//------------------------------// // Ch. 5: Voice Only // Story: TAL (Tuesday Afternoon Live) Juxtaposition // by TundraStanza //------------------------------// *Snore* "Oh, Princess Celestia, close your mouth please." *Snore* "It's really rude to eat with your mouth open." *Snore* "You're getting spaghetti everywhere. Didn't your mother teach you how to eat?" *Snore* "Oh, she's dead? She probably died from embarrassment because you couldn't chew your food properly." *Snore* "What? Expulsion?! No!" *Ker-plop!* "Ow..." --- Sunset Shimmer lightly tapped against the bump on her head. She didn't really have enough time to bandage it properly due to her community service job. So, she withstood the pain and let the audience cheer over the game show's theme song. "Welcome back to Juxtaposition," she said, "I urge every pony who still has a soul to run away while they still have a chance." The audience got a good laugh from that statement. "Without further ado, let's look at the scores. Prince Blueblood has a ludicrous score of negative one hundred thousand bits." Despite the negative score, the audience still offered claps and hollers. "For whatever reason, he thought it was a good idea to answer several first-round questions wrong multiple times." The audience chortled at the fact. "Your ridiculous show simply refuses to acknowledge my perfection," scoffed Blueblood. Shimmer muttered, "What charity was so desperate that they decided to use you for their face?" She shook her head. "Captain of the Crystal Guard, Flash Sentry has dominated with a positive two thousand, five hundred bits." "Yes! Alright! Go, Sentry! Woo-hoo!" cheered one clapping earth pony filly in the audience. The only other sound was a stray cough from somepony else. "Heh heh," chuckled Flash, "Thanks, Archer... and thank you, Sunset." Ergh, darn it, Shimmer thought, Why does he have to remind me so much of the other him? "And..." She paused for a long time. "Trixie is also here. Let's move onto Double Juxtaposition where the categories are-" Objection! The third contestant dramatically pointed her hoof at the show's host. The audience was caught somewhere between a laugh and an arousing cheer. Shimmer sighed. "I can't believe I thought that was going to work." "Well, Trixie has no problem believing that you would be so naive," boasted Trixie. "Alas, your foalish mind cannot comprehend the difference between our levels of greatness." She chuckled. "Oh, that reminds me. Stop me if you've heard this before." "Can I stop you anyway?" asked Shimmer before the audience laughed. "We really don't have time for this." Trixie blissfully ignored her. "How many Sunsets does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Psyche! It's a trick question. Any number of Sunsets would burn out before they could complete the task." A few of the fans laughed at her 'riddle', but the voices were scattered and not of the whole group. "What did I ever do to you?" asked Shimmer rhetorically. "As I was saying, the categories are..." Six squares were flipped over to the sound of six bells a-ringing. "Important Portrayals." "Famous Theme Songs." "Adventure Books." "Will This Hurt If You Put It In Your Mouth?" "Salad Ingredients." "Princes That Don't Rhyme With Chew Mud." The audience got a good laugh out of that one. However, the hardly subtle joke sailed right over Blueblood's head. "Flash Sentry," addressed Shimmer, "Since you are in the lead, you get to choose the category." Thankfully, no one seemed to notice the shade of extra red on her face when she said that. "'Adventure Books' for four hundred, if you'd kindly," requested Flash. "Gladly." Shimmer yanked the card from its slot. "This adventure book series was written entirely by A. K. Yearling." A button rang a contestant's buzzer. "Prince Blueblood?" "Lord of the Ties," said Blueblood proudly, until a louder buzzer cut off his good mood. "No," said Shimmer. A gentle buzzer went off. "Flash Sentry?" "What is Daring Do?" he asked. "That is correct." Shimmer nodded as the points were added to Flash's score. The loudest applause came from Archer. Another gentle buzzer rang. "Trixie, the question is already over," said Shimmer flatly. "You'll have to wait until the next one." "Give me Sparkle's horn or give me death!" Trixie cried out. "Don't get my hopes up," Shimmer deadpanned as a fair portion of the audience laughed at that. "Flash, it is still your pick." "'Adventure Books' for eight hundred," he said expectantly. "Fine by me," said Shimmer with a shrug. She turned around and pulled out the next card. "This book is the second book in A. K. Yearling's Daring Do series." Flash took a quick look left and right before ringing his buzzer. "What is... Daring Do and the Griffon's Goblet?" "Correct," said Shimmer. Flash's score went up again. Archer actually whistled in excitement. Another buzzer went off. "Too late, Trixie," reminded Shimmer. "But you promised this next one to Trixie," said Trixie as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. "No," said Shimmer, "I said that you'd have to wait until the next one. You just have to ring your buzzer before the correct answer is given." Trixie blinked. "So... what would happen if, hypothetically, I were to break Flash Sentry's kneecaps with a wrench?" She levitated out a red monkey-wrench. "Specifically this wrench?" As Trixie prepared to make a live demonstration, a light blue magic shield surrounded Flash. The monkey-wrench bounced off and flung into Thesisto's lap. Multiple Trixie fans started pummeling him and trying to navigate the dust cloud for Trixie's precious wrench. "No violence against the other contestants!" shouted Shimmer before releasing her hold over the shield. "Only I get to hurt Flash Sentry and not while we're on public frequencies." The audience laughed while Trixie retorted with a grumpy harrumph. "Wait..." Flash looked confused. "Don't I get a say in this?" "Just choose the next