//------------------------------// // One Too Many // Story: Two Tracks // by Bastinator //------------------------------// “Twilight !” God- Open you fucking door! You push through, ignoring the clamor of fans down the hall as you pursue after Twilight. “Twilight! Just wait! PLEASE!” You take a sharp left after her, the two of you moving away towards the fans. Bigs makes sure they won’t follow, but the mob doesn’t concern you right now. How could you have been so blind, so fucking ignorant that you couldn’t see it? You were convinced- Screw it, your mistake is in the past. It’s time to fix the present. She makes it to the end of the hall first, taking a swift right around the corner. Even as small as she is, ponies can be remarkably fast, but you won’t let her get away this time. You can’t let her. Not again. Come on legs, once more unto the breach. Pushing the pain in your fatigued chest to the back of your mind you pick up the pace and round the corner. “Twilight, stop running!” By god you’re out of shape. “We need to talk!” She glances back for a second only to skid to a halt as she reaches a dead end. Thank the architect for making this place a maze. You can see her glancing every which way for an exit as you come to a tired halt. Seriously, you have to find a gym or something. At least she’s finally stopped, any further and you’d swear your lungs would collapse. You don’t even smoke! ”Just leave me alone, Anon. I…” Twilight’s eyes are a hot red with tears on the verge of emergence. You never wanted this. “I just want to be alone right now.” “How can you expect me-” Deep breathes Anon, “not to follow you, after what you said.” You put your hands on your hips and push your chest up to help your breathing. You’ve got to lay off the cheesecake. Chocolate’s still on the table. “How long? How long have you felt that way?” You watch her horn begin to glow and you know you can’t stop her. “Please, I need to know.” Doomed to repeat history, Twilight would simply ignore your pleas and faze out of your life once again. Leaving you without answers… once again. But you can’t help but show a slight grin as the glow loses intensity and she finally looks back up at you. She doesn’t want to leave you, you can see that, but you also know just how strong her instincts are telling her to flee. You know that feeling all too well, it’s how you got here in the first place. ”I never meant for it to go this way,” her admission more pained than you’d ever want to hear. “Neither did I, but we can’t change the past.” She shakes her head, “No, I meant this, me meeting you again. I hoped we could heal old wounds, but all I did was make them bigger.” Now it’s your turn to shake your head. Despite what you’ve blamed her for, it wasn’t her fault alone. “I made this happen, Twilight. I pushed too hard then, and I pushed you again now. It was a different type of pushing, but… It was never your fault, not really.” ”I could’ve said something. Told you how I felt, I could have stopped all of this.” She has a point, you can’t disagree, but you can’t change the past. Twilight knows that, she tried after all. She wipes a tear from her eye, the first to have escaped, “You asked how long I felt about you like… like this.” You can’t help but mirror her smile, or is it the other way around? ”Do you remember the first time you sang on stage?” How could you forget? You wanted to strangle Twilight for it… in a good way. “You mean, the first time you forced me to sing on stage? Because that I remember.” She giggles at the memory, piece by piece her teary exterior breaking down, “I couldn’t let you squander your gift.” That was so long ago, you were so nervous at the time, clammy hands and a couple dozen ponies with their eyes on you. God how you hated the crowd. You got over it… ”Do you remember the song you played? You should, you-“ “Sang it tonight,” you finish the sentence for her. “Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic. It was fitting.” ”When you sang that song, you looked so happy.” You had to get into it first, but when you did, it was a magic all of its own. “I thought you chose it random, one of the dozens you had sung before.” “It wasn’t…” ”When you looked down through the crowd, you looked right at me. You weren’t singing for the crowd anymore, you were singing for me.” “Like I said, it was