//------------------------------// // 39. The Calm Before the Storm // Story: Tales of the Oppressed // by Terran34 //------------------------------// She should have been here by now. Which means I'll be kept waiting for who knows how long. She probably took a fucking nap or something and forgot, which would piss me off. Ugh, if you make an arrangement, fucking keep it, and be on time. I always am. Anyway, I'm just ranting and I haven't explained what the hell is going on. So right now, I'm sitting on a barrel in a grassy glade, waiting for Rainbow to get her little ass over here so we can have our race. Yeah, a race. It's been a month and a half since I got back to Ponyville from Canterlot, and I've been training or working non-stop for the whole time. It's been hell, but I'd be lying if I said I didn't feel damn good about myself right now. I lift my right arm, checking it over once again. I can't believe that this arm is mine. Because of all the heavy lifting I've been doing, my arms are slightly larger with noticeable muscles running through them. Well, the same could be said for the rest of my body as well. Can you believe I finally have a damn six pack? This is like, more than I could have imagined. Then there's my hair. Because I've never let anypony come near me with a pair of scissors, my hair has grown continuously. It used to be shoulder length. Now it's starting to fall down my back. It's a pain to take care of now that it's this much longer, but I love it. A lot has happened over the last month and a half. Everything pretty much stuck to the schedule for a while, but as soon as I learned to read and write Equestrian, I had this gap in the middle of my day to do absolutely nothing. Or I could have gone and worked extra hours at Sweet Apple Acres if I ended up having nothing to do. Which was most of the time. One thing I did was read through the first of those human books I've been hearing so much about. They're shit. Complete and total shit. The pony who wrote them had no idea how human anatomy worked, and assumed we all ran around naked tossing fireballs at each other. The plot was kiddy and nonsensical, as it revolved around some guy with pointed limbs attempting to take away harmony from the world. In other words, a complete waste of paper, though a lot of ponies believe otherwise. Like Rainbow. She liked them at first, but after I explained how wrong they are, she now takes them with a grain of salt. I also ended up writing to Octavia a few weeks ago, and after sending a few letters, she actually came down to Ponyville for a visit. She knew somepony named Noteworthy, who ended up being a blue stallion with a penchant for music. He actually had a piano and let us use it, provided we bought him lunch. So I had a practice session with Octavia, playing that one song we worked on last time, as well as a few others that she'd brought with her. I've also earned quite a lot of money. I'm sitting at around 320 bits, which according to Applejack is almost enough for the down payment on a house in Ponyville. If I can gather 350 bits, I can finally move out of Vinyl's house...and then work like crazy to pay for the rest of the house over the next few months. So in three days, give or take, I'll have enough money. To sum all this up, I feel pretty good about things, relatively speaking. Literally, as well. Being this fit as compared to before, I generally feel better. Less random ass pains, and I certainly don't get tired as much as before. Did I mention I can run for the full hour with Rainbow Dash and only get slightly winded now? Damn, I've never been this fit in my life. Okay, I've been reflecting long enough. Where the fuck is Rainbow? Ugh. I scan the skies slightly, but there's still no sign of her. Well then. I guess I'll be reading this book after all. I take a large book out of the satchel hanging at my side. Yeah, Rarity made this for me after I'd spent one afternoon helping her fill an insanely large order from Canterlot. And no, I wasn't doing any sewing. Just menial tasks that would make her job easier. Anyway, this book is called Advanced Spells and Incantations, by that one kook Twilight keeps going on about. Starswirl the Bearded, I think it was. Even though most of the spells in this book are so complicated I can't even begin to fathom them, I still find it an interesting read. It's insane, the kind of things ponies have come up with. Some of this magic can do things science never could. After a few minutes of poring through this book, I happen to hear Rainbow coming. I shut the book with a snap and place it in the satchel, as I won't be needing it any longer. Looking up, I spot Rainbow zooming towards me with a panicked expression on her face. Probably because she realized she was late and knew I'd be pissed. Which I am. Rainbow hits the ground hard and skids slightly, showering the nearby fence with dirt. “Oh shoot, I'm so sorry. I lost track of time while