//------------------------------//
// Ch. 1: Pairs Week 
// Story: TAL (Tuesday Afternoon Live) Juxtaposition 
// by TundraStanza 
//------------------------------//

	"Hey, Shimmer!"

"What?"

"It says here that you have to take the time slot for Tuesday afternoons as the host of Juxtaposition."

"A game show host? That sounds like fun!"

What the hay was I thinking? Sunset Shimmer grumbled as the theme music started.

The audience was thoroughly enjoying the performance if their cheers and applause were any kind of indication.  Hay, a few pairs of sunglasses and hats were being tossed up into the air due to the sheer excitement.  The same could not be said for the host pony on the podium.  There were six reasons for this.  All of them were standing behind stand-up desks with names written out on the front.

Shimmer took a deep breath and faced the camera with a forced smile.

"Welcome back to Pairs Week on Juxtaposition," she said, "Once again, I must remind everyone that we're on a live frequency and that the network discourages throwing around ethnic slurs."

At this point, she let her smile drop before turning to face the line-up of contestants.  Two of which seemed preoccupied with mastering the nuances of a proper double-bump, sugar lump, and rump routine.

Shimmer waved a hoof in their general direction. "Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon currently have a score of negative two hundred bits. They missed one question in the first round and stood in their own pride after that."

Diamond harrumphed. "We're just waiting for the right place and the right time."

"Yeah," added Silver, "and you're one to talk about pride. Who dyed your mane? Did they just stuff you down Spitfire's throat so that she could vomit your colors out again?"

The two fillies chuckled at their own little inside joke.

"What did I just say about ethnic slurs?" asked Shimmer rhetorically. She shook her head and pointed to the next pair. "Snips and Snails have a commanding lead with zero bits. For whatever reason, they can't seem to grasp the concept of ringing the buzzer before answering a question."

"Snails, did you hear that?" asked Snips while poking his friend. "We're number one!"

"Woo-hoo!" cheered Snails, "We're geniuseses!"

The audience encouraged them with loud cheers of their own.

Shimmer merely rolled her eyes. "Well, I suppose a winning move is not to play." She wiped a piece of mane hair out of her eyes. "In last place, we have Righty Tidy and Lefty Lucy with a team score of negative four thousand bits."

Lefty Lucy let out a happy bark while Righty Tidy blushed sheepishly.  The audience still applauded mindlessly.

"I'm not even mad at you two," commented Shimmer with a baffled expression. "That's amazing."

"We do our best to impress," said Righty with a smirk.

"Indeed," said Shimmer before turning to look at the board. "It's time for Double Juxtaposition and the categories are..."

The first square dinged. "Important Portrayals."

The second square dinged. "Sundials."

The third square dinged. "Movie Characters That End With 'Lash Sentry'."

The fourth square dinged. "Fluttershy's Element."

The fifth square dinged. "Famous Bearded Magicians."

The last square dinged. "What Ponies Think Lyra Heartstrings Is Obsessed With."

Briefly, Shimmer turned back to the audience. "I should add that the answer to every question in that category is 'humans'."

The audience only guffawed in response.

Shimmer kept her face as neutral as possible while staring at her guests. "Snips and Snails, you have the lead. So you get to pick the first question."

"Gosh, Snails," said Snips, "What do you think we should pick?"

"How about geniuseses for one thousand?" asked Snips.

"That isn't a category," pointed out Shimmer. "Tiara and Spoon, do you want to pick something?"

"We'd like to see your mommy pick you up after this is over," said Diamond wryly.

Shimmer stared at them with hollowed-out anger. "My parents are dead."

The audience let out a long "oo" sound.

"Wow," muttered Silver before openly saying, "You're as lame as that blank flank Apple Bloom." The pair went through their bumping routine again.

Shimmer breathed heavily before focusing her magic on one of the numbers on the board.

"Let's go with Movie Characters That End With 'Lash Sentry' for eight hundred." She read the flipped card. "This movie character's name starts with 'F' and ends with 'lash Sentry'."

A buzzer rang.

"Oh, thank Celestia. You figured out how the buzzer works," said Shimmer.

"Um." Snips paused for thought. "Who is... Fiddlestick?"

The audience laughed.

"No." Shimmer shook her head. A second buzzer caught her attention. "Ms. Tidy!"

"Who is Foolish Century?" Tidy asked, provoking a full audience groan.

Shimmer's heart sank again. "I'm sorry. That's wrong."

A third buzzer rang.

"Rich duo?" presumed Shimmer.

"Brad," Silver stated smugly.

Shimmer looked flabbergasted. "Wha...? That doesn't even sound like Flash Sentry!"

