//------------------------------// // Putting in Work // Story: Integrals // by Mozzarella //------------------------------// "Work it, honey." Integrals *** We were all children once. Hell, some of us might still be children. Nevertheless, we should all understand the many games we played to entertain our far too active minds between activities. A walk to the mail box could be agonizing to a sufficiently young and bored foal. The minute or so the journey would take is a significant portion of their life, after all. And so, out of absolute necessity, games were made. Some tiles on floors became lava and cracks in the sidewalk became terrible dangers to everypony and their mothers. Especially their mothers. Perhaps synchronizing one's steps with another was your goal. Your left with theirs, then your rights. It's harder than one would expect. Several awkward half-steps could be made to catch your partner's pace, only for you to find that he or she had slowed to yours. In any event, the synchronization would break with a single stumble, blink, or distraction. Then a new game would be found and those few seconds of organized marching would be forgotten. Few ponies play this game without thinking. Fewer still manage to keep it up over long distances. The Everfree forest was not all that close by. "Hmm." "Hmm?" "W-what?" "Did you say something?" "Oh. Um, no. Sorry." The two ponies now approaching a familiar bridge might have been able to distract themselves by noting their matched steps. Maybe a conversation could have been started. That should have been happening anyway, considering how well they hit it off back at Twilight's place. But no. Fluttershy and her new clone Butterscotch hardly opened their mouths during their walk. That's not to say the silence was entirely awkward. I mean, he was becoming acquainted with a world that was entirely new to him. That must have been pretty overwhelming. Fluttershy was no stranger to calmly and silently watching the leaves flutter in the wind. Maybe that's what they were doing. Enjoying the, er, cloudy and depressing looking day. Wait. "We should be able to see it soon," the mare said in her trademark whisper. "Okay," her clone answered with a similar pitch. He then regretted dismissing the conversation and scrambled for a follow up question. "Um, just how deep into the forest is it?" Fluttershy gave an inward sigh of relief as the ice began to break. Well, not so much break as become slightly more mushy. "Not too far in. The edge is where all the nice little critters stay. Bad things live deeper in there." Butterscotch frowned nervously. "What, um, what kind of bad things?" "Oh! I'm sorry! It's not what you think! They're not bad. They're just, um, mean sometimes." "Okay," he breathed, somewhat relieved. "They hardly ever come out anyway. You don't have to worry." He smiled warmly at her. "I won't. Oh! Is that it?" As the two rounded a corner, Fluttershy's humble home came into view. Even the gray sky would have trouble putting a damper on her nearly idyllic front yard. "Mhm," she answered. "Do you like it?" "It's beautiful!" he exclaimed as he took to the air. If you're into nature, I guess a bunch of trees and birdhouses really do it for you. "You should see it when the weather is better and everyone is out and about." Butterscotch hummed in agreement after peeking into his third empty birdhouse. "Is there going to be a storm tonight?" The mare gave a light shrug. "The schedule only called for rain. but I'm not sure. Sometimes the weatherponies, um, underestimate the power of their storms." Frowns crept onto both of their muzzles as they imagined the coming night. Scary flashes of lightning turning the surrounding trees into nightmarish shadow puppets. The unnerving sound of torrential rainfall on the roof leaving no respite between the flashes. And the thunder... Listen, I don't care who you are. Thunder is scary. Yeah, it doesn't do anything, but come on. I'm allowed to flinch at sudden loud noises. It's a natural instinct. If you don't flinch, that's not toughness, that's a neurological disorder. Personal rants aside, the yellow pair was torn from their dreading of times to come by a friendly shout from above. "Hey you two! You sure took your time getting here." Above them, the one and only Rainbow Dash hovered with her pet flying tortoise in tow. "Hello Rainbow," Fluttershy said. "Are you taking Tank back?" "Yup! Thanks for taking care of him the past few days. He didn't cause any trouble, did he?" "Oh gosh, no. He's a delight to have around. And you're always welcome to visit if you want to Tank." At that, the airborne reptile swept down for a quick nuzzle to his temporary caregiver's nose, much