The costume contest was boring to Luna as it slowly dragged on throughout the night. After the first contestant wearing a mime outfit had left, who pretended to go through an imaginary door, Luna sighed as the audience hoof stomped in applause. She couldn’t help but remember the old days when her mother would bring in a jester after a court session to brighten her mood. Both Celestia and herself would sit in on their parents’ court session to learn the first hoof on how to interact with the subjects of Equestria. This learning experience was engaging at first but slowly developed into boredom.
While the royal jesters were hilarious to her mother and sister, neither Luna nor her father was fond of them. The way they wore makeup and outrageous costumes rubbed her the wrong way, making Luna and her father suffer in silence.
”I’ll never think they are funny, not now, later, or ever. The only benefit to this is that my subjects are enjoying themselves. At least it’s going better than last year for them, especially Apple Bloom.”
Looking at Apple Bloom, Luna smiled as the Apple Sisters enjoyed the contest. Despite being a bit distance away, Luna could make out Apple Bloom and Applejack giggling at the sight of the mime’s costume. Luna chuckled, happy that another pony felt the same way as her.
”I wonder who will be next?”
Still standing at the podium was Mayor Mare, who pulled out a small paper card and read it aloud.
“And the next contestant is...the Dread Pirate Pipsqueak!”
As many ponies cheered, Luna’s hoof clapped with a genuine smile. Remembering the young colt from last year, Luna cheered “Hazzah!” as the colt came out on stage. To her, the costume was cute as he wore a mask covering half of his upper head with a black bandana. His costume also consisted of a cape, a loose shirt, pants in black color, and boots. And to top it off, he had a small toy rapier in his mouth. Several ponies went “Aww!” at the site before hoof stomping in applause.
”How wonderful his costume is! I can see he will grow into a handsome stallion one day.”
Clapping her hooves in applause, Pipsqueak waved to Luna before bowing. Shortly after he walked off stage, more contestants were introduced. Several ponies were Ninjas, Mummies of Saddle Arabia, and many fillies were dressed in fantasy-like Princess outfits. Several more ponies came and went on the stage, but as far as she was concerned, Pipsqueak had stolen the show as nopony cheered or hoof stomped as hard for any of the other contests.
”Well, I look forward to presenting him with the prize money. His parents will be proud.”
Princess Luna’s attention was turned back to Mare Mayor as she announced the next contestant.
“Ladies and Gentlecolts, our next and final contest is Miss Lyra Heartstrings. Her costume is...”
Princess Luna watched as Mayor Mare looked at her note card in disbelief. Ponyville’s leader then faced hoofed before announcing the costume to the audience in a deadpan voice.
“Human Zombie Killer.”
While several ponies in the audience either face hoofed or giggled, knowing Lyra’s Human hobbies, others were confused by the announcement. To dress up as a mythical being taught about in schools, one that was bipedal in nature, was something most ponies would never think of doing. Since ponies were four-legged at heart, it would be tough to pull off, considering how hard it was to stand and walk on the rear legs alone. While the audience murmured about the costume that was announced, Luna’s eyes went wide as saucers heard the announcement.
”Human!? Did....did she say human? And Zombie killer? But that’s what Konrad is! This better not be some sort of a sick joke, or I’ll scream at the plebeian fools!”
Waving her foreleg to the side of the stage, Mayor Mare put on a forced smile while everypony laughed when the mare in a human costume did not appear. Seeing nopony on the stage, Mayor Mare narrowed her eyes before quickly trotting to the back. Giggling and laughter could be heard at the public blooper unfolding before them while Luna’s heart beat rapidly. Luna was angered at the thought of some pony who just happened to pick a costume bearing Konrad’s description. There would be no way she would allow such an individual or anypony to insult her memory of him.
Even if, for some strange reason, the mare pulled off a good human costume, she would not present the prize money to her, especially if she looked terrible depicting him. As Luna sat with a dark scowl on her face, ponies continued to chatter as time passed. While there was nopony to be seen on stage, thoughts of Konrad went through her mind. She’d give anything to see him right now, anything really.
”If I have to kiss somepony’s hooves just to get a glimpse of him, I will do it. I’m going to be in mourning for some time. I just want this night to be over with. Oh, Konrad! I need thy presence more than ever! Where art thou, my Knight? I need your hands running through my mane! I need-”
Luna’s thoughts were suddenly interrupted as a collective gasp from the audience silenced everypony. On stage, the contestant dressed as a Human Zombie Killer stood before everypony with the stage light shining bright. Luna herself gasped at the sight before her and thought,
”OH MY FAUST!!”