fitting.” Hell if you keep downplaying it you might end up convincing yourself. ”I didn’t know how you felt at the time, but for me, it was the most sincere, the most touching thing anypony had ever done for me. You stole my heart that night and you never gave it back.” “Could’ve asked. I’d still probably say no but…” you joke, both of you sharing the laugh. “That song was for you, Twilight. As far as I’m concerned, it’ll always be yours.” Her smile fades with a strained sigh. Don’t tell me you ruined this with that sentence. You’ve come too far to fail because of that. Thankfully not, as she sports another grin as stressed as her sigh, “Then can I ask you a question?” “You can, but I can’t guarantee it’ll be the truth,” your joke falls on deaf ears this time. You guess it’s time to serious the fuck up, “Alright.” She doesn’t move any closer, neither of you have despite every impulse sent by that damned brain of yours. Instead she looks to the floor, a single hoof pawing at the tiled floor. ”Tonight, when you sang that song. Who were you thinking of?” “Oh Twilight…” you take a step closer, Twilight tensing up at the movement. ”Please, just tell me.” If you move any closer you’ll lose her, so you move back a step. “It’s your song, Twilight. You’re the only mare I think of, song or no. It’s always been you.” Please say that’s what she wanted to hear. Please say that’s what she wanted to hear. Please- When she moves back, you could swear you fucked up, ruined everything by telling her the truth. “I can’t apologize for keeping these feelings…” Be stern, Anonymous, chest up, hands at your side. “…and I won’t. You’re the only mare I’ve ever cared for, past or present, and I don’t see that changing.” “Thank you…” You’re not sure you heard her right but she hasn’t left yet. That’s gotta be a good sign, right? “I needed to hear that.” “We can make things better between us.” Reason has never been your strong suit. Emotion and impulse have always been your sword and shield. “It’s not too late to make things right.” ”I- I need some time to think.” Twilight looks up at you, “Alone. Can… Can you wait for me, just until tomorrow?” Today has to be one of the happiest days in your life, and it shows on your face. “Princess, I’ve been waiting 4 years for a chance like this. I can wait another day.” A smile, a genuine warmhearted smile grows on her face as her horn glows, “I do love you, Anon.” “I know.” Hmm, no carbonite? Damn. With that and a flash of light, she’s gone. Where? You don’t care much at the moment. You turn in triumph, the opportunity you’ve long awaited for all these years finally here. … Shit, now you’re up and don’t want to sleep. Hell, might as well hang with the band for a few. Wonder if Fumble Note managed to guilt some more bits from your mates. You chuckle to yourself as you begin the walk back, unaware of the pair of yellow eyes that had been watching over the two of you. ~~~ 6 years ago… Wiping another streak of sweat from your face you eye the horizon, Detrot a good week of walking to actually reach. You’re fairly sure you’d rather take a cactus up the rear than go there, but orders are orders. No pony is going to let you use your hose out there. The big cities always manage to bring out the worst in people, and ponies aren’t an exception. Dickbags, the lot of them. At least Steel Bit equals them out somewhat. Good guy, even for a pony. Your mind wanders to how dry your mouth is, but you know better than to let it get to you. Maybe you’ll catch some rain sometime once the terrain decides to green up a bit. Until then, ration time. Joy… Looking back at your companion you can’t help but stifle a laugh. Unicorns, their prissy little hooves were never meant to handle this type of beating. Welcome to my life, sucks doesn’t it? “How… much further?” She manages to get out between gasps of air. She’s just lucky she brought some water for herself. Unlucky for you. “Take a look at the horizon, keep looking and really get a feel for it. It looks like a long way, and you’re right. We’ve got quite a few more of those to go.” You almost say that with a bit of glee in your voice. You haven’t heard a tone like that in a while. Sounds kinda nice. “You don’t… seem to be -whew- having much… trouble at all!” This mare just doesn’t shut her trap does she? Three days. Three fucking days and she hasn’t slowed