"What do you mean I can't enjoy a hangover if I want to?"
"That still doesn't explain a pure oxygen-filled sleeping chamber."
"Also, how does simply looking at the ceiling and the floor count as an aerobic exercise?"
Ninety-six bottles of punch on the wall, ninety-six bottles of punch, Sunset Shimmer mentally sang. Though, the tune that the audience was hearing was only that of the game show's theme song. As per prompt instructions, they cheered as soon as the cameras were rolling. Shimmer didn't even try to hide her hollowed out expression from the public eye.
"Welcome back to Juxtaposition," she stated, "I'm your host Sunset Shimmer. Normally, this would be the part where I say that we're playing for charity. But at this point, I'd feel lucky enough to leave the set with my sanity intact."
Her suffering was funny to the jeering audience.
"Let's take a look at the scores," she said with lackluster enthusiasm. "Mr. Thunderlane has sustained negative three hundred bits."
"Hush, dear," said Thunderlane while closing his eyes. "The rolling thunder speaks to me now."
A few snickers were had by the audience.
"For the last time, thunder doesn't speak," said Shimmer. A blood vessel threatened to burst. "In the lead, Ms. Lulamoon holds a whopping score of zero."
All the Trixie fans cheered like crazy, throwing in at least three whistles for good measure.
"You'll rue the day you tried to steal my rival from me," warned Trixie with a defiant hoof raised. "Rue it!"
"Looking forward to it." Shimmer rolled her eyes as the audience laughed. "Finally, Ms. Maud Pie has accrued five thousands bits of debt in the Rocky Road charity's name. Good job."
"Thank you," said Maud monotonously. Her eyes did nothing to betray her true emotion. So, the audience decided to fill the silent void with laughter instead.
Shimmer cleared her throat. "Better luck to all of you in the next round." She turned to face the board. "It's time to start Double Juxtaposition and the categories are..."
The first square pinged. "Important Portrayals."
The second square dinged. "Equestrian Princesses."
The third square aligned itself. "Ways Shimmer is a loser... wait, what?!"
Meanwhile, Trixie was banging on the desk while laughing hysterically. Her hat was clearly off as she finished casting whatever hidden spell she had cast. The audience couldn't help but join her laughing fit. Shimmer snorted indignantly before magically ripping the fake letters off of the category's name. She cleared her throat a bit more dramatically before the audience's laughter died down.
A second ring was made for the third square. "Famous Wonderbolt Founders."
The fourth square dinged. "Cutie Mark Crusaders in Manehattan."
The fifth square pinged. "Elements Ending In 'Rosity'."
Finally, the sixth square revealed its category. "Make Some Noise."
Shimmer turned around. She made a motion with her hoof pointing at herself before pointing at Trixie. Then, she pretended that she had done nothing of the sort.
"Trixie," she stated professionally, "it is your turn to choose the category."
"Certainly," agreed Trixie, "The Great and Powerful Trixie shall choose the late Ways Shimmer is a loser for five hundred."
"That isn't an actual category and you know it," said Shimmer. The audience's laughter, however, disagreed. "Ms. Pie, why don't you start us off?"
"I think I'll pass," said Maud, still monotonously.
"You pass?" echoed Shimmer. She scratched her chin. "You're smarter than you look."
The audience had a good chortle to that remark.
"Very well then, Thunderlane," said Shimmer, "The board is yours."
Without opening his eyes, Thunderlane lifted a hoof in a way that it rested vertically in front of his face. He took a deep breath and said, "The wind tells me to go for Famous Thunder Founders for sixteen thousand."
"Famous Wonderbolt Founders for sixteen hundred," corrected Shimmer. "The answer is, 'This 'fly' pony had enough 'fire' in her soul that she needed to found a flying team and call it the Wonderbolts'."
A buzzer's button was pressed.
"Trixie?" asked Shimmer.
"The Great and Powerful Trixie!" declared Trixie as some hidden fireworks went off behind her.
All the Trixie fans in the audience went wild with cheers.
"If that was your answer, it was wrong," said Shimmer. She was unimpressed.
Another buzzer rang.
"Maud," Shimmer said.
Maud stared unwaveringly. "Who is... Purple Dart?"
Shimmer half-frowned. "No, but you're getting warmer."
The third buzzer went off.
