded. The trio began making their way out of the room. Their plan was to hide away with Muffin till the princesses returned to normal. Hopefully, once the princesses were cured, every pony else would follow suit.
"We are goooood," Joe bragged as they continued on their way out.
"Attention everypony!" boomed Celestia with the Royal Canterlot Voice. "It is time for your regularly scheduled Muffin worship!"
The trio warily turned around, curious as to what exactly the princess was up to. "That sounds ominous," Pinkie worried out loud.
Princess Luna's horn glowed, her magic raising Fake Muffin from his pedestal, and levitating him high in the center of the throne room.
Everpony's gaze followed, as if nothing mattered but Muffin, which was most likely the case to them.
"Do you accept I, Princess Celestia, as Muffin Overlord?" she boomed.
All eyes turned towards her. "Muffin!" responded the crowd.
At this point, Derpy, Joe, and Pinkie had decided to hasten their exit. They chorused with the crowd as well to avoid suspicion.
"Do you accept I, Princess Luna, as Muffin Overlord?" Luna boomed.
All eyes turned towards her. "Muffin!"
Together, both princesses said, "Do you accept Muffin as Supreme Muffin Overlord?"
"MUFFIN!"
"And now, it is time for the muffin communion!" Luna said as she brought Fake Muffin back to her. She handed him over to Celestia, who broke off a minute piece, as to preserve Fake Muffin's being.
The trio turned back around, genuinely interested in the crazy antics of the princesses.
"This is the crust and filling of Muffin, which is shed for you," she said with the piece in her left hoof. "We honor and worship his being, we strive to follow his crusty example! It is our hope that by living a righteous, muffiny existence, we may forgo our pony bodies, and reach the ultimate nirvana of becoming muffins! We shall guide you on this great journey!"
Pinkie leaned over to whisper. "Wow. This is getting weird."
"I like the nirvana part," Derpy said.
"Why can't they become doughnuts?" Joe inquired. "There no equality here."
Luna broke off her own tiny piece and held it in her right hoof. Using her magic, she replaced Fake Muffin on the pedestal in all his righteous glory. "Let us now give thanks!"
Both the princesses ate the tiny pieces while the crowd bowed down before them.
"Quick! Bow!" instructed Pinkie. "We might get caught otherwise!"
Derpy and Joe quickly did as told. The three of them bowed side by side in the thick of the crowd.
The princesses chewed for a few seconds before spitting out the offensive material.
"WHAT IS THIS SACRILEGIOUS GARBAGE?" screamed Luna in the Royal Canterlot Voice.
Derpy, Pinkie, and Joe all jumped in fright. The crowd rose in confusion. They said, "Muffin?" amongst themselves.
"Looks like they found out," Pinkie whispered, shaking in fear.
"Pinkie! You say that that was exact copy of Muffin!"Joe harshly whispered.
"I didn't think they would actually taste it!" Pinkie answered. "Besides, do you know how hard it was to create the perfection that is Muffin? It took me forever to get the right muffin to frosting ratio!"
"Guys… I'm scared," Derpy whimpered. "Muffin's scared too… I can hear him."
"Calm down, calm down," Joe whispered to them both.
The princesses rose from their thrones, anger plain on their expressions.
"Who dares commit such a vile act against the Muffin Overlords?" called out Celestia. She nodded towards Luna, who nodded in return. The two princesses took to the skies over the crowd.
"No pony move a muscle! We shall find this perpetrator, and he or she will be made an example of!" Luna said. "Guards! Secure the exit!"
A section of the army broke off and moved towards the throne room's exit doors. They walked straight past Joe. They shoved the nearby worshippers out of the way, making room to close the exit doors.
"Disguises. Now."
The trio slowly donned their disguises. They managed to do so without being detected.
"Let's hope this work agains," Derpy whispered.
The princesses watched as the doors closed. Once they were, Celestia's horn lit up.
"What is she doing?" Pinkie asked.
"It doesn't look good," Derpy answered.
Celestia sniffed the air around her. After a few seconds, her face took on a triumphant expression. She flapped her way over towards the muffins in the crowd. The crowd dissipated around her and watched on as she landed, leaving her standing directly in front of three muffins.
"Hmm?" she hummed. "I could've sworn it was here."
Luna landed nearby. "What is wrong, sister?"
"I detected Muffin's scent from this exact spot… but I don't see him anywhere…"
"Most curious indeed," commented Luna. "Keep searching this area."