Princess Cadance enjoyed the costume contest just as much as her aunt. Like Celestia, Cadance liked clowns and couldn’t help but find them funny. Shining Armor, on the other hoof, couldn’t stand them but would always put up with them if it meant making her smile. When the first contestant appeared, he reacted with disgust, just as she thought he would.
“Gah! Why did it HAVE to be clowns?! And the worst kind of all! MIMES!”
“Oh Shiny, don’t be such a scared colt!” replied Cadance as she lightly punched his foreleg.
Shining Armor shivered as the clown walked off stage before replying to his wife.
“I don’t know why but they just rub me the wrong way. Their faces....it’s so...gah!”
“As as opposed to zombies?”
Turning to his wife, Shining Armor gave her a bemused look and held up her forelegs in a mock defensive posture.
“Okay, I’m sorry, honey, I’m just teasing!”
Nuzzling his Cadance, Shining Armor sighed before turning his head back to the stage.
“I know; it’s just I don’t like clowns. One of them scared me as a colt, and I never got over it. Wish the Mayor didn’t dress as one.”
“It’s just one clown outfit; it’s not going to hurt you.”
Looking at the Mayor’s costume for a bit with a pair of scrutinizing eyes, Shining Armor smiled and nodded in agreement.
“Yeah, you’re right; I’ve been through much worse. Like that Human kicking my plot. Didn’t expect that one last night.”
As the next contestant came on stage, Princess Cadance narrowed her eyes at the thought of the human called Konrad hurting her husband. While it may have been a misunderstanding, she still couldn’t get over the idea that somepony, or somebody, in this case, hurting her husband enough that he’d have to go to the hospital. As the contest continued, Princess Cadance closed her eyes, and thoughts of being trapped in the cave beneath Canterlot resurfaced. She remembered the cold air and the laugh Queen Chrysalis would do every now and then to torment her.
She thought she was going to perish and starve to death in the cold and unloving place, never going to see her friends or true love ever again. The thought of losing him was simply too much for her. A few tears escaped and fell down her cheeks. When she heard of his fight with Konrad and saw him in the hospital, those fears resurfaced again. Cadence grabbed onto her husband and cried into his shoulder, which startled him at the sudden emotional outburst coming from his wife.
“Cadance! What’s wrong?”
As he nuzzled his wife to comfort her, Princess Cadance replied sobbingly,
“Please don’t die! Don’t ever leave me!”
Holding his wife in a hug, Shining Armor whispered to her,
“It’s fine, honey, I’m going to be around for as long as you live, and I’m NOT going to let anything take me away early.”
Kissing his wife and wiping away her tears, Shining Armor pointed at the stage and said,
“Let’s watch the contest, honey. Who knows? Maybe another clown will come out.”
Giggling at his attempt to cheer her up, Princess Cadance kissed her husband once more before turning her attention to the stage.
”I love him so much; he always makes me happy.”
The rest of the costumes were nothing special, but they were good nonetheless. That was until the last costumed was announced. Both Shining Armor and Princess Cadance dropped their jaws at the title.
“Human Zombie Killer? Is...is she serious?” asked Shining Armor.
”I swear if that Konrad happens to show up on stage, I don’t know how I will react. To see the sight of a real and not mention THE human that hurt my husband-.”
Her thoughts were cut off as the contestant appeared on stage. She simply just couldn’t believe what was before her.
”WHAT THE BUCK!?”
Konrad’s frustration of sneaking around started getting to him as he hid from yet another Guard Patrol. This time, however, the guards were Luna’s Night Sentinels. Having a more intimidating appearance compared to Princess Celestia’s Solar Guards, he had a feeling they were a bit more competent. While he didn’t have any evidence to back that assumption up, he was neither in the condition nor the mood to find out. He almost didn’t even notice them; it was simply by pure luck he spotted them flying in the air, looking around.
Luna’s moon turned out to be a blessing for the exhausted man, even if it wasn’t intentional.
”It’s always great to look at, and I can’t wait to see her again. If only I get just to get her damn attention!! I’m tired of all this sneaking. Need food...or sleep...Hell, both would be great.”
When the patrol had passed, he sneaked around another building and spotted a line of ponies wearing costumes. They were all facing one direction, which allowed the young man to move forward without being spotted. Hiding behind a wooden box, the man tried to take another peek at the ponies in line but decided against it. He chose to listen instead and could hear a couple of ponies talking to each other. Most of them simply talked about their costumes, with some compliments, while others spoke about how they made them. The conversation was boring for the most part until the voice of Mayor Mare was heard.
“Alright, everypony! Please get in order, and I’ll call you when it’s your turn to come on stage. When the contest is over, everypony will get to have a vote for the best costume, which means you’re all disbarred from voting for yourselves.”