to the amusement and mild jealousy of our new friend Butterscotch. "Alright Tank, let's get going. By the way, you two might want to head inside soon. Word is we've got a huge storm coming in later." A lump of lead appeared in two yellow pegasi guts. "Um, how huge?" Butterscotch asked hopefully. Dash shrugged. "All I know is that Thunderlane's at the reins on this one. And, well, that dude loves his thunder. Anyways, see ya!" Four ears drooped in the wake of Dash's exit. Never before has a rainbow left two nature loving ponies so disconcerted. "I don't like thunder," Fluttershy mumbled. Her clone nodded. "Neither do I." "So, um, I'm sorry if I make too much noise when the storm starts. I tend to, um, scream a little when I'm scared." "You don't have to be sorry. I'm sorry if I make some, uh, noise too." "You don't have to be sorry." "Okay." Any and all obvious solutions escaped them as they lamented their plight. Yet, they reeled in their thoughts enough to continue their day. Fluttershy pulled open her door for the stallion. "Maybe we should go inside before it gets bad." Butterscotch nodded and stepped forward. Perhaps getting to know his new home would be a good distraction. No such luck. A small cry echoed through the surrounding woods, stopping our winged protagonists from any sort of cottage exploration. "Did you hear-" Fluttershy almost said before it came again, needier this time. The two pegasi scarcely shared a glance before rushing off in the direction of the sound. Thunderstorms be damned. A small animal needed help. ... "Really, Rarity. I am very sorry for resorting to roughhousing to-" "Oh stop," she said dismissively. "Your intentions were noble and your methods were harmless. Why, I don't think you even ruffled my mane in that scuffle." "Of course not! What kind of deranged maniac would lay a hoof on a beautiful mane such as yours?" "You're too kind, Elusive. I should be thanking you. In hindsight, the knives may have been a bit extreme." Elusive struggled to ease her supposed guilt. "No! It wasn't extreme per se. It was... passionate! Yes. A passionate response to a real danger." It was Rarity's turn to flash a stunning smile. "You are intent on denying me any opportunity for self-pity, aren't you?" The stallion made a show of avoiding eye contact. "One should always discourage negative emotions, no? Or, the source of those emotions, rather." What a charmer! Rarity thought. Going to such lengths for my sake. I don't know what I was so worried about before. The pair of stylish unicorns soon found themselves at the door of the greatest clothing shop in Ponyville. Some ponies like to point out that it is also the only one. We tell those ponies to shut up. "Here we are, Elusive. Carousel Boutique: where everything is sleek, chic, and-" "Magnifique," the stallion finished for her, his hoof against the glass of one of her display windows. "Is this your work?" Rarity flipped her hair elegantly. "Well it certainly isn't my sister's. What do you think?" Elusive tore his eyes off the display to gaze incredulously at his double. "What do I think?!" "Err, yes?" the mare offered with uncertainty and slight fear. "I think you're brilliant! The colors, the designs, I- How have these not been purchased yet?" "Okay, now I'm sure you're just flattering me." "I'm not! I daresay I would wear this one myself." Rarity bit her lip to stifle her laughter at that image. "I don't think you have the body type for that one. Regardless, let's go inside before we discuss cross dressing any further." The stallion chuckled and held the door for his double. "I feel like I should be insulted. You don't think I could 'rock' that dress?" "You would definitely draw some attention," she said, again forced to consider her clone in drag. "Stop making me picture that!" "Fine. Fine. But I still stand by my claim. Anyway, you wanted me to look at your male clothing options?" "Yes. This way," she said before leading him through the displays. "The mares in this town don't even feel the need to have more than one dress, so you can imagine how the stallions feel." Elusive grimaced at the thought. "Perfect. I've been summoned into a nudist colony." "That has only been my experience. It's possible that I've been doing something wrong." They came up to the rack of suit jackets. Each had more or less the same design, but there was one for every color in the visible spectrum. Elusive levitated a purple one off the rack and began examining it up close. Rarity, meanwhile, walked off to find a matching undershirt. "There's only so much I can do with these suits," she said to him. "You stallions are just so limited in terms of customization." "I disagree," he said, following her