//------------------------------// // Party Rainbow Anthem // Story: Appledashery // by Just Essay //------------------------------// “A.K. Yearling! Velcome!” Photo Finish stood near the entrance of her apartment, flanked by guards. She gladly leaned forward and shook the hoof of the next mare entering the party. “So glad you kould make it, fraulein.” “I wouldn't miss it for all the treasure in the world, Ms. Finish,” Ms. Yearling said with a wink before shuffling towards the far end of the art gala in her poofy dress. “And Hoity Toity! Vhat a pleasant surprise!” Photo yet again beamed, reaching to shake his hoof. “I sought you vere shtuck in Neigh Jersey traffik!” “One of my carriage pullers had a heart attack,” the stallion said in a snobbish voice. He adjusted his shades and tilted his head back. “Thankfully, there was a hearse already coming south along the freeway.” “And zis is exactly vhy I, Photo Finish, shtick to trotting.” She grinned. “Ze only ponies who schould die on the highvay are ze vones who built it.” She turned towards the next pony and instantly blanched. “Ach je! I didn't know you were komink!” A rattling noise. “You should remember to look at your own invitations, Ms. Finish.” More rattling this time accompanied by a heartfelt chuckle. Trenderhoof came stumbling in, his thin frame weighed down in several places by thick plates of Pegasopolitan armor. “Just where's your head at these days?” “I vas about to ask ze same sink of you...” Photo grimaced, glancing aside at her bodyguards before staring at the lumbering stallion. “Vhat is ze meanink of zis? Zis is not a kostume party!” “It isn't?” Trenderhoof tiled his helmet up so that his eyes could squint through the visor. “Awwww... what a shame! I must have read the program wrong. Ah well.” He stumbled past Photo. “I'm sure something good will come of my being decked out in formal pegasus antiquity. If only there was a resplendent, regal minded mare of the pegasus persuasion to converse with over the matter.” “You're a valkink kalamity.” “I like to think of myself as a performing art piece.” Trenderhoof tried to bow, only for his helmet to fall to the floor. Clang! Nearby patrons glanced over from drinking champagne and chatting. With a cough, Trenderhoof nervously levitated the helmet back over his head and stood up straight. “In an event like this, I'm simply... erm... keeping with the spirit of things!” “Ze shpirit is all zat vill be left of you vonce you'fe rusted zat sink vith your sweat!” Photo Finish said, causing a few party-goers around her to laugh and giggle. “Skoff if you must, Ms. Finish!” Trenderhoof tilted his head up and clang-clang-clang'd across the apartment. “But there is no dissing true love!” “I vas only skoffink at ze idiot locked inside ze cocoon of true lofe!” Photo shook her head and turned towards the next patron. “Ach! How exotic! And you must be...” “Claw, madame,” a raspy voice said. An eagle's talon rasped her hoof as a beak came down to 'kiss' it. “Baron von Claw, at your service.” Rainbow Dash's mouth hung open just inches away from a carrot on a plate. She watched from across the sea of guests as Trenderhoof clattered and clattered and clattered from one end of the apartment to another in his bulky armor. He constantly bumped into and sideswiped guests, winning him several frowns and confused smirks. He constantly tilted his head around, gazing for something... somepony. Rainbow blinked. Gradually, the plate in her grasp went slack. The carrot dropped into the punch bowl in the center of the table. She glanced down at the marinating vegetable, then sighed. Taking a deep breath, Rainbow closed her eyes and murmured to herself, “Just get through this evening, girl. Just get through this evening... and wait for Photo to open the vault.” She gulped. “It can't possibly get more complicated than that.” “Ah! Miss Dash! What a pleasant surprise!” Rainbow's eyes bulged. She spun around, her tail nearly knocking over half of the snacks on the table. “Oooh! Do be careful, darling!” A stallion with a thin mustache smiled as he gazed at her through an even thinner monocle. He levitated a glass of champagne to his lips and took a gentle sip. “I must say, you seem rather out of your element. Not that it matters.” He raised the glass and grinned dashingly. “That dress absolutely suits you, my dear! Bravo!” Rainbow's head swiveled awkwardly to the side. Her lips stammered, “Fancy... F-Fancy Pants.” “Well, you remember my name. I suppose that's a good sign.” He chuckled pleasantly and winked. “What... what...” She gulped. “...what are you doing here?” He blinked curiously. “This is a very rare occasion indeed! An open house party thrown by Equestria's very own Photo Finish!” He chuckled, his cheeks beaming. “Why, I wouldn't miss it for all the tea in Chineigh!” He laughed airily, took a sip, then smiled again. “And, if rumor serves