practicing my tricks,” she apologizes, and then she smiles, happy to see me. “I figured as much. At least you weren't fucking sleeping,” I grunt, nonetheless annoyed despite her apology. Rainbow winces, but doesn't say anything to defend herself because she knows she messed up. I probably won't stay mad at her for long. She's not perfect, but almost every time I can recall having fun in this world of technicolor ponies, she's been involved. “So when do we have to be at the glade for this picnic or whatever?” “Not for at least an hour. Trust me, we got time,” Rainbow answers me with an assured grin. “That was never the issue. I just want make sure I get there on time. You know, that thing you can't do,” I remark, unable to resist the chance to poke a little fun at her. “Oh come on, it could have happened to anypony!” Rainbow protests, and then she starts to pout. Which looks hilarious enough to make me chuckle. “Also, did you get new clothes? Like, without sleeves this time?” “Damn right I did. I asked Rarity to give me something simple I could train in, and she came up with this,” I reply, somewhat pleased that she noticed. Yeah, I'm wearing something very simple. By that, I mean a black sleeveless shirt that clings tightly to the contours of my upper body, and a set of similarly colored casual slacks. “She wasn't happy making something with nothing but black fabric, but she understood when I explained why. Black absorbs more heat, and this is winter.” “That makes sense. I like it though. Really shows off those muscles you've got now. Nice job, by the way,” Rainbow compliments me. I raise an eyebrow and look at her suspiciously. “What? It's a compliment.” “Careful. Any further and you'll start to sound like Lyra,” I point out, which immediately gets Rainbow to flush in both irritation and embarrassment. “I'm nothing like her! You take that back!” Rainbow snaps at me, mortified. Her reaction gets me to laugh. Basically, at one point, I'd told Rainbow about how Lyra always flirts with me to piss me off. Rainbow had been understandably horrified by that. “Whatever. Just saying,” I say with a shrug and a smug grin. Rainbow huffs, but she decides that's the best she's going to get out of me. “Now, shall we do this? I've been dying to see how fast you can go,” Rainbow asks, bringing the subject back to the initial purpose for our little meet up here. “Yeah, me too. I've never really had a reason to test my limits,” I agree, stretching my arms out. “This should be enlightening. So what's the start and end point?” “We start here, of course,” Rainbow responds as if it should have been obvious. She laughs at the deadpan expression I give her, and the scans the horizon, looking for a good ending place. “Those hills right there. All the way on the other side of the town. See them?” “Those are really far away,” I remark, spotting them. “I don't think I've actually been over there before.” “Make sure you don't stop to sight-see, or I'll leave you in my dust!” Rainbow taunts me, whipping her mane back self-importantly. Ugh, she's bragging again. “Like I'm really going to,” I retort. Just for once, I want to beat her and knock her ego down a few notches. “Just tell me when to start. And no cheating, or I'll kick your fucking ass.” “I wouldn't cheat! Come on, that kind of accusation is uncalled for,” Rainbow responds, looking offended. I just shrug. I meant what I said; take it how you will. Suddenly, Rainbow gets a devious expression. “Say, why don't we make a bet out of this?” “Depends on what the terms are. I'm not really one for being overly competitive,” I tell her. It's true. I'm only doing this as a way to test my own limits, as I'd said before. “Okay, get this. If I win, you have to show me all that human music on your...fun-thingy,” Rainbow declares. I choke with laughter at the way she described my phone. That sounds really wrong. “It's a phone, Rainbow,” I correct her. She waves a hoof dismissively, obviously not caring what it's called. “What happens if I win?” “Um...if you win...I'll...do whatever you want for a day,” Rainbow suggests. I raise an eyebrow. It's a good thing she's my friend, because I'd could make that day a living hell for her with that kind of bet. Even so, I think I'll take this bet. If she wins, we'll have a blast listening to music. I already want to do that, but I've been putting it off because of work. If I win, I'll make her come with me for work and training tomorrow. Either way, I technically win. “Sounds good to me. I guess start us off whenever you're ready,” I finally reply. Then, I hop off of the barrel I'm sitting on an easily tap into my magic, unleashing it with a primal roar. Unlike a month ago, I immediately enter base form without having to try. And my base form is much stronger than before, to the point where darkness is licking off of me like flame, yet it's still stable and doesn't really drain me. Rainbow hunches down into a ready stance, her