Luna broke off to search elsewhere, while Celestia circled the area around the three muffins. Her horn glowing, she sniffed the area around them. Unable to find anything worth noting, she sighed in anger and frustration.
Derpy sneezed from under her muffin.
Celestia immediately shot over towards the muffin, fixing it with a cold glare. She stared right at Derpy's eyes through the cutouts. After a few intense minutes of staring, she sighed and shook her head.
"Hmmph. Must've been my imagination."
Pinkie's stomach growled from under her muffin.
Celestia moved over towards the noise, the muffin in the middle. She began poking it, prodding it, before she finally managed to lift it. She peeked under, but didn't see anything at all.
"I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE GUYS!" Joe cried out from under his muffin. He madly threw it off, hitting Celestia in the side with it, and made a beeline straight for the closed doors. He bowled past the guards, and banged on the door, screaming, "Open up! Help! Somepony help us!"
Pinkie and Derpy could only stare on like fishes from under their disguises.
"NONBELIEVER!" accused Celestia, who'd been joined by Luna. "Guards! Seize him!"
The guards surrounded Joe, preparing to pounce. Joe looked around frantically looking for a way out. He saw no such opportunity. Right before they moved in, Joe reached into his pocket and pulled out Muffin.
"Stay back! Me is armed!" He shouted, waving Muffin about like a flaming torch. The guards immediately backed away and bowed in submission, saying, "Muffin."
"YOU DARE HOLD SUPREME OVERLORD MUFFIN? YOU SHALL SUFFER FOR YOUR TRANSGRESSION!" shouted Celestia and Luna. Their horns glowed and they both shot a magical blast at Joe. Joe quickly dodged the attack, keeping Muffin firmly held. The blast collided with the heavy throne room doors and knocked them off their ancient hinges. The nearby ponies scrambled to get away from the danger.
"Derpy! Now's our chance! Let's beat it!"
Pinkie and Derpy removed their disguises and threw them, managing to cover Celestia's and Luna's faces. They galloped full speed to meet Joe by the fallen doors.
"What now?" asked Derpy.
"I dunno!" Pinkie panicked. "We're in serious trouble here!"
At that point, the princesses had managed to remove the muffins from their faces. They took to the skies and made their way towards the trio.
Derpy took notice. "Joe! Quick! Hand me Muffin!" Joe did as told. "Let's move, guys!"
Derpy led the way, with Pinkie and Joe running behind. The crowd parted before them, bowing as they galloped past.
Celestia and Luna landed ahead of them, cutting them off.
"I'm sorry, princess, but you leave me no choice!" Pinkie shouted as she threw a spinach cupcake at Celestia's face. She cried out in pain, sinking to the ground momentarily. Joe threw a brussel sprout donut at Luna, which had no effect.
"I LIKE BRUSSEL SPROUTS!" Luna shouted.
"Run!" Derpy cried as she took off in a new direction. Pinkie had managed to buy them some time: Luna paused to help her sister recover.
"This isn't going to work!" panted Pinkie as they ran. "They can literally sniff us out; we can't hide!"
"That don't mean we stop running!" Joe argued.
They soon met a dead end. The nearby ponies scuttled away as the princesses landed behind them.
"Nowhere to run now, my little muffins!" laughed a crazed Celestia. There was a green stain on her coat left behind by the spinach.
Pinkie threw another cupcake. Celestia caught it in her magical grasp and redirected it.
"I'm hit!" Pinkie cried out, falling down as she clutched her chest.
"Pinkie!" cried Derpy and Joe. The princesses watched in twisted amusement as Derpy rushed to find a sugar packet for Pinkie. She managed to do so, and poured it over the wound.
"Surrender now, and your suffering shall be quick," said Luna. "Resist any further, and I shall personally torture you all myself."
"Psst, Derpy. Hand me muffin," Pinkie whispered, trying not to move her mouth. Derpy did as asked. In a flash, Pinkie placed Muffin on the ground next to her, whipped out her party cannon, and aimed it straight at Muffin.
"Don't move, or crusty boy gets fried!" She threatened.
Luna and Celestia sank to the ground momentarily, shocked at the turn of events. Celestia then smiled as she stood back up and levitated Muffin towards her.
"Cheater!" Pinkie cried.
Joe's horn lit up as he wrestled Celestia's magic for the muffin. Luna's horn lit up, as she attempted to join in and assist Celestia.