with the jacket. "There are some subtle ways to accessorize and stand out without seeming too garish." Rarity scowled behind a white button down. "Yes yes. Hats and pins and the like. But you're still confined to the standard suit and tie." "That may be," the stallion admitted while slipping into the shirt and jacket. "But you must remember that we are not meant to be the center of attention. Especially if mares like you do it so much better." Another compliment. Everything is a compliment with him. Why does he- oh my... Rarity's thoughts came to a screeching halt when she laid eyes on her clone, now fully dressed. "How do I look?" he asked with that smile of his. The clothes fit surprisingly well, seeing as they took no measurements whatsoever before playing dress up. The top buttons were left open, giving him that casually elegant look one so often saw on the covers of romance novels. Speaking of romance novels... "Let me see," Rarity said. She approached him with half-lidded eyes and placed a hoof to his chest. Sure, she could have claimed to be smoothing out wrinkles or straightening his collar. But come on, did she really need an excuse? After more adjusting and close contact than was absolutely necessary, Rarity tore herself away to take in his outfit again. "Absolutely dashing, darling." He smiled. "I agree. And yet, you'll have me believe this garment is not selling?" "Unfortunately. I don't suppose you have any ideas as to why?" Elusive frowned as he carefully removed the borrowed clothes. "From what I've seen, your suits are much simpler than even your most modest dresses. Now, I agree with that strategy, but perhaps your customers do not." "What do you suggest?" "Maybe they want something more extravagant. Protrusions, patterns, something. Even a more complicated hem may interest them a little more." Rarity brought a hoof to her chin. Complicated suits? It was absurd. It flew in the face of what she knew of conventional fashion. Though, that may have been the problem. Ponyville was not "conventional" by any stretch of the word. "It's radical proposition, my dear Elusive. But you have my support." He clapped his hooves together cheerfully. "Perfect! If you would be so kind as to point me toward your supplies, I will get right to it!" "Right now?" the mare asked, surprised. "I've just barely introduced you to my home, let alone Equestria, and you want to immediately start working? At least let me treat you to a meal first." "I'm afraid I'll have to decline, Rarity. I cannot allow the stallions of Ponyville to go without fashion any longer. Everyone needs something to wear." It was then that Elusive's bravado faded and his pupils all but disappeared. Rarity cautiously put a hoof on his shoulder. "Elusive? Is something wrong?" He offered nothing but unintelligible whispers. "You'll have to speak up. Should I call the hospital?" "N-nothing to..." "You're frightening me, Elusive! Say something!" His legs gave out beneath him, throwing the proud stallion into the cold embrace of the tile floor. "I have nothing to wear!" he bellowed to the heavens. Rarity's heart sank as she absorbed his words. She could not imagine a more torturous hell. She was at his side caressing his mane in an instant. "It's okay, Elusive! We can fix this! I have everything you need to construct your wardrobe." "Nothing at all..." "Come on," she said, coaxing him to his hooves. "To my sewing room. We shall address this at once." "Y-yes," he stammered. "Sewing room..." ... What is futility? Futility is rubbing one's head to relieve an ache, despite there being no reason such an action would help in the slightest. Futility is trying to calm the children when all they want is their mother. Futility is cleaning up when you know someone will make everything dirty again. Futility is saying no to Pinkie Pie. Just think positive, Carrot! She said he's good at baking. As good as she is. More hooves just means more time you get to spend with the kids. That's good, right? There was no denying that. He'd been considering putting up that "Now Hiring!" sign for weeks. Demand was strong enough that a little more supply couldn't hurt. And yet... He heard a crash from upstairs followed by two harmonized giggles. They're rooming together too, Carrot. He's not taking up any more space. This is a good thing. Unconvinced, Carrot Cake read through the "resume" that was unceremoniously slapped on the counter by the stallion carrying his employee. It was identical word for word to Pinkie's, including the name slot. The only differences Carrot could find were the scribbles over Pinkie's name and the sloppy crayon signature of a "Mr. Blintz". "I can't... I can't possibly accept this," he