wings spreading and fluttering slightly. “Are you ready? On three. One...” “Wait, on three, or three and then go?” I interrupt with a cheeky grin. “I said 'on three' didn't I? Try listening next time,” Rainbow returns with a huff. “Now then. On three. One...two...THREE!” The moment she says that, the race begins. Rainbow propels herself into the air with her two back legs, her wings flapping furiously. I set my arms to my side and blast off into the air like a rocket, my magic leaving a dark trail behind me. Yeah, I became able to fly a while back, as one of the first things Rose helped me learn. Almost immediately, we're neck and neck. I'm increasing my speed steadily in an attempt to overtake her, but she seems to be doing the same thing. Damn, she's really fast. The wind blasts into my face, causing my hair to stream out behind me and my pants to flap like crazy. It feels exhilarating, as this is the fastest I've ever flown. Hell, I haven't really flown that much since learning how. Rainbow's mane and tail are streaming out behind her as well. She turns her head and grins, her eyes narrowed. She looks determined to beat me. That's fine. I'm just trying to see how fast I can go. With a grunt, I kick it up a notch, pushing my magic output to a higher level in an attempt to bypass Rainbow. It's not working. She's easily keeping up with me. Hell, neither of us can get a lead on the other. Suddenly, I start to feel a strange resistance in the air. Like something is trying to hold me from going any faster. A quick glance at Rainbow shows me that she's experiencing the same thing, but it doesn't seem to be bothering her. Instead, she's speeding up more. I do the same, but the faster I get, the more I'm being resisted. It gets to the point where it feels like I'm trying to fly through molasses. Next to me, Rainbow looks even more determined. Finally, I can't go any further. I seem to hit an impassable, elastic barrier that completely halts my momentum, and then reverses it, sending me spiraling backwards wondering what the fuck just happened. Rainbow...HOLY FUCK! Rainbow just keeps going, and then I have to clamp my hands to my ears as a thunderous crack echoes throughout the air. Rainbow speeds up exponentially, and a set of concentric, circular rainbows emanate outwards from where Rainbow had left me behind. That...was a Sonic Rainboom, wasn't it? And...that resistance I was feeling was the sound barrier, wasn't it? Which means she just fucking broke the sound barrier and left me behind. Shit, well...this magic makes me extremely fast, but not supersonically so. Well, I've lost. By a landslide. Still, it feels surreal, having come into contact with the sound barrier, even though I didn't break it. Humans aren't meant to do that without planes to protect them from the g-forces, yet I just did. Fucking magic, man. I collect myself and start a leisurely flight over to the hill. I already know I've lost, so there's no hurry. In fact, Rainbow actually flies back to meet up with me after reaching the end point. She has a giant fucking grin on her face, which causes me to sigh and mentally prepare for her bragging. “Hey Seth! Did you check out my awesome Sonic Rainboom? Nopony's ever seen it that close up before,” Rainbow exclaims, soaring up and and joining me in my flight. “I still don't understand how that even works, but it was definitely trippy, that's for sure,” I admit. “So I guess you win.” “Heck yeah I do. I saw you get knocked back, and I knew I'd won,” Rainbow proclaims proudly. She nudges me good-naturedly. “You have a while to go before you beat me.” “Thanks for rubbing it in, you dick. Just be glad I can even go flying with you,” I snap back at her, not appreciating her bragging at all. “Sorry. But yeah, it's totally awesome! You should come flying with me more often. Not like a race, but more like our runs. Only in midair,” Rainbow replies casually. “Sure, I guess. So when do you want to hear all my music?” I ask, changing the subject. “How about tonight? I don't have anything to do,” Rainbow suggests. Then she brightens up with an idea. “Hey, we'll get take out on the way home tonight and rock out while we eat.” “That actually sounds good,” I admit. I'm actually starting to look forward to it. It's been so long since I've listened to any of my music. There was never any real call for it over the past month because I'm always working, training, or doing something. I don't have headphones, and carrying the phone around with the speaker to my ear isn't really conducive to multitasking. “Anyway, we should probably get over to the glade now.” “What? But it hasn't been an hour yet,” Rainbow complains. “Because I should definitely trust your sense of time, miss twenty minutes late,” I shoot back at her. Hah, she really needs to stop setting me up for these jokes. “It was one time! Come on!” Rainbow defends. “But I suppose you're right. Even if we're early, we can still do a little