down. Not. One. Bit. The thought of bribing her crossed your mind once, and then you remember feeling a bit lighter than usual. Can’t very well bribe someone without any money. Apparently one thing does get her to slow down, you answering. Honestly, you’re not too keen on that idea, but it’s either that or your sanity. Sigh… If you didn’t have enough baggage already. “No, I don’t have much trouble. It’s called exercise, look it up.” A hefty thud reaches your ear causing you to stop. Not because you’re alarmed, but because facepalming when your walking is just a bit too much work. “What are you doing?” You know exactly what she’s doing, being a dingbat with a touch of downs. ”Looking up ‘exercise’ like you said.” Why? Why can’t she have been born a deaf mute? Your life would’ve been so much simpler. She unbuttons her saddle, alternating between rubs of her hooves before she takes out a- Why did she take a god damn dictionary? “Oh for fuck’s sake… I told you to take the essentials, not- A book isn’t essential.” ”But how else could I look up ‘exercise’ for you? Ah, here we go. ‘Exercise: bodily or mental exertion, especially for the sake of training or improvement of health.’” She lets out a gasp to your surprise, “That means I have been exercising! Rainbow Dash can’t make fun of me for it anymore!” Rainbow Dash? You don’t- No, you can’t begin to think of who or what that is. Still, you don’t think it’d be hard to find something else to insult her. “Are you done now? We’re burning daylight.” You standby tapping your foot in irritation as she plops her book back in its ‘designated position.’ You’re going to burn that book by tonight. It’d make fine fuel for a fire. “There, all do- Oww!” As she tried to get up her legs buckled beneath her, giving her a nice taste of dry earth. Serves her right. “Can- Can you help me up?” She extends a hoof upwards, reaching to the hand of god, that being you in this situation. You just look at it in disgust. “Seriously?” ”If I can’t get up, we’ll be late. I don’t want you to get in trouble. Please?” Her eyes plead that weak part of your heart that still thinks of mares as girls, the ‘gentleman.’ Too bad for her, that guy took a vacation long ago. That being said, you hate being late. Be nice and get there on time? Or be you and have Steel Bit ride your ass? Easy choice, you aren’t gay yet. “Ugh, fine. Tttthere we go,” you pull her up with ease and help her keep balance for a second. “Are we good, can we go now?” ”Yep!” She does a little hop and starts a steady trot to both your shock and irritation. It gets that much worse when you see her pull her paper and quill from her bag with magic. That bitch made you wait, and now she’s just fine and dandy? Bullshit! “Excuse me, but what the fuck was all that about?” You want to pelt that smile of hers into the dirt and give her a first-hand introduction to Satan, or whoever it is here. ”I’m sorry, what was that?” Satan. Meeting. This shit’s happening. “Oh, you mean that? I just wanted to test something really quick.” Pawing at you face is generally a sign of repressed rage and if you were doing it any harder you’d rip the flesh right off the bone. “A test?! Are you kidding me? I don’t have time for this!” You stomp off ahead of her, this time not slowing down for her sake. You’d given her that luxury and now she’s lost it. “But… I wanted to test your fingers, you know… to see how they worked!” She futily tries to keep up with you now, and this time, you know that her grunts of exertion are genuine. “Could you, slow down a little? It’s hard to- You’re really fast.” “You didn’t even need to look that up in the dictionary did you?” you shout back to her, not giving up an inch. “It was just an excuse to begin your act. Bravo, ten out of ten.” ”T-thank you.” You’re seeing red at this point, like, everything is blood red. You might want to get that checked out. “I was being hypocritical you stupid… Gah, fuck it.” Slow down, Anon. You’re going to give yourself a stroke if you keep up this pace for much longer. There we go, easy does it. You’re still angry, but at least things are returning to their normal color… and you won’t die from the heat. Then you hear it, that scribbling on parchment that reminds you of nails on a chalkboard, only this time it isn’t you who’s doing it. ”fuuuuuck… How do you spell that?” Alright, even