muttered to himself. A slide whistle alerted the town baker to the presence of two pink heads emerging from the stairwell. They no doubt sported matching puppy dog eyes that would break him if he turned his head. Futility. "Pinkie," he called without enthusiasm. "Is Mr. Blintz going to stay with us regardless of my answer?" A high pitched jingle played as Carrot imagined her nodding. "Mr. Blintz, do you have anywhere else to go?" A lower pitched jingling accompanied Berry's head shaking. Mr. Cake could almost see the last of his youthful energy leave him as he sighed and shoved the resume under the counter. "You start tomorrow," he half-said and half-groaned, ignoring their celebratory squeaks. "Make sure Pinkie trains you." Carrot braced himself for some crashing or squeaking when the pink pair got back to whatever the hell they were doing. Then an overwhelming wave of silence passed over him. What? Where's the noise? The destruction? The universe hates to disappoint, but it is really bad at reading tone. Thump. Thump. Thump. Oh no. Thump. No. Thump. In my house? Thump. They just met! With horror in his eyes, Carrot craned his neck toward the stairs to find the source of the steady thumping. Not that he would be able to see anything around the corner. Not that he would want to see. So why the hell did he look? Ponies are stupid. "Honey," said Carrot's darling wife, hooves thumping heavily on the steps. "I think I'm running a fever." Carrot abruptly collapsed over the counter in a combination of shock and relief. "Oh my gosh!" she cried, rushing to him. "Are you okay?" He righted himself as quickly as possible and threw his forelegs around her neck. "I'm very okay, cupcake. So what was that about a fever?" Concern didn't leave Cup Cake's eyes at his assurance. However, her years in the bakery had taught her to let things go. No, wait. That was the therapist. Her years at the therapist. Her years at the bakery taught her to bake. "I'm sure it's nothing. I was just upstairs and I could have sworn I saw Pinkie riding another Pinkie into her room. I'm losing it, aren't I?" Carrot chuckled. "We're all losing it, honey. But no, there's nothing wrong with you. That fellow giving Pinkie a lift was Mr. Berry Blintz, our new tenant and employee." Cup Cake frowned. "Oh? And what do we know about this new pony?" "According to his resume, he's Pinkie if she was a boy," the stallion answered, reaching over the counter for the document. "Take a look." She snatched the paper and read, frown intensifying all the while. "This is Pinkie's resume with crayon scribbled over it. How could you hire a pony off of one good word and a forged signature? And how come I was not included in this decision?" "She gave me the eyes! And so did he! What was I supposed to do?" "Oh. W-well did you have to offer him our home and business?!" the mare shot back. Although, in the back of her mind, even she could understand the effects of the sad eyes. Carrot's ears and head drooped as they always did in an argument with his wife. "He had nowhere else to go. It was wrong of me to leave you out but I- okay look. Nothing is set in stone yet. We have all of tonight to get a read on him. If you see any problems, I'll send him off myself." Cup Cakes eyes continued to pierce his soul. "I-is that okay, dear?" Mr. Cake offered desperately. The scowl lasted another moment before it morphed into a smile. "Very okay," she said, pulling him into a hug. "Excellent save, by the way." The stallion's head collapsed into his wife's mane in relief. "Thanks. I try very hard." There. Crisis averted. Everything is fine. Very okay, even. "Also," she added. "You're cleaning up whatever mess they make." The thought of the mess of two Pinkie's in the kitchen actually did expel the last of his youthful spirit. He watched apathetically as a white mist escaped his mouth and faded into the air. "Yes, dear." Futility. ... As if the situation wasn't uncomfortable enough, the weather team decided to get an early start on their rain quota. No light sprinkles that almost pleasantly warn ponies to get inside. Oh no. They got right to business with the cold downpour. You could say the trees helped somewhat. They could almost be considered shelter if they didn't loose golf ball-sized drops at random "Does it still hurt?" Butterscotch asked the cub taking shelter under his wings. The small bear glanced at the makeshift splint on his hind leg and shook his head cheerfully. He then nestled deeper into the pegasus's back. It could have been raining lava and that adorable gesture still would have made it all worthwhile for our new yellow friend. "That's good. Nothing seems broken, but we'll still want to keep you off of