flying.” “And, you know, we'll also be early. Which is almost always a good thing,” I tease her again. Rainbow huffs and shoves me...which sends me reeling because we're in midair and I haven't really learned how to keep a stable flight path. “Really?” “Oops, sorry. I forgot you're new at this,” Rainbow apologizes...and then her eyes shoot wide open when I tackle her in retaliation. Since we're still flying, we end up tumbling around in midair. “Oh, you want to do this? Let's go...oh stoppit, tickling isn't fair!” “It totally is. Maybe this will teach you not to fuck with me,” I return. As we continue our dumb airborne shenanigans, the morning sun rises higher in the air, shedding its light over the peaceful town of Ponyville. Rainbow and I touch down in the grassy glade together, both panting slightly after wrestling with one another. Despite all my physical progress, Rainbow is stronger than I am. Which makes sense, considering she's been exercising a lot longer than I have, and I'm not exactly the herculean example of fitness. I just have a lot more muscle mass now than before. “Dude, you are definitely stronger than before. I could feel it,” Rainbow comments as we walk through the field together. “Yup. I suppose I have this world to thank for it. If I'd stayed back in my time, I'd never have exercised like this,” I confess to her. “Least now you fit in a little more. Everypony in this town has at least some kind of muscle mass,” Rainbow continues. She has a point, since the farming industry is pretty important in this town. “Unless you're Pinkie Pie.” “Hah. How can you have muscle working around all that sugar?” I agree. How Pinkie stays as slender as she is is beyond me. Then again, I don't think obesity is a problem among ponies, as far as I've seen. “Right? Though now that you mention it, I want some cupcakes now,” Rainbow expresses, rubbing her toned stomach with a hoof. “Especially that spicy kind Pinkie makes.” I'm just about to ask about how a spicy cupcake can be good, when the voice of another pony interrupts us. “Why, hello, you two!” It's Rarity. She's resting on her haunches, using her magic to lay out a red and white checkered tablecloth on the grass. She's also wearing a wide brimmed sun hat, for whatever reason. Sure, it's particularly nice out for a winter day, but I don't think it warrants clothing like that. Or maybe she's just trying to look good. Whatever, I don't care. “You are here earlier than I expected. Especially you, Rainbow Dash.” “Is everyone going to pick on me about that today!?” Rainbow, protests, planting her face in her hooves while I laugh at her expense. Thank you Rarity, for playing along with my joke, despite it being unintentional. “We're here early because I dragged her here,” I add wryly. “We had nothing else to do after our race.” “You raced Rainbow? Is that why I saw a Sonic Rainboom over the town?” Rarity asks curiously, adjusting her hat with magic. I mentally groan as Rainbow puffs herself up self importantly. “Yes he did! And I beat him so hard! Nopony can keep up with me when I go supersonic!” Rainbow boasts, pressing a hoof against her chest. “You say that as if there were ever any doubt,” I deadpan. “Congratulations, you beat a guy who's only been flying for half a month, as opposed to you, who's been flying your entire life.” “He has a point there, Rainbow,” Rarity remarks. All of this serves to deflate Rainbow slightly. “But...you're selling yourself short! You were fast enough to keep up with me until that point,” Rainbow argues. “Are...you trying to compliment me, so that you can brag more effectively?” I ask in disbelief. Rainbow pauses, and then dips her head. “Really?” “Maybe a little...but I'm also being honest,” Rainbow admits. Then, to change the subject, she looks at Rarity. “So what's for lunch?” “Hm, you'd have to ask Applejack. She's the one cooking for us all,” Rarity reveals. She peers down at the tablecloth with a scrutinizing expression, and then she proceeds to smooth out the wrinkles. That seems rather unnecessary. When we all get here, that's probably not going to stay pristine like that. “I'd imagine there would be apples involved, however.” “Holy shit, a pony named Applejack is bringing apples? Say it isn't so!” I gasp melodramatically, sarcasm practically dripping from my voice. Rarity looks at me with a flat-browed expression, while Rainbow just snickers. “Shut up, Rarity, that was funny.” “I didn't say anything, dear,” Rarity informs me, looking confused. “You were thinking it.” “So you told me to shut up because of an assumption you made?” Rarity questions with a raised eyebrow. “Seems rather irresponsible.” “I could also care less. Now where's everypony else?” I ask, crossing my arms and looking around. “Now, Seth, we're still earlier than the appointed time. No doubt it'll be a while before...” Rarity begins, but she cuts off when a piece of the grass just next to her pops open like a lid to reveal