you will admit that tickles your funny bone but only for a second. You’re still angry with her. “F, U, C, K.” You say, keeping your chuckle to yourself as you pull out your canteen for a sip. By god is that refreshing. Funny how good water can taste when you’re an inch from dehydration. Twilight hums to herself for a minute, apparently staring down at the mysterious word before her when you snuck a peak. ”Anon?” I can’t hear you. Lalalalala. “Hey, Anon?” This place is going to be your tomb. “What?” ”What does ‘fuck’ mean?” “What, you can’t look that one up?” ”It’s not in the dictionary.” She says almost matter-of-factly like she knows everything there is to know about it. Seriously, unicorns are pretentious cunts through and through. “Yeah, and I’m sure you read the whole damned thing too,” shaking your head at the mere notion. ”I’m very good at memorization. That’s why I’m Celestia’s star pupil,” her sheer joy coming out in almost a squeak there at the end. “Do you know what you’d get if you looked up the word ‘nuisance’ in the dictionary?” Wait for it… Wait... “A picture of you.” ”But dictionaries don’t have-” “Oh god, just shut your face hole. Damn.” … ”damn…” You’re going to kill her. ~~~ That night… You light up your watch, the soft green glow telling you that it’s a few past nine o’ clock. Sun’s down, heat’s gone, you can almost hear the critters scampering about, and… Yawn… Yeah you’re tired, at least you think that’s what yawning means. Right? Sure let’s go with that. You turn back and look at your reluctant companion through the moonlight, some square object basked in a purple aura in front of her. “We’re stopping for the night. I hope you brought a nice bed with you,” you scoff, insulting the pleasantries she’s grown accustomed to. “We wouldn’t want you to sleep on the nasty ground.” ”My bag isn’t big enough to…” Aaaand tuned out. It’ll only last so long. Twilight adapts quicker than you care to keep up with. “…keep going. By my calculations we should-” So that’s what that thing is? Sheesh, she’s a bigger nerd than you thought… she did read the whole damn dictionary though. You should feel sorry for her. Should. “Keep going? And exactly how much further are you thinking to go exactly?” you cross your arms and await her answer. ”Well, calculating our speed over the past two days, I surmise that if we add an additional-” “Ha ha whoa now, hold your horses for a second. I asked how long -you- were thinking about going.” Even as dark as it is you can still see the mix of shock and confusion on her face as she looks between you and her calculator, “But if we just-” “No, Twilight, there is no we. There’s just me, myself and I and guess what? Not one of those is you. Go on and keep walking, but I’ll be making camp and having some dinner.” You swiftly turn your back on her and make your way to one of the trees a couple dozen yards away from the train tracks. About halfway there you can hear her shout after you, “But what about me?” Don’t laugh An- Okay, fine you can have a little one but no more. “What about you?” That should set her head straight. You set down your bag and grab some twigs for a fire, your grin losing form when you hear Twilight come back trotting over. “I think it’d be better if we stuck together. Strength in numbers.” “Trust me, honey, you need me a lot more than I need you,” you reply with a roll of the eyes. The audacity of it… “I can take care of myself just fine, and- I don’t know you well enough for you to call me honey.” Thankfully you don’t have the fire going yet, because you’re about to throw yourself into it. “It was sarcastic… Hey, can I see that dictionary of yours for a second?” Maybe she thinks you’re opening up to her or maybe she’s just a certain kind of stupid, but she levitates it to you without question. “Sarcasm: the use of irony-” *rip* “I know what sarcasm means,” tossing a couple pages in with the other combustibles, “Maybe you should look up gullible.” ”My book!” La la la, where did you put that flint and steel? It has to be in here somewhere. “How could you do that?” Ah there it is, right under a potato. Darn thing always manages to lose themselves. You turn to get a face full of angry Twilight face. “I’m sorry, what was that?” Oh mockery, sweet mockery, how you sustain me. Even in these trying times- “You don’t just do that to