"Not on my watch!" Derpy shouted as she fearlessly tackled Luna to the ground. Her effort was futile, as Celestia easily overpowered Joe. She pumped her powerful wings, leaving the ground in a flash.
Luna threw Derpy off. She shouted above towards her sister. "Return Supreme Overlord Muffin to his pedestal, sister. I shall handle these savages!"
Celestia nodded and slowly began flying away.
By the time she looked down, Pinkie had her party cannon aimed straight at her. The fuse was already lit.
"Fire!"
A sticky bubblegum net launched straight at Luna, who'd been caught by surprise. The net caught her and stuck her against the building behind her. Her horn glowed as she attempted to pry off the substance, but it was too tough.
"Sister! I need help!" Luna screamed, thrashing about.
Celestia turned around mid-flight, a panicked look on her face. She was by Luna's side in seconds.
"Sister! Don't worry, I'll get you out of her. The heretics shall pay." She said as her horn started to glow.
"Look out!" Luna cried.
Celestia turned around, but like Luna, was too late. She too was struck by a ridiculously sticky bubblegum net. She dropped Muffin as she flew backwards, becoming entangled with Luna in a big, pink mess. They both thrashed about, completely helpless.
"We did it!" Pinkie cheered, throwing confetti as Derpy picked up Muffin and gave him a big kiss.
"Oh Muffin… I missed you so much… I can't wait to take you home so we can get back to a normal, happy life. Hmm… what's that Muffin?"
Derpy paused and placed her ear towards Muffin, laughing and laughing.
"Oh Muffin, you don't need to tell me that," Derpy giggled. "I know how much you love me."
"Don't forget me! I helped!" Pinkie butted in.
"Me three! Me three!" said Joe.
Derpy laughed as her friends crowded around her and Muffin, laughing and cheering.
"Let's get outta here and go home, we still have to wait until this situation's over," said Derpy.
"I'll throw us a Welcome Back Muffin party!" said Pinkie.
"I'll bring lots o' doughnuts!" Joe added in. "I bring board games too!"
As they turned to go, a sizzling noise could be heard behind them.
"What's that?" Pinkie inquired as she turned around.
They turned and gaped at Celestia. Her coat was glowing a very bright white. Heat waves could be seen around her as the bubblegum holding her in place melted. She broke free, and so did Luna, their prison having completely melted away.
"Now, where were we?" Celestia grinned. "I was enjoying this little game before…but now I'm just getting angry!"
"No! Me thought we finished this! Joe cried, falling on his backside and scrambling backwards.
"Muffin… I love you," said Derpy as the trio backed away. "What's that? You want to talk? I can't right now, Muffin, we're about to be turned into mush."
"D-does he have a plan?" Pinkie stuttered as she reached for her cannon. Celestia grabbed said cannon in her magic, crumpled it, and tossed it to the side, where it landed in a garbage bin.
"If we make it through this, Muffin, we're going to have a serious talk about the right place and the right time for things," Derpy said to Muffin, still backing away. She held him towards his ear, and listened to what he had to tell her. A few seconds later, she gasped, looking at Muffin like he was crazy. Her breathing became ragged, and tears were in her eyes. "No… NO! M-muffin… I can't… I-I can't do that!"
"What's wrong?" Pinkie asked.
"Muffin, I can't do that! I love you! You're like my child…" Tears were streaming down Derpy's face at this point.
"How cute, the heretic believes she is worthy of hearing Supreme Overlord's sacred words," commented a snickering Luna.
The trio backed into a wall.
"Me can't die! Me haven't kissed a mare yet!" Joe complained.
Derpy held Muffin to her head one last time. She sighed, and nodded her head in resignation. She wiped her tears, then gave Muffin one final kiss, and a warm embrace.
"Derpy… what are you thinking?"
"Trust me on this, guys," Derpy said to Joe and Pinkie. "Just go along with it." They nodded to show their understanding.
The princesses grinned as their horns began to glow, prepping a powerful spell.
"Any last words, my little soon-to-be-dead muffins?" Celestia mocked, her eye twitching like crazy.
"Yes!" Derpy cried. "We surrender! You can have Muffin!"
The glowing died down. "It is good that you saw reason," said Luna. "We shall reward your compliance: Instead of being killed, we shall imprison you three together for life in the dungeons."
"Derpy? What are you doing?" Pinkie panicked.
"Shhh! Remember what I said earlier?" Derpy reminded her.
"Your friend has accepted her fate," said Celestia. "I suggest you do the same."