Pinkie's head, emerging from some kind of tunnel or another...from seemingly nowhere. “Hi!” Pinkie greets us all as we stare at her in varying shades of confusion, incredulity, and sheer what the fuckery. Pinkie pulls herself out of the tunnel and shakes her body, scattering bits of dirt over the tablecloth. “Pinkie, darling, honestly!” Rarity complains, lifting the dirt off of the cloth with her magic and placing it elsewhere. “You really must be more careful.” “I'm always careful! My right back leg got all achy, so I knew I had to emerge here, and only here, or something bad would happen!” Pinkie assures Rarity, none of her words making any kind of sense to me. Then she turns and looks at us. “Hi Rainbow! Hi Sethie!” “Stop calling me that,” I say flatly, but I don't think she even hears me at this point. After greeting us, she puts the “lid” of grass and dirt and places it back over the hole, where it seals up as if tehre had never been a hole there. Seriously, everything she does is what the fuck. “S'up Pinkie? Did you bring the desserts?” Rainbow returns her greeting, her tongue hanging expectantly out of her mouth. Hate to break it to you, Rainbow, but Pinkie just came out of a hole in the ground. There's no way she brought any...holy fuck did she just pull a basket out of her fucking mane? “You betcha! I brought all kinds of sweets! Muffins, cookies, cakes, cupcakes, donuts, brownies, and...” Pinkie begins. As much as all of that sounds incredibly awesome, I have to interrupt her. “Question! How the fuck did you fit all of that in that tiny little basket? Second question, you just crawled through a hole in the ground! Wouldn't there be dirt and/or hair all over it?” I demand. Pinkie's smile doesn't drop at all. “Nope, everything's fine! More than fine, actually. Look at this!” Pinkie reaches a hoof into the basket and pulls out a fucking three layer chocolate cake in pristine condition and places it on the cloth. Like, seriously. Even after I take a closer look, there's no sign of dirt or hair on it. How the fuck...? “But wait, there's more!” The three of us watch in wonder as Pinkie proceeds to pull out even more desserts from that tiny little basket as if nothing is wrong. What the fuck is this, Time Lord technology? You know what, fuck it. I don't care anymore. “Oh, that looks delicious,” says a soft, timid voice, just after Pinkie removes a vanilla cream pudding from the basket. Fluttershy flies down to join us. She's carrying a basket with her as well, though if the clanking I hear is anything to go by, it doesn't contain food. “Fluttershy! How good of you to join us,” Rarity greets her first. Pinkie shifts around until she's next to me on the shorter end of the cloth so that Fluttershy can sit next to Rarity. Rainbow is on my left, sitting on the longer end opposite Rarity. “Did you bring the plates?” “Um...yes,” Fluttershy answers, setting down the basket and opening it. “I also brought silverware and napkins. I wouldn't want us to make a mess.” “And by 'us', you mean Pinkie, who almost showered Rarity in dirt,” I remark. Rarity sniffs, agreeing my words, while Pinkie just smiles widely and lets my insult roll right over her head without reacting. Rarity and Fluttershy start to distribute the plates. By that, I mean Fluttershy takes the plates out of the basket, while Rarity grabs them with her magic and passes them out to the rest of us, as well as for those who aren't here yet. They will be here soon, though. I can see Twilight and Applejack walking towards us in the distance. They're both carrying baskets. Applejack I know has the food, but what is Twilight bringing? Drinks? I sure hope so. She's the one who planned this thing, so she better have thought of that. “Was that you, Rainbow? The Sonic Rainboom, I mean,” Fluttershy asks, practically answering her own question. God, that was a dumb question. You know anypony else who can pull one of those off? So Rainbow seizes the opportunity to stroke her own ego, and Fluttershy just eats it all up, making the problem worse. Goddammit Fluttershy. Anyway, while that's going on, I reach over towards one of the cookies Pinkie brought...only for Rarity to smack me on the hand with a fork. “Ow! What the fuck, Rarity?” I say, withdrawing my now stinging hand. “Ah ah ah, Seth. Don't be touching the desserts until after the meal,” Rarity scolds me with a knowing smile. “Seriously? What are you, my mom?” I demand, considering just taking the cookie anyway. “Well, somepony has to fill in the role, at least when it comes to teaching you manners,” Rarity responds, puffing herself up and looking uppity. “Come now, you need to keep up your healthy habits, if you want to keep those muscles you've been working on.” “I suppose,” I grumble, but she has a point. Just as I'm backing off from the argument, Pinkie reaches forward, takes the cookie I'd been going for, and promptly crunches into it. “And how's that fair!?” “Pinkie, you're