somepony’s books you meanie!” “What’s the big deal? You’ve got the definitions wound up in your head anyways, so how I see it, it does me more good than you.” ”Than does -not- justify tearing a book apart!” “It’s just a few pages,” you reason with the flustered mare as you start up the fire. “Plus, you’ll be happy I did in a few hours when the cold hits you.” “I can make my own fire. I can’t make my own book.” You rub your eyes painfully, each second she talks more painful than the last. “These are my personal things and if you think-” “Alright, fine, if I apologize will you be quiet?” She sits back on her flank and taps her chin thoughtfully, “Maybe... If you meant it.” …is this chick serious? Ha, good luck with that one. “In that case, keep going. I’ll live with it, unfortunately.” You blow into the embers as you coax the first flames from the pages, the sweet warmth making you grin. ”You- You’re supposed to apologize! Apologize!” Once again you look over to see her standing right next to you, eyebrows down and face scrunched. “Now.” “Is that supposed to intimidate me?” You see the crack in her shell as her pout becomes a nervous smile, “Maybe?” There’s a few things in this world that piss you off… Okay, make that a lot of things, but this one has got to be like, top 5. Just below Equestria, ponies, socializing and more ponies. People trying to take advantage of you. That’s number five and that’s because they so often fail. So you decide to give her a lesson. You stand up straight taller than a minotaur and tower above her, looking down on her with furrowed brows. “I’ve uh- never seen you this tall.” “You’ve been with me for three days,” you lean down, “it’s called perspective. Now sit over there and be quiet… Please.” “Okay…” she turns and walks to the other side of the fire, tail between her legs like a scared dog. Dammit. Fine, that wasn’t really number five. That’s seeing people sad… unless they really pissed you off. Like that winged chick and her unicorn friend. Those were kind of okay. You’re going to regret this, you think as you sit down and tear off a piece of bread. “Hungry?” She hesitates to look up at you, even when you are trying your hardest to be sincere. No seriously, you are. If you were any more serious you’d be in a Christopher Nolan movie. Even still she doesn’t seem to answer you. Maybe if you wag it around a bit. “Look, I know you ran out of food this morning. You didn’t think I knew what that comment about you not being hungry for lunch meant? C’mon, I wasn’t born yesterday. Now take the food already, jeez.” You feel the piece slip from your fingers and make its way over to her hooves where she nibbles at it. “Thank you.” “Don’t mention it.” These ponies know you as somewhat of a stoic wanderer and you’d like to keep it that way. “I forgive you.” “Excuse me?” She silently swallows the last bit of bread, “I forgive you for tearing up my book.” You don’t need to hear this but you acknowledge her regardless. The last thing you need is a mopey ass companion. Actually the last thing -is- a companion but you digress. Fishing back around in your bag lets you lay a hungry eye on one of your potatoes but you decide to wait, instead grabbing your knife. “You’d best get as much rest as you can. You may have been pretending it was an act about being sore earlier, but trust me, I know you are. Some shut-eye will do us both some good.” Both of us. God, you hope the princess is at least going to pay you for babysitting her student. Maybe it’ll make up for the bits you lost, but there’s no sense thinking that far ahead. You just need to get to Detrot. Hopefully Twilight will have gotten the message and skedaddle by then. ”Aren’t you going to eat something?” “Does it look like I’m going to sleep,” you ask as you lie down, knife clasped in hand atop your chest. She gives you a onceover and nods, “I’d say you were going to sleep.” You strategically grin away from her as she’s technically right. “There’s a lot of things you don’t know about me.” Wait for it. “I’d like to know more.” You swear these ponies talk off scripts. “Just go to sleep.” ~~~ Hmm, bacon. Sweet sweet bacon. What you wouldn’t give for a nice thick slice, fat and all. Screw the bacon, just give me a pig. You wouldn’t know how to carve it but you’d find a way. Christ you need some meat right now. Beef, fish, pork, hell