it for a while. Okay?" He felt a nodding motion rustle his fur. He then heard the gurgling of his little buddy's stomach. "We'll get you something as soon as we catch up to Fluttershy. She's probably on her way back now." And yet, the minutes ticked by in the waterlogged Everfree forest. For whatever reason, the overzealous weather crew was sure to make it rain everywhere, which included areas where it would have rained anyway. Regardless, the rain did manage to get one job done. The constant sound and cold sensation helped distract Butterscotch from all the scary monsters that were no doubt behind the passing bushes ready to eat him. Wait. Dammit. Butterscotch chewed his lip, no longer sure of whether or not he was qualified to protect anyone. "We'll find her soon," he reassured again, this time for himself. "I bet she's right around that dark group of scary trees." Said scary trees chose that time to start shaking as a deep growl filled the air. "It's the wind!" he cried, no longer walking. "It's definitely the wind!" Next came some tasteful horror movie stomping, complete with breaking branches and snarls. "It's fine! Everything is fine!" The little bear cub couldn't care less, to be honest. Those sounds were par for the course in the Everfree forest. In fact, he was pretty sure he recognized those noises. "Butterscotch!" That voice soothed his fear like a tranquilizer, only his heart wouldn't be slowing down any time soon. A yellow mare emerged from the thick foliage and rushed to his side. Greetings, however, would have to wait until after the huge mountain of angry fur behind her finished roaring. "Don't you dare scare me like that again!" the sow screamed, ripping her cub from the stallion's back into a literal bear hug. "Um, excuse me miss," the stallion said meekly. "You shouldn't be shaking him so much. We don't know how his leg is yet." She glanced at the pair of ponies, suddenly terrified. "Leg?! What happened to your leg?!" "Aw jeez mom. I just bent it weird climbing over a log. I'm fine." "It is most certainly not fine little boy! Getting lost in the forest and getting hurt. In a storm, no less!" The cub avoided eye contact as well as he could. "What did I tell you not to do?" "You said not to play alone in the forest." "And what did you do anyway?" "I'm sorry, okay? I promise not to run off again." The sow gently placed her son on her back. "That's good. But I think I'll ground you just to be sure." "But mom-!" "But nothing! If it weren't for these two, who knows what might have happened?" The cub pouted and turned away. "Jimmy's mom lets him play in the forest," he muttered. "You know what else Jimmy's mom does? She chews his food for him when the poison joke turns his teeth into rubber." That one shut him up. Family is family, but backwash is gross. "I swear, that boy is just like his father," mama bear grunted. Her features softened when she turned back to her son's saviors still standing there after her scolding. "Fluttershy, I can't possibly thank you enough. And you as well Mr.Butterscotch I presume?" The stallion smiled back. "It's no trouble miss. I'm just happy the little guy is okay." "I'm sure anypony else would have done the same in our position," Fluttershy added. "We're lucky to have you two here. We live just west of here if you ever need anything. In fact, would you care to join us for dinner later?" "Oh we don't want to intrude," the mare answered with her hoof brushing the ground. Mama bear gave her a flat look. "Honey, you just saved my son's life. Dinner is no trouble." "I'm sorry. It's just that we have, er, plans later?" Lying was never her best skill. Luckily, she had some support ready. "Yes!" Butterscotch offered. "Plans. I'm, um, making dinner for us tonight." "Oh. Oh! Heh. Well then don't mind us. You two have fun! Thanks again!" "O-okay. Be safe!" Mama bear nodded and walked off, leaving the two drenched pegasi alone in the woods. Butterscotch waited until she was out of earshot then leaned in to his double. "Why did we lie to her?" Fluttershy shifted uncomfortably. "Um, they're bears. They usually eat, um, salmon and other...things like that." The stallion grimaced and tried to change the subject. "I hope she isn't too hard on him. He was just exploring." "Mmm," Fluttershy agreed. "She was just worried. He won't be in too much trouble." It took a while before they realized that they were just standing there. Even longer to realize that it was raining harder than before. And longer still to realize their heads rested on each other. "I could still make us dinner if you want," he croaked. Fluttershy allowed herself a soft smile. "O-okay." And it was a little bit longer before they thought to move. ...