setting a terrible example for Seth here,” Rarity turns to scold her next. Pinkie looks between us innocently. “What? Oh. Oopsies!” Pinkie then proceeds to gulp down the rest of the cookie, licking her lips afterward. “Ooh, I love chocolate. I'll have to try putting marshmallows in them next time.” “Howdy everypony!” Applejack and Twilight are here at last. Applejack set down the basket, from which is emanating a delicious aroma. “Ah brought the food!” “Hey girls! I'm glad you could all make it,” Twilight greets us next. The two new arrivals proceed to get settled amongst us. Applejack sits next to Rainbow, while Twilight sits across from Pinkie. In her basket, I can see a steaming teapot, along with a cups and a jug of water. Ah, excellent. She did think this through after all. “I hope you're all as hungry as I am, because Applejack brought a lot of food.” “Seth, ah'm surprised ya even showed up fer this,” Applejack remarks. I look at her oddly at that. “Ya don't really seem like the picnic type.” “I'm only here because you sent Rainbow to ask me, and she said there'd be cake!” I retort, which gets a laugh out of everypony there. “And there's lots of caaake!” Pinkie trills happily in a sing song voice. “Awesome! Now then, I'm starving, pass out the food!” Rainbow responds eagerly. Applejack chuckles and takes off the cover of her basket, revealing sandwiches, salads, and even some apple turnovers in there. Rainbow immediately snatches one of the sandwiches, much to Rarity's annoyance. “Rainbow, that wasn't very polite,” Rarity chides her, but then she sighs when Rainbow ignores her and takes a massive bite out of the sandwich. “Ugh, why do I even bother.” I get myself a sandwich as well, even though it's nothing but lettuce, tomato, and cheese. There's time for more...especially those sweets. The only time I get to eat those are when Pinkie throws a party, or if I were to buy them. Since I'm cheap as fuck, I never buy them. I only buy what I absolutely need, after all. With that, the talking ceases for a minute as we all start chowing down on the food. The silence doesn't break until Rarity finishes up her first sandwich. She wipes her mouth daintily with a handkerchief before sighing in satisfaction. “It's hard to believe it's still winter,” she expresses happily. “It's just gorgeous outside. Simply gorgeous!” “Good to know my state's weather never gets any better,” I remark in response, even though I know that it's the pegasi that control the weather. I'm not sure about temperature, though. That seems more like it would be under the sun's control. You know, that thing that Celestia claims to have control over. Which I still don't believe. Twilight is just about to chomp into an apple when she appears to realize something important. She puts down the apple and looks around. “Say, where's Spike? I could have sworn he was right behind me,” she asks curiously. “Oh, I thought somebody was missing,” I comment. “How could I have missed his absence? Oh dear me,” Rarity says, looking slightly worried. “Are you sure he left the house with you, Twilight?” “Absolutely. He was right behind me when...oh, there he is,” Twilight cuts off in the middle of her retracing. She points a hoof towards town. I follow her hoof to see a very frantic looking Spike, who looks like he's carrying something in his claws. Oh, and he's also sprinting as fast as those tiny legs can carry him. “I wonder what's got him in such a hurry.” “Ah reckon we'll find out in a minute,” Applejack notes wryly. Not even a minute later, Spike runs into the middle of our picnic (but thankfully not over the food, or I'd have punted him into next week), panting like crazy. “Twi...light! I...have...oh whatever, here,” Spike wheezes, handing Twilight a rolled up piece of parchment that's surprisingly emblazoned with the royal insignia. Which means it's from Celestia. Wonder what the mind-reader wants from her this time. All of the ponies I'm sitting with scoot towards Twilight in an attempt to see the letter. Twilight lifts up the scroll with her magic and unrolls it,before immediately starting to read aloud to us, for whatever reason. “Dear Twilight. I'm sure you're as excited as I am about the upcoming wedding in Canterlot...” Twilight cuts off there, looking at the rest of us. “Wedding?” Rainbow promptly loses interest, as do I. Weddings. Seriously? Why would any of us care about something like that? It's not like any of us are getting married. Heh, the day I get married is the day the world ends. I go back to eating my food, though I can't help but hear the rest of the letter. “I will be presiding over the ceremony, but I would very much like for you and your friends to help with the preparations for this wondrous occasion,” Twilight continues. “Fluttershy, I would like you and your songbird choir to provide the music.” “Oh! Goodness me, what an honor,” Fluttershy marvels, looking proud of herself. What? Songbird choir? Is that