you’d go for a rat burger right about now. Where are you? I know you’re out there, skulking about and waiting for the fire to die down a little. You’re not sure how much longer you can hold this pose. The cold is starting to creep in and you’re having trouble fighting off the shivers. There! You little piece of shit. What’re you doing down there? You feel the soft pinch on your toes but remain still. Having trouble getting through the boot huh? I call them steel-toed-shoes you fucking nuisance. Just a couple more seconds, get your mandibles nice and deep. And… Now! Lunging forward off your back you hone in on the camel spider’s position, the tiny cretin not getting a chance to escape before you drive the knife in his back. His jaws retract while his legs try to recite his tap dancing lessons, but that won’t do him any good. “Who’s dinner? You’re dinner. That’s who.” Setting him down on his side you fish out your pan, twirling it around while you hum to yourself, adding some fuel to the dwindling fire. Big guy this time, would’ve taken another toe if you weren’t too careful. Whoever said these boots were a waste of bits? Not you, that’s for sure. As you hold the pan over of the fire, getting it nice and cozy for your guest, you look over to your squirming guest. “How much pain you in there, big guy? I hope a lot, you can’t imagine how hard it was to walk back to town with bolts of pain shooting up my leg. And it was all thanks to you,” you poke his behind for good measure. “Well, not you personally, but one of your many brothers and sisters.” The thought almost brings back a phantom pain in your left toe, the pinkie, so useless yet so damn cute. Your mom always used to- “Now,” you whisper between your teeth to your captive, “I know that you want it all to end, just let the pain go and die. But! Life isn’t always so fair. In fact, you can say it’s kind of a bitch. Life took my pinkie toe, so to me, fair’s fair right?” Planting him down with your fingers you take a little of his back leg before replanting the knife in his back. “That wasn’t so bad, now was it?” You flick your pan a couple times. Not too hot, not too cold. Just right. “Looks like its dinner time. Bone ‘petite.” You’re not a sadist. Really you’re not. Just because you take pleasure in watching these little assholes get what’s coming to them doesn’t make you a bad guy. After all, he bit your boots. You really like these boots. Just have to plant him down and there we go, a nice slow roast. Smell that aroma, how can something so bad smell so good. “It’s gotta be a strange twist of fate,” you begin to sing softly with the sizzle of carapace as your orchestra. “Telling you that heaven can wait. Telling you to get it right thiiiis time.” You’re about to continue when you notice your buddy isn’t moving anymore. He could’ve at least let you get through the segment first. Oh well, not like it matters. “Life doesn't mean a thing. Without the love you bring. Love is what we've-” ”Mmm.” Oh you’ve got to be kidding? You can’t even sing without being interrupted. Twice! “Anon?” Twilight rubs an eye as she stirs from her slumber. You guess you can’t blame her this time, you did get a bit vocal. “Wakey wakey, hands off snakey.” Right now, you reckon you’re a bit too happy to let her spoil the mood with simply existing. So she gets a pass until morning. A revocable pass that is. ”Snake?” She scratches her head one moment and the next her eyes almost pop out of her head, “Snake?! Where?” Coming close to losing that pass… “Just an Earth saying about boys. There’s not a snake in sight.” She keeps a cool Defcon One for a few more seconds before sliding in at a three or four. You may not be a knight in shining armor, but you’ve got her covered on snake duty. ”Earth… Like the ground. I don’t get it.” Of course she doesn’t. “Earth is the planet I’m from. Doesn’t take a genius to figure-” ”You’re an alien?!” Okay, her pass has been officially revoked on the grounds of calling you a filthy alien. Your skin isn’t even gray. “Aren’t you supposed to be asleep?” you ask, not entirely in a kind tone of voice but that’s kind of a gimme. ”So… that’s a no.” If she keeps distracting you, you’re going to burn your dinner. Inconsiderate wench. “I didn’t come down in a flying saucer if that’s what you mean.” ”Oh…” She seems visibly disappointed in your