right—albeit grimly—it could very well be the last time I have the opportunity to humor and enlighten myself by basking in the mare's inspirational presence.” “Yeah... those are all... pr-pretty good reasons.” “Now, onto the question of the hour.” His teeth showed in his elegant grin. “What brings a mare of your rustic charm to this sort of a posh environment? Not that I'm complaining, mind you. I can tell that glitter and satin have a way of magnifying your more graceful qualities.” “Let's... uh... j-just say that I'm trying on something d-different for a change!” Rainbow said with a crooked smile. She fought all the powers in the universe just to not sweat. “After all that flying around and butting heads with buffalo, I thought to myself: 'Jee, how fun it would be to stand around in a clumsy dress... listening to ponies burp.'” Fancy Pants chuckled once more. “A fine way of putting it! Oh, Miss Dash, it brings me great joy to see you here.” Rainbow blinked. “It does?” “Why, yes!” He trotted closer, swiveling his glass. “Because it means you've obviously been well-compensated for your endless hours of toil and relentless exercise! I can only guess that you finally took up the same offer that you refused from me?” “And what offer was that, Mr. Pants?” “Why, a share of the profits from the Granite Mountain exchange!” “I... uh...” Rainbow chuckled breathily, shuffling away from him. “My head's been... k-kinda fuzzy from all of the stuff that's happened over the last month.” “Oh? Like what, my dear?” “Let's just say that I want things to go the way that we agreed from the get go,” Rainbow said with a firm expression. “The Apple Family in Ponyville receives all of the profit that isn't on your end. Ya feel me?” “Oh, and they have, and they will continue to do so! I assure you!” Fancy Pants cleared his throat. “As a matter of fact, it's quite a fortuitous coincidence that I've stumbled into you here! I was hoping to get your advice on a joint venture I've been considering.” “Uh huh...” Rainbow stared off towards the other end of the apartment. “Like what...?” “Something that might actually double the profits of your dear friendly farmers in Ponyville.” Rainbow's head snapped back to him. She flapped her wings until she was practically leaning into his face. “Go on.” “Erm... well, yes. You see. I've met these two ambitious salesponies and they appear to be running an unquestionably unique operation outside of—” “Sapphire Shores!” A mare shrieked, brushing past the two of them. “I say!” Fancy Pants stammered, stumbling to the side. “The pony of pop!” More patrons dropped whatever it was they were doing or talking about, instead choosing to herd over towards the front of the apartment where Photo Finish stood beside a blue-mane'd mare in a ridiculously shiny outfit. “Guhh!” Rainbow stumbled, nearly tripping on her own skirts. She looked towards Fancy Pants, but he was clear across the sea of bustling equines. “Dammit! I really wanted to know what he was going to say—” Just then, her eyes locked on something, and her breath left her. Photo Finish was in the middle of shaking hooves with Sapphire Shores. Both mares smiled pleasantly. In the meantime, a feathery figure stood by Photo's side, his sleek body clad in an elegant robe with several studded jewels. A lion's tail flicked behind him as he stared across the apartment with glaring hawk eyes. Rainbow instantly flinched, ducking behind an impressionistic statue while she caught her breath. From two feet away, a different statue... a living statue poked his antler'd head out and blinked awkwardly at her. “Wow, you really don't like crowded places, do you?” “Clam it!” she hissed. “It's not that!” “Then what's gotten you so spooked, Sparky?” “Take a look for yourself,” Rainbow said, pointing over her shoulder. Lancie craned his stone neck, blinking. “Hmmmm... Oh, that mare. I've heard of ponies talking about her.” He glanced back at Rainbow. “If you ask me, 'Poker Muzzle' is overrated.” “No! Not her!” “What, you mean the turkey standing on your marefriend's other side?” Lancie shrugged. “He seems boring as snail slime. I've been keeping an ear out for ya this whole time, Sparky. Ponies are calling him 'Baron von Claw,' if that helps.” “It doesn't,” Rainbow said, frowning. “Because it's a fake name.” “You don't say...?” “See that scar along his beak?” “Yeah, so?” “I've seen it before.” Rainbow shuddered. “The 'Baron' thing is a disguise. The dude's name is 'Romulus,' and he's a freaky dangerous mercenary who smuggles for the black market.” “Okay. Now my antlers are twitching!” Lancie grinned wide. “Still, what would bring him dressed here so gaudily?” Rainbow gulped. “The same thing that breings me dressed here so gaudily.” “Ohhhhhhhhhh...” “Guhhhhh... Luna in spandex...” Rainbow rolled her eyes while running a hoof through her mane. “This night just got a whole lot kerflufflier...”