a thing she has? I've never heard of anything like that. Not to mention, you have a fucking Royal Canterlot Orchestra. Why not use that? I'd much rather hear Octavia be a badass than listen to a bunch of birds trying to tweet in harmony. The very idea sounds ludicrous. “Pinkie Pie, I can think of nopony more qualified than you to host the reception,” Twilight says next, not looking away from the scroll. Pinkie proceeds to do a cartwheel, narrowly missing the cake, before finally coming to a stop right in front of Spike's nose. “Hooray!” she exclaims. Okay, that part I'm okay with. That way we'll have a bunch of sweets for the reception. And her cake is delicious. Even so, this is rather odd. Why would Celestia want a bunch of random ponies like...oh. Duh. It's because they're the so-called Elements of Harmony. So yeah, I guess you can say they're important enough to warrant roles like this. I guess I keep forgetting that because they never act like it. “Applejack, you'll be in charge of the catering for the reception,” Twilight continues. “Why, color me surprised. Ah feel mighty important right now,” Applejack exclaims, but she looks happy at the chance to display her cooking at the wedding. “Rainbow Dash,” Twilight says, looking at the mare in question next to me. Rainbow still doesn't look impressed. In fact, she yawns widely, showing her lack of interest to everyone here. “I would very much appreciate it if you could perform a Sonic Rainboom as the bride and groom complete their vows.” “Yes!” Well, now Rainbow seems to be interested. Great, so now I'm alone in hating the very idea of this. What the fuck am I going to do if all of these ponies go to Canterlot? My only source of income will be Vinyl, and that's not everyday. Great, so much for fucking buying a house. Thanks a lot, Celestia. Bitch. “Rarity, you will be responsible for designing the dresses for the bride and her bridesmaids,” Twilight proceeds to read the extremely long letter. Throughout the course of that sentence, Rarity's jaw drops lower and lower, until it practically hits the ground. “Princess Celestia wants me to...” Rarity attempts to ask, but she trails off into a stream of incoherent babble. “Wedding dress...for a Canterlot wedding?” Fluttershy does her best to catch Rarity as she wobbles precariously, but ultimately fails as the fashionista hits the ground in a melodramatic faint, smiling happily. Yup...they're all leaving. My mood plummets at that. “And as for you, Twilight, you will be playing the most important role of all: making sure everything runs according to a smooth schedule. I hope to see you all soon. Yours, Princess Celestia,” Twilight finally finishes, though she looks far from satisfied. “Really?” I interrupt, crossing my arms. That gets the attention of the other ponies around me. “So...you're all just going to go to Canterlot.” “It appears so,” Applejack answers helpfully. My eyes narrow. “Good thing I was fucking invited. I guess I'll just stay home, twiddle my thumbs, and get paid for all the work I won't be doing!” I snap, my bad mood turning into anger. “Seriously! I was this close to buying a damn house, and now this happens.” “Wait, Seth, there's more,” Twilight cuts in before I can fully lose my temper. She clears her throat again. “P.S: Tell Seth that if he's interested, he's more than welcome to come along. I'm confident you can find something for him to do.” “There! Now you can come with us!” Rainbow proclaims, pulling me close to her with a hoof. She then whispers into my ear. “Now I won't have to suffer alone.” “Oh really? And have you even thought about this? Where are we staying throughout all of this? Canterlot's not exactly the cheapest place to stay, you know. Either way, I'm getting screwed out of my money,” I correct her, pushing Rainbow away from me. “Fucking weddings. I hate weddings.” “How could you hate...” Rarity asks, now sitting back up. Well, she started to ask, but Applejack cuts her off with a hoof and a shake of her head. Good. I don't want to answer that anyway. God, this is one giant inconvenience for me. Just wait until I see Celestia again. “I still don't understand,” Twilight emits, putting the scroll down. “This is the first I've heard of this wedding. Who's getting married, and why are we needed for it?” “There's a good question,” I grunt. “Oh! Hold on a minute,” Spike suddenly exclaims. He then holds out another scroll to Twilight. “I probably should have given this one to you first.” I have to facepalm at that. Twilight rolls her eyes, but she does take the scroll from him and unroll it. This time, everypony here walks around her to get a better view. “Princess Celestia cordially invites you to attend the wedding of Princess Mi Amore Cadenza and...” Twilight abruptly cuts off with a gasp when she reads the next line. “...my brother!?” Wait a minute, I recognize that name. Huh. So Princess Cadance is getting married. Well what do you fucking know?