answer. You hope the rest can be just as satisfying, “But you aren’t from here?” “I made that clear back in Applefuckitstan. Weren’t you supposed to have a good memory, because you’re two kicks away from a bed post?” Flipping over your spider you decide to make use of the juices and cut up half a potato. “Then if you’re not from here, how did you get here? Are you from another dimension?” Just cut your potato, Anon. Slice, slice, slice, “Did you teleport here? Were you banished from your home?” Slice. Slice! “OH, are you a wizard?” “I came by train, holy mother of god. Happy now?” It feels like only a few moments ago she was scratching her head in confusion, “A train? That doesn’t make any sense.” “Yeah, I know. I stopped trying to figure it out a long time ago. One minute I’m taking a snooze, next thing I know there are guards around me and I’m in some kind of castle.” ”So you -did- teleport?” Slice… slice… “I don’t know, apparently they checked the train and found me asleep. None of the passengers even noticed I was there. Now if you don’t mind, I’m trying to cook here.” This too catches her interest as she stands up to see what you’re cooking. “Ooh, are you making a compote of roots and- EWW!” How you wish shutting your eyes would shut her up. You’d plug your ears, but your hands are full at the moment. She’s still squirming in disgust when you open them again, “What is that?” “Camel Spider, or what I like to call a poor man’s crab. You wouldn’t care for it.” ”Of course I wouldn’t, ugh eww eww eww,” she shivers at your meal. “How can you eat that?” “Well, I’m hungry… so I’m eating it. Cause and effect. I figured a nerd would get that.” She sits back down as she watches you, “So you’re a- *gulp* -carnivore?” You have to stop and look at her for her stupidity and not just for like a second, four or five. Each is equally awkward. “You do see me adding potatoes, right?” You’re not going crazy, are you? Are you? By god… ”So you’re an omnivore, cool.” “I’m not sure that’s the word I’d use to describe it, but whatever floats your boat.” She takes out her quill while you take a bite. Meat, delicious no-homo meat. Shame there’s not more of you. “Whoever said revenge isn’t sweet?” This draws Twilight’s attention, who has to avert her eyes as you take another bite, “Why would revenge be sweet?” “Payback. They take something from me, I take from them. Call me an agent of Karma.” ”I think Anon suits you more.” “And I think something something be quiet and let me eat.” For the first time since she got here, she actually did as you asked. It’s a Christmas miracle. You get to finish your meal in peace, at least if you don’t mind her scribbling while you do it. Which you don’t. The sound of crunching carapace blocks out pretty much everything else. Finishing up you wipe off your knife and rub your belly after a nice meal. “Was it, good?” Obviously she’s a bit disgusted about the fact you ate that, but hey, that’s her problem. “I wish I had seasoning, some actual food wouldn’t be too bad either, but when you live on the road you eat what you can. If you’re squeamish, these little assholes’ll take off your pinkie toe. Ask me how I know.” You lean back before you think about what you just said, “How do you know?” You sigh to yourself, this time the question is your doing. “Because that’s exactly what happened to me. First time out this way a couple years back. What would be the harm and letting my feet breathe in the cool night air? Pfft, sure showed me.” ”I’m sorry, but what exactly is a toe?” Holy shit, you almost forgot they don’t have toes. Well they’ve got to have something close. “You know what a bear is, right?” She nods. “It’s basically that digit on their paw except it doesn’t have a giant claw on the end. If you’re a bit wild you can think of it as a foot finger.” ”Wow! Are you able to grab stuff with those too?” You swear to all that is holy… “Toes are a lot smaller than fingers. They’re mainly for balance. Thankfully the pinkie toe is about as useful as a poopy flavored lollipop.” That one will throw her for a loop. You’re almost sure of it. In the meantime- ”I’d like to do some tests if that’s okay with you. I can even-” “Twilight…” ”Yes?” “Go the fuck to sleep.” Still got a long road ahead of you. Hopefully you sated her appetite until then. For some reason you find that highly unlikely.