"Seeing you trip over yourself was worth it," remarked Diamond before bumping Silver once more.

Shimmer loudly sighed. "The correct response was obviously Flash Sentry. He's the only non-crystal pony in the Crystal Empire's Guard. Are they not teaching you kids current events in class these days?"

"Who needs to know those boring things?" Diamond swatted her mane. "My daddy can just pay ponies to make things happen and on his schedule."

"I really hope you don't reproduce," said Shimmer before looking elsewhere. "Snips and Snails, it's still your board."

Snails scratched his chin. "Dur, how about Farm Moose Bears and Dead Magicians?"

The audience chortled at his stupidity.

Shimmer did not. "I've got a better idea. Why don't we try Fluttershy's Element for four hundred?" She magically pulled the card over. "This kindhearted Element of Harmony is represented in spirit by Fluttershy."

Silence permeated the show's set.  At least, it was until three beeps signified the end of the idle time.

"None of you know," stated Shimmer in disbelief. "After it was stated multiple times, none of you know what Fluttershy's Element of Harmony is."

Tidy rang her buzzer. "What is Laughter?"

"First of all, you're wrong. Second of all, the time has already expired." Shimmer slowly wiped her face with a hoof. "Well, since Snails is still waiting for a willing brain donor, I will pick the next category. Let's try Sundials for two thousand." She practically tore the card off of its square. "The answer is 'When the sun is at its highest point in the sky, this is roughly the time that is shown on a sundial'."

Snips kicked a random spot that just happened to be his buzzer. "Two-thirty!"

"No," said Shimmer.

Lucy grabbed her team's buzzer between her teeth.  The subtitles for her barking read, "What is six?"

Shimmer sighed. "No."

The third team's buzzer rang.

"Oh, good," said Shimmer sardonically, "Tiara and Spoon want to say something."

"It's time to tell you..." started Diamond.

"... how much of a loser you are," finished Silver.

Shimmer ripped the piece of paper in her telekinetic grasp. "Need I remind you that I can turn into a demonic entity and brainwash you if you make me angry?"

"Not on a live broadcast, you can't," said Diamond smugly.

Shimmer clenched her teeth and muttered, "Darn it. How did they know my secret?" She shook her head and cleared her throat. "Since this is getting too ridiculous, let's move onto Final Juxtaposition. Shall we?" She pulled out a new card and read it. "The category is Food. The answer is, 'Anything that ponies eat'. All you have to do is write down something ponies eat."

Three pens scribbled around on the magical sensor boards.

"If it makes it easier for you," added Shimmer, "write down something you eat."

The audience laughed at the simplicity.  The theme continued playing in the background for about twenty real-time seconds before the lights returned to normal.

"Let's get this over with, starting with the team in last place." Shimmer trotted over. "Ms. Tidy and Ms. Lucy, what did you manage to come up with?"

Their board briefly showed up for the viewers at home.  Instead of a written answer, however, it looked more like an illustration.

"That's a bottle of vitamin tablets," commented Shimmer.

"I don't eat much," said Tidy in surrender.  Lucy simply barked with subtitles that read, "Speak for yourself."

"Right." Shimmer sighed. "What did you wager?"

The picture of the vitamin bottle was quickly replaced on screen with a picture of another bottle.

"A bottle of water," noted Shimmer. "I suppose that would be valuable to some ponies."

She trotted to the next desk. "Alright. What horrible mishaps do you two wish to show the class?"

The rich duo's board flashed on screen.

"Lightning?" asked Shimmer before chuckling. "Well, there's a new sports' drink out that's called Lightning. So despite your best efforts, you have given a correct response. Let's see what your wager is."

The screen showed both boards. Diamond and Silver looked quite pleased with themselves.

"Dust sucks?" Shimmer raised her eyebrow. "I don't get it."

Meanwhile, a random pegasus pony was struggling unsuccessfully against two security ponies while she was shouting, "Let me at 'em! Let me at 'em! Let me at 'em!"

"I'm just going to move on," Shimmer said decisively. "Team boys sans Puppy Dog Tails, what was your response to the question of what ponies eat?"

Snips and Snails smiled as their board shined brightly.

"Wonder," read Shimmer out loud. "Uh... that's not any kind of food I've heard of. What about your wager?"

The second board read "Glue".

"Oh, gak." Shimmer's face turned an unhealthy shade of green. She turned briefly back to the audience. "That's all for Juxtaposition today. If you'll excuse me, I have to..." She was off and galloping before she could finish the sentence. Off screen, the audio still gave hints of retching.

The audience closed the broadcast with a big round of applause.