Derpy held out Muffin in her hoof. Celestia grinned victoriously, and began moving her hoof to take it.
In a flash, Derpy retracted her hoof and took a huge bite out of Muffin. The princesses' jaws dropped comically.
"HOLY GUACA—" Derpy interrupted Pinkie by shoving another huge bite into Pinkie's mouth. She did the same to Joe. The three of them had completely finished Muffin.
The princesses' eyes watched on as a crumb fell from Derpy's mouth, and onto the ground. She maintained a solemn expression all the while.
"Deeeelicous!" shouted Joe after he swallowed Muffin, wiping his mouth clean with a smile.
"Joe, we just ate Muffin," Pinkie said matter-of-factly.
"Whoops, sorry," he grinned. "He was really tasty though!" Pinkie smiled and shook her head. Derpy flashed a little smile too, unable to resist.
The princesses continued to stare on for a few seconds before Celestia shook her head and regained composure. "Y-you three… ate him. You ate our Supreme Overlord…"
"What do we do, sister?" asked a baffled Luna.
"I… I must consult the holy scriptures," replied Celestia. She reached into her mane and pulled out a dark, black book. It was filled with her ramblings, praises and startling revelations about Muffin, which she'd began writing after she was afflicted. Luna peeked over her shoulder.
"Um, should we go?" asked Pinkie.
"It's the only thing we can do… so I guess we should," answered Derpy.
They slowly turned around and began tiphoofing away.
"We're not done with you three, don't move," warned Luna, her horn glowing threateningly.
They gulped and slowly turned back around.
"Here," said Celestia, gesturing for Luna to read, "chapter five, verse two, lines twenty two through twenty five."
Luna read slowly. "Muffin does not die, for he is Muffin. His glory shall not be ruined, his flame shall not wither, his spirit will not be broken. Though his crust may be damaged or faded, he will persevere. He is Muffin. Muffin is Supreme Overlord. Muffin is life." She finished reading. "So what does this mean, sister?"
"It means, Luna, that Muffin has not perished; he lives on! His will shall be carried out through the vessels which he now embodies! For his glory shall not be ruined, his flame shall not wither, and his spirit will not be broken!"
"I can't believe we didn't realize it sooner… He lives! Oh sister, this is wonderful news!" They hugged each other tightly, crying tears of joy.
"What just happened?" asked Pinkie.
"Supreme Overlord Derpy requests more muffins!" said Derpy. "I demand every single flavor possible! Am I understood?"
"At once, my overlord!" said Celestia, bowing and trotting off
"Oh! Luna, fetch me some chocolate muffins please," said Pinkie.
"Yes! Of course, my overlord."
"This is amazing!" Joe exclaimed from his throne.
"I know right?" laughed Pinkie from her own throne. "Who knew that we would end up becoming overlords?"
"I certainly didn't," answered Derpy from her throne, in-between Pinkie and Joe. "I'm not complaining though."
The three of them were seated outside on an elevated platform in Canterlot Square, each with their own throne and a muffin on their heads. Ponies were still arriving from the city's outskirts. However, with the princesses free from Muffin's effects, they were guaranteed to return to normal, which, in turn, would cure the rest of the ponies.
It would take awhile though, which is why the new Supreme Overlords have decided to enjoy their temporary reign.
"What's the greatest food in the world?" Derpy shouted to the endless crowd.
"MUFFIN!" chorused the crowd.
"Yes, yes, muffins are absolutely delicious," agreed Pinkie, nodding her head. "But let's show cupcakes some love! Come on everypony!" She waved her hooves towards the crowd.
"MUFFIN!"
"Wow, Joe was right," grunted Pinkie, "there is no equality here."
A few minutes passed by in comfortable silence, the only noise being the steady chants of the crowd.
"Ya know, me think the princesses were right," Joe said suddenly.
"Hmm? What do you mean?" asked Derpy. She and Pinkie turned towards Joe, curious.
"Me feel like Muffin isn't really gone," he said, smiling, "He really does live on in us, in our hearts. Just like princesses said." He emphasized his point by placing a hoof over his chest.
"You're absolutely right, Joe," replied Derpy, a wide grin on her face, "though Muffin is gone, his memory isn't. I still miss him. We all miss him."
"He doesn't just live on in our hearts, but our stomachs too!" laughed Pinkie.
The three of them laughed together. Three Supreme Overlords in a sea of mindless bodies.
"Celestia needs to hurry up, I'm getting hungry!"