A couple of “Aww!”s could be heard before the voice of Mayor Mare could be heard speaking from the stage. There was nothing Konrad could do at the moment except waiting. Konrad would take a quick peek at the contestants in line every now and then. It was interesting to see some normal ponies for a change up close. He knew a lot of bronies and pegasisters would love to be in his position, but he couldn’t help but feel homesick.
”I may not have been here that long, but damn am I going to feel out of place for a while. I will miss all sorts of stuff, like beer, America, and Taco Bell.”
Konrad’s stomach made an unexpected noise, making the man hold it in a vain effort to silence it. Fortunately, nopony heard the cries of begging coming from his stomach, allowing him to relax again.
”Maybe I’ll feel better when I get some damn food. Stupid guardian angel! He didn’t give me my cheeseburger...”
Taking another quick peak, the line of ponies had vanished, showing the tall tale sign that the contest was almost over.
”Sweet! This stupid shit is over! Now, how the hell do I get closer...without getting-”
Suddenly, the sight of an angry Mayor Mare with a clown face appeared, looking straight at him.
”Spotted....OH SHIT!”
The man’s options were non-existent, at least one that wouldn’t descend into violence, which was out of the question. The clown leader of the town trotted her way towards his spot near the box, making him panic. If he ran, he’d most likely be spotted by the Sentinels nearby. If he hit her or knocked her out, well, it wouldn’t end well for him. His only option was to play along with whatever she was angry about.
”You’ll be fine, Konrad. You survived fucking Story of the Blanks; you can survive a damn clown.”
“What in Equestria do you think you’re doing?! Everypony is waiting for you! Quit doing...whatever it is you’re doing back there!”
”Huh? Waiting for me? What is she talking about?”
“Ummm...sorry?”
Stomping on the ground with a hoof, Mayor angrily replied,
“Don’t waste your apologies on me! Now stand up and get on stage! You’re driving my patience to an end!”
”Get on stage?... Oh fuck, she thinks I’m a contestant! Which means I’m going to get on stage! In front of the entire population of Ponyville! This can’t end well.”
Standing up from his spot, the man towered above Mayor Mare, making her angry face take a complete reversal. The Mayor backed up a bit from her spot upon seeing the unexpected sight of a human standing so high. A few seconds of awkward silence took place before the mare gave him a look over.
“How...how did you do this?” pointing at his camo suit.
“Umm....”
“And your voice! It sounds so...”
“Manly?” replied a nervous Konrad.
“I was going to say like a stallion, but we’ll go with that. Seriously, how did you do all of this?”
”How did I do what? Oh, she must think I’m a pony dressed as a human. Seriously, who the fuck would dress up like a human? Oh well, I’ll just make up a bullshit excuse.”
“Uh, Magic?”
The Mayor rolled her eyes at his answer but seemed to accept it nonetheless.
“Figures...”, before muttering, “Unicorns”
“What was that?”
“Nothing, now please get on stage. You’ve wasted enough of their time.”
The thought of going on stage just reeked of disaster for the man. He had no clue how the rest of the ponies would react, and most likely, the Elements of Harmony would be there. His mind briefly imagined his identity getting revealed to the herd, which caused panic, making Princess Luna pick up the pieces. Thoughts of Luna shouting at everypony to be still reminded him of the old nightmare night episode, and he certainly didn’t want ponies to fear her anymore.
”This is bad, really bad. I can’t let that happen to her or to the town! It will be chaos! Gotta get out of this shit!”
“Say Mayor, I’m not feeling well. Why don’t you just say I dropped out and-”
With incredible speed, the Mayor ran around Konrad and began pushing him toward the stage. He didn’t have any time to react to the sudden burst of speed from the clown, simultaneously making him surprised and nervous. The Mayor began pushing him forcefully towards the stage, intent on putting him before everypony.
“Oh no, you don’t! You’ve been hounding me all day to get into this contest, and you’ll finish it!”
“But-”
“No! Get your rump on that stage! Stop struggling!”
The young man tried his best to resist getting on the stage, but with fatigue taking hold of him, not to mention the pain coming from his wounds, Konrad simply could do nothing. He tried his best to use his legs as a brake, but the Mayor’s determination was simply too strong for him to overcome.
”No! Not good, NOT GOOD!”
With one final shove, the man stared at him before everypony in the herd. The stage light suddenly shined on him, making him shield his eyes for a split second as everypony gasped at him. At that moment, he swore he could feel literally everypony focusing on him, like being looked at by a kid with a magnifying glass. Putting his hand behind his neck and giving a nervous smile, the man said to everypony,
“OH, HAI GUYS!”