question, pretty boy," Shimmer snapped. Blueblood hummed. "If you insist..." The fact that the audience laughed at him didn't even phase him. "One thousand from the painful subject." "I wasn't talking to you, but fine." Shimmer rolled her eyes before she took the card from 'Will This Hurt If You Put It In Your Mouth?' for one thousand bits. "The answer is, 'an ice arrow'. Will an ice arrow hurt if you put it in your mouth?" Trixie rang her buzzer. "The Great and Powerful Trixie is practically invincible. No amount of frozen tips can hurt her." Shimmer deadpanned. "I'm not even going to tell you how wrong that sounds." Blueblood hit the buzzer next. "Hurt me? Any number of my servants would intercept the arrow long before it can perform any bodily harm against this beautiful stallion." Little twinkling sparks were shaken out of his mane. "I feel like I want to kick your butt," said Shimmer, much to the delight of the audience. Flash Sentry cautiously pressed his buzzer. "What is... 'yes'?" Shimmer sighed with a half-smile. "At least you've still got a brain. Pick the next one, Flash." "'Adventure Books' for two thousand," he said. "The answer is... an audio Daily Double," noted Shimmer. "Listen carefully." A little static brushed over the speakers before an excited yet scratchy voice played. "Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! The latest book in the Daring Do series just came out and it's got a picture of me on the cover. Can you believe it? Me! Rainbow Dash exploring and questing side by side with Daring Do herself! Ha ha ha, yeah!" "Rainbow, just read the card," insisted a stern yet light voice, like a bookstore manager shushing her customer. "Yeah, yeah, I'm getting to that," said the other voice before clearing its throat. "This is the title of the latest book in A. K. Yearling's Daring Do series. All of the coolest ponies know what this one is." The recorded audio cut off there. "What is Daring Do and the Ring of Destiny?" asked Flash. "Correct," said Shimmer, "and that Daily Double, as its name implies, doubles your current score." "Keep it up! Yeah!" cheered Archer. A few of the other ponies in the audience hesitantly added their claps. "It's still on you, Flash," stated Shimmer. "Hmm, 'Famous Theme Songs' for eight hundred," said Flash. "Very well." Shimmer magically pulled the card over and read. "This song is a work in progress regarding Pinkie Pie's initial feelings toward Zecora the zebra." The set was filled with a very awkward pause. The idle-time buzzer rang. "Yeah, okay. That was a little tricky even for me," admitted Shimmer while scratching her neck. "The correct answer was 'Evil Enchantress'." Trixie's buzzer went off. "Make the prince chew mud and give me four hundred bits to watch him doing it!" "I beg your pardon?" Blueblood looked over at her incredulously. "Ugh, fine, we'll do it your way," said Shimmer, "I don't even care anymore. 'Princes That Don't Rhyme With Chew Mud'. The answer is, 'This Equestrian prince, who technically has authority over the Crystal Empire, has a name that does not rhyme with chew mud'." Trixie practically slammed her button down. "Prince Stuck-Up over there!" She pointed. "Guards!" hollered Blueblood, "Lock her in the dungeon for attacking my image." "I said no violence against the other contestants," said Shimmer. She whacked a hoof over her face. Blueblood and Trixie got caught up in a debate where they literally said nothing but the word "rabble" over and over again. The audience just laughed at their ridiculousness. Flash gently tapped his button. "Who is Prince Shining Armor?" "Yes!" exclaimed Shimmer. Her mane was practically covered in split ends by this point. She exhaled. "It's time for Final Juxtaposition." She magically shuffled a bunch of cards before pulling out one. "The category is 'Value'. Write down a concept or an idea that you value." The game show's theme played in a smooth jazz style as the contestants flicked their pens around against their respective boards. Well, two of the pens wiggled around anyway. Blueblood seemed more interested in checking to see if his hooficure was still in prime condition. After the time was up, the lights came back on. "I just want to go home tonight and forget all of this," muttered Shimmer before saying, "Since it's proper etiquette to start with the ladies, we'll look at Blueblood's answer first." The audience stomped and roared with laughter. "You wrote... nothing." Shimmer looked at Blueblood with pity. "That pen does not have the best imported ink," he said. "It's a magic pen," pointed out Shimmer. "It doesn't need ink." She shook her head and skipped a desk. "Trixie, what do you have to ruin my day?" The home viewers got to see the board just before Shimmer could. "You wrote, 'The Great and Powerful Trixie'." "Was there ever any doubt?" asked Trixie rhetorically. "As conceited as that is, it's technically a correct answer," admitted Shimmer with a heavy sigh. "What was your wager?" Her expression didn't change even after the second board showed up. "No, you can't go murder Twilight Sparkle just so you can practice necromancy." "Curses, foiled again," muttered Trixie as some of the sicker fans laughed. "Finally, what do you value, Flash Sentry?" She nodded at what she saw. "Honor. That appears to be sufficiently legitimate." She brought up the next board. "And your wager was... seven thousand. Well congratulations, Flash. You are the only contestant that ended the day with a positive number. I'm sure your charity appreciates it." Flash gently smiled as Archer and her closest friends clapped for her big brother's victory. Millions of miles away, several pitchforks were set on fire... only to be drenched in the tears of hatred. "Another afternoon of live Juxtaposition comes to a close," said Shimmer. "Thank you for joining us, everypony. Good day." As she trotted off the set, the audience cheered and applauded as per prompt instructions.