"Thunderlane?" Shimmer turned in hope.
"The storms call Cloud Kicker to my train of thought," commented Thunderlane.
Shimmer sighed. "No, Cloud Kicker is alive now. The Wonderbolts' founder is dead." She shook her head. "The correct answer was Firefly."
"Was as in past tense?" wondered Trixie, "So it's no longer the correct answer?"
"Trixie, could you please shut your mouth for five seconds?" asked Shimmer with a deceptively polite tone. To this, the audience laughed like crazy. "Thunderlane, it's still your choice."
"Dude, the storms are bringing fire from the sky," mumbled Thunderlane. "There's like... two hundred of them."
"Right, whatever," said Shimmer while rolling her eyes. "Let's just go with Equestrian Princesses for four hundred." She read the card. "This Princess prefers not to be called by her real name of Mi Amore Cadenza."
Maud slowly pressed her buzzer. "Who is... Mi Amore Celestia?"
Shimmer shook her head. "That's incorrect."
Thunderlane somehow rang his buzzer without ruining his own deep breaths. "Mi Amore Luna?"
"Well, if you three are taking the multiple choice approach, then surely you can get it right, Trixie." Shimmer smiled expectantly.
"Who is... that faker, Princess Twilight Sparkle?" asked Trixie while somehow scratching a groove in her desk with nothing but her hoof.
The audience laughed as Shimmer lost her smile. "Cadance. All you had to say was 'Cadance'." She performed a facehoof. "Maybe you'll have better luck with Elements Ending In 'Rosity for eight hundred." She turned the card over and read it. "This Element of Harmony ends with 'rosity' and is represented in spirit by Rarity."
Thunderlane pressed his buzzer. "Integrity?" Something beeped at him.
"No," said Shimmer.
Maud maintained her calm, collected look. "Inspiration?"
Shimmer's head dipped down for a second. "Were that only the case..."
The idle-time signal rang three times.
"At least some ponies have initiative," said Shimmer, "Maybe that initiative can help you respond to the category of Make Some Noise. The answer is, 'Make some noise'. Just be the first to ring your buzzer and you automatically win."
The audience held their breath. Once more, the idle-time signal went off.
Shimmer banged her head against her podium. "Great. No pony even cares anymore. Let's just get Final Juxtaposition over and done with." She lifted herself back up and read the card. She frowned deeply. "Why would they do this? The category is Ponies That Deserve Vengeance."
"Ha ha!" Trixie practically jumped for joy. "The Great and Powerful Trixie can shine right here and now!"
Her fans all cheered in a similar manner while the rest of the audience just laughed.
"Too bad for you that I'm not dignifying your bloodlust," said Shimmer while magically ripping up her own card. She ignored Trixie's sails being removed from the wind. "The new category is Place Your Bets. Simply write down two numbers, one in your response and one in your wager. Whatever those numbers are, we'll add that to your score and send it to your charity with no strings attached."
The game show's theme played for the next twenty seconds as much scribbling was made by the pens. As soon as it had started, it was over.
"I suppose we should see the bad news that we're going to tell these charities," said Shimmer with a sigh. The audience seemed a lot more amused by the potential than she did. "Let's get the worst of it out of the way first. Trixie, what did you write down?"
Trixie's board was displayed on the screen for home viewers.
"You drew a crown?" asked Shimmer. "No pony knows the real value of a crown." She sighed. "What about the other possible number slot?"
The rest of the message was spelled out in bold letters.
"To bash Twilight and Shimmer in the face." Shimmer deadpanned as the audience laughed. "How cute. Let's move on." She trotted to the next desk. "Maud Pie, you wrote..."
Maud's board was completely blank. Both of them were blank, actually.
"You didn't write any amount at all?" asked Shimmer incredulously.
"The pen was too heavy," said Maud monotonously.
The audience laughed as Shimmer tilted her head. "I can't read you at all." She shook her head and trotted over to the last contestant.
Thunderlane's boards were shown to the live and public eyes.
"A fire... that's crashing into a storm cloud," noted Shimmer, "Great. Grand. Wonderful. This has been Juxtaposition. I'm going to try to forcefully re-open that portal to the other world. Good day."
Sunset Shimmer trotted off the set as the audience gave one more cheer and a round of applause.